So, by day I drive a bus for a living. I like it, I'm not confined to a dull drab office, I see the city sights, the country side and feel like I'm right on the pulse of the city. But sometimes other people spoil this idyll. I now know why, I figured it out yesterday. It's down to Darwin's theory of evolution and a loophole I discovered. Here's the scene: I'm in a twelve ton solid metal double decker bus, half full of other peoples loved ones. I'm travelling at about 27mph. Without warning, a member of our species steps out in front of me, about ten feet away, earphones in ears. I have two options, hit the brakes hard and throw about 40 people out of their seats, or keep going and take the idiot out of the village for good. I somehow managed to avoid both the above, no passengers out of their seats and idiot very very narrowly missed.(2inches) Now ruminating on this near incident, I realise that it's my fault. If I was not so good at my job, the stupid gene would die out naturally. So, sorry folks, the idiots get to live another day, I like being good at what I do.
Orch, 2 inches ?? Pah Doesn't even score 2 points for trying to surprise them Remember it's 2 points for a surprise if they wearing headphones/ear buds 5 points for a surprise if they don't have headphones/ear buds 10 points for a minor wounding 20 points, plus the rest of Society being eternally grateful, for actually removing them from the gene pool Oh, and £250 for capturing any of the above on CCTV for use in a TV show. Ben, given the Darwin Awards rules Nominees significantly improve the gene pool by eliminating themselves from the human race in an obviously stupid way. They are self-selected examples of the dangers inherent in a lack of common sense, and all human races, cultures, and socioeconomic groups are eligible to compete. Actual winners must meet the following criteria: Reproduction Out of the gene pool: dead or sterile. Excellence Astounding misapplication of judgment. Self-Selection Cause one's own demise. Maturity Capable of sound judgment. Veracity The event must be true. Not sure Orch achieves the Honourable Mention award, but well done for trying.
Old Charlie-boy would be proud of you. The stupid gene will never die out, they are persistent little feckers and hang on in there in the genome, no matter what you try to do to take them out!
Quote by flower411 My daughter suggested this morning that driving a bus would be really boring . Clearly not I`m sorry Ben ....when you mentioned being turned down as a bus driver I got a vision of Otto from the simpsons in my head !!!
Damn, not only did I fail to score but I failed mankind. Bugger! Oh, bus driving is far from boring, Yesterday the police removed a passenger because he was getting a bit abusive, it was like a scene from police interceptors, only I was right there. I also derive great pleasure from squeezing an improbably large object through impossibly narrow passages.
Quote by orch80 Damn, not only did I fail to score but I failed mankind. Bugger! Oh, bus driving is far from boring, Yesterday the police removed a passenger because he was getting a bit abusive, it was like a scene from police interceptors, only I was right there. I also derive great pleasure from squeezing an improbably large object through impossibly narrow passages.
could you not borrow one from work ,tart it up a little and turn it into a swing bus :twisted:
Mmm... A sprig of paint, a few new couches instead of seats, blacked out windows... I know I can drive it, but please, it's one bus I'd rather be a passenger on.
I have just had this emailed to me at work so thought I'd share .... The Darwins are out! Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us. Here is the glorious winner: 1. When his 38 calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. And now, the honourable mentions: 2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger... The chef's claim was approved. 3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her. 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies... The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days. 5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. 6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. 7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape... 8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from." 9.. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 am, flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast... The man, frustrated, walked away.. 10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had. In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family....unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost. *** Remember.... They walk among us, they can reproduce..and vote!
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