Behaviour at a &quot;munch &quot;

19 Feb 2007

Quote by Marya_Northeast
How many witnesses are required for the person(s) to be banned?
Does it have to be the organiser who sees the inappropriate behaviour or will they take word-of-mouth that it occurred?
Will you go by whether one person finds the behaviour offensive or if it is by general consensus?
How do you police personal grudges or genuine mistakes?
Hmmm. Good luck!

For me, with Mod hat on now, it has to be a public and witnessed act.
It's not whether you find it offensive which would matter, it's just that it happened as it's against the Munch rules
Personal grudges? If there is a sexual act taking place at a Munch anywhere then it can't be 'personal grudge' time. Either it's seen or it's not seen. Whether that means the toilets or dance floor or in a corner of the venue.
As for banning - yep! That is the case, it's happened in the past, has happened recently and will continue to happen in the future.
What all those attending need to do is:
1) stick to the rules - keep it private and pre/post Munch
2) report it immediately it happens. Telling the Mods/Admin afterwards (even the next day) puts everyone in a difficult position when it comes to taking action. Grab the Organiser, a Mod if one is present or even just another witness.
Munches are not the place for any sexual activity of any sort. I'm always happy to ban twats and keep the site and events free of hassle for the rest of the members.
cool

19 Feb 2007

I think that the more munches you attend the more blase you become to inappropriate behaviour. At my first munch i was scared stiff and anything shocked me, these days i dont think so much of anything i see..
Having said that if i had seen what was happening at the munch in question, i would have been shocked. Where to draw the line tho?? What is acceptable and what isnt? Obviously oral sex is a big no no as is anything else as intimate.
Ive been thinking about this a lot recently and at one munch i went to (id forgotten about this) someone was being stimulated right next to me... i felt uncomfortable and now i wish id said something to someone. But its difficult especially if u happen to be friends with that person... pathetic really but there u go - im a wuss!!
I only hope people dont go too far the other way and are scared to snog their mates... surely thats ok?? Otherwise i may as well not bother driving for hours to get to a munch!! redface

ops: :oops:
Suze x

19 Feb 2007

Quote by Suze43
Having said that if i had seen what was happening at the munch in question, i would have been shocked. Where to draw the line tho?? What is acceptable and what isnt? Obviously oral sex is a big no no as is anything else as intimate.

Quote by Munch Rules
A munch is a purely social event held in a totally neutral environment, often somewhere like a pub, where members of Swinging Heaven get to meet each other. As there's no play involved everyone can relax which gives newbies a chance to ask questions of the more experienced without any fear of getting jumped on, and gives the regulars time to catch-up with old friends and make new ones.

Rules are very clear and don't need any interpretation - any sexual activity is not acceptable, not allowed and not appreciated.
cool

19 Feb 2007

Quote by Jags

Having said that if i had seen what was happening at the munch in question, i would have been shocked. Where to draw the line tho?? What is acceptable and what isnt? Obviously oral sex is a big no no as is anything else as intimate.

Quote by Munch Rules
A munch is a purely social event held in a totally neutral environment, often somewhere like a pub, where members of Swinging Heaven get to meet each other. As there's no play involved everyone can relax which gives newbies a chance to ask questions of the more experienced without any fear of getting jumped on, and gives the regulars time to catch-up with old friends and make new ones.

Rules are very clear and don't need any interpretation - any sexual activity is not acceptable, not allowed and not appreciated.
cool

Seems quite clear to me :thumbup:

19 Feb 2007

Quote by northwest-cpl
Inappropriate behaviour at munches is a long term problem. We went to the first NW munch, the second organised munch on SH. At that munch mrs northwest was taken to the ladies by a group of well established female members who were playing with vibrators and I saw male/female groping in the gents toilet. Tits and bums were also on display in the main bar.
The problem is not isolated to newbies, but what messages do you want to give to newbies? Every munch thank you thread is full of snog counts and innuendo. At the moment there is a thread running showing photos from a munch, some of which could not be taken in your local pub in full view of the landlord without you being thrown out. From reading between the lines of the forums (as most newbies will do) it would appear that munches are not the purely social events that they are supposed to be and never have been.
While mild sexual behaviour is celebrated it is unsurprising that some people will take it one step further.

