How well do you have to know and trust someone before you'll allow yourself to be 'cuffed or tied up? Does it depend upon your location maybe, club for instance, or at your own home? I know there are many different scenarios, but I'd like to hear your own take on the subject whether based on experiences or otherwise.
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Bondage...who do you trust?
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Quote by skinny
How well do you have to know and trust someone before you'll allow yourself to be 'cuffed or tied up? Does it depend upon your location maybe, club for instance, or at your own home? I know there are many different scenarios, but I'd like to hear your own take on the subject whether based on experiences or otherwise.
My partner, all the people on my friends list, all the "house Doms" at Atlantis Evolution (volunteer dom women who do it for fun not paid to do it) on fetish nights, Police Officers (but that's another story)
Sex God
I was having this exact conversation last night with a couple (from another site) who are relatively new to swinging and into a bit of BDSM. They were concerned that they just don't seem to be getting either right and meets never turn out as intended.
They had arranged a BDSM meet with a couple the night before, who they had chatted to a couple of times but this was their first meet. They left having done things they had never intended to do and weren't best pleased about.
My personal opinion is that BDSM as a whole has so many different strands to it that you can never just arrange a meet and expect to get what you personally want from it. You put yourself in such a vulnerable position that you need to know the person you are with and more importantly, they need to know you, know what you want, what you don't want and where your limits are.
This is the reason why I would need to have a good prior relationship with anyone I was going to play with in this way.
They had arranged a BDSM meet with a couple the night before, who they had chatted to a couple of times but this was their first meet. They left having done things they had never intended to do and weren't best pleased about.
My personal opinion is that BDSM as a whole has so many different strands to it that you can never just arrange a meet and expect to get what you personally want from it. You put yourself in such a vulnerable position that you need to know the person you are with and more importantly, they need to know you, know what you want, what you don't want and where your limits are.
This is the reason why I would need to have a good prior relationship with anyone I was going to play with in this way.
Quote by Funlovers2009
I was having this exact conversation last night with a couple (from another site) who are relatively new to swinging and into a bit of BDSM. They were concerned that they just don't seem to be getting either right and meets never turn out as intended.
They had arranged a BDSM meet with a couple the night before, who they had chatted to a couple of times but this was their first meet. They left having done things they had never intended to do and weren't best pleased about.
My personal opinion is that BDSM as a whole has so many different strands to it that you can never just arrange a meet and expect to get what you personally want from it. You put yourself in such a vulnerable position that you need to know the person you are with and more importantly, they need to know you, know what you want, what you don't want and where your limits are.
This is the reason why I would need to have a good prior relationship with anyone I was going to play with in this way.
So.....are you quite happy fer me to tie you up while we get aquainted? :twisted:
Sex God
Quote by skinny
I was having this exact conversation last night with a couple (from another site) who are relatively new to swinging and into a bit of BDSM. They were concerned that they just don't seem to be getting either right and meets never turn out as intended.
They had arranged a BDSM meet with a couple the night before, who they had chatted to a couple of times but this was their first meet. They left having done things they had never intended to do and weren't best pleased about.
My personal opinion is that BDSM as a whole has so many different strands to it that you can never just arrange a meet and expect to get what you personally want from it. You put yourself in such a vulnerable position that you need to know the person you are with and more importantly, they need to know you, know what you want, what you don't want and where your limits are.
This is the reason why I would need to have a good prior relationship with anyone I was going to play with in this way.
So.....are you quite happy fer me to tie you up while we get aquainted? :twisted:
Hahahaha! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Sex God
I dont think being tied up and whipped electricuted etc is for me. However I would trust myself to whip some REALLY FUCKING HARD :twisted: Can I be a Dom then? Seriously not something we have yet looked into but guess we will at least get to a club one day for at least a look 
errrrrrrrrrrrr no, I am not a Dom/Master but I do know how it all works and the other poster is right, there are many strands to the lifestyle
BDSM is not all about pain, much of it is not about any form of pain.
Look at what BDSM stands for for example
Bondage and Discipline
Domination and Submission
Sado Machosism
Some people just like to be a slave, made to serve a Mistress or Master, no bondage or discipline may be involved at all, often these "slaves" are owned by a sole Master or Mistress (collared) a ceremony which involves contracts, total devotion and often exclusitivity.
