Confession timeâ€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦.. Gulp

10 Sep 2005

Ok peeps, having thought long and hard about this, and after a PM exchange with Fabio (thanks mate ;o) ..) we have decided its time to fess up.
We think that some of you have probably guessed anyway, and others may have read my recent thread and thought wtf is this all about. So we are doing this to explain.
We have actually been members of this site for quite some time, we used to be known as Katie & John and we really miss all of our friends on here so hi peeps, (Postie and HappyCats, think we have unfinished business lol) A BIG hug to all my lovely SH Angels xxxxxxxxxxxx muwaaaaaaa.
Ok the whereâ€™s and the whyfores.
During our relatively short swinging careers we have met quite a few people, including people from this site, ( 3 bi-fems too, so you see, they do exist) so to all those who keep whinging that this site doesnâ€™t work, all we can say is you are either too impatient, or you are doing something wrong. Unfortunately, not all the photo ads on here are entirely truthful and we have had 2 quite disturbing experiences which actually made us break away from the lifestyle and rethink how we go about things.
I am not going to mention any name as both the people involved seem to have removed their photo adds so there is little point, and the one out of the two who came onto the forums hasnâ€™t posted since they removed their add so we feel its safe to poke our heads over the parapet again.
What happened was:
One of the single guys we met, first started chatting to Caron (aka Katie) on messenger, we made it quite clear (even in our add) that we do not play singularly, only as a couple, the only exception to that rule is for a FF meet.
He was fine with this and we continued to chat online for some time. He seemed a genuinely nice guy, not pushy, very polite, and in Caronâ€™s opinion, quite dishy. Inevitably we arranged to meet, which was a good laugh and we all got on well, we had a few more social meets and eventually we invited him back to ours â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦. Will spare you the gory details suffice to say a good time was had by all.
Now this is a very long story so will cut it short here as this post is going to ramble on quite long enough. Eventually, despite proclaiming his friendship, this guy started to badger Caron for 1 on 1 meets, she didnâ€™t tell me at first because she thought that there was quite a good friendship building up between me n this guy and didnâ€™t want to spoil it. In the end though he became quite insistent and ended up knocking at the door while I was at work, this is when I got to hear about it and I will leave the consequences of that to your imagination, suffice to say I think he will have got used to hospital food by now.
This experience made us very wary and it was at this time that we started to use the site less and less, we then met a couple (not related to this site) who without going into too much detail, after our 1st 4sum proceeded to f**k with our heads big style, which made us even more wary.
At the same time we were seeing 3 bi-fems reasonably regularly, suddenly one of them started sending Caron e-mails saying that I had said this and I had said that, and sent me e-mails saying the same about Caron. Luckily we have a strong and open enough relationship to be able to talk freely about pretty much anything and soon discovered her little scheme. Unfortunately though, despite having wonderful relationships with the other people we know from the scene, these tree experiences put us off swinging and we stopped altogether.
Eventually we both had to admit that we really missed it, so after long discussion we have decided to start afresh, clean slate, and this time we intend to stay fully in charge of any situation, rather than letting ourselves be led by people of greater experience.
So our humble apologies for going AWOL, for all the unanswered e-mails and PMâ€™s, (you know who you are â€¦â€¦. Grovel) To my sweet Angels of goodness for deserting you, and massive thanks to oliveoyl for a Stirling job, (yes I was watching you)
Fabio, you are a feckin star mate,
and we formally request permission to re-enter the Towers with new and increased knowledge and wisdom.

10 Sep 2005

Hi Pete (Katie n John)
Thanks very much for sharing your experiences as it certainly gives me an insight into some of the pitfalls that can occur. I'm not suprised you guys backed out of the scene.. it sounds weird enough, and that's without all the details. I hope you two are feeling better about things.. although you must be if you are back on here now. The more people share these kind of experiences, the more prepared others can be to handle certain situations should they arise.. or even make a more informed decision before really getting involved in the scene.
Im just perusing the general vibe of the whole thing with a view to getting involved. My partner of 6 years is aware of my visits here and is also very interested to learn more, talk at length about it, meet some like minded people etc.. and see where it leads. But this is exactly the kind of thing I appreciate knowing as I think for a newbie to have any experience like that may be a head fuck... but the fact that you have shared this means we can talk about dangers and possibly prepare for them.
It would be great if there was somewhere that people could share all their bad experiences just to help others out, forewarn them etc, but I can appreciate that may be offputting for anyone in two minds about getting involved. Still, I suppose that's what the social side of things would probably help with... maybe just need to ask plenty questions at a munch.
Anyway, hello, glad you returned, and I hope its all fun for you from here on in.
Fluff
xx

10 Sep 2005

Sounds like some really bad experiences there. I think the problems you have had is the reason we only swing in clubs.

10 Sep 2005

Hi John and Katie, nice to have you back.........will you be staying this time?
Missed your posts around here!
XX

10 Sep 2005

I did wonder where you were, and had a feeling that you had a name change, but wasnt sure enough to ask you.
I'm glad youre back and hope that you can put the bad experiences behind you. There are more good people out there than bad.
Welcome back you yokels!

10 Sep 2005

You've had as much bad luck with meets as I have with mobile phones :lol2:

10 Sep 2005

Welcome back Pete, wondered where you were!

10 Sep 2005

Quote by icklesausage
Really sounds like you two had a bad time of it Glad your back and not letting other idiots ruin your fun!! Definetly the way to go and all the best for the future

Thanks Ikle, Well thatâ€™s what we thought,, why ruin our fun, thanks for your support.

Quote by fluffer
Hi Pete (Katie n John)
(snip)
But this is exactly the kind of thing I appreciate knowing as I think for a newbie to have any experience like that may be a head fuck... but the fact that you have shared this means we can talk about dangers and possibly prepare for them.
Anyway, hello, glad you returned, and I hope its all fun for you from here on in.
Fluff
xx

Hi fluffer, thanks for your reply. This is one of the main reasons we decided to post this, hopefully it will act as a lesson for others. we have no way been on the scene long enough to start handing out advice, but if anyone wants to know about our experiences, feel free to PM or add us to messenger.

Quote by seagull69
Sounds like some really bad experiences there. I think the problems you have had is the reason we only swing in clubs.

Hi Seagull69, yes i can understand that, it has certainly taught us to proceed with caution.

Quote by Ms Amber
Hi John and Katie, nice to have you back.........will you be staying this time?
Missed your posts around here!
XX

Ms Amber :bounce: cmere passionkiss

Yes we do intend to stay this time, and I will do my utmost to produce more of the high quality garbage and unintelligible twaddle of previous times wink

Quote by Happy Cats
I did wonder where you were, and had a feeling that you had a name change, but wasnt sure enough to ask you.
I'm glad youre back and hope that you can put the bad experiences behind you. There are more good people out there than bad.
Welcome back you yokels!

We knew you would work it out lol

Thank you for your kind words, we look forward to further deep and meaningful discussions into the early hours rolleyes

catch you around the forums furball :twisted:

Quote by bluexxx
You've had as much bad luck with meets as I have with mobile phones :lol2:

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: Blue, you crack me up :D thanks :wink:

Quote by freckledbird
Welcome back Pete, wondered where you were!

Hi Bev

assionkiss: thanks hun :D

Quote by Mark
we formally request permission to re-enter the Towers with new and increased knowledge and wisdom.

Formally granted! :thumbup:
Mark, your a diamond geezer, thanks for everything ........................... we must have a long and meaningful discussion about my siggy sometime :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

10 Sep 2005

Hi Katie and John.....
Welcome back to SH...... and thanks for a thought provoking thread......
I hope that those particular circumstances never happen to you both again... leaving you free to have fun in the way you wish.........
equi-princess xxx

10 Sep 2005

:shock:

10 Sep 2005

WELCOME BACK Guys
I have missed you lots.
Soooooooo sorry you have had such a bad time but really really glad you have decided to come bck into the fold.
Looking forward to seeing you around again
Olive
kiss

:kiss: :therethere:

10 Sep 2005

Blimey!!! Welcome back matey! Can't say how chuffed i am to see you both back....
Shame about the circumstances that made it so difficult for you... some right nutjobs out there...
But WOW! You are back.....
I can't remember the thread, but there was one particular night, that I came into the forum from the chatroom, and you Happy Cats and me all just went to town on each other, and I never really went back to the chatroom....
..here's to ya!

10 Sep 2005

Sadly there are some pretty odd people out there, and I think your post is a timely reminder of the dangers. I've been swinging on and off for the past few years and have met some really lovely, genuine couples. However, I did have one really bad experience with a couple where the atmosphere became very threatening and potentially violent (I won't bore you with the details) and, to cut a long story short, I feel very lucky to have escaped from that situation.
More recently I met with a couple in Bolton. It was fairly obvious that the female partner was put under pressure to go along with it. Later on she admitted to me that her partner was violent and abusive towards her. Food for thought indeed.
I think we should all be very cautious. Swinging attracts some very unsavoury characters, as well as some really delightful ones.
Best of luck to all of you

10 Sep 2005

I have just read what you wrote and i am glad that i helped in my own little way......
you do realise i am trying to go for a rep of being mean and moody and you are not helping!!!!
you are both lovely people.....
sean xxxxxxxxxxx
p.s so it is okay to send you loads of abuse now... smile

:) :)

10 Sep 2005

Quote by fabio grooverider
i am trying to go for a rep of being mean and moody

awwwww... its not quite worked tho petal has it?

