A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this-how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The guy looks at the price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."
"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for £20; just make the guy an offer!"
The guy offers £20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie."
"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.
"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"
Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over...."
Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"
Fred (again)
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Defective Parrot
Sex God
Made me laugh. 
:lol:
:lol: 
:D
Sex God
Quote by Jags
Made me laugh.
HATE to admit it but me too!
Yup, bit sad really - took me back to when I was twenty - least that's how old I was when I heard it first :lol: :lol:
So this guy goes into a pet shop and says, "I want a budgie"
Pet shop owner takes him into the back of the shop where there is a huge cage full of budgies, thousands of them.
What colour would you like, sir? There are green, blue, yellow and mixed. Just take your pick.
The guy has a good look and says, "I'll have that white one, please"
The shop owner looks dismayed and says, "I'm sorry, sir. there's only one white one and it would take me hours to catch it. The green ones are nice."
"No, I've got my heart set on the white one, if you don't mind but I'll make it worth your while to catch it. We had a 35lb turkey at Christmas and I'll pay you the same as we paid for that"
So, off he goes into the cage and comes out 2 hours later. Shit up to the eyeballs and covered in scratches and blood but clutching the white budgie.
"There you are, sir. Now then, how much did you pay for the turkey?"
"75p a Kilo, Weigh that sucker"
Pet shop owner takes him into the back of the shop where there is a huge cage full of budgies, thousands of them.
What colour would you like, sir? There are green, blue, yellow and mixed. Just take your pick.
The guy has a good look and says, "I'll have that white one, please"
The shop owner looks dismayed and says, "I'm sorry, sir. there's only one white one and it would take me hours to catch it. The green ones are nice."
"No, I've got my heart set on the white one, if you don't mind but I'll make it worth your while to catch it. We had a 35lb turkey at Christmas and I'll pay you the same as we paid for that"
So, off he goes into the cage and comes out 2 hours later. Shit up to the eyeballs and covered in scratches and blood but clutching the white budgie.
"There you are, sir. Now then, how much did you pay for the turkey?"
"75p a Kilo, Weigh that sucker"
