Sex God
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whats the worst shag ya ever had
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crap shag
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Sex God
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Quote by manofmuchfun
she just left !
Oi, that's not fair.... I didn't think I was that bad!
Sex God
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We thought she was great. The wine she brought was a bit iffy though :-)
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Its always a bit crap if you foul outside the box 
:( :(
:( :(
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Choices, choices, choices, which one shall I tell you about 
How about the stud-muffin (ha ha) who had promised the earth to move.....
Expecting several hours of fun we got undressed, got on the bed.... I made the mistake of going down on him first. I just looked up to say something to him, still having a firm grip on his manhood, when I felt a slight throbbing feeling in my hand and a splat on the underside of my chin.
Never mind, I thought, maybe I will get some attention for a bit whilst he recovers
He proceeds to get off of the bed and put his pants on saying " you were great" :shock: .
I can not quite remember the exact language I expressed at that point
:x :x :x :x
Then he said "can we do this again?" :x :x :x :x :x :x :x :x :x
How about the stud-muffin (ha ha) who had promised the earth to move.....
Expecting several hours of fun we got undressed, got on the bed.... I made the mistake of going down on him first. I just looked up to say something to him, still having a firm grip on his manhood, when I felt a slight throbbing feeling in my hand and a splat on the underside of my chin.
Never mind, I thought, maybe I will get some attention for a bit whilst he recovers
He proceeds to get off of the bed and put his pants on saying " you were great" :shock: .
I can not quite remember the exact language I expressed at that point
:x :x :x :x Then he said "can we do this again?" :x :x :x :x :x :x :x :x :x
Sex God
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well it has to be the guy i hankered after for two years while i was a student. He knew I fancied him and was constantly teasing me. He had a girlfriend...didnt stop us flirting like mad..we used to hang out as mates then one day we were at his house doing a jigsaw puzzle on the floor of his room (as u do) and he asked me if i wanted to stay the night.
Picking my tongue up off the floor i nodded yes, thinking ' I cant believe he's finally asked me'...
we proceeded to his bed.
he got on top of me.
slid his cock in (no foreplay u understand)
there was a hint of movement, nothing too strenuous, or noticeable
then he let out an odd, muffled sound
and rolled off.
went straight to sleep.
my fantasy was shattered in seconds and i cried myself to sleep.
never saw him again. :cry:
some friend....
Picking my tongue up off the floor i nodded yes, thinking ' I cant believe he's finally asked me'...
we proceeded to his bed.
he got on top of me.
slid his cock in (no foreplay u understand)
there was a hint of movement, nothing too strenuous, or noticeable
then he let out an odd, muffled sound
and rolled off.
went straight to sleep.
my fantasy was shattered in seconds and i cried myself to sleep.
never saw him again. :cry:
some friend....
Sex God
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My ex husband was a fumbling prat, it's no wonder I went off sex! It was exactly the same day in and day out and he would cry if I said no! Obviously shows of self pity and frustration are such a turn on!!! He was a bit whiffy at times too and had a knob cheese problem, then he wondered why I wouldn't blow him!
Mod
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Nooooo!!!! Too much detail!!!!
Mal
Mal
Sex God
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Sorry Mal I just hope he and his woman are very happy together now 
At least I don't have to put up with it any more!
Just make sure you're nice and clean for me :D :D :D
I just hope he and his woman are very happy together now At least I don't have to put up with it any more! Just make sure you're nice and clean for me :D :D :D
Mod
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Don't worry honey. I'll have a shower whether I need one or not! 
Mal
Mal
Sex God
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Quote by MQ
My ex husband was a fumbling prat, it's no wonder I went off sex! It was exactly the same day in and day out and he would cry if I said no! He was a bit whiffy at times too and had a knob cheese problem,
No, you promised you'd keep that a secret! :cry: :cry: :cry:
Orgasminator
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My ex husband was like the experience sunbunny had :cry: he,d climb on top push it in and after a couple of light thrusts would roll over and go to sleep the differance was ...because we were married i had to endure that everynight 
can,t understand why the marriage lasted 5 yrs 
:sad: :confused:
the differance was ...because we were married i had to endure that everynight can,t understand why the marriage lasted 5 yrs :sad: :confused:
Sex God
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I woke up one morning with the ex hubby sucking on my left tit, his idea or romance you see. 
so I timed him.
Eight minutes :shock:
Ah, but maybe it's just me
so I timed him.
Eight minutes :shock:
Ah, but maybe it's just me
Sex God
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Met this guy got down to the business thats when it all went downhill
felt like a contestant on the Golden Shot when he tried oral 'up a bit' 'down a bit' across a bit' right now lick :shock:
when id had enough of the tongue fumbling he put his condom on I thought ooooh at last some pleasure
He slid inside me said "oooooooooh your tight" n cum
needless to say not seen him since
felt like a contestant on the Golden Shot when he tried oral 'up a bit' 'down a bit' across a bit' right now lick :shock:
when id had enough of the tongue fumbling he put his condom on I thought ooooh at last some pleasure
He slid inside me said "oooooooooh your tight" n cum
needless to say not seen him since
Sex God
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I got sick of crap shags.. so now if I'm not pleasured I'll make a point of 'hunting' for my orgasm (i.e under pillows etc) and then make them pass me my rabbit!!!
My worst had to be my first ever one night stand.. I know size doesn't really matter, but when its 3inch while errect!!!! :shock: And to top it off he was making some really cheesy porn star faces whilst I was trying to muffle the giggles. It lasted all off a couple of minuites, then the cheeky bastard had the nerve to turn round in the morning and say 'what was your name again?'!!!!!!
My worst had to be my first ever one night stand.. I know size doesn't really matter, but when its 3inch while errect!!!! :shock: And to top it off he was making some really cheesy porn star faces whilst I was trying to muffle the giggles. It lasted all off a couple of minuites, then the cheeky bastard had the nerve to turn round in the morning and say 'what was your name again?'!!!!!!
Sex God
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Quote by xxdevil69
I know size doesn't really matter, but when its 3inch while errect!!!! :shock:
Good grief, do none of my ex-lovers know discretion? :shock:
Sexpert
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Quote by Libra-Love
I woke up one morning with the ex hubby sucking on my left tit, his idea or romance you see.
He he ...
this has me laughing so hard that I have lamost wet myself.
Sean
Sex God
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Quote by LoverOfOlderLadies
I woke up one morning with the ex hubby sucking on my left tit, his idea or romance you see.
He he ...
this has me laughing so hard that I have lamost wet myself.
Sean
It had me in tears for years mate, but ya live 'n learn I tells ya
Sex God
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Roger if you have a 3 inch cheesy knob I'm afraid you have problems hunny :lol:
:lol:
Sex God
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Quote by Vicky_uk
Met this guy got down to the business thats when it all went downhill
felt like a contestant on the Golden Shot when he tried oral 'up a bit' 'down a bit' across a bit' right now lick :shock:
when id had enough of the tongue fumbling he put his condom on I thought ooooh at last some pleasure
He slid inside me said "oooooooooh your tight" n cum
needless to say not seen him since
You didn't complain at the time you two faced bitch, thought I wouldn't notice, huh? :upset:
Sex God
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This strikes at the primal heart of ones being:
The deep rooted fear of being a crap shag
..all one can do is do ones best - and hope!
:smoke:
The deep rooted fear of being a crap shag
..all one can do is do ones best - and hope!
:smoke:
Sex God
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Quote by Flirty Fruitcake
This strikes at the primal heart of ones being:
The deep rooted fear of being a crap shag
..all one can do is do ones best - and hope!
:smoke:
Even worse... being verified as a crap shag.... now who wants to start that particular club? :grin:
Sexpert
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Who knows, maybe some girls like the insert and squirt mob.
Cum fetishists perhaps?
Sean
Cum fetishists perhaps?
Sean
Sex God
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Quote by LoverOfOlderLadies
Cum fetishists perhaps?
Now your talking! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
Orgasminator
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Quote by Libra-Love
I woke up one morning with the ex hubby sucking on my left tit, his idea or romance you see.
so I timed him.
Eight minutes :shock:
Ah, but maybe it's just me
Maybe he was having a childhood dream, regressing back to a babe in arms.
either way eight mins :shock: :shock: bet they were bloody sore after
Sexpert
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I think..
although I might be wrong.
That Libra was referring to the longevity of his lovemaking
Sean
although I might be wrong.
That Libra was referring to the longevity of his lovemaking
Sean
Sexpert
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Quote by Libra-Love
I woke up one morning with the ex hubby sucking on my left tit, his idea or romance you see.
so I timed him.
Eight minutes :shock:
Ah, but maybe it's just me
Awww, it`s noble that Libra still allows him such priviliges
Sex God
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Quote by foxy30s_cpl
I woke up one morning with the ex hubby sucking on my left tit, his idea or romance you see.
so I timed him.
Eight minutes :shock:
Ah, but maybe it's just me
Awww, it`s noble that Libra still allows him such priviliges
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :silly: Perhaps I need to clarify, that was before he was the ex
Orgasminator
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By crap shag do you mean when your on your knees making the sounds while filing your nails? Ive been there more than once! :twisted:
Sexlightened
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I fondly remember the time that I was that crap shag.
18 years old, down the pub with a few friends on a Friday evening, this realy attractive older lady, she was 38, starts chatting to me and the group I was with, I'm thinking 'lovely jubbly' and as I look back now, I was staring, however at the time it was my best movie-star look, trying to catch her eye.
To cut a long story short, we ended up chatting and she took me back to her place (kicking and screaming I may add.......lol....)
Well, she led the way and before I know it I'm naked and about to shag a really fit older woman...........
Barely had my nob touched her and off I went.............. cum dribbling down her inside thigh !!!!!!!!! not even a couple of thrusts..............
Being young and stupid, it didn't put me off, and she was very understanding, she taught me a lot over the following few months. Her divorce eventually came through and she moved on and I was more worldly wise.
I'm sorry I'm misting up here..... such fond memories.............
18 years old, down the pub with a few friends on a Friday evening, this realy attractive older lady, she was 38, starts chatting to me and the group I was with, I'm thinking 'lovely jubbly' and as I look back now, I was staring, however at the time it was my best movie-star look, trying to catch her eye.
To cut a long story short, we ended up chatting and she took me back to her place (kicking and screaming I may add.......lol....)
Well, she led the way and before I know it I'm naked and about to shag a really fit older woman...........
Barely had my nob touched her and off I went.............. cum dribbling down her inside thigh !!!!!!!!! not even a couple of thrusts..............
Being young and stupid, it didn't put me off, and she was very understanding, she taught me a lot over the following few months. Her divorce eventually came through and she moved on and I was more worldly wise.
I'm sorry I'm misting up here..... such fond memories.............
