Firstly,
As I write this, I am a little pissed and a tad depressed so I apologise for spelling mistakes ect.
I suppose really I have a question, mainly to the single dads and mums.
I am currently going through a divorce but still living at home, in my shed at the bottom of the garden.
things are obviously a bit tense at home.
Well, it was my birthday today, which being a kid at heart I have always loved. Well, not this year.
I was awoken first thing by my 3 kids where they gave me my pressies, basically some bottles of beer. But the thing was, no card. In the past, they have always made me a card - probably by being prompted by the ex, certainly I have to prompt them to make a card for my ex when it was her birthday.
tonight was spent alone watching Lost as they all decided they either wanted msn or bed (dependant upon age)
Well this thing about the card had been bugging me all day - is this now going to be the norm - will i never get a card from them again that they made?
Is this just me being stupid and everyone else who has been in the same situation has had great birthdays with the kids?
sorry, as I said, now just a tad pissed and a tad depressed, this was a first for me.
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Birthdays question
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Sex God
well happy belated birthday to u! 
your children at the moment don't understand how important the little things in life are (ie cards, especially handmade ones) and unfortunately it seems no one has reminded them too make u one.
just remember how lucky you are to have children......and even more lucky to have them there to give you presents on your birthday morning.
happy birthday again!
your children at the moment don't understand how important the little things in life are (ie cards, especially handmade ones) and unfortunately it seems no one has reminded them too make u one.
just remember how lucky you are to have children......and even more lucky to have them there to give you presents on your birthday morning.
happy birthday again!
guess what Manolishi... there only kids!!!
they are slap bang in the middle of something horrible that they may not understand.
Making cards when mummy & daddy were happy was a nice thing for them to do & now they are having to 'take sides'
If they make a card they think they will be hurting mummy because mummy is not helping them to do it this time!
Sorry mate but kids aren't stupid... if things are tense between you & the ex your gonna have too step up to the plate & not let the kids down...
if she's not willing to involve the kids in keeping things as 'normal' as poss you will have to be the better person here...
trust me, one they will remember the little things later on in life & if you do right by them now you will reap the rewards later!
I do speak from a little experience!
they are slap bang in the middle of something horrible that they may not understand.
Making cards when mummy & daddy were happy was a nice thing for them to do & now they are having to 'take sides'
If they make a card they think they will be hurting mummy because mummy is not helping them to do it this time!
Sorry mate but kids aren't stupid... if things are tense between you & the ex your gonna have too step up to the plate & not let the kids down...
if she's not willing to involve the kids in keeping things as 'normal' as poss you will have to be the better person here...
trust me, one they will remember the little things later on in life & if you do right by them now you will reap the rewards later!
I do speak from a little experience!
i was in the same situation as you...i did reveive a card which was obv brought at the local shop but no presents..i didnt mind cos the kids rang me that day ( it wasnt my day to have them) and wished me happy birthday and that meant more than a present and a proper card..as previously said they are in the middle and do want to take sides and everything you and your ex should do should be in the interests of the kids..so dont worry about no card..just keep telling the kids you love them, they will love you as much now as before but will be finding things hard at the mo...good luck..
Quote by poshkate
well happy belated birthday to u!
your children at the moment don't understand how important the little things in life are (ie cards, especially handmade ones) and unfortunately it seems no one has reminded them too make u one.
just remember how lucky you are to have children......and even more lucky to have them there to give you presents on your birthday morning.
happy birthday again!
Happy Birthday Manolishi!!
Kate's right hun, kids dont understand the sentimentality we adults have over special cards and little momentos, for example, age depending, they go for th pictures on the front not the writing inside or the verse, ya know? the thought behind the card just isnt there like it is when we grown ups do it because there's something special we want to say...
they bought you a present, beer - which may well have come out their pocket money if mum didnt provide for it - and we all know kids apprciate 'presents' more than cards - they gave you what they thought you'd like.
i remember buying my dad socks , every year from being about 3 or 4, cos he like it, it was daft and it made him laugh and it turned into a bit of a tradtion. At 16 for the first time I didnt get him any, and it gutted him for days :cry: - not because of the socks of course, but because it was a symbolic gesture of daughter/father love that suddenly I just didnt do anymore. I bought him other stuff, but the socks were a sentimental thing - like your handmade cards.
As others have said hun, you're kids are going through it too, they probably thought that you'd like a beer and that was the best thing to get you - espcially like you say, if they wernt prompted to make you a card - its not their fault luv, and I hate to say it and be so blunt, but perhaps be grateful you actually got something, and most of all actually sawyour kids on your birthday, because there's plenty of others out there who dont.
Happy Birthday hunni
rpm's right with this. Their world has been turned upside down and they may not understand what's going on, depending on their ages of course. You did get time with them and they did get you a little present so you were in their thoughts. We don't understand the effect a break up has on kids as they rarely talk about what's happening and of course they don't want to be seen by either parent to be taking sides with the other.
I'm sure there'll be cards again, maybe not homemade but still bought with love and with you in mind.
Whatever happens between you and their mum, you'll ALWAYS be there Dad and they'll always love you.
:therethere:
rpm's right with this. Their world has been turned upside down and they may not understand what's going on, depending on their ages of course. You did get time with them and they did get you a little present so you were in their thoughts. We don't understand the effect a break up has on kids as they rarely talk about what's happening and of course they don't want to be seen by either parent to be taking sides with the other.
I'm sure there'll be cards again, maybe not homemade but still bought with love and with you in mind.
Whatever happens between you and their mum, you'll ALWAYS be there Dad and they'll always love you.
:therethere:
Hi Guys,
Thank you so much for the words that have been said. Last night, well, it was all just a bit depressing, but we get on with stuff.
My kids are just the world to me, and this was just one of those small changes, probably very much like the socks thing that Dark mentioned.
It is really tough for them, I understand that, and I know that as events move forward I need to be there for them more than ever.
Please don't misunderstand me, I am not blaming them at all, it was more of a "life change" thing for me, which just came as a bit of a shock, although half expected, you just never know how you will be affeceted until these things actually occur.
Sound advice, kind words and words that get me back on track when I am feeling sorry for myself. It reminds me of why I am a member here, a bunch of people that I call friends, rather than just another web site.
Once again, thank you very much.
Thank you so much for the words that have been said. Last night, well, it was all just a bit depressing, but we get on with stuff.
My kids are just the world to me, and this was just one of those small changes, probably very much like the socks thing that Dark mentioned.
It is really tough for them, I understand that, and I know that as events move forward I need to be there for them more than ever.
Please don't misunderstand me, I am not blaming them at all, it was more of a "life change" thing for me, which just came as a bit of a shock, although half expected, you just never know how you will be affeceted until these things actually occur.
Sound advice, kind words and words that get me back on track when I am feeling sorry for myself. It reminds me of why I am a member here, a bunch of people that I call friends, rather than just another web site.
Once again, thank you very much.
Quote by poshkate
well happy belated birthday to u!
your children at the moment don't understand how important the little things in life are (ie cards, especially handmade ones) and unfortunately it seems no one has reminded them too make u one.
just remember how lucky you are to have children......and even more lucky to have them there to give you presents on your birthday morning.
happy birthday again!
What she said, trust me she's good at stuff like this
Speaking from experiance it does and will get better/easier as time goes by. I know a lot of men try to keep their feelings hidden a lot of the time (it's a macho thing), I tried the same aproach and it ended up in an awfull state. Some people fail to apriciate how much of a wrench it is for the father to sudenlly find himself out of the loop when it comes to our childrens day to day lives, it's the simple things I missed (and still do) such as the hugs when you get home from work (my daughters 7 I ain't expecting hugs from some gangly 17yo teenager
) or little hands helping out whilst you do those odd jobs about the house . But like I said it does get easier with time and you learn to make your time with the children a all the more speacial If it'll help to off load on someone who's been there twice before ( with the same person :shock: I'm a sucker for punishment
) feel free to hit the PM button. 
Sex God
I agree with most of the above too. Doesn't stop it feeling a bit pants for a while, but why not sit down with them and make some arty things, drawing, painting, glueing, getting messy and having fun with it.
A shared experience together. Funny you should say about socks Darkfie. We had that too. My dad had to ask me to stop giving him socks for birthday, christmas, easter etc... so I moved onto funny mugs and he asked me after gathering a cupboard full to stop giving him those too.
It was a big change for me and he was relieved not to have them cluttering . Now, he misses them and actually ran out of decent socks so much he asked me for them for his birthday gift! Take care petal and chin up chicken. Gem. x
Quote by Darkfire
i remember buying my dad socks , every year from being about 3 or 4, cos he like it, it was daft and it made him laugh and it turned into a bit of a tradtion. At 16 for the first time I didnt get him any, and it gutted him for days :cry: - not because of the socks of course, but because it was a symbolic gesture of daughter/father love that suddenly I just didnt do anymore. I bought him other stuff, but the socks were a sentimental thing - like your handmade cards.
Mine was alway bubble bath for my grandad ...every year and when stopped he got very upset so we started it again. He died last year and it would have been his birthday yesterday and I walked past the bubble bath aisle in the shop the other day feeling very tearful
Manolishi, as others are said, your children just don't understand what it means, why not tell them that you missed their card and ask if they will make you something for your wall? Kids do struggle in times like this but honesty makes it easier for them.
Happy belated birthday
Cx
Hi Manolishi, you have all my sympathy. I don't think I have ever made a card for any of my family or friends, and not often have any of them for me, but I carefully choose my cards and presents with love and affection, which I think is the main thing, and I know my family feel the same.
I agree with all the things the others above have said, we cherish what we've got, and enjoy any shared experiences with our loved ones. However "mundane" they might seem, they're not.
And a happy birthday - hope to see you again at some munch or other.
Mike.
I agree with all the things the others above have said, we cherish what we've got, and enjoy any shared experiences with our loved ones. However "mundane" they might seem, they're not.
And a happy birthday - hope to see you again at some munch or other.
Mike.
Manolishi - you've obviously got a very tight knit little tribe there ............ How about the dawning of a new tradition?? 
I think that next year, in yer new pad, kids are a bit older ......... I think it's about the right time for.........................
The"homemade cake" phase :twisted: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:
Send em to the shop with a receipe and leave em to it - no peeking!! Believe me, you don't wanna peek - you've got to not only eat the thing, but look like you're thoroughly enjoying it :uhoh:
They'll love it too :bounce:
I think that next year, in yer new pad, kids are a bit older ......... I think it's about the right time for.........................
The"homemade cake" phase :twisted: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:
Send em to the shop with a receipe and leave em to it - no peeking!! Believe me, you don't wanna peek - you've got to not only eat the thing, but look like you're thoroughly enjoying it :uhoh:
They'll love it too :bounce:
Quote by Darkfire
they bought you a present, beer - which may well have come out their pocket money if mum didnt provide for it - and we all know kids apprciate 'presents' more than cards - they gave you what they thought you'd like.
Hammer nail head Darkfire
Sorry you didn't have a great birthday Manolishi
Dark has made a great point there. Kids tend to disregard birthday cards in favour of their presents, so naturally they would be more concerned about making sure you had a present as opposed to a card.
I doubt that makes it any easier at this difficult time but it does suggest that you have thoughtful and caring children who didwhat they thought was best for their Daddy
Best wishes for the future and a belated birthday wish
Minx x x
Sex God
happy belated birthday :beer:
they`re only kids...... get the paint,glitter and glue out and make a right old mess
they`re only kids...... get the paint,glitter and glue out and make a right old mess
