Some conditions or disabilities may hinder the appeal of the person (to me personally) but no more than me not being attracted to someone's facial features or hair colour or any one of a 1000 other things that means visually there is no click. You either click or not and we all have different clickers.
I meet people because I want to get to know them or want to have sex with them (full stop).
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Disability
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Sex God
From the Cambridge online dictionary:
disabled
lacking one or more of the physical or mental abilities that most people have
Put this way, most of the people on here are disabled as we don't all have the same physical or mental abilities.
We decide on whether to meet/play with people based on their individual qualities, not their drawbacks. If you click with someone, surely they are worth the effort?
disabled
lacking one or more of the physical or mental abilities that most people have
Put this way, most of the people on here are disabled as we don't all have the same physical or mental abilities.
We decide on whether to meet/play with people based on their individual qualities, not their drawbacks. If you click with someone, surely they are worth the effort?
Casanova
I totally agree with frecklebird :thumbup:
We decide on whether to meet/play with people based on their individual qualities, not their drawbacks. If you click with someone, surely they are worth the effort?
Would I play with someone with disabilities.......Honestly, I don't know 
I can't think of any physical or mental disability (with the exception of a certified sociopath or paraniod schizophrenic who refuses to medicate) that would turn me off if the personality was compatible.
But to be totally truthful, I don't know if I would often be in a position to get to know someone with an obvious disability. Why - although it sounds awful - fear. Fear of offending and not knowing how to act. Mainly due to Political correctness and the media, i.e. what "labels" are currently accptable.
As awful as it sounds, if I saw a wheelchair user or a blind person (as examples) in a bar, I would see the disability before the person. I wouldn't approach them because I would come over all shy and flustered.......do I acknowledge the disability, or ignore it. Do I ask about it, in the same way people ask me about my dread locks and tatoos? Is this offensive or is it acceptable?
If I saw the same person as part of a group of friends, I'd be fine. I can use the social interations between others as guidance and within a few minutes see the person not the disability. Also I would be able to gauge how comfortable they are with their own disability and how they are comfortable being treated, i.e are the fiercly independent and would they be offended if you offered an arm to help them up a set of stairs, or would they welcome the help.
To me personally, a body is a body. It may have tattoos, piercings or scaring purpously inflicted for decorative reasons, or it may have scars, scaldings, strawberry markings, skin conditions, missing limbs etc through no choice of the person. To me, it is the person that matters and I don't see why scars etc should be hidden away. The actress Amanda Redman (at home with the Braithwaites) has a full arm scald scar, yet she is always pictured at premiers in sleevless dresses showing it off - she is comfortable with the scar, it is part of her so she doesn't hide it away like a shameful secret.
My problem is my fear of offending and fear of getting it wrong. A fear of causing unintentional distress to someone. Very importanly it is MY problem. Some people on this thread have said that they don't mention their disability until they have got to know someone a little bit first. This approach would help someone like me, because I would feel that I have the rapport to be able to ask if they view it as a disability and how they like it to be dealt with (ie dealing with practicalities etc), without me feeling I'm opening my mouth and stumbling around the subject and ending up with both my feet in my mouth at the end of it.
Les x
I can't think of any physical or mental disability (with the exception of a certified sociopath or paraniod schizophrenic who refuses to medicate) that would turn me off if the personality was compatible.
But to be totally truthful, I don't know if I would often be in a position to get to know someone with an obvious disability. Why - although it sounds awful - fear. Fear of offending and not knowing how to act. Mainly due to Political correctness and the media, i.e. what "labels" are currently accptable.
As awful as it sounds, if I saw a wheelchair user or a blind person (as examples) in a bar, I would see the disability before the person. I wouldn't approach them because I would come over all shy and flustered.......do I acknowledge the disability, or ignore it. Do I ask about it, in the same way people ask me about my dread locks and tatoos? Is this offensive or is it acceptable?
If I saw the same person as part of a group of friends, I'd be fine. I can use the social interations between others as guidance and within a few minutes see the person not the disability. Also I would be able to gauge how comfortable they are with their own disability and how they are comfortable being treated, i.e are the fiercly independent and would they be offended if you offered an arm to help them up a set of stairs, or would they welcome the help.
To me personally, a body is a body. It may have tattoos, piercings or scaring purpously inflicted for decorative reasons, or it may have scars, scaldings, strawberry markings, skin conditions, missing limbs etc through no choice of the person. To me, it is the person that matters and I don't see why scars etc should be hidden away. The actress Amanda Redman (at home with the Braithwaites) has a full arm scald scar, yet she is always pictured at premiers in sleevless dresses showing it off - she is comfortable with the scar, it is part of her so she doesn't hide it away like a shameful secret.
My problem is my fear of offending and fear of getting it wrong. A fear of causing unintentional distress to someone. Very importanly it is MY problem. Some people on this thread have said that they don't mention their disability until they have got to know someone a little bit first. This approach would help someone like me, because I would feel that I have the rapport to be able to ask if they view it as a disability and how they like it to be dealt with (ie dealing with practicalities etc), without me feeling I'm opening my mouth and stumbling around the subject and ending up with both my feet in my mouth at the end of it.
Les x
Quote by da69ve
SH rules (the unwritten ones) state clearly that a person using these forums may not be:
illiterate
disabled
old
too young
need I go on?
da69ve... i can see parts of her point being valid here.....
for example... how many times on here have we seen a post with not the best spelling being ripped to pieces.....
same with an "am i too young/ too old to swing"post.....
and i do see and i am sure that i am not the only one that certain people take glee and seem the revel in trying to rip people to shreads because they take a dislike to them... i think i could show you an good example of that in this very thread......
where i do disagree with her was the "disability" issue.... because i don't think it has come up very often and i think it is a good conversation topic........
The first one yes i have been guilty in the past at that one....but the others she is just assuming.....on what proof has she put forward on these.....absolutely none.....once again she starts something then dissappears.....there is absolutely nothing to back up what she has said!...i have highlighted this part has i believe that nothing but support is given to these people when they post.....the only time they get ripped into his when they act like idiots!
"Act like idiots" is your own assumption da69ve .... many people who have difficulty spelling or constructing an articulate comment get ridiculed in this forum...... are they being idiots worthy of abuse or are they someone with a learning disability innocently trying their best to fit in with this community? You make an assumption that it's the former every time you piss-take ....and as it is often their first post you clearly haven't bothered to get to know them or give them the benefit of the doubt.
The reason I most like this community it its spirit and inclusiveness ..... we all do things that the vanilla folks tend to judge and condemn and I'd like to think this community could stand above that and not seek out folks that we can condemn just because they are not articulate or express a desire to play with someone with a disability.
Quote by Burtman
SH rules (the unwritten ones) state clearly that a person using these forums may not be:
illiterate
disabled
old
too young
need I go on?
da69ve... i can see parts of her point being valid here.....
for example... how many times on here have we seen a post with not the best spelling being ripped to pieces.....
same with an "am i too young/ too old to swing"post.....
and i do see and i am sure that i am not the only one that certain people take glee and seem the revel in trying to rip people to shreads because they take a dislike to them... i think i could show you an good example of that in this very thread......
where i do disagree with her was the "disability" issue.... because i don't think it has come up very often and i think it is a good conversation topic........
The first one yes i have been guilty in the past at that one....but the others she is just assuming.....on what proof has she put forward on these.....absolutely none.....once again she starts something then dissappears.....there is absolutely nothing to back up what she has said!...i have highlighted this part has i believe that nothing but support is given to these people when they post.....the only time they get ripped into his when they act like idiots!
"Act like idiots" is your own assumption da69ve .... many people who have difficulty spelling or constructing an articulate comment get ridiculed in this forum...... are they being idiots worthy of abuse or are they someone with a learning disability innocently trying their best to fit in with this community? You make an assumption that it's the former every time you piss-take ....and as it is often their first post you clearly haven't bothered to get to know them or give them the benefit of the doubt.
The reason I most like this community it its spirit and inclusiveness ..... we all do things that the vanilla folks tend to judge and condemn and I'd like to think this community could stand above that and not seek out folks that we can condemn just because they are not articulate or express a desire to play with someone with a disability.
hey....i don't rip into people with learning problems......but if your someone who can't be bothered to string a sentence together because your just bloody lazy and don't want to make the effort....and use that f**king text talk....you deserve a little ridicule.....i'm not the first and i won't be the last to do that....and yes we do have people on here that act like idiots.....but i never said the had disabilties did i....thats just for anyone in general!
Quote by couple_ne2000
Would I play with someone with disabilities.......Honestly, I don't know
...But to be totally truthful, I don't know if I would often be in a position to get to know someone with an obvious disability. Why - although it sounds awful - fear. Fear of offending and not knowing how to act. Mainly due to Political correctness and the media, i.e. what "labels" are currently accptable. ...
As awful as it sounds, if I saw a wheelchair user or a blind person (as examples) in a bar, I would see the disability before the person. I wouldn't approach them because I would come over all shy and flustered.......do I acknowledge the disability, or ignore it. Do I ask about it, in the same way people ask me about my dread locks and tatoos? Is this offensive or is it acceptable? ...
... Also I would be able to gauge how comfortable they are with their own disability and how they are comfortable being treated, i.e are the fiercly independent and would they be offended if you offered an arm to help them up a set of stairs, or would they welcome the help....
My problem is my fear of offending and fear of getting it wrong. A fear of causing unintentional distress to someone. Very importanly it is MY problem. Some people on this thread have said that they don't mention their disability until they have got to know someone a little bit first. This approach would help someone like me, because I would feel that I have the rapport to be able to ask if they view it as a disability and how they like it to be dealt with (ie dealing with practicalities etc), without me feeling I'm opening my mouth and stumbling around the subject and ending up with both my feet in my mouth at the end of it.
Les x
:thumbup: that's exactly how i feel.
not that the discussion is going very far at the moment
I'd love to see more posts from those who do have physical disabilities / sensory impairments and to hear more about their experiences & views on swinging and disability. And I'd also like to see more folk speak up and admit actually, it would be a problem. But as we cant stick to the thread topic without people posting crap that detracts from the actual subject at hand, I think i'll be waiting a while.
Quote by Darkfire
not that the discussion is going very far at the moment
The thing is... there will be people who do not wish to highlight their disability as it is not what defines them as a person.
I'm classed as disabled but it's not visible a lot of the time, when it is I'm either not fit to move or I do my best to manage what I can.
I have some very sympathetic friends on here who are aware and are happy to be social with me when that's all I can manage, and play with me when I'm fit, if that makes up a part of our relationship with them.
They also understand if I pull out meets and events at the last minute because of it.
I rarely broadcast it (until now
)and indeed a lot of people who don't see me often were unaware of how bad it is on occassion. I still have received support from them and some lovely messages when I'm well and they've seen me having fun and pratting about at socials.
I don't mind people asking me questions but I get very self conscious if it's the only topic of conversation, as frankly it just gets boring. I know another member who feels that way as well. Anything longer than 1/4 hour on the subject sends me to sleep.
On the sexual side of it, it does limit some of my movement and rule out some exotic positions, but it's pretty minor and doesn't affect my sexual performance overall; I think anyway
:lol:
For new partners it's as simple as explaining that I can't be on top today or I need to be on top please, (ok I'm simplyifying a bit here but you get the gist) no one has ever ran away or complained because of it so far.
Timmy wouldn't class himself as disabled but he does have exczema over a lot of his body that is noticeable. We tell people about it in case it bothers them but have only found a couple of people who it did.
That doesn't make them bad people and it wouldn't stop me from being friendly with anyone who chose to not to play with us because of either me or Timmy. It's no different them refusing because they don't fancy us in a general way.
I might pity them for missing out on Timmy tail but at the end of the day there is only so much of him to go around
All that said, we don't advertise and don't answer ads for anonymous meets so telling people is not an issue that arises often as they will have already met us at some point.
Final point, there are very few disabled people that I know who object to questions or who are overly political correct about it, to be honest PCism normally comes across as more patronising than anything else.
I would rather deal with honest ignorance and questions than have someone telling me how I should be treated by others because they think they know what's best for me, and what I need, and how I feel.
Jas
XXX
I have some very sympathetic friends on here who are aware and are happy to be social with me when that's all I can manage, and play with me when I'm fit, if that makes up a part of our relationship with them.
They also understand if I pull out meets and events at the last minute because of it.
I rarely broadcast it (until now
)and indeed a lot of people who don't see me often were unaware of how bad it is on occassion. I still have received support from them and some lovely messages when I'm well and they've seen me having fun and pratting about at socials.I don't mind people asking me questions but I get very self conscious if it's the only topic of conversation, as frankly it just gets boring. I know another member who feels that way as well. Anything longer than 1/4 hour on the subject sends me to sleep.
On the sexual side of it, it does limit some of my movement and rule out some exotic positions, but it's pretty minor and doesn't affect my sexual performance overall; I think anyway
:lol: For new partners it's as simple as explaining that I can't be on top today or I need to be on top please, (ok I'm simplyifying a bit here but you get the gist) no one has ever ran away or complained because of it so far.
Timmy wouldn't class himself as disabled but he does have exczema over a lot of his body that is noticeable. We tell people about it in case it bothers them but have only found a couple of people who it did.
That doesn't make them bad people and it wouldn't stop me from being friendly with anyone who chose to not to play with us because of either me or Timmy. It's no different them refusing because they don't fancy us in a general way.
I might pity them for missing out on Timmy tail but at the end of the day there is only so much of him to go around
All that said, we don't advertise and don't answer ads for anonymous meets so telling people is not an issue that arises often as they will have already met us at some point.
Final point, there are very few disabled people that I know who object to questions or who are overly political correct about it, to be honest PCism normally comes across as more patronising than anything else.
I would rather deal with honest ignorance and questions than have someone telling me how I should be treated by others because they think they know what's best for me, and what I need, and how I feel.
Jas
XXX
Just for the record, I was one of the newbies who were (and sometimes still are) constantly under attack in this forum.
Please read below an extract from the Asphyxophilia thread where I got personally attacked for being old, pregnant, disabled, etc. The argument started as FB did not like my response to de sade and hurried to torch me alive. (Things went downhill thereafter and are still rolling down...)
----
Don't you just love assumptions.
FB You are now certified as a cocky young girl
Secretly, you must be pleased.
For your info Dave, I had been busy supporting two of my best friends who needed me, one because her 3.5 year old son was having open heart surgery and the other who had to have an early caesarian due to pregnancy complications. Sometimes real life takes precedence over forum posting.
Please read below an extract from the Asphyxophilia thread where I got personally attacked for being old, pregnant, disabled, etc. The argument started as FB did not like my response to de sade and hurried to torch me alive. (Things went downhill thereafter and are still rolling down...)
----
Quote by
After all I am much older than you are and when you get to my age and position in life, I am sure there will be some cocky young girl who thinks she knows it all to come and psychoanalyze you.
Don't you just love assumptions.
FB You are now certified as a cocky young girl
Secretly, you must be pleased.
Quote by Freckledbird
Not really, to be honest. I am 40, very happily married, two children aged 13 and 14 and a good job. I have got to 'my position in life' by a lot of hard work and effort. I don't think I know it all (and whatever you say Tania, the inference that I do is definitely there) and I'm not trying to psychoanalyse anyone. I was making an observation based on comments you have made on various threads, regarding what you have done.
I am not old, pregnant, disabled in any way or arthritic and definitely not single. Nor do I claim to have tried everything
Quote by da69ve
once again she starts something then dissappears.....
For your info Dave, I had been busy supporting two of my best friends who needed me, one because her 3.5 year old son was having open heart surgery and the other who had to have an early caesarian due to pregnancy complications. Sometimes real life takes precedence over forum posting.
Quote by Jas-Tim
Final point, there are very few disabled people that I know who object to questions or who are overly political correct about it, to be honest PCism normally comes across as more patronising than anything else.
I would rather deal with honest ignorance and questions than have someone telling me how I should be treated by others because they think they know what's best for me, and what I need, and how I feel.
Jas
XXX
This is interesting, Jas - and exactly what I think, although my perspective on it is as questioner rather than, err, questionee? If someone tells me they have a disability or an illness then my reaction is always 'Oh, ok. What do I need to know about it, so as not to hurt you or annoy you? And is there anything I need to remember to do or not do, or say or not say?' Once I know those things, I'd be unlikely to talk about it again, really - I'd assume we had lots more interesting things to talk about!
I don't think there are many disabilities that would put me off playing with someone. Scars, skin diseases etc. - one step up from spots and stretchmarks, and entirely irrelevant to whether I fancy someone. Problems with sight or hearing... would mean slightly more care over communication, but that can only be a good thing. Mobility problems, pain etc. - as long as you tell me how to make sure I don't hurt you, and as long as you're still able to enjoy whatever we're doing, I'm happy.
More to the point, I play with people because I'm attracted to them as a package, because they're my friends, because I enjoy spending time with them and I also find them physically attractive. By the time I get to the point where I'm having sex with someone, I would expect to know them well enough to be able to say 'so what do I need to know about this disability thing, then?' and for them to be the kind of person who'd not be offended by that. The kind of person I fancy has enough of a sense of humour and takes the world lightly enough not to get all worked up about this conversation. The kind of person I fancy doesn't allow themselves to be pigeonholed or dismissed because of a little thing like being a bit disabled, because they're lots of other things as well.
The main reason I'd be put off by a disability would be if it became a constant issue because the person in question tended to be self-pitying or over-sensitive about it, if they made the disability the main thing about themselves rather than just one of the bits of them. On the other hand, that's not a disability thing - that's a personality thing.
So, in conclusion - if you're the kind of person I'd fancy anyway, and also disabled - cool.
If you're the kind of person I wouldn't fancy, and also disabled, I still don't fancy you.
Quote by Jas-Tim
Evrything you said
Jas
XXX
That was a good post jas-tim and though i'v only mentioned it in the forum a few times until recently i allways said to myself i would tell anyone about my CD and post a link to a support site i use, or just tell them to google it should they want to know more so they would know imediatly what to expect then make a their desision should it go further.
Though my CD is not severe enougth to be classed disabled yet it could be good for ever or come back, go and come back ect. enougth to make it a disability just makes what i said above more important.
Quote by Tania
Just for the record, I was one of the newbies who were (and sometimes still are) constantly under attack in this forum.
Please read below an extract from the Asphyxophilia thread where I got personally attacked for being old, pregnant, disabled, etc. The argument started as FB did not like my response to de sade and hurried to torch me alive. (Things went downhill thereafter and are still rolling down...)
----
After all I am much older than you are and when you get to my age and position in life, I am sure there will be some cocky young girl who thinks she knows it all to come and psychoanalyze you.
Don't you just love assumptions.
FB You are now certified as a cocky young girl
Secretly, you must be pleased.
Quote by Freckledbird
Not really, to be honest. I am 40, very happily married, two children aged 13 and 14 and a good job. I have got to 'my position in life' by a lot of hard work and effort. I don't think I know it all (and whatever you say Tania, the inference that I do is definitely there) and I'm not trying to psychoanalyse anyone. I was making an observation based on comments you have made on various threads, regarding what you have done.
I am not old, pregnant, disabled in any way or arthritic and definitely not single. Nor do I claim to have tried everything
Quote by da69ve
once again she starts something then dissappears.....
For your info Dave, I had been busy supporting two of my best friends who needed me, one because her 3.5 year old son was having open heart surgery and the other who had to have an early caesarian due to pregnancy complications. Sometimes real life takes precedence over forum posting.
Quote by Tania
SH rules (the unwritten ones) state clearly that a person using these forums may not be:
illiterate
disabled
old
too young
need I go on?
so are you going to explain what you meant by this then?
Sex God
Tania, you're playing the victim again. Take it out of the thread.
Orgasminator
Quote by Jas-Tim
I'm classed as disabled but it's not visible a lot of the time, when it is I'm either not fit to move or I do my best to manage what I can.
I have some very sympathetic friends on here who are aware and are happy to be social with me when that's all I can manage, and play with me when I'm fit, if that makes up a part of our relationship with them.
They also understand if I pull out meets and events at the last minute because of it.
I rarely broadcast it (until now
I don't mind people asking me questions but I get very self conscious if it's the only topic of conversation, as frankly it just gets boring. I know another member who feels that way as well. Anything longer than 1/4 hour on the subject sends me to sleep.
Jas, I agree completely with what you've said and know where you're coming from.
My "disability" is in no way as bad as others but nonetheless it is a disability, it restricts my life.
Recently I have been struggling to come to terms with it in my own mind and a big part of that is embarassment.
I'm embarassed when I get "ill" in front of people, even my friends. I want to explain things to them but obviously can't at the time. It is natural for people to look and talk and wonder what's going on but I would much rather someone just came out and asked the questions.
I understand the difficulty that may cause but if you are genuinely interested then just ask....most people I know with a disability have no problem with "un-PC" questions.
I won't let it run my life but I do have to be careful and I do have to explain to people before meeting them in case I get ill. I only do this when I know them well enough.
I don't think I have any particular dislike of any disability. If I like the person and we click, so be it!
I speak as someone who dated a physically disabled girl for over 6 years, my one real relationship in life.
To keep this short, if you find the person pysically attractive you look beyond the disability, I loved and still do love this girl and the disability was never a factor, sure it restricted a few things we could do together, sure it made certain days rough for her and therefore me, but in all honesty, she is still as perfect as any other girl I have ever come across.
You learn to forget about anything that may get in the way, and enjoy 100% the person, and forget 100% the disability.
To keep this short, if you find the person pysically attractive you look beyond the disability, I loved and still do love this girl and the disability was never a factor, sure it restricted a few things we could do together, sure it made certain days rough for her and therefore me, but in all honesty, she is still as perfect as any other girl I have ever come across.
You learn to forget about anything that may get in the way, and enjoy 100% the person, and forget 100% the disability.
Quote by Iceraider
I speak as someone who dated a physically disabled girl for over 6 years, my one real relationship in life.
To keep this short, if you find the person pysically attractive you look beyond the disability, I loved and still do love this girl and the disability was never a factor, sure it restricted a few things we could do together, sure it made certain days rough for her and therefore me, but in all honesty, she is still as perfect as any other girl I have ever come across.
You learn to forget about anything that may get in the way, and enjoy 100% the person, and forget 100% the disability.
:thumbup: Iceraider
Sex God
Quote by de_sade
all of Tania's posts from her first to the last should be read to understand how inconsistent she was and continues to be. I'm sorry Tania but you appear to be a complete fantasist.
De_sade
I apologise now for the thread getting sidetracked.
However, I've had lots of messages via pm since Tania posted her comment and quoted the bits from the asphyxophilia thread. People who have bitten their tongues rather than comment on here and feed any trolls. If anyone wants to read the asphyxophilia thread, I'll send them the link via pm. I suggest that the issues with Tania be left alone on this thread because it's got the potential to be a very interesting thread (many good points already raised), without any backbiting to spoil it.
Quote by makingcocoa
So, in conclusion - if you're the kind of person I'd fancy anyway, and also disabled - cool.
If you're the kind of person I wouldn't fancy, and also disabled, I still don't fancy you.
I honestly don't know, is the answer I ve been pondering for some time. I have a very good friend who is disabled and it's interesting to see how other people interact with her, but would I play with someone who was disabled? I've never been in the situation where I've had to decide - but I agree with makingcocoa, if we click then them being disabled isn't going to make a difference but if we don't we still don't, discrimination is still discrimination even if it's possitive.
H.x
Sex God
A good friend of mine has gradually become disabled over the last 3 years. His wife threw him out cos she couldn't cope with his gradual physical deterioration and his pain. He has a crumbling spine.
We had a brief physical relationship before his back became too bad to deal with sex as well. And it was as interesting and as enjoyable as it would have been before he was 'struck down'. I was lucky in that I knew him pre-problems. So I don;t see him as disabled, just my friend with a physical struggle. I have since met and 'played' with a lovely guy who had polio as a child and has a dysfunctional leg which restricts his movements.
If I had met him before my friend became disabled I don't know how I would have reacted, I know that since meeting both of them I try to see the people very quickly after noticing the disability. I don't think you can help noticing a disability, it's how we react that makes the difference.
I'm glad I have learned about people who happen to be disabled, and I enjoy sex with people of limited freedom as much as the fit types.
We had a brief physical relationship before his back became too bad to deal with sex as well. And it was as interesting and as enjoyable as it would have been before he was 'struck down'. I was lucky in that I knew him pre-problems. So I don;t see him as disabled, just my friend with a physical struggle. I have since met and 'played' with a lovely guy who had polio as a child and has a dysfunctional leg which restricts his movements.
If I had met him before my friend became disabled I don't know how I would have reacted, I know that since meeting both of them I try to see the people very quickly after noticing the disability. I don't think you can help noticing a disability, it's how we react that makes the difference.
I'm glad I have learned about people who happen to be disabled, and I enjoy sex with people of limited freedom as much as the fit types.
