hey xxx
I apologise in advance if i mumble on lol
right...
You may have noticed that i've been a bit quiet recently (not like me is it lol) but i've had a bit of a bad experience and its got nothing to do with SH but all the same I'd like to share it if thats ok.
Recently I was out drinking with a friend, I met a guy. He wasnt a total stranger, he knew my brothers and my parents, although I didnt know him directly. We were getting on great and he SEEMED like a complete gent. He insisted on walking me home, at first I said no, but as he insisted and he'd been so nice to me and knew my family and everything I didnt see the problem.
Once we got to my house... he kind of invited himself in, which I wasnt to worried about as he seemed a decent guy.
Then he said to me "seen asthough i've walked you up here I'll just stay. I'm not going walking all the way home in this rain"
By this time I was getting really uncomfortable with his presence and I know I should have told him where to go but I didnt... he set up bed on the sofa and I went to bed.
When I was half asleep he crawled into my bed and started touching me up.... without going into gory details I think I told him no less than 8 times "No" yet he still kept on...
Eventually he did give up and I know that I should have made him go then too, but I felt so scared and freaked that I didnt and lay awake for the rest of the night until he went at 8am the next day.
Thinking about this afterwards, drinks aside and all, I'm starting to think that a lot of this is my own fault and because of this, it makes me a really unsuitable swinger if I feel i cant tell someone to leave when i'm feeling really uncomfortable with them doesnt it.
So , still a bit freaked out by this, I've now taken my ad from my profile and really dont want to consider meets... although I love this site and dont want to go. there are some brilliant people on here and I still feel that I'd like to come to a social or a group meeting to meet you all (but not necessarily for play)
I was just wondering if any of you do the same and if its acceptable.
Sorry for going on
Curvy xxx
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Do any of you just do socials?
Curvy,
really sorry to hear this.... some men are like that play the gent card to get into your hourse then..... well they just think they will get away with it... but I won't get started on that... I just think it shows that they don't respect you as a person.
This site is for what you want it to be... as long as you are open about what you want and don't want then what is the prob.
This site is social site to us as well, we have people who we enjoy the company off and our friends to us.. We know others who are here for the social side as well. There is nothing wrong with that.
Just enjoy whatever you want from here...
really sorry to hear this.... some men are like that play the gent card to get into your hourse then..... well they just think they will get away with it... but I won't get started on that... I just think it shows that they don't respect you as a person.
This site is for what you want it to be... as long as you are open about what you want and don't want then what is the prob.
This site is social site to us as well, we have people who we enjoy the company off and our friends to us.. We know others who are here for the social side as well. There is nothing wrong with that.
Just enjoy whatever you want from here...
Brill
I know it had nothing to do with SH but it just made me think... if someone can do it locally, then its gonna happen from the net.
And i've grown attached to this... speak to some great and lovely people, and i'd hate that to end because of what happenedand i'm not sure what I want anymore
lol I'm starting to confuse myself now
I know it had nothing to do with SH but it just made me think... if someone can do it locally, then its gonna happen from the net.
And i've grown attached to this... speak to some great and lovely people, and i'd hate that to end because of what happenedand i'm not sure what I want anymore
lol I'm starting to confuse myself now
actually curvy in some ways I think there is less chance of it happening from here...
if it did happen you could make it very public that they had been that way with you... chances of them getting any more meets... none
in the normal world like you people are too afraid to be judged if they say about what has happened... this means that people still get away with it.
NO means NO, always has always will... and it should always be respected, if you aren't comfortable with something / someone you should always have the ability to say so without fear, and don't let well he knows so and so make you think that it is ok. If YOU aren't happy then it doesn't matter.
Not meant as a dig at you in fact the opposite, some people know that they put you into those positions and you feel awkward but don't do anything about it.
if it did happen you could make it very public that they had been that way with you... chances of them getting any more meets... none
in the normal world like you people are too afraid to be judged if they say about what has happened... this means that people still get away with it.
NO means NO, always has always will... and it should always be respected, if you aren't comfortable with something / someone you should always have the ability to say so without fear, and don't let well he knows so and so make you think that it is ok. If YOU aren't happy then it doesn't matter.
Not meant as a dig at you in fact the opposite, some people know that they put you into those positions and you feel awkward but don't do anything about it.
Hi Curvy
We think this site is like everywhere you meet people,you will get some great people who you get on with and others who for whatever reason you just don't get in answer to your just social question,even though we not been to munches etc we have met people from this site who are just people we meet for a chat and a drink and nothing sexual is ever going to happen between us,just for the fact there is no sexual attraction between us,but we like them as friends.
xxx
We think this site is like everywhere you meet people,you will get some great people who you get on with and others who for whatever reason you just don't get in answer to your just social question,even though we not been to munches etc we have met people from this site who are just people we meet for a chat and a drink and nothing sexual is ever going to happen between us,just for the fact there is no sexual attraction between us,but we like them as friends.
xxx
Curvy-Gal
It sounds like you've had a terrible experience and you need time to get you head round it - both here and in the vanilla world.
I think you'd really enjoy the social side. 1 of the reasons I liked it was because I felt safe and I found that people were more vocal in asking about my boundaries than in the vanilla world.
What I mean by that is I've be groped by some drunken letch in pubs and nightclubs, but it's never happened to me at an SH social event and everyone's always been really polite and respectful.
I think you should come along and get to know a few people socially. It may help you build up your trust again.
Whether you choose to swing or not - it's your life, your choice and don't let anyone tell you different
It sounds like you've had a terrible experience and you need time to get you head round it - both here and in the vanilla world.
I think you'd really enjoy the social side. 1 of the reasons I liked it was because I felt safe and I found that people were more vocal in asking about my boundaries than in the vanilla world.
What I mean by that is I've be groped by some drunken letch in pubs and nightclubs, but it's never happened to me at an SH social event and everyone's always been really polite and respectful.
I think you should come along and get to know a few people socially. It may help you build up your trust again.
Whether you choose to swing or not - it's your life, your choice and don't let anyone tell you different
Quote by curvy-gal
.. . . . although I love this site and dont want to go. there are some brilliant people on here and I still feel that I'd like to come to a social or a group meeting to meet you all (but not necessarily for play)
I was just wondering if any of you do the same and if its acceptable.
Curvy xxx
Have a :therethere: for your bad experience.
I'm not going to do the "I'm not like that, meet me instead" thing, nor offer you any practical advice about avoiding a repeat.
But . . . . . . . .
There are plenty of people on SH that don't actually "play" but use this and other sites for the social aspect.
If you withdraw from the hunt, but attend some of the social events, you will get to meet some of the people you've bounced off here in the forum or the chatrooms. Hopefully you'll be able to get know some of them a little better as friends/acquaintances of your own before returning to the playing arena - if YOU decide to do so.
It should all be in YOURtime, at YOURpace, and to YOURdesire.
Quote by lpooltwo
Hi Curvy
We think this site is like everywhere you meet people,you will get some great people who you get on with and others who for whatever reason you just don't get in answer to your just social question,even though we not been to munches etc we have met people from this site who are just people we meet for a chat and a drink and nothing sexual is ever going to happen between us,just for the fact there is no sexual attraction between us,but we like them as friends.
xxx
nice profile lpooltwo, let us know what you think of townhouse when you go... we keep meaining to go there....
sorry curvy...
Sex God
I'm not going to have a chance to do what I feel justice at the mo' but just to say that he obviously is not a swinger because in this lifestyle people do not force themselves on others. 'No' means 'No' !!
So Curvy do not feel more at risk on the net - if you are on here, because you are with people who will respect what you say in situations like that.
So don't let an experience like that inhibit your involvement with us.
Sorry - got to go now.
So Curvy do not feel more at risk on the net - if you are on here, because you are with people who will respect what you say in situations like that.
So don't let an experience like that inhibit your involvement with us.
Sorry - got to go now.
Quote by Feklar
Not meant as a dig at you in fact the opposite, some people know that they put you into those positions and you feel awkward but don't do anything about it.
Yeah youre absolutely right> I feel really kind of dirty and guilty that it had to get to him touching me so say a firm no.... although I am confident I gave him clear signals its not what I wanted. I should have not let him into my house in the first place and it definately wont happen again.
And I can see your point about it being less likely to happen on here, thank you I didnt think about it that way but I think youre absolutely right
if one of my sisters ever came home and said that sort of thing had happened, i would not be responsible for my actions
no means no, end of
do not, in any way think you are not suited to swinging etc, you will get out of it what you want to, he isnt worth the space he takes up, its a reflection on him, not society in general
i cant begin to imagine how you are feeling right now, it would be easy to say if you said no and he carried on, your knee meeting his bollocks is the only answer, but you yourself said it, you was scared
you are right to put the barriers up, you will be right to be wary of anyone
when all is said and done, you would be well within your rights to go to the police, and report him, you said no, more than once
im so sorry you had to go through what you did, you didnt deserve to
no means no, end of
do not, in any way think you are not suited to swinging etc, you will get out of it what you want to, he isnt worth the space he takes up, its a reflection on him, not society in general
i cant begin to imagine how you are feeling right now, it would be easy to say if you said no and he carried on, your knee meeting his bollocks is the only answer, but you yourself said it, you was scared
you are right to put the barriers up, you will be right to be wary of anyone
when all is said and done, you would be well within your rights to go to the police, and report him, you said no, more than once
im so sorry you had to go through what you did, you didnt deserve to
Quote by curvy-gal
Yeah youre absolutely right> I feel really kind of dirty and guilty that it had to get to him touching me so say a firm no.... although I am confident I gave him clear signals its not what I wanted. I should have not let him into my house in the first place and it definately wont happen again.
And I can see your point about it being less likely to happen on here, thank you I didnt think about it that way but I think youre absolutely right
There is no need for you to feel guilty or dirty you did nothing wrong apart from have someone play you... prob done it before and will prob do it again... sad to say but more than likly true. Don't doubt how you acted with him that him making you feel that you are in the wrong for being the way you are... you are not in the wrong.
grrrr sorry prob tell I am wound up about this.... if you want to chat curvy you know where my pm box is...
That is the other great thing about hear you have a problem, people want to help because they actually care about you as a person
Thanks for all your support guys.. I didnt really want to blurt it all out to you but I felt I had to as I feel a bit different now with a view to meeting than I did before.
I'm not gonna let it stop my social side to this and i'm still going to attend the munch, I just wanted to make sure it was acceptable first
xxx
I'm not gonna let it stop my social side to this and i'm still going to attend the munch, I just wanted to make sure it was acceptable first
xxx
Quote by curvy-gal
hey xxx
I apologise in advance if i mumble on lol
right...
You may have noticed that i've been a bit quiet recently (not like me is it lol) but i've had a bit of a bad experience and its got nothing to do with SH but all the same I'd like to share it if thats ok.
(have edited the middle bit because i'm far too riled to post anything of any use)
Eventually he did give up and I know that I should have made him go then too, but I felt so scared and freaked that I didnt and lay awake for the rest of the night until he went at 8am the next day.
I'm trying very hard not to go completely off on one here..... i might have to come back to this.
Thinking about this afterwards, drinks aside and all, I'm starting to think that a lot of this is my own fault and because of this, it makes me a really unsuitable swinger if I feel i cant tell someone to leave when i'm feeling really uncomfortable with them doesnt it.
My own opinion on this particular bit is that No, it doesnt make you an unsuitable 'swinger', but you do need some 'i'm not playing at the moment' time to take stock and have a think about things. If you have a problem saying No to someone, it makes you very vulnerable in this scene and if i were you I'd take some time out (from playing, not the site).
From another thread, but entirely relevant : Swinging as a single female is something that requires a bit of faith in yourself - you WILL have to be brave sometimes, you WILL have to learn to deal with unwanted attention, and you WILL have to find the emotional maturity to deal with what can be a complicated set of circumstances - and you have to do that yourself, for yourself. YOU need to have the strength and self-respect to keep yourself safe here.
...... If you have trouble refusing to play with people you don't want to play with, you are not safe here. At the very least you're going to spend all your time crying over threads like this, and at the other end of the scale, being a lone single female in a club who is incapable of saying 'no' is an extremely uncomfortable and potentially damaging scenario.
There's some good advice in this thread - if I were you, I would have a good read of it and think seriously about what you want to get out of this scene, and what kind of ....you need to have in order to manage it safely.
Cocoa x
So , still a bit freaked out by this, I've now taken my ad from my profile and really dont want to consider meets... although I love this site and dont want to go. there are some brilliant people on here and I still feel that I'd like to come to a social or a group meeting to meet you all (but not necessarily for play)
I was just wondering if any of you do the same and if its acceptable.
Sorry for going on
Curvy xxx
Curvy hun, its entirely acceptable - and ffs stop beating yourself up about it.
There are lots of people here who dont 'swing', there are lots of folk who 'swing' as and when it suits them. Me , for a start.
You are welcome here wether you're here socially or shagging everything that moves. That's my experience of this site, and i'm sticking to it.
I'm not 'doing meets' at the moment, nor am I actively looking, and havent been for a couple of months now.... if something exceptional comes up, fantastic. If it doesnt, I aint lost owt anyway 
but SH is still my 'home', wether I'm actively swinging or not. It is yours too, if you choose to adopt it as such. Munches and socials are excatly that - just socials. You dont attend in order to get a shag at the end of the night - you come to meet 'us lot' and have a bloody good night out! There is no pressure hun and nobody has an issue whether you're 'currently playing' or not. If you're active on the site, you're a member of the community and therefore you get your butt to Munches and socials because that's how it works! :thumbup:
Quote by Sassy-Seren
Bloody hell Curvy! If any guy deserves a kick in the bollocks it's this piece of scumDid you tell your brothers about him? I can only imagine how scared you were at the time hun :shock:
:therethere:
lol No i didnt tell them... they're all quiet hot headed and I know if I did tell them they would hit the roof... i wouldnt like to think what they would do.
Even though I am so shook up by it all... at the end of the day he did take no for an answer EVENTUALLY. so I dont think it would be far on my brothers if they got into trouble for their actions if i told them lol
(I could give a toss about that prick though)
honey you are not alone, i had a bad experience myself a couple of weeks ago which i wont go into the details of apart from it left me with physical marks, and it had a similar effect on me,especially as we had played a few times before, i questioned the safety of one on one meets and have pretty much withdrawn from meeting anyone this way at the moment,
yes this is a swinging site, a sex site if you like, but it is oh so much more than that, its a community where we look out for our own, laugh together and sometimes cry together, and just because you have 'hung up your swinging shoes' as a certain lady puts it for now doesnt mean you are not welcome, so dont you dare disappear, i certainly wont stop playing or going to socials and munchs i will just be a lot more careful of how and where i do it.
Earthy xx
yes this is a swinging site, a sex site if you like, but it is oh so much more than that, its a community where we look out for our own, laugh together and sometimes cry together, and just because you have 'hung up your swinging shoes' as a certain lady puts it for now doesnt mean you are not welcome, so dont you dare disappear, i certainly wont stop playing or going to socials and munchs i will just be a lot more careful of how and where i do it.
Earthy xx
Quote by curvy-gal
Bloody hell Curvy! If any guy deserves a kick in the bollocks it's this piece of scum
:therethere:
lol No i didnt tell them... they're all quiet hot headed and I know if I did tell them they would hit the roof... i wouldnt like to think what they would do.
Even though I am so shook up by it all... at the end of the day he did take no for an answer EVENTUALLY. so I dont think it would be far on my brothers if they got into trouble for their actions if i told them lol
(I could give a toss about that prick though)
That's my point hun. It took a while for it to get through his thick skull that you were refusing and that's the annoying part. At the end of the day, he abused you and that's wrong in anyone's books ( except his it seems ) I can understand why you don't want to tell your brothers but it's a shame he's allowed to get away with it.
My pm box is that way if ever you need me hunni ------------------->
Sex God
When you are ready to dip your toes in again, Curvy, how about a social-only meet with one or two of the ladies on here? That way you are out with people who know the scene you are in, but also who you will probably feel more comfortable with.
Just a thought, and only when you are totally ready hun. :therethere:
Just a thought, and only when you are totally ready hun. :therethere:
