Damn | Swinging Heaven

2 Nov 2006

...Warning :This post has nothing to do with swinging
(for further information please read the disclaimer)
On arriving home last night after a hard day in the office (no one else in so i had to make my own coffee) I noticed that my house was to say the least cold. realising that i hadnt re set the timer after the clocks changed I approached the boiler with some trepidation. A proaching it swiftly from the blindside I managed to catch it off guard and change the settings before it could react and throw its normal fit.
Excellent I thought and began to prepare dinner. I hadnt been at this very long when warwick juniour entered the room and informed me there was no heat in his room
Ah ha being a clever sou li suspected air in the radiator and dispatched him with the relevant key
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad theres water all over the floor.........
bugger ..perhaps entrusting a 13year old with such a delicate mission wasnt the best of ideas rolleyes

after mopping up i returned o the kitchen only to see the floor inches deep in water :shock: ....the washing machine was discharging faster than niagra. Swiftly i rushed or the isolater switch on the water supply................pausing Only briefly to lok at the useless bit of blue plastic that used to be the switch now in my hand, i rushed to the main stop cock confused

daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad im in the shower.............
ummmmmmmmm tough
passing he boiler on route to the mop i noticed the presure gauge doing its best impression of michael schumachers rev counter :shock: :shock:
no time for that now , throwing the mop in the general direction of the washig machine i grabbed the charred remains of what was once a chicken and deposited it in the bin en route to the boiler which was now doing a lap of monaco at 14000 rpm :cry: :cry:
At this point the safety switch cut in, tripping the electricity and as I fell down the cellar steps in pitch darkness searching for the fuse box I could just make out warwick juniour, juniour
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad I was watching the simpsons :cry: :cry:
several hours later whilst eating a take away chinese by candlelight wearing wellington boots :shock: ...i began to wonderis it just me :?:
or are these appliances out o get us all :roll:
biggrin

:D :D :D :D :D

2 Nov 2006

I am very sorry Warwick :therethere:
But........................
Frank Spencer eat your heart out!!

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:

2 Nov 2006

:rotflmao: :rotflmao:

Quote by warwick
...
several hours later whilst eating a take away chinese by candlelight wearing wellington boots :shock: ...i began to wonderis it just me :

Is that all you were wearing wink

2 Nov 2006

Warwick - welcome to my world................ pmsl :evil2: :giggle: :evil2: :giggle:
Whoever said men could'nt multi-task.........wd hun
Dx

2 Nov 2006

Did you check inside each of the appliances for goldfish? confused

:? :? :? :? :?

2 Nov 2006

WARWICK mate :- Brilliant as per usual. lol

It all brings back memories of yesteryear (or maybe last year) wink

. Keep it up.
We need more like it on the forums.
Phredd
in edit mode :- My sanatogen ran out redface

ops:

2 Nov 2006

Quote by Medic_1
Dammy mate :- Brilliant as per usual.
It all brings back memories of yesteryear (or maybe last year) . Keep it up.
We need more like it on the forums.
Phredd

Phredd
You on something?? :lol:
Warwick is the one with the problems and the 14 year old trying to watch telly!
Warwick PMSL here, sorry, I do care, really I do rotflmao

:giggle:

2 Nov 2006

Are you related to Dave_Notts dunno

:rotflmao: :rotflmao:

2 Nov 2006

Quote by Sarah
WARWICK mate :- Brilliant as per usual.
It all brings back memories of yesteryear (or maybe last year) . Keep it up.
We need more like it on the forums.
Phredd

Phredd
You on something?? :lol:
Warwick is the one with the problems and the 14 year old trying to watch telly!
Warwick PMSL here, sorry, I do care, really I do rotflmao

:giggle:
Sarah xxxx TY
Read my edit above :lol: well !!!! it shows some one is awake hun kiss

2 Nov 2006

Quote by Steve_Mids
Are you related to Dave_Notts
:rotflmao: :rotflmao:

:lol2:
Not yet, but given time who knows confused

:
Phredd

2 Nov 2006

hi jacked already :shock: :shock:
oh well take this thread to cuba biggrin

2 Nov 2006

I've got the afternoon off and came home to find a very very very cold house.......... if I switch the heating on ............ will I wreck it?
Should I sit in the car on the drive and wait for the Boss to get home?
Is it fixed now Warwick?
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

2 Nov 2006

Its probably your boiler blonde. I suggest sneaking up on the little bast$rd when hes not expecting it and savaging him with a large hammer
Then chuck a match in the debris and toast some muffins biggrin

ps no its not fixed im off to scarborough tonight with the boys for the fireworks and my m8 whos a plumbers gona come fix it lol

2 Nov 2006

Dear Mr. Warwick, Warwick & Warwick.
May I suggest that you have been dealt this misfortune with your boiler equipment due to your chi being all wrong.
Let me explain...
The goldfish that control your appliances and allow your home to run efficently, respond to the energy waves created by it's owner. The waves of energy as shown in the diagram below in red over the person, is a give-take relationship with the pretty goldfish who do the housework. Happy fish equals good Chi and all is well.

If you or your golfish are not happy then the Chi is thrown out of synronisation and things start going awry.

Due to this misalightment in Chi they actually believe they are you and so have given you their menial tasks to do while they hang around your bedroom hoping for some action.

Hate to break it to you... but I think you're well and truely fooked.
Best Wishes
The FishMeister. x x x ;)

2 Nov 2006

Warwick......... :therethere:
what I really mean is....................... :giggle: :lol2: rotflmao

2 Nov 2006

Quote by little gem
Dear Mr. Warwick, Warwick & Warwick.
May I suggest that you have been dealt this misfortune with your boiler equipment due to your chi being all wrong.
Let me explain...
The goldfish that control your appliances and allow your home to run efficently, respond to the energy waves created by it's owner. The waves of energy as shown in the diagram below in red over the person, is a give-take relationship with the pretty goldfish who do the housework. Happy fish equals good Chi and all is well.

If you or your golfish are not happy then the Chi is thrown out of synronisation and things start going awry.

Due to this misalightment in Chi they actually believe they are you and so have given you their menial tasks to do while they hang around your bedroom hoping for some action.

Hate to break it to you... but I think you're well and truely fooked.
Best Wishes
The FishMeister. x x x ;)

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Gem you bluddy nut :rotflmao: kiss

Warwick hunny, oh if only you had contacted me :therethere:
You see, just last night my fridge decided to play silly buggers mad

I was cooking a lovely chicken roast dinner with all the trimmings, with everything going wonderfully :smile2:
My timing was perfect for everything to be cooked at the same time - which is a feat in itself, considering my oven constantly conspires against me by keep changing the bluddy time, then beeping halfway through cooking and turning itself off :x
It was about 5 mins to end of cooking time when all hell broke loose, was posting on here, trying to talk to my aunt about xmas pressies, remove one kids hair from the other kids fist, and the other kids knickers (now in a big wedgy) from first kids fist and inspect a spot brewing on me nose confused

So dealt with it all, dealt with the she said she done she done it first no she did wasn't my fault blame I didn't want to watch that channel ............. so long story short, it wasn't either of my little angels faults ......... it was the tellys!!!! :shock:
Anyway, back to dinner - went to check dinner, looked in the oven and you know when you get that feeling that somethings missing - well why can't you get that at the beginning of cooking time?? dunno

Was only then, that I realised my lovely chicken roast dinner with all the trimmings ....... had the chicken missing :shock: How the bluddy ell could I cook a chicken roast dinner with all the trimmings and forget the main ingredient? :shock:
Well I didn't - my fridge was obviously playing silly buggers along with my beeping clock changing oven, and hide the chicken :x Opened the fridge door, and sure enough there it was sat happy as larry (although not quite as happy had it still had a head, covered in feathers and sat on a bunch of eggs :? ).
So Warwick, had you contacted me, we coulda beaten these electric gadgets at their own game and swapped chickens - I could've had your cooked one, and you could've had my raw one to start again with!!!!!
Tonight we're having Salad!! cool

8-) 8-) 8-) 8-) 8-)

2 Nov 2006

Quote by Steve_Mids
Are you related to Dave_Notts
:rotflmao: :rotflmao:

Just what I was thinking Steve!!
Missy and Gem....you crack me up :rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao:
Best I can do recently is having just put our dinner in the oven the other night, we had a power cut confused

It just so happened that the timing was such that I had literally JUST switched on the light as we heard a pop and everything was in darkness :shock:
Laird says...FFS you've blown the fuse, what did you do?
Me.... :dunno: switched on the light :dunno:
Anyway, number 2 child was needing fed cause he was going to his club and we were needing fed as going hospital visiting so I had the bright idea of .......McDonalds cool

Drove over there and they had a power cut too rolleyes

Drove to the next one and got stuck in heavy traffic :roll:
Turned around while muttering lots of sweary words and went home :? By this time power was back on but only had time for a sandwich evil

Twas not a good night!
Fee
XX

3 Nov 2006

:shock: Bloody hell Fee... there is blowing the fuse in your house and then there is disabling the power to the entire block is another legue in itself. lol

Go on, admit it. You were trying out that new mains powered vibrator that Lairdy made you from an old iron, a couple of jump leads, a power drill and a jelly filled condom when he found the leads were hooked up all wrong and took out power suply to the city! :lol:
Missy, your goldfish left home on hunger strike and took your chicken to Warwick's house to teach you a lesson on how you should be glad you don't have to go hungry or eat fishy flakes. I suggest you look up recipes for the little blighters and make a pie right away! :twisted: Rebel fish are hell when it comes to doing the ironing for you. They leave horrid black iron shaped marks on delicate fabircs and everything... before you know it they're encouraging other household pets to poop on sofas, beds and sneeze all over your fruit bowl. Eat them now while you have the chance! ;)
kiss

Gem. x

3 Nov 2006

Have you ever thought of being a stuntman - at least you's get paid for it!
You poor unlucky bugger - let me know next time your driving up to the northwest and I'll stay off the roads! :lol:
Sounds like a James Bond thing but more like Brook Bond - if anyone remembers it (Ross Abbot - I think!) :lol:

3 Nov 2006

Quote by Jamie2000male
Sounds like a James Bond thing but more like Brook Bond - if anyone remembers it (Ross Abbot - I think!)

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
I'd forgotten about Brook Bond :rotflmao: But Jamie, it was Russ Abbott and it was Basildon bond :rotflmao: I often describe myself as Blunder Woman, but had totally forgotten about Basildon Bond :rotflmao:
Creased up now - that names just hilarious, but Brook Bond is even more funny :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Or was there a Brook Bond as well?? confused

3 Nov 2006

I thought brook bond was a brand of tea bags! dunno

3 Nov 2006

Mad as a box of frogs the lot of ya lol

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
What a wonderful thread biggrin

Jas
XXX

4 Nov 2006

Yup Brooke Bond is a type of tea bag (and I don't mean an old woman who drinks tea wink

)

4 Nov 2006

Quote by easy
Yup Brooke Bond is a type of tea bag (and I don't mean an old woman who drinks tea )

Basildon Bond makes paper.
but was also a Russ Abbott character

I'm surprised with the "Bond" references that you still have that avatar easy .....
Morbius has said to say that the image you're trying to pass off as Russ Abbott is really a pic you took in the mirror!!!!!!
bolt

4 Nov 2006

<<<<<<<< Ow's that?
PMSL
At least I can pass for a Bond type (even thought it is Russ Abbott).
Besides I'm amazed that he knows that there's a bond other than the legal, good behaviour type. :P lol

:lol: :lol: :lol: