Darkfire's Football Education Program

25 Feb 2006

Quote by steveg_nw
:giggle: :giggle: :giggle:
What happens if the shop assistant moves away from the till and stands between your purse throwing friend .......... and you ???
Who is off side then ?
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

You are ....... if the shop assistant moves between you and your friend then she must be behind you (your friend is at the back of the shop) ....... there has to be a shop assistant and another shopper between you and the shoes or else you could just steal the shoes ........ that would be offside.
Steve
What if the Security Guard is standing next to the till when the purse is thrown ?
(Coz the security camera's are pants and he needs to monitor the till)
Or ............. another shopper ........... has moved into position along side me, inline with me ?
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

25 Feb 2006

Quote by blonde
What if the Security Guard is standing next to the till when the purse is thrown ?

There are only three security guards ........ one is permanently on patrol in the middle of the shop and the other two have to patrol the side entrances. If one of them is standing next to you at the till he must be off duty and queueing up to buy shoes.

Quote by blonde
Or ............. another shopper ........... has moved into position along side me, inline with me ?
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It depends if the other shopper is one of your friends or not. If it's one of your friends then you are colluding with each other to buy the shoes and you are both counted as offside. If it isn't one of your friends then it makes the job of buying the shoes even harder and will give you far more satisfaction if you eventually manage to buy them. This is not offside.
Steve

25 Feb 2006

Ok, I'm lost, even with the shopping references redface

ops:
Vinny might have sommat to do with that though, my concentration has soooo gone to pot now! :twisted:
Might have to watch Lock Stock, again, tonight :twisted: :lol:

25 Feb 2006

Quote by steveg_nw
What if the Security Guard is standing next to the till when the purse is thrown ?

There are only three security guards ........ one is permanently on patrol in the middle of the shop and the other two have to patrol the side entrances. If one of them is standing next to you at the till he must be off duty and queueing up to buy shoes.

Quote by blonde
Or ............. another shopper ........... has moved into position along side me, inline with me ?
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It depends if the other shopper is one of your friends or not. If it's one of your friends then you are colluding with each other to buy the shoes and you are both counted as offside. If it isn't one of your friends then it makes the job of buying the shoes even harder and will give you far more satisfaction if you eventually manage to buy them. This is not offside.
Steve
Ok so the referee ........ is the security guard in the middle of the shop ?
The two guards outside are the linesmen ?
What if 4 other shoppers who are not my friends are caught shoplifting on the crappy camera's and arrested and taken out of the shop ?
Would I still be able to buy my shoes ?
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Darkfire .............. pay attention ............ you are a girlie ............. the shoe shopping rule is one you MUST learn !!!

25 Feb 2006

Quote by Darkfire
Might have to watch Lock Stock, again, tonight :twisted:

nah, 'Snatch' is much funnier!
xx

25 Feb 2006

Quote by Darkfire
OK Darkfire
Is this more your sort of thing
Vinny Jones

yes Yes Yessss YESSSSS ohhhhhh godddddd Hello!!
Amen lol

Do I sense you're coming round to football a bit now:giggle:

25 Feb 2006

Quote by new2trot
Might have to watch Lock Stock, again, tonight :twisted:

nah, 'Snatch' is much funnier!
xx
Babe,
Its on C5 ...... tonight !!! .............. Guess what I'll be watching ! :giggle:
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

25 Feb 2006

Quote by steveg_nw
It depends if the other shopper is one of your friends or not. If it's one of your friends then you are colluding with each other to buy the shoes and you are both counted as offside. If it isn't one of your friends then it makes the job of buying the shoes even harder and will give you far more satisfaction if you eventually manage to buy them. This is not offside.
Steve

Aah but what if a shopper is not one of your friends and is trying to get to the till, but not to buy anything, just to ask where the handbags are. If they're not intending to buy something surely they can't be off side lol

25 Feb 2006

Quote by blonde
What if 4 other shoppers who are not my friends are caught shoplifting on the crappy camera's and arrested and taken out of the shop ?

Shopping is suspeneded whilst the offending shoppers are escorted to the side entrance where they are picked up by the police and taken away. Once they've gone the security guards return to their patrols and shopping is resumed.

Quote by blonde
Would I still be able to buy my shoes ?

Once shopping resumes you are free to try to buy the shoes!
Steve

25 Feb 2006

Sam on my way to pick you up to take you out shopping lol

:lol:

25 Feb 2006

Quote by steveg_nw
What if 4 other shoppers who are not my friends are caught shoplifting on the crappy camera's and arrested and taken out of the shop ?

Shopping is suspeneded whilst the offending shoppers are escorted to the side entrance where they are picked up by the police and taken away. Once they've gone the security guards return to their patrols and shopping is resumed.

Quote by blonde
Would I still be able to buy my shoes ?

Once shopping resumes you are free to try to buy the shoes!
Steve
So me and 10 of my friends are allowed to continue shopping .............. when only 7 other shoppers (who are not my friends) ........... are in the shop ?
I think you could be wrong !!!
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Football fan and Shoe shopping fan !!!

25 Feb 2006

OK .......... I need the answer to this one too !!!
Why is there an LBW (Leg before wicket) rule ................ when the batsmans Legs are always before the wicket ????
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I'll shurrup now

25 Feb 2006

Quote by HornyLittleBlonde
Aah but what if a shopper is not one of your friends and is trying to get to the till, but not to buy anything, just to ask where the handbags are. If there not intending to buy something surely they can't be off side

Then they're not classed as a shopper and don't have any effect on the offside decision. The only people taken into consideration are the shop assistant, the two shoppers and the friends of the two shoppers who are all vying to buy the same pair of shoes.
Steve

25 Feb 2006

Would it be ok if I left my salt and pepper pot outside and nipped in to buy some red stilettos ?
bolt

25 Feb 2006

Quote by HornyLittleBlonde
OK Darkfire
Is this more your sort of thing
Vinny Jones

Do I sense you're coming round to football a bit now:giggle:

He's an ex footballer though hun, so you're bending the rules a bit now!
I have other sports in which I have vested interests.....
like.....
Boxing

25 Feb 2006

Quote by blonde
What if 4 other shoppers who are not my friends are caught shoplifting on the crappy camera's and arrested and taken out of the shop ?

Shopping is suspeneded whilst the offending shoppers are escorted to the side entrance where they are picked up by the police and taken away. Once they've gone the security guards return to their patrols and shopping is resumed.

Quote by blonde
Would I still be able to buy my shoes ?

Once shopping resumes you are free to try to buy the shoes!
Steve
So me and 10 of my friends are allowed to continue shopping .............. when only 7 other shoppers (who are not my friends) ........... are in the shop ?
I think you could be wrong !!!
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Football fan and Shoe shopping fan !!!
All further explanation of the offside rule for girlies has been cancelled.

:banghead: :banghead:
I'm going for a lie down. lol

Quite happy that Blackburn have managed to buy one pair of shoes whilst Arsenal still have an empty carrier bag at half time. biggrin

Steve

25 Feb 2006

Quote by Darkfire
I have other sports in which I have vested interests.....
like.....
Boxing
Ok that's passable
and even .....Darts!! :shock:
Eewww. Get a grip woman
oh, and doesnt Jonah look like a bigger and more Maoui version of PrestonDevils??? :shock:

Nothing like. PrestonDevils looks like this:

25 Feb 2006

Quote by HornyLittleBlonde
I have other sports in which I have vested interests.....
like.....
Boxing
Ok that's passable
and even .....Darts!! :shock:
Eewww. Get a grip woman

:rotflmao: ok ok, I'm sorry - but all these BSF pics are driving me to desperation. I'll be plugging the rabbit into the national grid soon.
(Walk away from the thread Dark, walk away from the thread before you really do untold damage to the reputation!! :rotflmao: )

25 Feb 2006

Quote by Darkfire
I'll be plugging the rabbit into the national grid soon.

Errrrrrr - point of order Miss.
We're local to you tonight and I expect - no . . . . . . . DEMANDthe electrickery is in full working order in the pubs ! ! ! !
(They do have 'leccy down there; don't they ?????????)

25 Feb 2006

Only if ya stick a couple of quid in the pre-pay meter first luv ! lol

25 Feb 2006

Quote by Drifter
Yep chuck football in
Anyone got any pics of ladies beach volley ball :twisted:

I'm with Devon1 on this. The exception being ladies football, specially at the end when they swop shirts. :grin:
they swap shirts what channel is it on

25 Feb 2006

Quote by felixx1416
they swap shirts what channel is it on

They play in shirts??
Isn't this normal then?? .............

Damn! ........ another hope dashed. :lol2:
Steve

25 Feb 2006

I never change dresses for shirts redface

25 Feb 2006

Quote by HornyLittleBlonde
Now Darkfire I know you prefer Rugby, but even you must see something you like here

Hey Horny - don't bother with Darkfile, she trolls wombles.
But Your HOT
Nice Ass kiss

You have a PM Baby :68:

25 Feb 2006

and the hole gets ever deeper.............................................

25 Feb 2006

Quote by Tramper
Nice Ass
You have a PM Baby :68:

It takes one to know one I suppose - now why don't you just go back to thread Sarah kindly started for you mad

btw - wtf is a :68:

25 Feb 2006

Quote by steveg_nw
they swap shirts what channel is it on

They play in shirts??
Isn't this normal then?? .............

Damn! ........ another hope dashed. :lol2:
Steve
Blimey :shock:
Ok, I have now been converted, ladies football is great biggrin

Whens the next match, and can I be ball boy lol

Who gets to wash their backs :twisted:

25 Feb 2006

Quote by HornyLittleBlonde
Italy â€“ Francesco Totti

got some bacd news for you with reagrds to this chappie....
Broke his leg really badly last weekend (although not as badly as alan smith) and is going to miss the world cup....
you'll need to find another italian to lust over.......
sean xxxxxxx

26 Feb 2006

Quote by fabio grooverider

Italy â€“ Francesco Totti

got some bacd news for you with reagrds to this chappie....
Broke his leg really badly last weekend (although not as badly as alan smith) and is going to miss the world cup....
you'll need to find another italian to lust over.......
sean xxxxxxx
Maybe he needs a bit of physio :twisted:

27 Feb 2006

Quote by Darkfire
and not only that - look at the thigh and hand positioning - now maybe its just me with my one-track mind, but there's sommat about that which just screams 'come here bitch i'm gonna shag you stupid'.
seeeee!! :twisted:

shouldn't take him long then,eh :giggle: