An old, retired army general has a butler, named Wibble. One evening the chap says "I think I'll have a bath before bed. Run me a bath, Wibble."
The butler fills the bath, and the old geezer gets undressed. As the butler is leaving the bathroom the old chap is lowering himself into the water. Just as he gets his backside underwater, he cuts off an enormous fart.
After about five minutes, the butler returns carrying a water bottle. "What on earth are you doing, Wibble?"
"You asked for a hot water bottle, sir."
"Don't be absurd, man", replies the old duffer.
"Yes you did, sir. Just as I was leaving the bathroom you said 'what about a water bottle Wibble'."
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An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes wind and says, "One nil."
His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"
The old man replied, "It's fart football."
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says "Back of the net, one all."
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, "Ah ha. 2 - 1."
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, "Twos each." Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Goalie fumbles, ball just makes it over the line, 3 - 2 to me." Now the pressure is on the old man.
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally craps in the bed.
The wife says, "What was that?"
The old man says, "Half time, switch sides."
You'd think I would old enough to have grown out of finding farts funny. Nahh.
