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Diary of an SH newbie – idiot variety.

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This is a composite diary that has been pieced together from an analysis of the more retarded recent newcomers. Most of these have now been nuked by the mods ( worship ), but here is my general assessment of them. To the genuine newcomers – welcome. We are not normally this reticent, but you will understand why we are currently cautious. Enjoy:
i found this grate internet sight thats all about sex n stuff. i thought it wood be fun, but there are some nasty people on there who keep calling me names and deleting me. i dont think thats nyce.
theres 1 very nasty man called will who rights boring plays wot we hav to reed at skool. wen he posts he uses long words coz he thinks hes clever. i just fink hes a git :rude: . he did right a play calld ‘King Leer’ which sounds a bit rood *giggle* - it has a line about “vile jelly” which doesnt sound nyce. I wouldn’t like vile jellly cos jely is the best bit of a party. my favorite is strorbery cos its red and wobbly and looks a bit rood *giggle* .
At skool this morning we studied ‘higher life forms’ in biology – at least my teacher sed they were higher than me. I dont kno wot she ment. After we had finished looking at pond life threw mikroskops it was playtime.
i fell over in the playground and hurt my bottom and had to see the nurse but it wasn’t the normal nurse whos nice and gives me sweeties. This 1 wos a nasty scottish lady with a funny sqware hat on her hed ( :jagsatwork: ). insted of making my botom better she just hurt it some more ( smackbottom ). i didnt like her.
i went outside to play but every1 kept running away from me. i think it is becos they r scared of me hahahaha cos peeple always runaway when thay see me coming. so I had to go and play with myself again. i usually do this in the toilets.
wen i go home i am going to play on my compoota again, that’s if the nasty peeple at sh will let me. :cry:
Deer Diree,
I two had two reed that King Leer play thing wunce.
My fav bit wuz when dose horrid peeple squeezed al dat jelly stuf out of dat Gloster blokes eyes - ooohh horrid.
I had jelly for brakefast!
yores always,
Editor, The Sun noospapar
Very pleased you got the 'blinding of Gloucester' reference ManAlive. wink
Note to mods : ManAlive is obviously one of the good newbies, but I think we knew that already.
rotflmao :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Superb lol
Can already see the onlslaught of references to 'da boyz and da girlz' being 'kewl doods' banghead
I should've put that at the top of my list in the 'Things that annoy you' thread evil
tha very nasty mann willl mad fun of some idit 2day. :kick: hahaha it waz relly funy. lol i m very glad im not a hrony idot lik that! :grin: :grin: :grin:
babez my dick is hurd pleese some1 cum suk it thanx. :wanker:
Quote by roger743
babez my dick is hurd pleese some1 cum suk it thanx. :wanker:
rotflmao :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Roger743 have you PMd me using a different name :shock:
Oi, Wilyy68,
Wot u on abart?
U now nuffink abart skool. bet u went to one of them, like, pubic skools. like,I bet u is , like, one of them posh gitts, wiv a ty an evryfink, an I bet u snears at us ordrinerry peeple. Wel, lissen 'ere mush, ar skool is reel! Not like, ure pocksy plays, like, whatever! U posh gitts ar so, like, up urselfs, but we see reel life! For exampel. My mate Julie, rite, she woz firteen, right, and she fancied shaggin this lad in yeer 'leven, right, oos called Rom, an e's like SO cool. Ennyway, is old man an bruvvers, like, 'ated Julie's folks, 'an went roun to beet the shit art of 'em ,right, an they was this massif fite, right, and Julie wozn't aloud to see Rom enny more. So Rom gets the 'uff and pretends to f**k Julie off, right, but 'e woz only kiddin', right, jus to fool 'is old man and everyfink. Ennyway, Julie gets all moody ,right, and blubs 'an everyfink, an then goes 'an tops 'erself. Silly cow.
ennyway, bet yer cuddn't rite a play like that dickbrain. cos thats REEl life mate, not sum poxy play wot sum posh beardy git rote. Ennyway, why the f**k d'you write wiv a fevver? Aint u 'erd of penz?
Sorry I just had to post this . Artificer I thought that was briliant, had me chuckling into my tea.
However methinks thou purloined your story from source other thanst inside thy head . From whenst did copywright apply?
rotflmao :rotflmao:
U bastards is stoping me doing my GCHq homework and ay level studees
Artificer, my friend : worship , as usual!
rotflmao :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Will and Arti, I think you are both Bawdy Bard stards !!! biggrin :D :D :D :D
Looks at the times Will has been posting. Mmmmmm, no work today or are yor breaking your self imposed curfew???? :shock: confused :? :?
Sarge - watch your language!!!!!!!
Will/Art - tears are rolling down my face and I have a stitch now!!!!!!
Great start to the weekend!
Thanks
And big big hugs!
Alex x x
Excellent Will, every misspelt word must have hurt you so very much.... have an award for bravery and courage in the face of something or other.... maybe you should award yourself 5 points, and no doubt, generous soul what you is, you will donate them to the "Sappho points collection for the things that only love can buy..."
Arti.... wonderful I am shaking all over again!!! smile :) :)
Gman :)
Quote by Sgt Bilko
Will and Arti, I think you are both Bawdy Bard stards !!! biggrin :D :D :D :D
Looks at the times Will has been posting. Mmmmmm, no work today or are yor breaking your self imposed curfew???? :shock: confused :? :?

I'll have you know that my mum knew my dad!!! ....vaguely.