I was reading the “alone, lost thread†about somebody confessing to their friends about swinging and being snubbed, and it started me thinking. It’s never too late to change an attitude or to learn something new.
I have always been I suppose typically laddish, banter with my mates, football, out on the town admiring the women. Effeminate blokes would be dismissed as puffs, as ridiculous and trans sexuals as just mental. If I had spoken to any such people I would have felt uncomfortable, defensive and my opinion of them would have been tainted by my prejudice against their gender or sexual orientation.
A few years ago I was working with an obviously gay guy, and initially to my horror, I found that he was a nice guy and I actually quite liked him. I then started to forget he was gay and it occurred to me that just because he is different to me in some aspects of his life, the important thing was the person. Talking to the lads in the pub, I told them about this, expecting the “so now you’re a puff, are you?†and actually got agreement that as long as we all respected our differences , there should be no reason to snub somebody just because they are gay. I found this refreshing, but surprising, considering the previous attitudes expressed.
With regard to and , I retained the view that I had always had, to accept them in my mind was surely a bridge too far. It also gave me comfort to know that I was normal and anyway I would never mix that type of person. We would just never move in the same circles. Then I came on here, and shock horror I was mixing with them, albeit in hyper space. I started reading what they had to say, their experiences and found myself agreeing with them, laughing with them and occasionally joining in banter with them. Gradually it dawned on me that apart from a few irrelevant aspects, they were not much different to me. Who was I to judge? I thank Swing Heaven for that.
My question is, what deep rooted views/opinions have you had changed in the recent past?
Disclaimer: This not intended to be insulting or patronising, if it is taken that way I apologise. Part of the motivation for this is to offer some comfort to Rainbows, sometimes people need time to accept things.
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Changing your opinion
Sex God
That's a nice post Happy Cats, thanks for that 
... just goes to show that Swinging Heaven is not just a sex site 
.
I remember waaaaaaaaay back when I was an undergrad (earlymid 1990s) I had a friend who was secretly bi but had huge problems admitting his bi side to himself let alone anyone else. His brother was gay and had run off to Amstedam in his teens to live his life without the prejudice that he felt he was was experiencing in the UK. My friend had never ever been over to Holland to see his brother in the 15 years he had been there cos he was "afraid". He kept his straight biker life well away from anything to do with his bi side, even if it meant his relationship with his brother was difficult. We used to have deep and meaningful conversations about the way the world should be... like you do when you're a student
- I said I could imagine a world in a few years time where it didn't matter if you were straight or gay, and trans would just be something some people were. My friend used to laugh at my ideas of what he called "queer utopia"... but I always believed 
8-) 8-) . The community that is developing on Swinging Heaven is the closest I have come to experiencing my "queer utopia".
Oooh, I'm getting a bit deep now, I must stop :wink:
Yeah, there's a long way to go, but Happy Cats you have made my day 8-)
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
... just goes to show that Swinging Heaven is not just a sex site . I remember waaaaaaaaay back when I was an undergrad (earlymid 1990s) I had a friend who was secretly bi but had huge problems admitting his bi side to himself let alone anyone else. His brother was gay and had run off to Amstedam in his teens to live his life without the prejudice that he felt he was was experiencing in the UK. My friend had never ever been over to Holland to see his brother in the 15 years he had been there cos he was "afraid". He kept his straight biker life well away from anything to do with his bi side, even if it meant his relationship with his brother was difficult. We used to have deep and meaningful conversations about the way the world should be... like you do when you're a student
- I said I could imagine a world in a few years time where it didn't matter if you were straight or gay, and trans would just be something some people were. My friend used to laugh at my ideas of what he called "queer utopia"... but I always believed 8-) 8-) . The community that is developing on Swinging Heaven is the closest I have come to experiencing my "queer utopia". Oooh, I'm getting a bit deep now, I must stop :wink:
Yeah, there's a long way to go, but Happy Cats you have made my day 8-)
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
I s'pose now is a good time to give my experience. When I met my wife I was a knuckle dragging neandathal and proud of it ( and virgin - not so proud of that, nearly 21 years old! ) and when she asked me to go to a fashion show a student friend of hers was taking part in, and she was modelling for, I nearly refused when she mentiond he was gay ( isn't it contagiuos? ), but aquiesced, on the condition that I would leather him if he made a pass.
On the night, it all went well, I hardly spoke to him after an introduction, where he made Graeme Norton seem more Hetro than me, and even went down to the pub afterwards - it was there I found myself talikng to him and despite being on my guard, I talked to him as an equal. My mrs noticed this and over the forthcoming years together opened my mind, through words and deeds and now I think of myself as bi - 2/3rds straight and 1/3rd gay -, and I would like to explore my gay side more, and even have a threesome with my wife and a pre-op TS, better yet have a long term gay/bi fuck buddy! I know this is all a bit cliched, not detailed - but I am a bit worried about bringing any STD to my wife, so I have not explored too deeply.
What I think I'm trying to say, is thank you Andi, for opening my mind ( and ringpiece ) to different ideas - and being my wife! To everyone else - you can never say never, think of what you might miss out on!
On the night, it all went well, I hardly spoke to him after an introduction, where he made Graeme Norton seem more Hetro than me, and even went down to the pub afterwards - it was there I found myself talikng to him and despite being on my guard, I talked to him as an equal. My mrs noticed this and over the forthcoming years together opened my mind, through words and deeds and now I think of myself as bi - 2/3rds straight and 1/3rd gay -, and I would like to explore my gay side more, and even have a threesome with my wife and a pre-op TS, better yet have a long term gay/bi fuck buddy! I know this is all a bit cliched, not detailed - but I am a bit worried about bringing any STD to my wife, so I have not explored too deeply.
What I think I'm trying to say, is thank you Andi, for opening my mind ( and ringpiece ) to different ideas - and being my wife! To everyone else - you can never say never, think of what you might miss out on!
I believe things are changing....alot more things are becoming exeptable and considered the norm.....apart from the odd idiot (we will never get rid of them completely) making a remark in the street to someone not the same as them.
Who knows even The News of the World might start giving swingers a break......well maybe?
Who knows even The News of the World might start giving swingers a break......well maybe?
I’m sure that there are many on here that have to typical grunting Monkey attitude that believe that if you don’t look or think the same as them then you cant be right. I have news for those that are like that. We are not all the same; everyone is different and unique in our own special way. There are many that cannot handle their own sexuality because deep down they do have sexual thoughts and don’t know how to handle them, plus with the way that society is constructed were told from a young age that you MUST be a certain way and conform.
I have been told many times that I am mental and confused. I have had to go through sittings with a counsellor so she could write up reports to asses my mind. I only needed four sessions which I was told there was nothing wrong with my mind and in fact I was more stable than the majority of people walking the street. I knew from a very early age 5 years old what I was although very confused by it. With social rules and attitudes and me thinking there was something wrong with me. I hid after a lot of bullying. I took on the male role although doing the typical transsexual thing I went over board in case everyone found out about me. I hated life’s sheep those trapped by their fears now I feel sorry for them because I got over mine and confronted them after a massive suicide. Fear is a dangerous thing it nearly killed me.
I’m sure there’s lots of people that find being Trans gay lesbian totally alien to them. I can only say from my view point that once you actually sit down and meet a transsexual you will find that we make the best friends that you could ever possibly have. In my case I know some real typical football louts that I have such a laugh with they accept me and I accept them because they got to know me as a person, although I have to be very careful on where I go as there are some people are so blinded by ignorance or stupidity and hatred that my life could be in danger. Someone once said to me that only the intelligent ones will understand and the ones that won’t are thick as pig muck.
I found swinging heaven by chance after looking for a club to go to in Leicester. It was the first forum that I looked at, I spent all my time in various chat rooms and each time I joined would have to run the gauntlet. It was only after me standing my ground and making people laugh that they though actually she’s ok. When I posted in swinging heaven I was expecting all the abuse and I didn’t get any which confused me I was like what the fucks going on? !! Which I why I like being here I have such a laugh and everyone has their own views and stand points. I’ve also made some cracking friends better than those I had before in my past life, which have all gone due to the un-acceptance. I’m rambling now but for those monkeys out there that shut off from what they do not understand open up you never know it could make you better person and a happier one . I have said my piece thanks for reading …..
x rache x
I have been told many times that I am mental and confused. I have had to go through sittings with a counsellor so she could write up reports to asses my mind. I only needed four sessions which I was told there was nothing wrong with my mind and in fact I was more stable than the majority of people walking the street. I knew from a very early age 5 years old what I was although very confused by it. With social rules and attitudes and me thinking there was something wrong with me. I hid after a lot of bullying. I took on the male role although doing the typical transsexual thing I went over board in case everyone found out about me. I hated life’s sheep those trapped by their fears now I feel sorry for them because I got over mine and confronted them after a massive suicide. Fear is a dangerous thing it nearly killed me.
I’m sure there’s lots of people that find being Trans gay lesbian totally alien to them. I can only say from my view point that once you actually sit down and meet a transsexual you will find that we make the best friends that you could ever possibly have. In my case I know some real typical football louts that I have such a laugh with they accept me and I accept them because they got to know me as a person, although I have to be very careful on where I go as there are some people are so blinded by ignorance or stupidity and hatred that my life could be in danger. Someone once said to me that only the intelligent ones will understand and the ones that won’t are thick as pig muck.
I found swinging heaven by chance after looking for a club to go to in Leicester. It was the first forum that I looked at, I spent all my time in various chat rooms and each time I joined would have to run the gauntlet. It was only after me standing my ground and making people laugh that they though actually she’s ok. When I posted in swinging heaven I was expecting all the abuse and I didn’t get any which confused me I was like what the fucks going on? !! Which I why I like being here I have such a laugh and everyone has their own views and stand points. I’ve also made some cracking friends better than those I had before in my past life, which have all gone due to the un-acceptance. I’m rambling now but for those monkeys out there that shut off from what they do not understand open up you never know it could make you better person and a happier one . I have said my piece thanks for reading …..
x rache x
Sex God
Quote by Happy Cats
My question is, what deep rooted views/opinions have you had changed in the recent past?
I used to believe that everyone deserves respect until they prove otherwise. SH has taught me to view others with suspicion and prejudice until they prove themselves worthy of respect.
Quote by Happy Cats
My question is, what deep rooted views/opinions have you had changed in the recent past?
Not necessarily about swinging and sexuality, but until I actually went there my impression of Essex was of it being nothing but urban areas and concrete, since being there I've realised it's almost as rural as where I grew up.
I can't say much about the actual subject at hand as I've always had a very open mind, I don't think there's anything left that can shock me, especially as I like to shock others by pushing the boundaries of what's acceptable.
Before I became interested in the scene, if any of my friends had told me there were into it, I would have just accepted it, probably have been a little envious, but mostly curious about what actually went on.
Most people in this country either have double standards in sex or dislike anything that deviates from their view of the norm. I bet there's a lot of people who are into S&M or "unnormal" things but who are against it in public, unwilling to accept it happens elsewhere. Others have a deep-rooted upbringing that means anything where people who lead lives different to them are weirdos, freaks and outcasts.
Unfortunately society is going to be full of these people for as long as there is a society, but it all boils down to the definition of normal. Everyone's definition is different, so to categorise people into "normal" and "ab-normal" is ridiculous.
Note: I apologise if this is nonsense/deviating entirely from the question/confusing etc. I rarely get across eloquently and intelligibly what I'm trying to say
Having done this on a few occasions I would now advise against it. Most peeps build up an idea and image of who they think you are and this kind of revelation is usually totally unexpected by them. Some experience a kind of shock and many are deeply dissapointed and let down. They never quite know how to take you therafter.
Sex God
happy cats, that's a fantastic post. 
i'll confess my only experience of the LGBT community was as an onlooker in certain nightclubs in leeds, where i kinda kept my distance. i had no aversion to any of them, but they made me feel uncomfortable, and i didn't quite know why. judy will no doubt recount the look of abject terror on my face when i met her, and her friends, for the first time.
looking back, i now understand that it was my own tendencies i was most afraid of, and projected that fear onto others. SH has helped me finally resolve the fact that i am, and always have been bisexual. i just repressed that little tendency, particularly in the light of a bad experience as a young guy, cos most of my acquaintances were vehemently homophobic.
it will come as no surprise to many that the most vocal of those homophobes have now come out as openly gay, and closeted bisexual themselves. the great strength of SH is that we only get to see the personality through people's posts, and who or what they are becomes unimportant, beyond the fact that i count people as friends first and foremost, and as sexual beings, of whatever colour, second.
through coming to terms with others sexuality on here, i have finally come to terms with my own, and i can think of no more valuable lesson.
