Someone I know has just admitted to the authorities that she is unfit to look after her children as she is an alcoholic, and has taken the first steps to get help.
I could not leave her to go to them alone with her children as I believe and have always felt she is a great mum with a major problem, I believe she can do this, as this must have been a massive step for her to do as I know how much she loves her children.
I was with her when she faced SS and they have been great placing the children with people she trusts.
I am now in a position whereby I am there for her on her long journey to recovery.
I don't know what I can do, all I feel is that all I can do is try to keep her thinking positive, looking at the good things and keeping focused on them,than the bad thoughts and worry that she is scared about.
I need some sort of advice on the way help is given in way of the addiction clinics where we are going to tomorrow.
It seems really hard to get the help when you have an addiction unless you have money in this country.
I just wondered how I can help her and how to keep her mind vocused as I can not be there 24/7.
But I can only do my best.
Any words of advice please?
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
Can anyone help?( Advice on Alcoholics and quitting )
last reply
15 replies
1.0k views
0 watchers
0 likes
If your friend can get herself into a residential rehabilitation programme, that will bear in mind the needs of her children and her current circumstances, she may stand a good chance of keeping them and coming out the other end intact, and as a family.
as for what you can do, well that's very hard to tell.
Once your friend is under the wing of the rehab, leave her to that pragramme, try notto interfere. (not that I'm suggesting you would) and be there when she comes out the other end.
Use your best judgement, that's really all I can say with what I know.
In my own experience of these systems, they are very accomodating.. I have seen the results for mothers/families as they struggle with individual and group recovery. It can and does work. But it can also be a long and dificult process.
lp
as for what you can do, well that's very hard to tell.
Once your friend is under the wing of the rehab, leave her to that pragramme, try notto interfere. (not that I'm suggesting you would) and be there when she comes out the other end.
Use your best judgement, that's really all I can say with what I know.
In my own experience of these systems, they are very accomodating.. I have seen the results for mothers/families as they struggle with individual and group recovery. It can and does work. But it can also be a long and dificult process.
lp
Quote by __random_orbit__
If your friend can get herself into a residential rehabilitation programme, that will bear in mind the needs of her children and her current circumstances, she may stand a good chance of keeping them and coming out the other end intact, and as a family.
as for what you can do, well that's very hard to tell.
Once your friend is under the wing of the rehab, leave her to that pragramme, try notto interfere. (not that I'm suggesting you would) and be there when she comes out the other end.
Use your best judgement, that's really all I can say with what I know.
In my own experience of these systems, they are very accomodating.. I have seen the results for mothers/families as they struggle with individual and group recovery. It can and does work. But it can also be a long and dificult process.
lp
Thanks LP
The residential rehab programme is what she was hoping for, but we have been told by SS that this is not an option in our borough.
She was sent home from hospital alone and that is hard for her as her home was the place she could shut the door and drink and nobody knows.
I left her last night in a calm state of mind and told her to go to bed.
But I can not be there 24 7 and I know without her children around her she has taken other measures in the past. I did have a long talk with SS about my concerns but seemed to me there was no other route.
I do feel I am totally responsible for her at the moment. Although she has promised me she just wants to get better, but I can not reassure her it will be in the way she wants.
Quote by __random_orbit__
You are NOT totally responsible for her at all. SHE is.
I have to leave for work, though may return to this later... or maybe PM.
I hope that didn't sound too harsh.
lp
No it doesn't sound harsh at all, I do know what you are saying, but I do still feel that way.
LP if you don't mind going over to pm that would be great, I do appreciate your offer and Thanks.
I understand the problem of finding appropriate care very well.
If you need any sort of practical help feel free to shout, I have a little experience of finding help/care.
Being there for somebody with an addiction is an incredibly difficult thing to do well. Its very easy to become part of the problem rather than part of the solution. Part of having a problem with substances can be the person with the problem using the addiction to create and maintain relationships that would otherwise cease. This can damage both individuals. I know this sounds harsh.
Take care and if you want to chat about anything not suitable for public airing I will do what I can to help.
In any event good luck to you and your friend.
If you need any sort of practical help feel free to shout, I have a little experience of finding help/care.
Being there for somebody with an addiction is an incredibly difficult thing to do well. Its very easy to become part of the problem rather than part of the solution. Part of having a problem with substances can be the person with the problem using the addiction to create and maintain relationships that would otherwise cease. This can damage both individuals. I know this sounds harsh.
Take care and if you want to chat about anything not suitable for public airing I will do what I can to help.
In any event good luck to you and your friend.
Sex God
awww hun sorry to hear of your situation and i hope against all hope everyone comes out the otherside whole again
but as for what you can do in my experience not an awfull lot i'm affraid it is all down to your friend to make this work all you can do is be an ear to bend and a shoulder to cry on when the going gets tough
SS will help her get all the profesional help she can they are much more helpfull than they get credit for
don't forget i'm here if you need an ear to bend too hun
but as for what you can do in my experience not an awfull lot i'm affraid it is all down to your friend to make this work all you can do is be an ear to bend and a shoulder to cry on when the going gets tough
SS will help her get all the profesional help she can they are much more helpfull than they get credit for
don't forget i'm here if you need an ear to bend too hun
Sex God
best of luck with the situation there wont be an easy solution to her problems and its a long and difficult road ahead .
hats off to you for your support of your friend and i hope that if ever i needed a friend for similar support i find one as willing to help as you seam to be doing :rose:
hats off to you for your support of your friend and i hope that if ever i needed a friend for similar support i find one as willing to help as you seam to be doing :rose:
Quote by Theladyisaminx
You are NOT totally responsible for her at all. SHE is.
I have to leave for work, though may return to this later... or maybe PM.
I hope that didn't sound too harsh.
lp
No it doesn't sound harsh at all, I do know what you are saying, but I do still feel that way.
LP if you don't mind going over to pm that would be great, I do appreciate your offer and Thanks. :thumbup:
Hi thanks for the pms and messages here, it has been a hard day today, I am here feeling exhasted but tomorrow am going to the addict clinic with her.
It is so hard to keep her focused but she has done so well, but she needs me to keep that focus at the moment. She was told she can have a drink and not to totally give up at this stage if she feels she needs it, until tomorrow she is coping but it is so hard.
Hopefully we will get some help tomorrow, but at the moment it is just us, She has had 1 can today but has not drunk it all. I keep telling her how proud of her I am. But it is so draining. I will get back to the pms but I am to tired today, but they are helping me to support her so thanks xxx
It is so hard to keep her focused but she has done so well, but she needs me to keep that focus at the moment. She was told she can have a drink and not to totally give up at this stage if she feels she needs it, until tomorrow she is coping but it is so hard.
Hopefully we will get some help tomorrow, but at the moment it is just us, She has had 1 can today but has not drunk it all. I keep telling her how proud of her I am. But it is so draining. I will get back to the pms but I am to tired today, but they are helping me to support her so thanks xxx
Sex God
It's harsh Minx, but don't be too helpful. She needs to be able to do it herself and has to want to do it herself for it to have any chance of ending. You cannot become a crutch, because you cannot be there 24/7.
Posting as the daughter of an alcoholic. I hope your friend finds peace in herself.
Posting as the daughter of an alcoholic. I hope your friend finds peace in herself.
Sex God
Quote by flower411
Minx ...
All you can do is support her if she wants to give up .
If you give her too much support she will lean on you and start to lie to you.
If you are convinced that she wants to give up, give her your support but never never never agree that she needs "some" alcohol so get through the day !!
If she really is an alcoholic... she needs NO alcohol for the whole thing to work !!
She`ll spend 18 hours a day with you and then return home to her hidden stash confident in the knowledge that she`s hidden her addiction from you and she`ll reward her cleverness by drinking herself to sleep .
:thumbup: and I know every situation is different, but you get families/partners of alcoholics together and oh how the familiar patterns emerge!
Quote by noladreams30
Minx ...
All you can do is support her if she wants to give up .
If you give her too much support she will lean on you and start to lie to you.
If you are convinced that she wants to give up, give her your support but never never never agree that she needs "some" alcohol so get through the day !!
If she really is an alcoholic... she needs NO alcohol for the whole thing to work !!
She`ll spend 18 hours a day with you and then return home to her hidden stash confident in the knowledge that she`s hidden her addiction from you and she`ll reward her cleverness by drinking herself to sleep .
:thumbup: and I know every situation is different, but you get families/partners of alcoholics together and oh how the familiar patterns emerge!damn, was my cleverness that obvious?
lp
Good morning!
Thought I would update you, she stayed with us last night and I slept with her, as she needed a cuddle and the reasurance that she is doing so well. She is really doing well, she is getting her rational thinking back as the withdrawl is progressing, her irrational behavour is become less, but damn when irrational kicks in what goes on in her mind is hard to cope with.
It is a bit like dealing with two people. She is caring, loving, considerate, beautiful person that she is, who is showing and admitting to her failings, feeling remorseful, embarassed, and is so sorry and admitting all the things she has done.
Then the bottle one, who is angry at her boyfriend who she blames for her drinking, which is stopping her taking the blame, paranoid and irrational anxious and afraid. But her Mum said to me she over the years has blamed everyone except herself.
She is so lucky, both her boyfriend and Mum love her so much I am working with them and keeping in contact with her Mum. Both want to be there for her at this time, but both know that will feel to comfortable for her so have to keep away, but are supporting her at a distance.
Her Mum said to me, that I am the first person she has ever trusted and respected, and she feels she will no let me down.
she said the same to me last night, as I have never stood her nonsence and abuse in the past but have just walked away without answering her, she said I was one person she never expected that would help her through this or My hubby as he has in the past told her never to knock on our door again, she is scared of him, but I guess that helps in a way. He was only nasty when she has been nasty to me for no reason.
I feel we have total respect for each other and the fact we have taken on her daughter shocked her but she totally trusts us to look after her.
I have always said to her in the past I would be there for the children, as her kids are lovely. But I could never be there for her as a drinker, as my Dad was a drinker and I don't have the patience for drinkers. I have said to her the only reason I am there for her now, is that I feel she hates the drinker and I believe her.
What is keeping her going she said is that she doesnt not want to disappoint both me hubby and my family.
I did lose it a little yesterday a couple of times and when she wanted me to have answers for things I dont have answers for. I cried and said she is being selfish in expecting me to have all the answers. This is helping to keep her focused and realising that we just need to wait to find out.
She desperately wants rehab the abilty to go away and get cured with help, to come home and be a real mum for her girls to care for them in a way that she knows they deserve.
We are just living in hope that her wishes will come true or we will at least be listened to and they will hear that is what she wants.
At the hospital the ambulance people, ss and the hospital themselves have all done reports to help with her plight, we are hpoing with thier support and the fact she has been going through withdrawl since Friday and battling it alone that this will happen.
Wish us luck
Thought I would update you, she stayed with us last night and I slept with her, as she needed a cuddle and the reasurance that she is doing so well. She is really doing well, she is getting her rational thinking back as the withdrawl is progressing, her irrational behavour is become less, but damn when irrational kicks in what goes on in her mind is hard to cope with.
It is a bit like dealing with two people. She is caring, loving, considerate, beautiful person that she is, who is showing and admitting to her failings, feeling remorseful, embarassed, and is so sorry and admitting all the things she has done.
Then the bottle one, who is angry at her boyfriend who she blames for her drinking, which is stopping her taking the blame, paranoid and irrational anxious and afraid. But her Mum said to me she over the years has blamed everyone except herself.
She is so lucky, both her boyfriend and Mum love her so much I am working with them and keeping in contact with her Mum. Both want to be there for her at this time, but both know that will feel to comfortable for her so have to keep away, but are supporting her at a distance.
Her Mum said to me, that I am the first person she has ever trusted and respected, and she feels she will no let me down.
she said the same to me last night, as I have never stood her nonsence and abuse in the past but have just walked away without answering her, she said I was one person she never expected that would help her through this or My hubby as he has in the past told her never to knock on our door again, she is scared of him, but I guess that helps in a way. He was only nasty when she has been nasty to me for no reason.
I feel we have total respect for each other and the fact we have taken on her daughter shocked her but she totally trusts us to look after her.
I have always said to her in the past I would be there for the children, as her kids are lovely. But I could never be there for her as a drinker, as my Dad was a drinker and I don't have the patience for drinkers. I have said to her the only reason I am there for her now, is that I feel she hates the drinker and I believe her.
What is keeping her going she said is that she doesnt not want to disappoint both me hubby and my family.
I did lose it a little yesterday a couple of times and when she wanted me to have answers for things I dont have answers for. I cried and said she is being selfish in expecting me to have all the answers. This is helping to keep her focused and realising that we just need to wait to find out.
She desperately wants rehab the abilty to go away and get cured with help, to come home and be a real mum for her girls to care for them in a way that she knows they deserve.
We are just living in hope that her wishes will come true or we will at least be listened to and they will hear that is what she wants.
At the hospital the ambulance people, ss and the hospital themselves have all done reports to help with her plight, we are hpoing with thier support and the fact she has been going through withdrawl since Friday and battling it alone that this will happen.
Wish us luck
Master of Sex
Hi Minx, I had a g/f who was like that she tried everything,AA was very helpful,and the support given by other drinkers who have been through the process is very important,they can always help if she goes into relapse.
in most cases their is some underlying reason why it has happened that has pushed her in the direction of drink. Counselling is a good idea as well,maybe a Psycologist/Psychiatrist as everyone has said it is a long haul and only she can do it.
Also taking Vitamin B supplements can help as well as the alcohol washes these vitamins out of the body.
You can get tablets off the doctor that if you drink they make you sick. All options should be considered.
Many people have been through the process and got well and it is about perseverence by the and relatives have to be their for them, but not as a crutch,and it can be very,very tiring and exhaustive for those who are trying to help.
I hope their is some comfort in these notes.
Good luck and I hope she gets ok.
James
in most cases their is some underlying reason why it has happened that has pushed her in the direction of drink. Counselling is a good idea as well,maybe a Psycologist/Psychiatrist as everyone has said it is a long haul and only she can do it.
Also taking Vitamin B supplements can help as well as the alcohol washes these vitamins out of the body.
You can get tablets off the doctor that if you drink they make you sick. All options should be considered.
Many people have been through the process and got well and it is about perseverence by the and relatives have to be their for them, but not as a crutch,and it can be very,very tiring and exhaustive for those who are trying to help.
I hope their is some comfort in these notes.
Good luck and I hope she gets ok.
James