Some people like to be purely dominated or placed in bondage even mummified (using cling film or latex tape etc, ie told what to do, submitting to what they are told and again may not involve any form of discipline.
Others like a combination of both of the above and will expect some pain too, but discipline may not involve discipline automatically, you can discipline someone without pain, as any parent should know.
Sado Machosism, well yes much of this does involve physical pain lol
The thing is that even if someone says they like BDSM they may not like being assaulted and inflicting pain on someone without thier consent is assault.
Most subs that do enjoy pain do not like someone striking them with a hand, whip, paddle or other toy, many like a build up, starting gently warming the chosen part, bottom, pussy, penis, breasts etc, when the part in question is warming up then the force increases until a cyber state is achieved, and some just like a good old fashioned thrashing
At the end of the day it takes a lot of skill to be a good Master or Dominatrix.
BDSM is not all about pain, much of it is not about any form of pain.
Look at what BDSM stands for for example
Bondage and Discipline
Domination and Submission
Sado Machosism
Some people just like to be a slave, made to serve a Mistress or Master, no bondage or discipline may be involved at all, often these "slaves" are owned by a sole Master or Mistress (collared) a ceremony which involves contracts, total devotion and often exclusitivity.
Some people like to be purely dominated or placed in bondage even mummified (using cling film or latex tape etc, ie told what to do, submitting to what they are told and again may not involve any form of discipline.
Others like a combination of both of the above and will expect some pain too, but discipline may not involve discipline automatically, you can discipline someone without pain, as any parent should know.
Sado Machosism, well yes much of this does involve physical pain lol
The thing is that even if someone says they like BDSM they may not like being assaulted and inflicting pain on someone without thier consent is assault.
Most subs that do enjoy pain do not like someone striking them with a hand, whip, paddle or other toy, many like a build up, starting gently warming the chosen part, bottom, pussy, penis, breasts etc, when the part in question is warming up then the force increases until a cyber state is achieved, and some just like a good old fashioned thrashing
At the end of the day it takes a lot of skill to be a good Master or Dominatrix.
I think this is a great post Skinny!:thumbup:
I've dabbled with this kind of thing a fair amount over the last few years (more BD than SM), on both sides of the rope so to speak. Apart from with one couple, it happened with ladies I had been seeing for a while so the trust had built up over time.
With the couple, the first time I met them was in a dungeon they had hired. Without any words being spoken I was masked, cuffed and thoroughly 'used' by them. I was, and felt, totally helpless. It was exhilarating
So, I don't think there is a hard and fast rule about when to trust someone. Perhaps its not about trusting them, more trusting your instincts?
I've dabbled with this kind of thing a fair amount over the last few years (more BD than SM), on both sides of the rope so to speak. Apart from with one couple, it happened with ladies I had been seeing for a while so the trust had built up over time.
With the couple, the first time I met them was in a dungeon they had hired. Without any words being spoken I was masked, cuffed and thoroughly 'used' by them. I was, and felt, totally helpless. It was exhilarating
So, I don't think there is a hard and fast rule about when to trust someone. Perhaps its not about trusting them, more trusting your instincts?
Sexpert
Just a couple of things to throw into the mix;
Power, the balance of and the shifting of is something that you can play with...either as a sub or a dom. In fact it plays a great role in all interactions.
You have the choice, in fact you don't even need to trust...just be willing to choose to do it. You could argue that the less trust you have the more exciting it will be. Conversly other people try this stuff purely because they do trust someone to share the journey with them.
Good innit
Power, the balance of and the shifting of is something that you can play with...either as a sub or a dom. In fact it plays a great role in all interactions.
You have the choice, in fact you don't even need to trust...just be willing to choose to do it. You could argue that the less trust you have the more exciting it will be. Conversly other people try this stuff purely because they do trust someone to share the journey with them.
Good innit
Sex God
Quote by MuckyMagnet
Without any words being spoken I was masked, cuffed and thoroughly 'used' by them. I was, and felt, totally helpless. It was exhilarating
I have very little to add now I've read that.
That's my new ladywanking material sorted for a bit! :twisted:
