Never knew till then that the one size fits all condom was a lie. !!!!
:D Lots of love, hugs and kisses
Little
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crap shag
Quote by honeyriderx
By crap shag do you mean when your on your knees making the sounds while filing your nails? Ive been there more than once! :twisted:
Thats the one
:( or thinking about what your gonna give the kids for tea. 
Like that one honey I will bear it in mind :twisted: , mind you with an ex boyfriend I did lie back and think god the ceiling needs painting.
Quote by pinkbubble
By crap shag do you mean when your on your knees making the sounds while filing your nails? Ive been there more than once! :twisted:
Thats the one
:( or thinking about what your gonna give the kids for tea. Like that one honey I will bear it in mind :twisted: , mind you with an ex boyfriend I did lie back and think god the ceiling needs painting.
Yup know how ya feel...........mind you being on your back and watching tv over his shoulder always worked for me he he he :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
Quote by honeyriderx
By crap shag do you mean when your on your knees making the sounds while filing your nails? Ive been there more than once! :twisted:
Thats the one
:( or thinking about what your gonna give the kids for tea. Like that one honey I will bear it in mind :twisted: , mind you with an ex boyfriend I did lie back and think god the ceiling needs painting.
Yup know how ya feel...........mind you being on your back and watching tv over his shoulder always worked for me he he he :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
Did you change the channel aswell? Trisha is a good programme to watch......lol
Quote by pinkbubble
By crap shag do you mean when your on your knees making the sounds while filing your nails? Ive been there more than once! :twisted:
Thats the one
:( or thinking about what your gonna give the kids for tea. Like that one honey I will bear it in mind :twisted: , mind you with an ex boyfriend I did lie back and think god the ceiling needs painting.
Yup know how ya feel...........mind you being on your back and watching tv over his shoulder always worked for me he he he :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
Did you change the channel aswell? Trisha is a good programme to watch......lol
Had to be news a ten. I mean a girls gotta keep abreast of the worlds news now hasn't she...........He always sounded so suprised when I know so much about wot was in the news. when 10oclock was shagg time so i didn't get to see the news :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :wink:
Honey, that's the reason I didn't have a bedside lamp when I was married, if we wanted to have the lights turned low, we put the telly on and I could watch all sorts while he grunted on top of me 
:lol:
I like it much better now, none of the domestic crap and men who will actually make an effort lol!
:lol: I like it much better now, none of the domestic crap and men who will actually make an effort lol!
:Quote by honeyriderx
I once had a girlfriend who used to wet the bed when she was drunk - Not the most romantic thing to wake up to in the middle of the night! :shock:
EEEEWWWWWW brings a whole new meaning to waterbed
:roll:It all came to an end when she did it in a posh hotel and we had to check out in the middle of the night making excuses as we went!
Sex God
Quote by SarfLondoner
I once had a girlfriend who used to wet the bed when she was drunk - Not the most romantic thing to wake up to in the middle of the night! :shock:
sob sniffle... bedwetting is actually a really common problem :cry:
Quote by honeyriderx
I once had a girlfriend who used to wet the bed when she was drunk - Not the most romantic thing to wake up to in the middle of the night! :shock:
EEEEWWWWWW brings a whole new meaning to waterbed
:roll:Mmmm waterbeds - now there's a whole different experience...great until you get up then it's like you've been onboard a ship for weeks - everything seems to be rocking around you - very disconcerting!!! :roll:
Quote by SarfLondoner
I once had a girlfriend who used to wet the bed when she was drunk - Not the most romantic thing to wake up to in the middle of the night! :shock:
EEEEWWWWWW brings a whole new meaning to waterbed
:roll:Mmmm waterbeds - now there's a whole different experience...great until you get up then it's like you've been onboard a ship for weeks - everything seems to be rocking around you - very disconcerting!!! :roll:
Sorry but i think i would be sea sick on a waterbed!
Sex God
Quote by marmalaid
Met this guy got down to the business thats when it all went downhill
felt like a contestant on the Golden Shot when he tried oral 'up a bit' 'down a bit' across a bit' right now lick :shock:
when id had enough of the tongue fumbling he put his condom on I thought ooooh at last some pleasure
He slid inside me said "oooooooooh your tight" n cum
needless to say not seen him since
You didn't complain at the time you two faced bitch, thought I wouldn't notice, huh? :upset:
wasnt you babe and you know it
Quote by pinkbubble
I once had a girlfriend who used to wet the bed when she was drunk - Not the most romantic thing to wake up to in the middle of the night! :shock:
EEEEWWWWWW brings a whole new meaning to waterbed
:roll:Mmmm waterbeds - now there's a whole different experience...great until you get up then it's like you've been onboard a ship for weeks - everything seems to be rocking around you - very disconcerting!!! :roll:
Sorry but i think i would be sea sick on a waterbed!
Don't knock it till you've tried it
:lol: 1st time for everything :twisted: Quote by honeyriderx
I once had a girlfriend who used to wet the bed when she was drunk - Not the most romantic thing to wake up to in the middle of the night! :shock:
EEEEWWWWWW brings a whole new meaning to waterbed
:roll:Mmmm waterbeds - now there's a whole different experience...great until you get up then it's like you've been onboard a ship for weeks - everything seems to be rocking around you - very disconcerting!!! :roll:
Sorry but i think i would be sea sick on a waterbed!
Don't knock it till you've tried it
:lol: 1st time for everything :twisted:There's always stugeron, or those bizarre wrist bands that are supposed to stop it! Anyway - if you get the opportunity it's an interesting experience
Orgasminator
I was having a one night stand shag, and i only had a single bed at the time but it was good until the time came to pick up speed speed and the leg fell off the bed and we ended on the floor :shock: , we did carry on until the end before we started laughing about it 
:rotflmao: :giggle:
but it was good until the time came to pick up speed speed and the leg fell off the bed and we ended on the floor :shock: , we did carry on until the end before we started laughing about it :rotflmao: :giggle: I had to give up sex for nearly 2 years!!!
So one night i decided to pull a big ginger girl (before people say I aint got anything against ginger or big people). Anyway this girl took no pride in cleanliness whatsoever it was the worst bird ever! I mean she smelled down below! (a smell that i aint smelled since!!).
Thank heavens for condoms and tests!!
So one night i decided to pull a big ginger girl (before people say I aint got anything against ginger or big people). Anyway this girl took no pride in cleanliness whatsoever it was the worst bird ever! I mean she smelled down below! (a smell that i aint smelled since!!).
Thank heavens for condoms and tests!!
Well, crap shags and one night stands dont go to well with me. I have some bad memories with them.
I went out (trying to get over somebody) and met a guy , i knew him but we had never really spoke. anyway we got talking and ended up shagging at his, for all of about 3 minutes. I was so hyped up and I didnt get to cum or anything. I felt like crying and to add insult to unjury he said "do you want a cup of tea or are you just leaving?"
Haha, I dont speak to him now but I've hear dso many stories now about his quickies I have to laugh at it.
I went out (trying to get over somebody) and met a guy , i knew him but we had never really spoke. anyway we got talking and ended up shagging at his, for all of about 3 minutes. I was so hyped up and I didnt get to cum or anything. I felt like crying and to add insult to unjury he said "do you want a cup of tea or are you just leaving?"
Haha, I dont speak to him now but I've hear dso many stories now about his quickies I have to laugh at it.
Orgasminator
I had a one night stand with a C I D man, he was 6'7 and i,m only 4'11 it was really strange trying to do a 69 in the end i faked an orgasm so he would cum and then i made him leave ...politely :lol: :lol:
in the end i faked an orgasm so he would cum and then i made him leave ...politely :lol: :lol: 
Sex God
I've faked so many orgasms it's untrue.......
I'm actually quite good at it now and only my current partner has ever been able to tell the difference!
Most of my faking practice was gained from two ex boyfriends one who came quite quickly and the other who took so long he tore me apart. To make him feel better I would sometimes fake it to make it seem we had come together :roll: then sneak off to the bathroom and sort myself out. The other I'd fake it, give him oral then rollover and go to sleep.
I have learned since that any man worth a shag on a regular basis wants to make you come, so there is no need to fake anymore really cos that just cheats me out of a mindblowing orgasm :lol:
I'm actually quite good at it now and only my current partner has ever been able to tell the difference!
Most of my faking practice was gained from two ex boyfriends one who came quite quickly and the other who took so long he tore me apart. To make him feel better I would sometimes fake it to make it seem we had come together :roll: then sneak off to the bathroom and sort myself out. The other I'd fake it, give him oral then rollover and go to sleep.
I have learned since that any man worth a shag on a regular basis wants to make you come, so there is no need to fake anymore really cos that just cheats me out of a mindblowing orgasm :lol:
I also have been a crap shag, usually when I haven't left enough time between a solo event & meeting a lady friend... What a DUMB ASS! I don't make that mistake these days.
However, one of the best I've ever heard was from a girl I used to see. She met a bloke for sex, & after a short session he came & then started to get dressed. She was expecting to spend several hours "at it", so when she complained he replied...............................
"But people our age only do it once a week...."
She declined his offer to meet again.............................................
However, one of the best I've ever heard was from a girl I used to see. She met a bloke for sex, & after a short session he came & then started to get dressed. She was expecting to spend several hours "at it", so when she complained he replied...............................
"But people our age only do it once a week...."
She declined his offer to meet again.............................................
me and my x wife when we first got a flat together
was the first nite of moving in we had no carpets down and we decided to have a session in our new bed when she says " lets do it standing up "
so up we got
standing on the bed and it was on castors and yep you guessed it the bed slid away from the wall leaving us in a twisted heap on the floor and we ended up with badly bruised bits
got a carpet fitted before trying that position again
was the first nite of moving in we had no carpets down and we decided to have a session in our new bed when she says " lets do it standing up "
so up we got
standing on the bed and it was on castors and yep you guessed it the bed slid away from the wall leaving us in a twisted heap on the floor and we ended up with badly bruised bits
got a carpet fitted before trying that position again
Quote by daveandmandywigan
me and my x wife when we first got a flat together
was the first nite of moving in we had no carpets down and we decided to have a session in our new bed when she says " lets do it standing up "
so up we got
standing on the bed and it was on castors and yep you guessed it the bed slid away from the wall leaving us in a twisted heap on the floor and we ended up with badly bruised bits
got a carpet fitted before trying that position again
OUCH !!! :shock:
I've not had many crap shags but i think i've been afew ......
My first proper b/f at 16 was a 23 year old and he was great with his hands and longue but well he only had about 3 inches and i faked afew for him and always said he was great...bless him...he was such a nice bloke it made up for it
Had afew blokes not last long too....
But i also had a 1 night stand with a taxi driver....didn't feel a thing....didn't last long...and to top it off his car nearly didn't start and he was talking about calling his g/fs brother to come and tow him....
ops: ....never again...
But also coming from a girl i think i've been abit crap at times too....i think i can b abit lazy at times...just lay there and think of painting the ceilling or noticing a spider etc...not done that for awhile but i have done it.... :oops:
......My first proper b/f at 16 was a 23 year old and he was great with his hands and longue but well he only had about 3 inches and i faked afew for him and always said he was great...bless him...he was such a nice bloke it made up for it
Had afew blokes not last long too....
But i also had a 1 night stand with a taxi driver....didn't feel a thing....didn't last long...and to top it off his car nearly didn't start and he was talking about calling his g/fs brother to come and tow him....
ops: ....never again...But also coming from a girl i think i've been abit crap at times too....i think i can b abit lazy at times...just lay there and think of painting the ceilling or noticing a spider etc...not done that for awhile but i have done it.... :oops:
