Never get yer tits out when dogging for the first time if it's a full moon.......... and wonder why people come running from miles around ....
which reminds me......
don't gently kick any 3 legged dogs just to see if they'll topple over.. ...
they invariably do, and then look at you as if to say : "WTF did you do that for???????"
.. and you'll spend the next 18 years wondering exactly what possesed you to do it!!
(of course I wouldn't do a thing like that.. oh no... not me.... )
postie loves dogs... even cripple-dogs
which reminds me of another thing......
When asked by your uncle, at your nan's funeral, if there is anything of sentimental value you'd like to keep... DON'T reply ...
"oh yes , Uncle Barry.... my foreskin, that my Nan kept in her jewellery box, since i had it removed at 3 months old...." (don't even ask!)
Because the bastard will give it to you, later, during the post-burial piss up, in front of assorted elderly aunts, uncles, cousins and other people you haven't seen since the last funeral.... loudly proclaiming " Hey Postie! (not my real name of course...) I found your foreskin!!!" ...and then walk across the room with the said "item" on the palm of his hand as the room parts in a Moses/ Dead Sea fashion....
Now where was that hole????
Never put diesel in an unleaded petrol tank.
never lay a towl over a bedside lamp in an attempt to get more subdued lighting and then bugger off to run a bath, towels get hot and combust this combustion then melts the lampshade which drips molten flaming fabric onto the bedside cabinet. Bedside cabinets also burn and when pushed against the wall become a heat source to wallpaper . Some wallpapers are also flammable.
Indulge Yourself Occasionally
Don't have phone sex when you have call waiting and cancel the wrong line.........
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
ops: 
