I am sole "mental" carer for 4 family members. They all have separate health issues - in order of worry to me - ongoing risk of sudden death, terminal illness, suicidal thoughts due to depression, and severe chronic pain.
I can do the physical bit easily, the hospital visits, the researching on the internet, etc - but I am all of a sudden finding the mental issues, very hard to cope with. They all only have me to confide in. I drive from one ill person's house to the next.
I have been in contact with social services for 2 of these people, but they were not able to help beyond suggesting getting them out of the house. The two people are too ill to go anywhere.
I feel like I'm being stretched so thin that I can't cope with any of it.
Has anyone any suggestions?
In edit - I mean suggestions as to how to cope with the mental pain I have.
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Coping with other people''''s problems
Thats a very hard position to be in Chezz. I sympathise.
It may sound hard, and it may also be dificult, but sometimes to remain the best you can be for others whom might be depending upon you, you might have to find a way to attempt disociation.
Some method, whetever it may be, to leave your own true atatchment and emotion at the door, and focus on the 'here and now' of those you are caring for.
Thier pain and distress is not yours.
I could waffle a whole heap here, but shant.
more advice... keep it simple.
lp
It may sound hard, and it may also be dificult, but sometimes to remain the best you can be for others whom might be depending upon you, you might have to find a way to attempt disociation.
Some method, whetever it may be, to leave your own true atatchment and emotion at the door, and focus on the 'here and now' of those you are caring for.
Thier pain and distress is not yours.
I could waffle a whole heap here, but shant.
more advice... keep it simple.
lp
Sex God
Cherry, I'm not sure how realistic or productive my advice would be - and certainly it is not given with any kind of professional knowledge.
Is there any way you can make some time for you? I appreciate that you have responsibilty for four of your family, and that must be very time consuming. If things are getting on top of you though, you surely need to have some regular time out?
Maybe you could try and do something regularly for relaxation - or some exercise if that's your thing? Anything just to give you some space and personal time.
Take care of you - you need to be a priority too.
Is there any way you can make some time for you? I appreciate that you have responsibilty for four of your family, and that must be very time consuming. If things are getting on top of you though, you surely need to have some regular time out?
Maybe you could try and do something regularly for relaxation - or some exercise if that's your thing? Anything just to give you some space and personal time.
Take care of you - you need to be a priority too.
Ummm LP covered it Cherrytree.
and, in other words just cos I want to say something.
Leave 'you' at the door. Help them identify practical steps that they can do in isolation to help them get through the day. It may sound silly... but when they are feeling low they can go to the window and count how many cars they can see and write it down....... ask to see it when you next visit. (that will tell you how often they feel low and will distract them from their thoughts) This is just an example....others are make a cuppa, clean the bathroom etc.
Progress from that to a hobby type thing..... there is a reason why derogatory terms for mental health patients in day units is basket weavers.
What those things do is remove the dependency from you and gives you the freedom to get your own help.
What I would suggest for you is that you get counselling or on-going support which will enable you to distance yourself...... if mental health support staff 'take on' their clients issues they burn out - simples.
xxxxx
and, in other words just cos I want to say something.
Leave 'you' at the door. Help them identify practical steps that they can do in isolation to help them get through the day. It may sound silly... but when they are feeling low they can go to the window and count how many cars they can see and write it down....... ask to see it when you next visit. (that will tell you how often they feel low and will distract them from their thoughts) This is just an example....others are make a cuppa, clean the bathroom etc.
Progress from that to a hobby type thing..... there is a reason why derogatory terms for mental health patients in day units is basket weavers.
What those things do is remove the dependency from you and gives you the freedom to get your own help.
What I would suggest for you is that you get counselling or on-going support which will enable you to distance yourself...... if mental health support staff 'take on' their clients issues they burn out - simples.
xxxxx
Hello Cherrytree,
We understand a little of the pain you are going through. As several people have said you must find a way to detach yourself from it if only for a an hour or two and make time for you.
There are understanding ears on the forum but if you would like to drop us an e-mail we would be delighted to chat and help if we can.
J&M XX
We understand a little of the pain you are going through. As several people have said you must find a way to detach yourself from it if only for a an hour or two and make time for you.
There are understanding ears on the forum but if you would like to drop us an e-mail we would be delighted to chat and help if we can.
J&M XX
I know it may sound patronising, but had you considered yoga? It is a very effective way to 'switch off' and allow you to rationalise your own thoughts. It also is great for your own flexibility and can be very ermmm conducive to a varied and active sex life (a useful diversionary tactic when your personal life is so trying). But seriously, it is a very simple way to learn to control your stress levels and escape from your external life issues for a while.
Rolp & Splen have some very good ideas Chez. (I sound like Vikki Pollard 
)
Dealing with other peoples problems- especially if it's someone you're close to- is all encompassing. You can't escape them, and feel yourself being dragged down.
It's as though you're a battery- and day by day, bit by bit they sap your positve charge, until the day- and I'm guessing your warning light is on- you realise you're running on empty.
That's the time you really need to make time to recharge. You may have to reject some of their demands- but you'll be doing it in their interests too. If you break down, you're of no use to them.
An absolute god send- and this is bearing in mind I'm the least sporty person I know- was taking up a martial art for me. For an hour and a half, twice a week, I had to give 100% focus to that. It took all of my concentration, and there was no room in my head for anyone, or anything else. I'd leave there feeling emotionally, and mentally, recharged & invigorated.
How about trying something like Tai Chi? I know lots of sane, non tree hugging people who swear by it- and there are Tai Chi classes all over. It could really, really help.
Do the little things that build up into a more "cheery" you. Sing- when you least feel like singing. That'll cheer up not just you, but everyone in earshot. Who can stay sad when they're singing a happy tune?
Failing that- you know where I am.
Laugh a minute me, you can't stay miserable in my company. I'm more cheery than Marvin... :roll:
) Dealing with other peoples problems- especially if it's someone you're close to- is all encompassing. You can't escape them, and feel yourself being dragged down.
It's as though you're a battery- and day by day, bit by bit they sap your positve charge, until the day- and I'm guessing your warning light is on- you realise you're running on empty.
That's the time you really need to make time to recharge. You may have to reject some of their demands- but you'll be doing it in their interests too. If you break down, you're of no use to them.
An absolute god send- and this is bearing in mind I'm the least sporty person I know- was taking up a martial art for me. For an hour and a half, twice a week, I had to give 100% focus to that. It took all of my concentration, and there was no room in my head for anyone, or anything else. I'd leave there feeling emotionally, and mentally, recharged & invigorated.
How about trying something like Tai Chi? I know lots of sane, non tree hugging people who swear by it- and there are Tai Chi classes all over. It could really, really help.
Do the little things that build up into a more "cheery" you. Sing- when you least feel like singing. That'll cheer up not just you, but everyone in earshot. Who can stay sad when they're singing a happy tune?
Failing that- you know where I am.
Laugh a minute me, you can't stay miserable in my company. I'm more cheery than Marvin... :roll:
Sex God
Aw man a big load your carrying. I'd go to your GP and ask if the |Surgery could make a counsellor avaible to you. Cherry sometimes just to talk to a stranger can be an incalculable benefit.
Sex God
Aw man a big load your carrying. I'd go to your GP and ask if the |Surgery could make a counsellor avaible to you. Cherry sometimes just to talk to a stranger can be an incalculable benefit.
Kudos to you Cherry. You've taken on a lot of responsibility and it's hard enough caring for one person let alone four. Are there other family members who could help out? It's so frustrating when the LHB won't/can't help more. I see it more and more these days with our LHB only offering 2 nights a week to people who only have weeks to live. It's a shocking state of affairs but sadly all comes down to money - or lack of it!
That aside.....my previous line manager once told me that when we're caring for poorly people, we become like sponges. We soak up their troubles, the families' grief and the general sad mood surrounding our patients. We just have to remember to wring ourselves out once in a while.
Witchy mentioned Tai Chi which is an excellent way to de-stress. Meditation may help too or even something simple like turning off the phone and lights and lay down with some soothing ambient music. There are some excellent relaxation cds around that massage therapists use to relax their clients - nature sounds and all that stuff - and they are the ultimate chill. Whatever you try, just make sure you set aside some 'Me' time and don't be afraid to ask for help.
That aside.....my previous line manager once told me that when we're caring for poorly people, we become like sponges. We soak up their troubles, the families' grief and the general sad mood surrounding our patients. We just have to remember to wring ourselves out once in a while.
Witchy mentioned Tai Chi which is an excellent way to de-stress. Meditation may help too or even something simple like turning off the phone and lights and lay down with some soothing ambient music. There are some excellent relaxation cds around that massage therapists use to relax their clients - nature sounds and all that stuff - and they are the ultimate chill. Whatever you try, just make sure you set aside some 'Me' time and don't be afraid to ask for help.
Orgasminator
Cherry you have my sympathies as well, I also work in an environment that is all to do with caring for others, it was said earlier that you should try to leave it at the door which is right but also as you will know very difficult, even now as i sit here part of me is thinking about a chap in my care just now. What i have learned to do is to put every thing into perspective, firstly its a great thing you do in caring for others which is important to think about as a sense of worth can come from that, as for dealing with the pressures that come from working with others less fortunate than myself i tend to be very grateful for all the simple pleasures in life, pleasures that they cannot experience. I don't know if that helps at all.
My only suggestion is a problem shared is a problem halved. Not quite sure how practical or effective it is, but it might work just to talk to someone else or others about how you feel with dealing with all of this. I'm pretty sure that if you need someone who can understand as well as empathise that there's support groups for carers around that you can join for help, day trips and the like. 