Nothing to add - it was just worth repeating wink

19 Feb 2007

Sorry - I didn't explain myself well re silly

ersonal grudge. I was just thinking of when a person or group of people has a grudge against someone and uses the complaints system to cause trouble.
I mean, we are talking about rule-breaking generally, not just full-on live sex shows in the middle of a munch venue. It could be a personal one-to-one "attack" (for want of a better word).
This is a bigger playground than at my daughter's school. I know certain people would love the opportunity to make life difficult for others.
Anyway ...
thanks for answering xx
I should keep out 'cos I haven't seen any of the events mentioned but I do attend Munches. cool

19 Feb 2007

One day the desert was suddenly and quite violently disrupted by a violent thunderstorm. The rain poured down causing floods and new small streams to form. Although this was only a temporary situation the normally dry creatures of the desert were endangered by the sudden onslaught of water.
A flash flood caused a small island to be created and on the island was a coyote and a scorpion.
It was obvious that the flood would soon engulf the island.
The scorpion asked the coyote to carry him to safety on his back but the coyote refused saying that the scorpion would sting him and he would die. The scorpion persisted promising the earth and all he could, that he would never sting the coyote and would furthermore ensure that the coyote and all his family would forever be safe from scorpions.
So the coyote relented and allowed the scorpion onto his back and began to swim to safety.
After only a few moments the scorpion stung the coyote repeatedly.
"Why did you do that scorpion?" asked the coyote, "Now we will both die!!"
"I'm a scorpion" it said, "It's what I do!"
And so they both died
This is an old story and for me it seems to illustrate the attitude of the offenders at munches - we're swingers - what do you expect?
Perhaps its time to send the clear message back in a solid and precise manner - WE EXPECT YOU TO BEHAVE ACCORDING TO THE MUNCH RULES
And if the munch rule abusers can't abide by these rules then ban them - not just from munches but also from the site.
Does it matter that they may be paying members - NO!
Does it matter that they may be well-known long term members - NO!
Does it matter that they may be newbies - NO!
Does it matter they may be event organisers even - NO!
All that matters is did they break the event rules - yes or no?
If they did then they should be banned - no arguments or discussion just banned.
This is the only way to ensure that munch rules are adhered to and that future munches become what they were always intended to be - social occasions.
Play time is for another time and another place - not in a munch.

19 Feb 2007

Quote by northwest-cpl
Inappropriate behaviour at munches is a long term problem. We went to the first NW munch, the second organised munch on SH. At that munch mrs northwest was taken to the ladies by a group of well established female members who were playing with vibrators and I saw male/female groping in the gents toilet. Tits and bums were also on display in the main bar.
The problem is not isolated to newbies, but what messages do you want to give to newbies? Every munch thank you thread is full of snog counts and innuendo. At the moment there is a thread running showing photos from a munch, some of which could not be taken in your local pub in full view of the landlord without you being thrown out. From reading between the lines of the forums (as most newbies will do) it would appear that munches are not the purely social events that they are supposed to be and never have been.
While mild sexual behaviour is celebrated it is unsurprising that some people will take it one step further.

Quote by Munch Rules
A munch is a purely social event held in a totally neutral environment, often somewhere like a pub, where members of Swinging Heaven get to meet each other. As there's no play involved everyone can relax which gives newbies a chance to ask questions of the more experienced without any fear of getting jumped on, and gives the regulars time to catch-up with old friends and make new ones.

Quote by Jags
Rules are very clear and don't need any interpretation - any sexual activity is not acceptable, not allowed and not appreciated.

so is it acceptable to flash tits and bums, at munches, for photos that are going to appear in the forums or not confused

lilnfil xx

19 Feb 2007

This is where it gets a bit blurry i think. forgetting for the moment, the "sex show" incident - which i know nothing about btw - and just general behaviour. Al lot of people will argue that the flashing and snogging goes on in a "normal" vanilla environment so why not at a Munch?
I'm not arguing, just saying. There's a lot of grey areas.

19 Feb 2007

Quote by lilnfil
so is it acceptable to flash tits and bums, at munches, for photos that are going to appear in the forums or not
lilnfil xx

Well, my ass is in full view in the thread but i would not say it was taken in a sexual manner, quite clinical in fact, nor was it a side show for anyone, so, i would be interested in the answer to this also wink

19 Feb 2007

If I was on a "vanilla" night out with friends and someone (Male or Female) began wandering around the pub flashing boobs, bums or other bits ......... I would complain
If a Munch is a "Vanilla type social" then the flashing of anything shouldnt be acceptable!
Thats me relegated to the prudes corner I guess
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

19 Feb 2007

Quote by blonde
If I was on a "vanilla" night out with friends and someone (Male or Female) began wandering around the pub flashing boobs, bums or other bits ......... I would complain
If a Munch is a "Vanilla type social" then the flashing of anything shouldnt be acceptable!
Thats me relegated to the prudes corner I guess
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

That doesn't make you a prude.. but it does indicate, quite clearly, that some may find things offensive that others don't. That is why a set of rules should be adhered to by the adults that sign upto the munch.

19 Feb 2007

Quote by splendid_
If I was on a "vanilla" night out with friends and someone (Male or Female) began wandering around the pub flashing boobs, bums or other bits ......... I would complain
If a Munch is a "Vanilla type social" then the flashing of anything shouldnt be acceptable!
Thats me relegated to the prudes corner I guess
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

That doesn't make you a prude.. but it does indicate, quite clearly, that some may find things offensive that others don't. That is why a set of rules should be adhered to by the adults that sign upto the munch.
If, as blonde states above, people were wandering about flashing, then i quite understand where she is coming from, but as for the munch pictures, none of us were walking about flashing, it was a picture taken quite discreetly and all that attended knew in advance that these pictures were going to be taken by phoenix for a forum thread, with our permission of course.

19 Feb 2007

Quote by lilnfil
so is it acceptable to flash tits and bums, at munches, for photos that are going to appear in the forums or not
lilnfil xx

I personally dont have a particular problem with that....
I dont think it should be too stresfull for members to glimpse dunno

I'm not saying stand in the middle of the dancefloor and get em out and begin gyrating like a sexy thing but then thats just my take on things

19 Feb 2007

Quote by Juniper_couple
If, as blonde states above, people were wandering about flashing, then i quite understand where she is coming from, but as for the munch pictures, none of us were walking about flashing, it was a picture taken quite discreetly and all that attended knew in advance that these pictures were going to be taken by phoenix for a forum thread, with our permission of course.

I wasn't talking about your pictures
I was talking about the people, who at every munch, slap their bits out and wave them about :giggle:
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Right... I really am off to prudes corner now

19 Feb 2007

Quote by Juniper_couple
[... as for the munch pictures, none of us were walking about flashing, it was a picture taken quite discreetly and all that attended knew in advance that these pictures were going to be taken by phoenix for a forum thread, with our permission of course.

I guess the question is - would that be clear to anyone flicking through the thread looking at the photos?
And if the answer to the question below is 'NO' - then could the thread be seen to be condoning rule breaking?

Quote by lilnfil
so is it acceptable to flash tits and bums, at munches...

Does it all just make the rules less clear?

19 Feb 2007

Quote by blonde

If, as blonde states above, people were wandering about flashing, then i quite understand where she is coming from, but as for the munch pictures, none of us were walking about flashing, it was a picture taken quite discreetly and all that attended knew in advance that these pictures were going to be taken by phoenix for a forum thread, with our permission of course.

I wasn't talking about your pictures
I was talking about the people, who at every munch, slap their bits out and wave them about :giggle:
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Right... I really am off to prudes corner now
No offence taken blonde and like i said, i'll be along to the prude corner with you if they just wander about and pop things out lol

19 Feb 2007

Quote by PoloLady

Hmmmm u do make me use my matter polo
I guess its not so straight forward, like everything.
But, if we were to write everything on forums that explained previous requests and background to every thread, so that people just flicking through would be clear on its intent, firstly, we would be there forever and secondly, i doubt all would read it anyway - bit like profiles :wink:
Thus, in answer to "could it be seen as condoning rule breaking?" My answer would have to be, if you did not read the original posts on it, then YES, it could look like a free for all, i will admit. On the other hand though, if it was in the original munch and at no time was it picked up by mods that this could be rule breaking (which in my opinion, because of how it was done, i dont think it was).
Its a difficult one, but like all threads we have seen, some get the wrong idea and take different things from them - what do we do? Police the forums on the basis of what might not be so clear to some?
:wink:

19 Feb 2007

Quote by Juniper_couple
Well, my ass is in full view in the thread but i would not say it was taken in a sexual manner, quite clinical in fact, nor was it a side show for anyone, so, i would be interested in the answer to this also

and a very gorgeous ass it is too kiss

and i'm very pleased that i didn't miss out on getting a good look at it :twisted: lol

just to clarify Juniper, we weren't asking you to try and justify your actions at Wakefield, as i was just as guilty of getting my tits out to be photographed for the thread as well. i have no intentions of trying to justify my actions, as it wasn't done for any sexual gratification, but for fun.
But the question still needs answering
is this behaviour, of flashing at a munch, acceptable or not?
lil xx

19 Feb 2007

Quote by PoloLady

:thumbup: thats what we meant
lil xx

19 Feb 2007

Quote by lilnfil
... i have no intentions of trying to justify my actions, as it wasn't done for any sexual gratification, but for fun.

So if some guy pulls down his wife’s pants, bends her over a table and inserts a daffodil up her arse… as long as they are both laughing and don’t look aroused it is acceptable then dunno

:grin:

19 Feb 2007

Quote by lilnfil
just to clarify Juniper, we weren't asking you to try and justify your actions at Wakefield, as i was just as guilty of getting my tits out to be photographed for the thread as well. i have no intentions of trying to justify my actions, as it wasn't done for any sexual gratification, but for fun.
But the question still needs answering
is this behaviour, of flashing at a munch, acceptable or not?
lil xx

Gawwd u dont have to clarify for me hun passionkiss

As, for the question, it does need answering by the authorities that be - but it was in the original munch thread, that was stickied, that is supposed to be checked, it was not picked up as maybe bending rules.....

19 Feb 2007

Quote by PoloLady
So if some guy pulls down his wife’s pants, bends her over a table and inserts a daffodil up her arse… as long as they are both laughing and don’t look aroused it is acceptable then
:grin:

it would certainly be more acceptable with a daffodil.........
than with a rambling rose :shock:
lilnfil xx lol

19 Feb 2007

Quote by PoloLady
So if some guy pulls down his wife’s pants, bends her over a table and inserts a daffodil up her arse… as long as they are both laughing and don’t look aroused it is acceptable then
:grin:

I just had to quote that again....... :haha: :haha: :haha: Thank you wink

19 Feb 2007

The more rules the Admin team put into anything the more the complaints and whines and incidents which need dealing with.
Why not use the Munch rules as a skeleton to work around and 'police' yourselves as adults should.
Overt sexual activity = NO from SH

19 Feb 2007

How about using some good old fashion common sense!

19 Feb 2007

Quote by Mr-Powers
How about using some good old fashion common sense!

Think that was the premise of my post above yours! Adults, police yourselves within the site Munch rules.
cool

19 Feb 2007

Quote by Jags
The more rules the Admin team put into anything the more the complaints and whines and incidents which need dealing with.

I am sorry that bit just doesn't sit well with me.
Something is either wrong or it isn't - worrying about the amount of complaints/incidents should not be a reason to not clarify or indeed have a rule. If anything, a concern that incidents will be reported in higher numbers is all the more reason to support a need rather than dismiss it.
A clear rule should reduce the amount of incidents as the ambiguity is removed. People would know where they stand, what behaviour is acceptable and what will happen if they choose to ignore it.

19 Feb 2007

Quote by PoloLady
The more rules the Admin team put into anything the more the complaints and whines and incidents which need dealing with.

I am sorry that bit just doesn't sit well with me.
Something is either wrong or it isn't - worrying about the amount of complaints/incidents should not be a reason to not clarify or indeed have a rule. If anything, a concern that incidents will be reported in higher numbers is all the more reason to support a need rather than dismiss it.
A clear rule should reduce the amount of incidents as the ambiguity is removed. People would know where they stand, what behaviour is acceptable and what will happen if they choose to ignore it.
We've got the rule - no sexual activity at Munches.
As for dealing with stuff... everyone here is an adult and should be able to behave themselves in an adult fashion given the skeleton of the rules. If we bring in a rule saying 'no tit's out at a Munch' then there would a huge increase in the number of complaints, a huge increase in the hassle.
If people can't be bothered or chose to ignore the one simple rule then how on earth a Munch can be 'policed' with a myriad of other rules for them to ignore is mindblowing.
Nothing is being dismissed PL - people DO know where they stand and what behaviour is acceptable and what will happen if they chose to ignore it.

19 Feb 2007

Quote by Jags
Nothing is being dismissed PL - people DO know where they stand and what behaviour is acceptable and what will happen if they chose to ignore it.

so then we can definitely say that the flashing of tits and arses isn't a problem,because the 'who'swho,pervcam at wakefield' thread shows this happening dunno

as for "people do know" and "what will happen if they choose to ignore it" :dunno:
fil :dunno: