Although it is possible to mask your true emotions, we all have a certain posting style and as Neil said it would be difficult to mask this indefinitely.
As I said previously if someone who has the courage of their convictions when posting, I usually percieve them as confident.
However, there is also a difference I think in levels of confidence in different circumstances. For instance some people may feel confident on line whilst are lacking in confidence when meeting in person.
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Confident?
Quote by sheddy
A person could be sobbing at the keyboard and just place a happy smiley at the end of a post and all seems well to the reader.
This I know for a fact not to be true as I was having a shite day a month or so back and as far as I was aware I was posting as per my usual style it felt like it and looked like it and you all know if I have a gripe or a problem I make it known on here
However in this case I didn't wish to and tried to stick to my usual style. But with in a couple of posts I recieved a PM from someone who is not really conected with me in any way apart from a few friendly PM and very little banter on the forum and I hadn't been in contact with them for a few weeks the PM simply said..................................................Subject: Are you OK
You don't seem your usual self today
(or words to that effect)
And if you had replied...
Yeah sure - I am just a bit groggy today from being too tired, but something is wakening in my pants now :twisted: (or however you would phrase it)
They would more likely be none the wiser.
I know for a fact it can be the case.
Quote by PoloLady
However, there is also a difference I think in levels of confidence in different circumstances. For instance some people may feel confident on line whilst are lacking in confidence when meeting in person.
Ah - cyberspace, the introvert's playground
Tell me about it.
As I've always been attracted to confident, outgoing people I've been bitterly disappointed on more than one occasion after arranging a meet :confused:
Quote by HornyLittleBlonde
Although it is possible to mask your true emotions, we all have a certain posting style and as Neil said it would be difficult to mask this indefinitely.
What if... your perception of the norm was way off the mark. Surely then the perception of the change in style would be effected by this?
Quote by HornyLittleBlonde
As I said previously if someone who has the courage of their convictions when posting, I usually percieve them as confident.
Surely there are subjects which even the most mild mannered would stand up and shout about with great conviction - because they are subjects close to their moral values and beliefs.
Sex God
Quote by PoloLady
Starting lots of quality threads maybe.
Whenever, I start a thread I get all anxious and I keep visiting them like a sick person to make sure they don't die!!
How do you know don't?
I'm sure we all do - but mine are in intensive care OK?
The other thing is that I know you well enough to know that you abhor flattery 'cos you've kneed me in the nuts (metaphorically thank God) when I tried it.
That could be another sign of confidence.
Fact is it's a combination of little snippets that people pick about others on here and they piece together a persona. Yours happens to be a confident one - sometimes to the point of brusqueness, I might add.
.
Quote by HornyLittleBlonde
However, there is also a difference I think in levels of confidence in different circumstances. For instance some people may feel confident on line whilst are lacking in confidence when meeting in person.
Ah - cyberspace, the introvert's playground
Tell me about it.
As I've always been attracted to confident, outgoing people I've been bitterly disappointed on more than one occasion after arranging a meet :confused:
Nail on the head - my point exactly!
And these were no doubt people you had even spent time in one-to-one communication with.
Quote by westerross
Fact is it's a combination of little snippets that people pick about others on here and they piece together a persona. Yours happens to be a confident one - sometimes to the point of brusqueness, I might add.
.
When I have looked that word up - I'll tell you if I am offended or not
Quote by PoloLady
Nail on the head - my point exactly!
And these were no doubt people you had even spent time in one-to-one communication with.
Yep. It did make me rethink how and who I arranged meets with.
I still believe that you can see people who are confident on line, but I certainly don't take that to mean they are confident in person.
Although I still can't imagine you being the wallflower type :shock:
Quote by HornyLittleBlonde
Nail on the head - my point exactly!
And these were no doubt people you had even spent time in one-to-one communication with.
Yep. It did make me rethink how and who I arranged meets with.
I still believe that you can see people who are confident on line, but I certainly don't take that to mean they are confident in person
Ah - you are coming round now.
Appearing confident online (to others - through their perception) and being a confident person are two utterly different things.
But I still question appearing confident in cyber-space - is it confidence or something else.
Quote by PoloLady
Ah - you are coming round now.
Appearing confident online (to others - through their perception) and being a confident person are two utterly different things.
But I still question appearing confident in cyber-space - is it confidence or something else.
Well that would depend on the definition of confidence. I'm not sure what else you would or would call it, but I do see differences in "confidence" levels in different environments.
I'm not just talking about on lin and in person. I also see differences in people when they are in a work or social environment.
Some people can be confident socially in small groups but not so in large groups or with people they are unfamiliar with.
Quote by PoloLady
And if you had replied...
Yeah sure - I am just a bit groggy today from being too tired, but something is wakening in my pants now :twisted: (or however you would phrase it)
They would more likely be none the wiser.
I know for a fact it can be the case.
I guess so I could have blagged that nothing was a miss however what suprised me was that they actually did notice something was wrong may I have shrugged it off or not
:D Right I wll return to this as I'm enjoying it but for now I'm very late again
Sex God
Confident, I am confident that I can get a plane form a to b but give me a crosswind and ask me to land it. Everyone is confident it their own areas of comfort. To say that Pololady is confident posting is not to say that Pololady is confident in the High Street.
In your post you argue your point, set yourself up for all sorts of comeback, you are confident. That is not something different, but it is related to the situation.
Having said all that why are you asking, is this the first sign of a lack of confidence?
No, I think not but in someone else it could be. In the past you have demonstrated that you just enjoy a good argument.
In your post you argue your point, set yourself up for all sorts of comeback, you are confident. That is not something different, but it is related to the situation.
Having said all that why are you asking, is this the first sign of a lack of confidence?
No, I think not but in someone else it could be. In the past you have demonstrated that you just enjoy a good argument.
Sex God
This raises another little thought in my mind - I don't think this is a hi-jack.
I think there are different types of confidence - for example social and emotional.
I am quite confident in social situations i.e. I can walk into a room of people I don't know in any circumstances and feel perfectly at ease that I'll give a good account of myself (with the possible exception of when I'm giving a speech).
When I get to know people, when they get to know me on an emotional level and it really matters, I'm a different proposition. I don't feel so well anchored at all. I often err on the side of caution because the times I let it slip and I offend people unwittingly I don't like it. I think I find it difficult reading people - moreso on here. The times I write posts, re-write them and then delete them before posting is nobody's business. Hardly the action of a confident - take or leave it type of person.
I'm not sure I'm even going to post this one! :shock:
I think there are different types of confidence - for example social and emotional.
I am quite confident in social situations i.e. I can walk into a room of people I don't know in any circumstances and feel perfectly at ease that I'll give a good account of myself (with the possible exception of when I'm giving a speech).
When I get to know people, when they get to know me on an emotional level and it really matters, I'm a different proposition. I don't feel so well anchored at all. I often err on the side of caution because the times I let it slip and I offend people unwittingly I don't like it. I think I find it difficult reading people - moreso on here. The times I write posts, re-write them and then delete them before posting is nobody's business. Hardly the action of a confident - take or leave it type of person.
I'm not sure I'm even going to post this one! :shock:
Sex God
Shit - finger slipped!!
Quote by HornyLittleBlonde
Although I still can't imagine you being the wallflower type :shock:
Why?
On a seperate note:
I didn't intend this to be about me - but the more general question of ... how does one person appear more confident than another based purely on text?
But...
I do not mind being the example used for people to make points - I find it very interesting (I may even create something to expand on this). I deal quite a lot with psychometric profiles. I am still not sure if it is an advantage or disadvantage - but I know and understand my own behaviours on a level most people would not get to do with their own.
I see different personality traits in some of the things I write than the readers do (apparently). I need to read back through some of the comments and I may then choose to explain that point further.
It is very difficult to take an objective view of your own portrayed personality - because you are aware of what is underneath. You can build an overview of someone else's personality (be it correct or not) not only by what they say but where they say it (I am talking solely about the forum). If someone consistantly has strong views in debates of a wide range of subjects, then they will appear confident in here. However this can give no indication as to thier personality in real life.
H.x
H.x
Quote by H-x
If someone consistantly has strong views in debates of a wide range of subjects, then they will appear confident in here.
Or does it just mean they have an interest in a wide range of subjects?
The next thought I had on this was the use of the word 'strong' in relation to views. Are they 'strong' views or just well structured?
I had a look back just to check... in a number of threads where people may feel I have expressed views - I actually haven't expressed a great amount of my opinion or view... I have asked questions or thrown other perspectives into the pot for consideration.
Sometimes I challenge other peoples ideas - not to argue but to understand the values behind that persons opinion. It is within my nature to ask 'why'.
Whilst we are all made up of a complex mix of behaviours - if we break it down to a basic level of two groups:
Group A - The people-people
Group B - The fact-people
A person is discovered getting up off of the floor next to a broken chair by two people (one from group A and the other from group B). The group A person immediately reacts by saying "oh my god - are you alright?" as does the person from group B.
The group A person continues to ask about the person if they are hurt, how do they feel and so on. After all - they are are good at that kind of stuff - they naturally do that touchy-feely bit with other people - even people they hardly know.
The group B person begins to ask "how did that happen?" "why did the chair break?" "what were you doing?" In fact these are the first thoughts they had on entering the room - conditioning made them ask about the person first.
The group B person seeks to understand 'what' has happened to enable them to satisfy the need to know 'why'. They want the facts - they want the details.
You may read this as the group B person being cold and uncaring.
Does the group B person not care for this person's well being - of course they have concern . But the brain needs to know 'why' and this distracts them from continuing to ask about the person once they have established it is not a life or death situation.
Excuse my rambling here...
I guess one of the reasons I find it strange to make assumptions about peoples confidence (based on text) is because I don't. I very rarely build personalities to people on here - beyond the obvious... they are funny, witty, dry... etc. The only personality traits that stand out to me are the ones which appear unbalance - the extreme fruit-cakes which pop-up from time to time.
It is within my nature to ask 'why' - I do not see this as a sign of confidence.
Great post PoloLady!
I am definitely a group B person through and through!
IN EDIT: IMHO if you are a group B person you also ask a lot of questions of yourself so are far more likely to know what you want and what you don't want - and again I think this can manifest as seeming confident!
I had a girl PM me a couple of days ago that said, "You are obviously a really confident person from reading your profile..."
It took me a couple of days to reply because I was utterly perplexed by her comment! Since then I have read and re-read my profile and wonder if it’s just because I’m straightforward and to the point on it – to me it doesn't mean I’m confident, it just means I know my likes and dislikes!
I am definitely a group B person through and through!
IN EDIT: IMHO if you are a group B person you also ask a lot of questions of yourself so are far more likely to know what you want and what you don't want - and again I think this can manifest as seeming confident!
I had a girl PM me a couple of days ago that said, "You are obviously a really confident person from reading your profile..."
It took me a couple of days to reply because I was utterly perplexed by her comment! Since then I have read and re-read my profile and wonder if it’s just because I’m straightforward and to the point on it – to me it doesn't mean I’m confident, it just means I know my likes and dislikes!
Quote by PoloLady
If someone consistantly has strong views in debates of a wide range of subjects, then they will appear confident in here.
Or does it just mean they have an interest in a wide range of subjects?
The next thought I had on this was the use of the word 'strong' in relation to views. Are they 'strong' views or just well structured?
Many people will have views on a wide rang of subjects but not all of them will feel happy enough, confident enough, to voice thier opinion. By 'strong' views, I suppose I mean that they are willing to stand thier ground.
H.x
Quote by Kiss_Me
I had a girl PM me a couple of days ago that said, "You are obviously a really confident person from reading your profile..."
It took me a couple of days to reply because I was utterly perplexed by her comment! Since then I have read and re-read my profile and wonder if it’s just because I’m straightforward and to the point on it – to me it doesn't mean I’m confident, it just means I know my likes and dislikes!
I get the same thing all the time regarding my ads.
I don't see it as confidence....
I see it as facts. I know what I want and express that in the most straight forward terms - facts!
I see it as understanding myself and why I am here.
I see it as not frilling things up.
You do not have to be a confident person to know yourself.
It is actually more likely that a person who uses facts to make their point is less confident as a person than someone who just blurts out opinions because that is what they think at that moment in time. Though the fact user will be confident of their facts.
It just dawned on me - but may be the illusion of confidence comes from... people who use facts are usually right (and can prove it!)
Quote by H-x
If someone consistantly has strong views in debates of a wide range of subjects, then they will appear confident in here.
Or does it just mean they have an interest in a wide range of subjects?
The next thought I had on this was the use of the word 'strong' in relation to views. Are they 'strong' views or just well structured?
Many people will have views on a wide rang of subjects but not all of them will feel happy enough, confident enough, to voice thier opinion. By 'strong' views, I suppose I mean that they are willing to stand thier ground.
H.x
Is it not easy to express an opinion or stand your ground when face only with a keyboard?
Quote by PoloLady
If someone consistantly has strong views in debates of a wide range of subjects, then they will appear confident in here.
Or does it just mean they have an interest in a wide range of subjects?
The next thought I had on this was the use of the word 'strong' in relation to views. Are they 'strong' views or just well structured?
Many people will have views on a wide rang of subjects but not all of them will feel happy enough, confident enough, to voice thier opinion. By 'strong' views, I suppose I mean that they are willing to stand thier ground.
H.x
Is it not easy to express an opinion or stand your ground when face only with a keyboard?
Yes, which is my point. Confidence in here and confidence in th real world are two completely different things. Your question - I thought - was how does someone post with confidence?
H.x
Quote by H-x
If someone consistantly has strong views in debates of a wide range of subjects, then they will appear confident in here.
Or does it just mean they have an interest in a wide range of subjects?
The next thought I had on this was the use of the word 'strong' in relation to views. Are they 'strong' views or just well structured?
Many people will have views on a wide rang of subjects but not all of them will feel happy enough, confident enough, to voice thier opinion. By 'strong' views, I suppose I mean that they are willing to stand thier ground.
H.x
Is it not easy to express an opinion or stand your ground when face only with a keyboard?
Yes, which is my point. Confidence in here and confidence in th real world are two completely different things. Your question - I thought - was how does someone post with confidence?
H.x
My question comes from people saying they can judge a person's personality from their posts. Also from people saying things such as...
"From reading your posts I can tell you are a confident person."
"Someone with your confidence....."
"You are obviously confident...."
And believe it or not - at the begining of this I did not have a strong opinion (though I had a feeling I wished to explore).
I am building my opinion as we go along - though it was slightly weighted.
Balancing what peope are saying with logical thought and well established theories on behaviour.
Sex God
Is it not easy to express an opinion or stand your ground when face only with a keyboard?
not always no, cos you're probably gonna have to defend that opinion, among people you know, who's opinion of you might be of some importance, and who's opinion of you might well change depending on what you say? and even if you don't care what their opinion of you is, you always have yourself to answer to? ;)
My question comes from people saying they can judge a person's personality from their posts. Also from people saying things such as...
"From reading your posts I can tell you are a confident person."
"Someone with your confidence....."
"You are obviously confident...."
personality is one thing? confidence is another? i think, over time, i can form a fairly good idea of someone's personality? it takes many posts to build that picture, and sometimes it's wrong, as i've found IRL once or twice, but usually my opinion of someone's online persona has been fairly close to their real-life one?
these things aren't really to do with confidence i don't think? maybe i'm blurring things?
neil x x x ;)
Sex God
well yes, but it's just one aspect among many?
i might be the least confident person on the planet, but i still have a personality? maybe not a particularly attractive one to women, but a personality nonetheless? :P
*points out that he's not really the most boring guy in the Whole Wide World, just in case! this is all hypothetical! *
neil x x x ;)
i might be the least confident person on the planet, but i still have a personality? maybe not a particularly attractive one to women, but a personality nonetheless? :P
*points out that he's not really the most boring guy in the Whole Wide World, just in case! this is all hypothetical!
*neil x x x ;)
Quote by neilinleeds
Is it not easy to express an opinion or stand your ground when face only with a keyboard?
not always no, cos you're probably gonna have to defend that opinion, among people you know, who's opinion of you might be of some importance, and who's opinion of you might well change depending on what you say? and even if you don't care what their opinion of you is, you always have yourself to answer to? ;)
Surely that only applies if you have extreme views which you know will go against the socially accepted norm?
Won't the people you do know know where you are coming from - as they already know you?
Should people worry about the opinions of people they don't know before expressing their own?
Why would you need to answer to yourself for your own opinions - they are surely based on your own values and beleifs.
If I had an offical report which states 30 people each year eat their goldfish by mistake and use the knowledge of that information in a thread - where people are saying "nobody would be so stupid to eat a goldfish by mistake!"
If I stood my ground, repeating that people were that stupid - would that be me being a confident person or me having confidence in the facts I have before me?
