Reminds me of the brides prayer:
Aisle Altar Hymn.
Both my marriages were to people who thought they could calm me down or knock off the rough edges. I admit I have often been too willing to fit in with my partners wishes. I am not prepared to do that any more as I dont think it is particulalry healthy for me.
Its the main reason I choose not to be in a permanent long term romantic relationship. If I ever find a woman who likes me just as I am I might well change my mind.
This is very interesting winchwench, cos every girlfriend I've had immediately tried to change me. Why do women feel the need to do this is puzzling because surely they're attracted to you for who and what you are??????????
:shock: :shock: :shock:
I think anyone hoping to change their partner into something else is on a hiding to nothing but pain. But if said partner wants to change (give up smoking etc) then a loving relationship can do wonders for that process.
I made the mistake of changing for my ex, and that's is pretty well what ended the relationship. My problem is now that I am very unwilling to give up what I have - I'm looking for a balance.
I was once on the recieving end of an 'attempt to change' maneouvre.
I was ahead of the game oh yes.
I had previously eaten the reciept, and destroyed the carrier-bag!
:idea:
Scuppered :!:
lp
Loved the wit there london
thankyou kindly for the compliment...however the story is true.
All backfired in the end though, as along with the reciept the was a coupon for 33% off next purchase of prepacked 500g fresh-chilled roasting pigs-tails.
Of which I'm rather fond.
C'est la Vie...
lp
However, I never made the same mistake and always retained the reciept... when a previous partner needed changing after becoming a tad stale, and simultaneously strangely moist,rather like a cucumber sandwich left too long in the hamper.... out came the reciept and a prompt exchange was made... for these intriguing
Ive never tried to change anyone but have had to change myself just to keep the relationship a half happy one with 2 stubborn soles a relalationship can become difficult
Back on topic...........
This is an interesting thread.....
Think this might be a long one here goes.........
I think when you first meet somebody you can be blind to their less appealing personality traits depending on a few factors that involve most new relationships.
When you start off with somebody new you are so excited by them and all the trappings of newness such as great sex, butterflies in the tummy and the unpredictability of how things are going to turn out, that you are blinkered to things you see in others.
How many times have you met somebody and on the first date they have said "look I have to be honest with you, I'm a completely selfish bastard/bitch who will rarely if ever take your feelings into consideration and only ever really put myself first"???
Probably never, this is because we as human beings, especially when we meet people we are attracted to or like, try to put our best foot forward and avoid showing any traits which might make us less appealing and attractive to our intended.
We hope that by showing our best and most appealing characteristics they will engage us.
Here is the problem, the more a relationship goes on and the more time we inevitably spend together, the harder it is for us to "hide" or keep back who and what we truly are, the bits we never really want those we care about and covet to see.
Most of the time the bad bits aren't really that bad, they might have smelly feet or swear a little more than we think is necessary but it isn't enough to warrant ending the relationship. However, there are times when we can be well and truly duped, though this can not entirely be the fault of the other person, we must take some responsibility for allowing ourselves NOT to see what was always there. We were just blind to it, and as we know the old saying goes "love is blind."
In this instance when the relationship is quite advanced and "love" has clouded the equation and we have just had "realisation" what are we to do?
This is all about the individual in question and whether or not they are prepared to live with it or not. Some people try to change the other person as they have a personality type that makes them believe they are the ones that CAN change this person, as in the original post.
In trying to change someone you are really saying "look I dont like this/that about you and I want you to change or stop it" and are relying on that person loving or caring about YOU enough to want to change.
If the thing they want to change about you is a negative thing that you subconsciously block out of your self image, then that isn't necessarily always a bad thing, such as being selfish without you realising you are being so, or having a lack of tact about things they are conscious about.
Where it becomes a problem in relationships is where one person doesnot see that they have a problem or doesn't think it needs to be changed.
Social issues such as how we were raised come into this such as what our parents let us get away with or do or how they behaved etc, and affect how we view certain things or even who we have become and what we believe is acceptable as adults.
All I am trying to say is that each and every case is different, I have met people in the past, as we all probably have, who seem great when we first meet them, but after spending a few days/dates with them we think "OMG how am I going to get rid of this person?"
In a relationship it is much more difficult as thoughts feelings and emotions are involved and when love is brought into it, it becomes a minefield.
I say if you love someone you try and make them happy and accept who they are, if you don't like who they are, and they accept that they need to change try to help them, if not set them free. Rather they be happy and ignorant to their shortcomings with someone else than unhappy knowing about them with you.
Good thread original poster!!
I added "On the other hand, if you did that, you wouldn't be you." 
and as you say should we change for somone else or for ourselves so that we make ourselves more tollerable to live with
I bet they haven't had a lot of use, and can imagine you haven't had to replace them since you got em :lol: ......... still got the really old old fashioned straightening irons that you put in a fire to warm up. I'm not so sure I'll take them even for nowt :lol:
:?
i agree with totally.....
Nice post! 