neil x x x ;)
i'll confess my only experience of the LGBT community was as an onlooker in certain nightclubs in leeds, where i kinda kept my distance. i had no aversion to any of them, but they made me feel uncomfortable, and i didn't quite know why. judy will no doubt recount the look of abject terror on my face when i met her, and her friends, for the first time.
looking back, i now understand that it was my own tendencies i was most afraid of, and projected that fear onto others. SH has helped me finally resolve the fact that i am, and always have been bisexual. i just repressed that little tendency, particularly in the light of a bad experience as a young guy, cos most of my acquaintances were vehemently homophobic.
it will come as no surprise to many that the most vocal of those homophobes have now come out as openly gay, and closeted bisexual themselves. the great strength of SH is that we only get to see the personality through people's posts, and who or what they are becomes unimportant, beyond the fact that i count people as friends first and foremost, and as sexual beings, of whatever colour, second.
through coming to terms with others sexuality on here, i have finally come to terms with my own, and i can think of no more valuable lesson.
neil x x x ;)
...I feel drawn to responding to this post... don't know why...and forgive me if I ramble.
I have to credit my family a lot for bringing me up as a person with an open mind and non-judgemental attitude. I was going to pride marches and drag shows before my first baby tooth fell out. That upbringing encouraged me to become a peer councelor for the LGBT offices where I learned how to help kids come to terms with everything from taking their AIDS meds, to what to do when their parents cut them off after they came out , to how to safely explore BDSM fetishes. I hope to raise my children with the same attitude. It still saddens me that the majority rule is still to find anything that isn't HET and monogamous in line with sick-minded behaviour...
anyway, to bring it back to what I've learned from 20 to 25 (last five years) that the heart has amazing expanding abilities and if you let it you can love so many people, that communication is the bottom line and that you can't despair even when you realize that more people are willing to hurt than to help, or even just ignore.
sorry for the ramble.
xxx
ms. ocky
I have to credit my family a lot for bringing me up as a person with an open mind and non-judgemental attitude. I was going to pride marches and drag shows before my first baby tooth fell out. That upbringing encouraged me to become a peer councelor for the LGBT offices where I learned how to help kids come to terms with everything from taking their AIDS meds, to what to do when their parents cut them off after they came out , to how to safely explore BDSM fetishes. I hope to raise my children with the same attitude. It still saddens me that the majority rule is still to find anything that isn't HET and monogamous in line with sick-minded behaviour...
anyway, to bring it back to what I've learned from 20 to 25 (last five years) that the heart has amazing expanding abilities and if you let it you can love so many people, that communication is the bottom line and that you can't despair even when you realize that more people are willing to hurt than to help, or even just ignore.
sorry for the ramble.
xxx
ms. ocky
Quote by ockysweeties
...I feel drawn to responding to this post... don't know why...and forgive me if I ramble.
I have to credit my family a lot for bringing me up as a person with an open mind and non-judgemental attitude. I was going to pride marches and drag shows before my first baby tooth fell out. That upbringing encouraged me to become a peer councelor for the LGBT offices where I learned how to help kids come to terms with everything from taking their AIDS meds, to what to do when their parents cut them off after they came out , to how to safely explore BDSM fetishes. I hope to raise my children with the same attitude. It still saddens me that the majority rule is still to find anything that isn't HET and monogamous in line with sick-minded behaviour...
anyway, to bring it back to what I've learned from 20 to 25 (last five years) that the heart has amazing expanding abilities and if you let it you can love so many people, that communication is the bottom line and that you can't despair even when you realize that more people are willing to hurt than to help, or even just ignore.
sorry for the ramble.
xxx
ms. ocky
Well said
Sex God
Quote by Ice Pie
My question is, what deep rooted views/opinions have you had changed in the recent past?
I used to believe that everyone deserves respect until they prove otherwise. SH has taught me to view others with suspicion and prejudice until they prove themselves worthy of respect.
Good thread Happy Cats. I too believe that respect has to be earned and that nobody should presume on anybody else's likes or dislikes.
Quote by Happy Cats
It’s never too late to change an attitude or to learn something new.
What a wonderful Post HC!!!!
No - it is never too late to change an opinion. And opinions are often changed. Where the guts comes in is being able to stand up and say that you have changed your standing up for that new opinion.
Thank you for sharing that with us!
aRSexx :color:
