Having not played for a while I now find myself in an unfamiliar place, my confidence has disappeared, one of the fab things that I found about swinging before was that boost in confidence that you get primarily from finding that you are attractive to other people. Now I am no larger or smaller that I was previously. I acknowledge that I am a single rather than a couple which should in some ways make things a little easier in the swinging stakes but it appears to have gone........vamoosed, left the building leaving me trailing behind. So cmon folks a little help required here and this isn't a cry for look at my pics n say "pat on the back to ya" I genuinely feel perplexed at how I feel..
Confidence comes from ability and experience, doesn't matter what the subject is.
However there are many that can exude confidence without ability or experience - they are natural bluffers.
Bit difficult for anyone to bluff in the sex scene, as ultimately they will get caught out.
As for where your confidence has gone - it won't be far away, if you have done it before then you can do it again.
I really believe that confidence is something that you gain from experience of certain situations.
I am a very confident person and am unfazed by things like public speaking, walking into a room full of strangers, walking into a strangers house for a party, etc. However, the first time I had to stand up and talk in front of people I was a complete bag of nerves and the first time we went to a club we sat outside in the car for 20 mins, had a beer and God only knows how many fags and contemplated going home. I guess it's the fear of the unknown.
We play as a couple and I no longer get nervous when meeting people at all. I was recently given the opportunity to choose and meet a single guy alone but decided instead to meet a guy I already knew. Although I was still alone, the fact that I knew him felt more comfortable for me.
When you say that being a single girl should make swinging easier, I have to disagree. Yes it is probably much more easier to find and arrange meets but you no longer have someone to bounce off. You don't have someone to tell you how fab you look before you go out and to reassure you that everything will be ok.
I would say that the only way you can change how you are feeling is to just go out and do it. It should get easier the more times you do it. If this isn't the case then maybe find an nsa fuck buddy to meet with or consider the fact that maybe a swinging lifestyle is no longer for you??
I train adults. I can ealk into a room of strangers and take charge - but only because I know I have a purpose and a right to be there and take that role. If I were told to go itno the sasme room of the same people and told 'just go and netowrk/make friends' I wuld be a gibbering wreck. Confidence sometimes relies on precieved 'rights' or at least being in a specidfic situiation - playing at home rather than at a club for instance.
So what does someone (or me) do in a situation where we lack confidence but either have to do something or really want to do something? Fake it - all the way.
If you have an idea what you being confident looks like - put the face on, put the walk on, put the clothes on and (most important) lift your head up and look it (the situation) or them (the people) in the eye. You may be quaking like a leaf inside but people will see you as confident, therefore they will treat you as confident.
Amazingly, our behaviour matches how we are treated. If people treat you as confident, you will respond by becoming confident. You make them treat you as confident by pretending you are. It's a positive cycle that really, truly works.
You could prove it by behaving as a wuss in a situation (with strangers) where you are actually pretty confident. Said strangers will treat you like an idiot and look down on you.
There are all sorts of 'how to be confident' books - but they all say much the same thing. Act it - be it.
I think you may have hit the nail on the head funlovers, I haven't played as a single , its unknown territory for me and that may be where the problem is. I think I am pretty confident in other areas of my life , work etc , but that comes from knowing what I am doing I guess.
try watching the first 20 mins of the King & I - the original version with Yul Bryner
then the answer is simple
just whistle a happy tune!!
only stop whistling when your lips need to be otherwise engaged
Confidence comes from not caring about what others think of you .... and a bottle
Take your pick
I float on a big bubble of "not giving a shitness. It works wonders.
Oh I get the odd prick too. Pick yerself up dust yerself down and start right over again. Older stronger and wiser usually.
Turn up and jump back on the train and it will all come flooding back to you. As a woman there is not a whole lot you can do wrong. Mrs Tweeky lacks in confidence yet she still manages to get out and play, you will do it 