10 Sep 2005

firstly i would like to say sorry that you`ve been through some bad times of late,and i`m glad to know that you`ve come through it together.
welcome back to s/h, it looks like you`ve been missed judgeing by the post.
sierra x x

10 Sep 2005

Thanks everyone (fillin up ere :inlove: )
Well its been a long haul, and we have come through the whole thing relatively unscathed, you know what they say, if it doesnâ€™t kill you it makes you stronger.
Postie :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: â€¦ there you are drinkies

:cheers: :smoke: :beer: Cant wait for the next session behind the barricades â€¦â€¦â€¦ duel

:sparring: :taz: :censored: rotflmao

Oliveoyl, equi, cmere

assionkiss: :passionkiss: :passionkiss: :inlove: :love: :rose: :inlove: ............................. hump

:shock:
Ashxx, R n M, thank you for your kind words, We are so glad that this post seems to have done a little good for the community, every cloud and all that,
:welcome: wave

:drinkies:

10 Sep 2005

Quote by sierra
firstly i would like to say sorry that you`ve been through some bad times of late,and i`m glad to know that you`ve come through it together.
welcome back to s/h, it looks like you`ve been missed judgeing by the post.
sierra x x

Thanks for that sierra, its much appreciated :cheers:

10 Sep 2005

Quote by fluffer

i am trying to go for a rep of being mean and moody

awwwww... its not quite worked tho petal has it?
:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: sorry Fabio ............. What can i say rolleyes

.........
Mean and nasty? ........................................... :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove:

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :small-print: :lol2: :therethere:
Mean and nasty my :moon:
lol
bolt

10 Sep 2005

Welcome Back home guys......I hope that things go okay for you.....feel free to drop me a PM to say 'hi' if you want wink

10 Sep 2005

Quote by DreamerHelen
Welcome Back home guys......I hope that things go okay for you.....feel free to drop me a PM to say 'hi' if you want

HELEN ................ :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :inlove: :love: :rose: :wave2: :cheers:

assionkiss: :passionkiss: :passionkiss: :smitten: :therethere: drinkies

:thumbup:
Hiya, thanks for that, and a PM will be winging its way to you shortly.
It's nice to be back :wink:

11 Sep 2005

Quote by seagull69
Sounds like some really bad experiences there. I think the problems you have had is the reason we only swing in clubs.

Hi and great to see you back :thumbup: Sounds like you had a pretty shitty time, lets hope its better for you this time around. And seagull, that`s one reason why we only swing at clubs too. wink

11 Sep 2005

Hi Dino, thanks for your WB, we have not tried any clubs yet as we find the thought a bit intimidating, redface

though we are told there is a reasonably good one just up the M4 from us.

11 Sep 2005

From a Newbie, Sorry to hear bad things had happened to you pair & glad to see you've come through it.
Unfortunately undesirables can get anywhere, it's always worse when those folks don't even know they are causing harm. sad

Talismaniac

11 Sep 2005

It is certainly a minefield out there! Head fucks all round. And itâ€™s not just the young or the inexperienced that get taken in. I hope that this time round things will be better for you both. smile

In life, I naturally attract psychos (they always sit next to me on the bus and you can guarantee that the mad auntie will make a bee-line for me at a wedding!), so I'm pretty used to it, but I have wised up over the years. My problem is that I see the best in everyone without thinking of the pitfalls which has led me into trouble.
:doh:

11 Sep 2005

Hi guys
Can we just say how touched we are at all the positive vibes we have received from all of you.
A great big thank you to all of you. We had our reservations about posting this, but you have restored our faith in this community, and we are now so glad that we did.
In line with our new identity, we have also re-examined our outlook and have created a new ad to let people know where we are coming from. We would be really grateful if someone would have a quick peruse and let us know your reactions, good, bad, indifferent etc, and constructive criticisms are most welcome.
Advert #380857
Or
http://photos.swingingheaven.co.uk/photo-adverts/swingers-380857.html
And before anyone says anything, no we are not fishing, most of you are so feckin far away from this uninhabited part of the country we would need to charter a jet to get you here.

:rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Thanks again everyone, itâ€™s good to be home.

11 Sep 2005

Quote by JudyTV
Firstly welcome back, hope it now goes well for you and thank you for posting a great thread.
Its very true that it is indeed a minefield out there. Head-fucks, dreamers, couples who are not couples, girls who are not girls and all those who claim to be someone they are not. I have always made it quite clear who and what I am. Unfortunately too many of us have had a few bad experiences or at least uncomfortable ones at best. All web sites will by default generate those who hide behind a monitor and we have to be as sharp as a needle at all times.
What amazes me is the sheer audacity of those who make certain claims and declarations of who they are, what they stand for and claim honesty and credibility and then turn up and try and bluff their way through it once they have been clocked or rumbled. Are they con merchants, chancers or do we give them credit for their front and tenacity because perhaps they honestly believe it is all fine and dandy to play any card in the pack to get a shag or shags? Whether its a head fuck or a sheer con. Its when they walk away and laugh or brag about about what they have done that many of us feel hurt and want to run and hide or in some cases just leave. It surely isn't right whether its someones head or their body that has been used unfairly.
Its something many of us will have to deal with over time, as we know from this thread some of us already have and the longer we play this game the more likely we will run into these undesirables or whatever we want to call them. Threads like this are worthy, informative and helpful because they bring us into the reality of what can happen. I think we have to make certain as best we can and do all the relevant checks and if we are in doubt about anyone then often by asking others who have already been there can we then acquire the information we need to be prepared and decide if we to want go there too. This is not always possible of course, but where it is we should use it. Afterall we use it to ask if someone is known or is OK when they ask for a invite to a social but often fail to do this when its our bodies or our heads, worth a thought surely. I personally have done it and others have asked the same from me. I am not talking about intimate information here, more of is he / she generally an OK person. I have to say there have been occasions when caution has been offered both ways.
Like real life, there are those we want to drink with and those we dont..............not under any circumstances, this is a case when a shag is not just a shag. A shag is a shag is a shag does not always apply.
Judy .........one of the wary.

Absolutely! Well said that girl smile

I have met with 'experienced' guys who say they have been with couples, and they haven't. Bi-men who just aren't bi! Couples, who are just single men....well, all the usual really. What I don't understand is why can't they just be honest? Do they think we might not notice?
Of course things do change and people do â€˜fallâ€™ for others even when it was supposed to be â€˜no-stringsâ€™ (I know all about that!) but to start to stalk that person or turn up on their doorstep uninvited like the guy that went to Peteâ€™s house when he was out, is inexcusable.

11 Sep 2005

Quote by Pete_sw
Hi guys
In line with our new identity, we have also re-examined our outlook and have created a new ad to let people know where we are coming from. We would be really grateful if someone would have a quick peruse and let us know your reactions, good, bad, indifferent etc, and constructive criticisms are most welcome.
Advert #380857

Seeing as you have had some trouble and all that.... and you have said about MSN after a contact by email, I would choose the Anon-email and not having it show on an Advert. Only registered members can then contact you and not any of those just gawping the site.

11 Sep 2005

Quote by postie
Hi guys
In line with our new identity, we have also re-examined our outlook and have created a new ad to let people know where we are coming from. We would be really grateful if someone would have a quick peruse and let us know your reactions, good, bad, indifferent etc, and constructive criticisms are most welcome.
Advert #380857

Thanks Susie, It sounds like you have been having a few troubles of your own looking at your other thread.
JudyTV, a very thought provoking post and all of what you say has been taken on board, thank you for your good wishes.
Berksbex, yes your absolutely right, I thought it was bloody outrageous, but to be honest, reasonably easy to deal with, the one that tried to get between us however, by telling each of us subtle lies about the other was far more difficult to handle, as you say, a real headfuck that quite honestly could have finished someone with a slightly weaker or less trusting relationship.
Thanks for the input guys.

11 Sep 2005

Hi Katie & John, or Pete :grin: , your advert looks good and makes it plain what you are thinking about doing.... just hope all the guys read and understand it before they respond. We have an ad running on another site and even though we have explained at length what we are looking for, we still get dickheads responding with one or two liners that show they haven't read our ad properly.
We are very new to all this and have only had one experience so far (MMF), and after your post we consider ourselves extremely lucky that we haven't had any problems....... we feel for what you have been through, and are glad it didn't put you off entirely, so welcome back :!: .
Moving forward we are thinking that the best way to meet people is to try and get accepted by communities such as this, and hopefully get to go to munches, so we can meet people socially before we do anything else. We have thought of clubs but at the end of the day the old git (him as in me) isn't really into clubs, although she is trying to change my mind :undecided:
Anyways good luck with your ads
M and H