Confident?

27 Jun 2006

Quote by neilinleeds
well yes, but it's just one aspect among many?
i might be the least confident person on the planet, but i still have a personality? maybe not a particularly attractive one to women, but a personality nonetheless? :P

Why yes - and the positive opposite of confident becomes part of your personality.
i.e. rather than confident being part of your personality make-up... you may be shy, reserved, cautious... and so on.

27 Jun 2006

Surely that only applies if you have extreme views which you know will go against the socially accepted norm?

extreme views versus socially accepted norms? we reject social norms just by being here? not sure that my last sentence is at all relevant though?

Won't the people you do know know where you are coming from - as they already know you?

luckily, yes! biggrin

most of them anyways? they recognise that part of my character, make allowances, and accept my failings? :D which goes back to reading personality online? ;) most of 'em seem to just *tut* and roll their eyes, and still talk to me in the morning! they know me for who i am? ;)

Should people worry about the opinions of people they don't know before expressing their own?

not sure? we all moderate ourselves in daily life don't we?

Why would you need to answer to yourself for your own opinions - they are surely based on your own values and beleifs.

yes. and i stand by pretty much everything i have ever said on this forum! smile

((( though i can think of any number of semi-drunken posts i have regretted deeply, even though they we're based on my true opinion as i saw it at the time! ;) ))) what is more difficult is knowing that the way i've expressed my beliefs has been at fault, mainly cos i've been drunk and let rip, when a more considered approach would have been to log out! ;)

If I had an offical report which states 30 people each year eat their goldfish by mistake and use the knowledge of that information in a thread - where people are saying "nobody would be so stupid to eat a goldfish by mistake!"
If I stood my ground, repeating that people were that stupid - would that be me being a confident person or me having confidence in the facts I have before me?

facts are facts! only the stupid choose to disbelieve them! confused

;)
we're going off on tangents now i think, and i'll let someone else get a word in edgeways for a bit! ;)
neil x x x ;)

27 Jun 2006

Quote by neilinleeds
Should people worry about the opinions of people they don't know before expressing their own?

not sure? we all moderate ourselves in daily life don't we?

And does that self-moderation itself not sometimes mislead people when we find ourself in an artificial environment?
Don't stay quiet for too long - I have enjoyed your contributions.

27 Jun 2006

Quote by westerross
This raises another little thought in my mind - I don't think this is a hi-jack.
I think there are different types of confidence - for example social and emotional.
I am quite confident in social situations i.e. I can walk into a room of people I don't know in any circumstances and feel perfectly at ease that I'll give a good account of myself (with the possible exception of when I'm giving a speech).
When I get to know people, when they get to know me on an emotional level and it really matters, I'm a different proposition. I don't feel so well anchored at all. I often err on the side of caution because the times I let it slip and I offend people unwittingly I don't like it. I think I find it difficult reading people - moreso on here. The times I write posts, re-write them and then delete them before posting is nobody's business. Hardly the action of a confident - take or leave it type of person.
I'm not sure I'm even going to post this one! :shock:

Well thank you all for the responses to my soul baring exposÃ©. Done me confidence the power of good!! rotflmao

I really am joking - please don't respond now!

28 Jun 2006

Quote by westerross
This raises another little thought in my mind - I don't think this is a hi-jack.
I think there are different types of confidence - for example social and emotional.
I am quite confident in social situations i.e. I can walk into a room of people I don't know in any circumstances and feel perfectly at ease that I'll give a good account of myself (with the possible exception of when I'm giving a speech).
When I get to know people, when they get to know me on an emotional level and it really matters, I'm a different proposition. I don't feel so well anchored at all. I often err on the side of caution because the times I let it slip and I offend people unwittingly I don't like it. I think I find it difficult reading people - moreso on here. The times I write posts, re-write them and then delete them before posting is nobody's business. Hardly the action of a confident - take or leave it type of person.
I'm not sure I'm even going to post this one! :shock:

Do you mean to people sat in a room, both want to go to bed with the other but do not say so in case it chases the other way. This is just one example, but you get the meaning.

28 Jun 2006

Quote by PoloLady
Whilst we are all made up of a complex mix of behaviours - if we break it down to a basic level of two groups:
Group A - The people-people
Group B - The fact-people

Hi Pololady, please give your opinion.
I walk in to the room see someone on the floor. I make sure they are safe, ' Are you alright' ect. Then ask 'What happened'. Then I make sure they are right when they reply. Perhaps I look at the other chair to ensure they are safe.
A or B.
Travis

28 Jun 2006

Quote by PoloLady

personality is one thing? confidence is another?

Is personal confidence not part of a person's personality? confused

Is confidence not apart of past life? That worked last time it will work again. I am confident it will work next time because it worked last time. Does one person need more proof than another? Is confidence experience or personality?
Such a lot of questions and no answers. Do I lack confidence?

28 Jun 2006

A story.
It is late. A middle age couple are going home on the Underground. They are dressed well but casual.
Two young men look at them and see a chance for some easy money. They pull knives confident that they can rob the couple and run away at the next station. They have done it before.
The couple see them pull the knives and are confident they came stop them. By the time the train get to the next station one mugger has a broken are and both are face down on the floor.
All had confidence. The muggers had confidence in an ablity they did not have. The couple had confidence in an ability they did have. Confidence is about belief. If you believe you are good you have confidence .
The lesson;
Confidence in ablity you do not have leads to disaster.
Confidence in ability you do have leads to success.
A lack of confidence in abilityies you do have leads to lost opportunity.

28 Jun 2006

Quote by PoloLady
If someone consistantly has strong views in debates of a wide range of subjects, then they will appear confident in here.

Or does it just mean they have an interest in a wide range of subjects?

I think it shows an interest in a wide range of subjects. However, strong views that go against the norm does demonstrate confidence in oneself. Too many people agree when they do not 'know' what to say. Is that a lack of confidence or does it come from the human drive to belong? The same drive that gets people tossing bricks about because their friends are?

28 Jun 2006

Some interesting points. I'm interested in where confidence comes from, are we born confident - no, then does it come from the kind of person we are or the environment in which we are brought up?
If you fall of a horse and get back on are you confident or fool hardy?
H.x

28 Jun 2006

how much is confidence confused with experience?
yes, PoloLady has a large number of posts to her name, yes, it has been said that her views and opinions show a degree of confidence, but how much has her knowledge changed in the time she has been posting, reading one persons views, and finding her own viewpoint within other postings, adapting her own viewpoint, which, when expressed, comes across as confidence?
it sounded right in my head.... dunno

28 Jun 2006

Quote by essex34m
how much is confidence confused with experience?
yes, PoloLady has a large number of posts to her name, yes, it has been said that her views and opinions show a degree of confidence, but how much has her knowledge changed in the time she has been posting, reading one persons views, and finding her own viewpoint within other postings, adapting her own viewpoint, which, when expressed, comes across as confidence?
it sounded right in my head....

hey wide boy..that was nearly a whole paragraph with sentences and verbs...wow such confidence!!!!!!!
RWL

28 Jun 2006

I don't know about people being born confident because I think a lot of that comes from your upbringing and your surroundings - but I believe even people who are 'shy' can learn to be confident in certain types of situation through experience/familiarity ... and to some extent by 'acting that way'.
In certain circles, it's often stated that It's not WHAT you say but HOW you say it...

28 Jun 2006

Quote by redwine_lover
how much is confidence confused with experience?
yes, PoloLady has a large number of posts to her name, yes, it has been said that her views and opinions show a degree of confidence, but how much has her knowledge changed in the time she has been posting, reading one persons views, and finding her own viewpoint within other postings, adapting her own viewpoint, which, when expressed, comes across as confidence?
it sounded right in my head....

hey wide boy..that was nearly a whole paragraph with sentences and verbs...wow such confidence!!!!!!!
RWL
ok, so My English and grammar aint what it oughta be, but at least i had a go....

29 Jun 2006

Quote by H-x
Some interesting points. I'm interested in where confidence comes from, are we born confident - no, then does it come from the kind of person we are or the environment in which we are brought up?
If you fall of a horse and get back on are you confident or fool hardy?
H.x

I have been tying to remember the first time I fell of a horse. I can not. It is true that everyone around me could ride, it was expected of me. I must have wanted to learn. Others had learnt, so could I! I think I had confidence that I could learn and I would one day stay on most of the time. Confidence came form the example of others in this case. I think , so environment, in this case.

29 Jun 2006

Quote by essex34m
how much is confidence confused with experience?
yes, PoloLady has a large number of posts to her name, yes, it has been said that her views and opinions show a degree of confidence, but how much has her knowledge changed in the time she has been posting, reading one persons views, and finding her own viewpoint within other postings, adapting her own viewpoint, which, when expressed, comes across as confidence?
it sounded right in my head....

Sometimes language gives out on me as well, but we still have the confidence to post it. Why?

29 Jun 2006

Quote by J3diMast3r
I don't know about people being born confident because I think a lot of that comes from your upbringing and your surroundings - but I believe even people who are 'shy' can learn to be confident in certain types of situation through experience/familiarity ... and to some extent by 'acting that way'.
In certain circles, it's often stated that It's not WHAT you say but HOW you say it ...

If experience gives you confidence, how many times must you do something well to be confident in doing it?

29 Jun 2006

Quote by essex34m
how much is confidence confused with experience?
yes, PoloLady has a large number of posts to her name, yes, it has been said that her views and opinions show a degree of confidence, but how much has her knowledge changed in the time she has been posting, reading one persons views, and finding her own viewpoint within other postings, adapting her own viewpoint, which, when expressed, comes across as confidence?
it sounded right in my head....

Adapting?
Adapting?
Why the hell would I be 'adapting my viewpoint'?
I'm always right in the first place!
lol

:lol: :lol:

29 Jun 2006

Quote by

Whilst we are all made up of a complex mix of behaviours - if we break it down to a basic level of two groups:
Group A - The people-people
Group B - The fact-people

Hi Pololady, please give your opinion.
I walk in to the room see someone on the floor. I make sure they are safe, ' Are you alright' ect. Then ask 'What happened'. Then I make sure they are right when they reply. Perhaps I look at the other chair to ensure they are safe.
A or B.
Travis
My opinion....
Whilst there will be a behaviour preference for group A's which differs from the B's, it is not predetermined we will always react exactly as an A or a B. Identifying your grouping only indicates how you would 'generally' behave/think and is referred to as a 'preference' (meaning how we are typically more likely to behave and not to be confused with a conscious choice)
Think of it more like a line with A at one end and B at the other - the stronger the preference, the further towards the line end we move. Some will be closer to the centre line than others - hence some preferences are easier to see in some people than others.
A ----------------------------------------------------I-------------------------------------------------- B
Periods of stress can cause temporary changes in behaviour 'preferences' - extroverts may become more introvert, decisive people may become more cautious or hesitant.
So guess the answer to your question is... we are more complex than two clear-cut groups, A or B (thought most psychometric testing breaks down to basic groups of four) and sometimes it is not easy to tell which group some people fall into based on one incident.

29 Jun 2006

Something that just popped into my head (for no apparent reason)... but is is very relevant to the points made where people feel confidence can come across in text.
Remember the years of old when people wrote letters?
In those now ancient times, when people had a difficult message to give to someone and lacked the courage/confidence to do so in person... they wrote a letter :shock:
Putting words on a page was often seen as the easy way out or a safe way to to say something (they didn't have sms texts in those days - which also meant people used full words!).
Examples:
The... 'Dear John' or 'you've been dumped and I have ran away with the milkman' type letter.
The... "I love you so much but don't know how to tell you" type letter.
The... "I have fancied you for ages but every time I see you I turn into a mental wreck and lose control of my voice" type letter.
The... "I need to tell you how I feel before you drive me insane" type letter.
Of course there were other reasons for writing letters - but it did make me think again... is being able to express oneself in writing a sign of confidence or is it (as in the above examples) a sign of the opposite?

30 Jun 2006

I think that confidence is like many other emotions. It can grow and develop and thrive in situations where it can be sustained. But it can also fail where support breaks down and can be undermined in a destructive way, deliberately or quite by accident.

4 Jul 2006

Quote by PoloLady

Whilst we are all made up of a complex mix of behaviours - if we break it down to a basic level of two groups:
Group A - The people-people
Group B - The fact-people

Hi Pololady, please give your opinion.
I walk in to the room see someone on the floor. I make sure they are safe, ' Are you alright' ect. Then ask 'What happened'. Then I make sure they are right when they reply. Perhaps I look at the other chair to ensure they are safe.
A or B.
Travis
My opinion....
Whilst there will be a behaviour preference for group A's which differs from the B's, it is not predetermined we will always react exactly as an A or a B. Identifying your grouping only indicates how you would 'generally' behave/think and is referred to as a 'preference' (meaning how we are typically more likely to behave and not to be confused with a conscious choice)
Think of it more like a line with A at one end and B at the other - the stronger the preference, the further towards the line end we move. Some will be closer to the centre line than others - hence some preferences are easier to see in some people than others.
A ----------------------------------------------------I-------------------------------------------------- B
Periods of stress can cause temporary changes in behaviour 'preferences' - extroverts may become more introvert, decisive people may become more cautious or hesitant.
So guess the answer to your question is... we are more complex than two clear-cut groups, A or B (thought most psychometric testing breaks down to basic groups of four) and sometimes it is not easy to tell which group some people fall into based on one incident.
I was hoping that you would tell me 'The kind of person you are is dependant on your motivation not your actions.'
Do you agree that any test like this is more of a starting point for questions to be formed around that an answer in it's self.

4 Jul 2006

Quote by
Some interesting points. I'm interested in where confidence comes from, are we born confident - no, then does it come from the kind of person we are or the environment in which we are brought up?
If you fall of a horse and get back on are you confident or fool hardy?
H.x

I have been tying to remember the first time I fell of a horse. I can not. It is true that everyone around me could ride, it was expected of me. I must have wanted to learn. Others had learnt, so could I! I think I had confidence that I could learn and I would one day stay on most of the time. Confidence came form the example of others in this case. I think , so environment, in this case.
Having said that I now able to read the horse, fell it's movements and relax. I am now confident riding a horse. Confidence from experience.
Confidence does not come from one place.

4 Jul 2006

Quote by

Whilst we are all made up of a complex mix of behaviours - if we break it down to a basic level of two groups:
Group A - The people-people
Group B - The fact-people

Hi Pololady, please give your opinion.
I walk in to the room see someone on the floor. I make sure they are safe, ' Are you alright' ect. Then ask 'What happened'. Then I make sure they are right when they reply. Perhaps I look at the other chair to ensure they are safe.
A or B.
Travis
My opinion....
Whilst there will be a behaviour preference for group A's which differs from the B's, it is not predetermined we will always react exactly as an A or a B. Identifying your grouping only indicates how you would 'generally' behave/think and is referred to as a 'preference' (meaning how we are typically more likely to behave and not to be confused with a conscious choice)
Think of it more like a line with A at one end and B at the other - the stronger the preference, the further towards the line end we move. Some will be closer to the centre line than others - hence some preferences are easier to see in some people than others.
A ----------------------------------------------------I-------------------------------------------------- B
Periods of stress can cause temporary changes in behaviour 'preferences' - extroverts may become more introvert, decisive people may become more cautious or hesitant.
So guess the answer to your question is... we are more complex than two clear-cut groups, A or B (thought most psychometric testing breaks down to basic groups of four) and sometimes it is not easy to tell which group some people fall into based on one incident.
I was hoping that you would tell me 'The kind of person you are is dependant on your motivation not your actions.'
Do you agree that any test like this is more of a starting point for questions to be formed around that an answer in it's self.
No, but I am not confident about that! lol

:lol: :lol:

4 Jul 2006

Quote by
I don't know about people being born confident because I think a lot of that comes from your upbringing and your surroundings - but I believe even people who are 'shy' can learn to be confident in certain types of situation through experience/familiarity ... and to some extent by 'acting that way'.
In certain circles, it's often stated that It's not WHAT you say but HOW you say it ...

If experience gives you confidence, how many times must you do something well to be confident in doing it?
Depends on the individual surely? Some people take longer than others but it's still experience that grows and with it the confidence - the self belief.

5 Jul 2006

Quote by PoloLady

Whilst we are all made up of a complex mix of behaviours - if we break it down to a basic level of two groups:
Group A - The people-people
Group B - The fact-people

Hi Pololady, please give your opinion.
I walk in to the room see someone on the floor. I make sure they are safe, ' Are you alright' ect. Then ask 'What happened'. Then I make sure they are right when they reply. Perhaps I look at the other chair to ensure they are safe.
A or B.
Travis
My opinion....
Whilst there will be a behaviour preference for group A's which differs from the B's, it is not predetermined we will always react exactly as an A or a B. Identifying your grouping only indicates how you would 'generally' behave/think and is referred to as a 'preference' (meaning how we are typically more likely to behave and not to be confused with a conscious choice)
Think of it more like a line with A at one end and B at the other - the stronger the preference, the further towards the line end we move. Some will be closer to the centre line than others - hence some preferences are easier to see in some people than others.
A ----------------------------------------------------I-------------------------------------------------- B
Periods of stress can cause temporary changes in behaviour 'preferences' - extroverts may become more introvert, decisive people may become more cautious or hesitant.
So guess the answer to your question is... we are more complex than two clear-cut groups, A or B (thought most psychometric testing breaks down to basic groups of four) and sometimes it is not easy to tell which group some people fall into based on one incident.
I was hoping that you would tell me 'The kind of person you are is dependant on your motivation not your actions.'
Do you agree that any test like this is more of a starting point for questions to be formed around that an answer in it's self.
No, but I am not confident about that! lol

:lol: :lol:
:smile2:

5 Jul 2006

Quote by J3diMast3r
I don't know about people being born confident because I think a lot of that comes from your upbringing and your surroundings - but I believe even people who are 'shy' can learn to be confident in certain types of situation through experience/familiarity ... and to some extent by 'acting that way'.
In certain circles, it's often stated that It's not WHAT you say but HOW you say it ...

If experience gives you confidence, how many times must you do something well to be confident in doing it?
Depends on the individual surely? Some people take longer than others but it's still experience that grows and with it the confidence - the self belief.
Yes it doe's that is the born with part, but experience is needed to be confident. How easily confidence is gain depends on the personalty and the ablity of the individual. Not general ablity but the ablity in the task at hand.

5 Jul 2006

Quote by PoloLady

Whilst we are all made up of a complex mix of behaviours - if we break it down to a basic level of two groups:
Group A - The people-people
Group B - The fact-people

Hi Pololady, please give your opinion.
I walk in to the room see someone on the floor. I make sure they are safe, ' Are you alright' ect. Then ask 'What happened'. Then I make sure they are right when they reply. Perhaps I look at the other chair to ensure they are safe.
A or B.
Travis
My opinion....
Whilst there will be a behaviour preference for group A's which differs from the B's, it is not predetermined we will always react exactly as an A or a B. Identifying your grouping only indicates how you would 'generally' behave/think and is referred to as a 'preference' (meaning how we are typically more likely to behave and not to be confused with a conscious choice)
Think of it more like a line with A at one end and B at the other - the stronger the preference, the further towards the line end we move. Some will be closer to the centre line than others - hence some preferences are easier to see in some people than others.
A ----------------------------------------------------I-------------------------------------------------- B
Periods of stress can cause temporary changes in behaviour 'preferences' - extroverts may become more introvert, decisive people may become more cautious or hesitant.
So guess the answer to your question is... we are more complex than two clear-cut groups, A or B (thought most psychometric testing breaks down to basic groups of four) and sometimes it is not easy to tell which group some people fall into based on one incident.
I was hoping that you would tell me 'The kind of person you are is dependant on your motivation not your actions.'
Do you agree that any test like this is more of a starting point for questions to be formed around that an answer in it's self.
No, but I am not confident about that! lol

:lol: :lol:
A story
In accent China a man wishes to cross a river. He takes a boat from a poor family at night. When he crosses the river he smashes the boat to the point that no one can use it.
Question
Is this man a destructive antisocial villain?
The man know that across the river from the family are bandits. He is on his way to kill/capture the bandits. The boat was destroyed to stop the bandits crossing the river to kill and pillage the families on the other side.
Question
Is the man still antisocial or not?
It is the motivation that determines the type of man this is, not action.