My lad aged was on my work computer briefly yesterday doing some homework as his sister was on the other one. When he'd finished he quit all the stuff he was using and shouted me I could go back on. He didn't realise that he'd left open the window to his account. I was just about to close the window when I was hit with an urge to check out his inbox, you know to see how many mates he'd got or if he'd got any secret girlfriends etc.........wrong I know.....BUT I had a bit of a shock. In his Inbox were e mails from 2 porn sites, something to do with Big Tits and one called Hardcore Sex or something like that :shock: I quickly closed the window down in panic. These didn't look like random e mails as they had his e mail address in the title saying that was his log in.
Now, do I just say and do nothing? Do I take him to one side and tell him to be careful what sites he goes on (with us both being the colour of beetroot)? But how do I know.......I shouldn't have been looking!!!
It doesn't bother me, when I was his age, you had to make do with the odd page or 2 from a porno mag you'd usually find flapping around in your local park; things have moved on with the current computer generation so is this the norm for most of today's teenagers?
I'm not telling his Mum, she turns the TV over if any sex scenes come on in a film and he's in the room so I thought I'd discuss it with the open minded folk on SH.
What should I do?
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Do I say anything?
We had a similar problem with our son of the same sort of age. All I did was think back to what we were doing at his age and realised we were buying porn mags.
So, I had the talk. I explained the pitfalls of believing all women are a perfect size 10, not many ladies really do have false boobies and life wasn't as it seemed. Not to get involved with chatting online in porn sites because it was all false and he wouldn't be talking to the good looking lady but her toothless Grandmother. I also wanted him to know I knew and make him aware that everyone does it and its nothing he should be shamed of
The way I look at it is, he is going to look at porn somehow in some way, he might as well know the safest way of doing it
So, I had the talk. I explained the pitfalls of believing all women are a perfect size 10, not many ladies really do have false boobies and life wasn't as it seemed. Not to get involved with chatting online in porn sites because it was all false and he wouldn't be talking to the good looking lady but her toothless Grandmother. I also wanted him to know I knew and make him aware that everyone does it and its nothing he should be shamed of
The way I look at it is, he is going to look at porn somehow in some way, he might as well know the safest way of doing it
Sex God
I'd just explain to him that he left the page open so you couldn't help but see what was there. Then do the 'sensible use of the web etc' talk.
Our son (same age as yours) kept doing searches and icons kept appearing on the desktop of the PC so it was straighforward to ask - we didn't even need to look in his private stuff (nor would we, I have to add - as long as he's sensible and safe, he is as entitled to his privacy as we are to ours). We know he looks; he just knows now what to avoid. All part of growing up I think.
Our son (same age as yours) kept doing searches and icons kept appearing on the desktop of the PC so it was straighforward to ask - we didn't even need to look in his private stuff (nor would we, I have to add - as long as he's sensible and safe, he is as entitled to his privacy as we are to ours). We know he looks; he just knows now what to avoid. All part of growing up I think.
Quote by Freckledbird
I'd just explain to him that he left the page open so you couldn't help but see what was there. Then do the 'sensible use of the web etc' talk.
Our son (same age as yours) kept doing searches and icons kept appearing on the desktop of the PC so it was straighforward to ask - we didn't even need to look in his private stuff (nor would we, I have to add - as long as he's sensible and safe, he is as entitled to his privacy as we are to ours). We know he looks; he just knows now what to avoid. All part of growing up I think.
:thumbup:
He sounds like a normal, healthy teenager but a word from you of the dangers of downloading dodgy stuff could save you having to wipe your pc clean of these 'limpet' shareware programs that come attached to some of these sites ( *cough* isn't that right Dai?
) One more quite serious issue is that he needs to be really careful what site he is looking into, as if he ends up on a child porn site, even by accident, its there on your PC and possibly on the local cop shops list of possible sex offenders .. you really don't want to go down that road as once on the offenders list you just don't get off and it ruins your life. Do have that talk with him as his naivety may well land you both in serious trouble.
Kids don't you love em.
DD
Kids don't you love em.
DD
Quote by Dawnie
We had a similar problem with our son of the same sort of age. All I did was think back to what we were doing at his age and realised we were buying porn mags.
So, I had the talk. I explained the pitfalls of believing all women are a perfect size 10, not many ladies really do have false boobies and life wasn't as it seemed. Not to get involved with chatting online in porn sites because it was all false and he wouldn't be talking to the good looking lady but her toothless Grandmother. I also wanted him to know I knew and make him aware that everyone does it and its nothing he should be shamed of
The way I look at it is, he is going to look at porn somehow in some way, he might as well know the safest way of doing it
Agreed :thumbup:
At the age he is it's natural for him to be curious about sex and as a responsible parent it's down to you to have the chat with him about what's safe and what isn't.
As FB said, just explain he left the page open and you couldn't help but see what was there.
The initial chat may be a bit uncomfortable for both of you, but once he sees you are treating him like an adult about it he'll also know that he's able to come to you with any related worries
Sex God
I think that the advice given is good. With the kids now being brought up as PC literate and possibly more able in IT matters than some/most of the parents,
We must maybe trust them that unlike myself where porn was possibly made more interesting because of it 'shadowy' nature. The ease with which it is accessed may hopefully make it less of a pull. I think that we have to lay a lot of stuff on kids nowadays that we never had layed on us. For this im a little sad.
We must maybe trust them that unlike myself where porn was possibly made more interesting because of it 'shadowy' nature. The ease with which it is accessed may hopefully make it less of a pull. I think that we have to lay a lot of stuff on kids nowadays that we never had layed on us. For this im a little sad.
Personally i'd be inclined NOT to say anything. An interest in sexual imagery is perfectly normal for a fifteen and a half year old boy and I wouldnt want him to feel ashamed or that he didnt have the privacy he's entitled to to explore these things.
If the sites mentioned teens or barely legal then maybe i'd think different but run of the mill tit pics etc i'd say leave him to it
If the sites mentioned teens or barely legal then maybe i'd think different but run of the mill tit pics etc i'd say leave him to it
Sex God
Quote by Freckledbird
I'd just explain to him that he left the page open so you couldn't help but see what was there. Then do the 'sensible use of the web etc' talk.
Our son (same age as yours) kept doing searches and icons kept appearing on the desktop of the PC so it was straighforward to ask - we didn't even need to look in his private stuff (nor would we, I have to add - as long as he's sensible and safe, he is as entitled to his privacy as we are to ours). We know he looks; he just knows now what to avoid. All part of growing up I think.
I agree with FB and the others who have advocated confronting him, but with a sensible low-key approach.
Wow FB, a semi-colon!
:worship: My hero! 
Sex God
I agree with FB and the others who have advocated confronting him, but with a sensible low-key approach.
What he said :thumbup: Keep communication channels open, let him see you're not embarrassed about it and it is acceptable, he just needs to be sensible
Ok I don't have children but I would like to say something if I may?
If I were ever in this situation I would want to make sure that my child understands that pornography is only one representation of how sex 'is'.
Yes seeking out sexual stimulation and being curious is 100% natural and something we all went through when we were younger, but pornography is not really a fair representation of sex/intimacy.
If I were ever in this situation I would want to make sure that my child understands that pornography is only one representation of how sex 'is'.
Yes seeking out sexual stimulation and being curious is 100% natural and something we all went through when we were younger, but pornography is not really a fair representation of sex/intimacy.
Sex God
I don't think it's a big deal at all, 15 is hardly young, and I intentionally looked up porn at a much younger age than that (this is maz not den btw- den would have been battered by his paw if he had!)
At the end of the day, most kids that age are probably doing more than they're looking at on the sites anyway! It's entirely NORMAL!
I wouldn't mention that you checked his emails at all- I think that crosses a line, if you do feel you have to mention something, then don't relate it to nosing through his emails, perhaps an 'inoccent' clear out of your computers history and you discovered the sites he was visiting?
I don't think I'd forgive my parents for looking through my private emails- my mum read my diary when I was younger, and it took a helluva lot to build our relationship back up.....
Maz xx
At the end of the day, most kids that age are probably doing more than they're looking at on the sites anyway! It's entirely NORMAL!
I wouldn't mention that you checked his emails at all- I think that crosses a line, if you do feel you have to mention something, then don't relate it to nosing through his emails, perhaps an 'inoccent' clear out of your computers history and you discovered the sites he was visiting?
I don't think I'd forgive my parents for looking through my private emails- my mum read my diary when I was younger, and it took a helluva lot to build our relationship back up.....
Maz xx
Sex God
You could approach it without mentioning the fact you have seen into his account.
Something along the lines of - everyone looks and I don't need to ask you if you have - but if you do be careful of xxxxxxxx.
When my son was first let loose on the PC at about 13 he found plenty of sites that he at least would call porn - pretty soft stuff most of it - and he thought it was private. We know all about it and then 'happened' to mention about the PC's cache - that it stored every web page anyone had been on.
I have NEVER seen him take the stairs three at a time before or since and we were rolling around hysterically downstairs.
Something along the lines of - everyone looks and I don't need to ask you if you have - but if you do be careful of xxxxxxxx.
When my son was first let loose on the PC at about 13 he found plenty of sites that he at least would call porn - pretty soft stuff most of it - and he thought it was private. We know all about it and then 'happened' to mention about the PC's cache - that it stored every web page anyone had been on.
I have NEVER seen him take the stairs three at a time before or since and we were rolling around hysterically downstairs.
Sex God
Quote by foxylady2209
You could approach it without mentioning the fact you have seen into his account.
Think that would be about the best way to go about things, no need to mention what you know, more do it as a general 'chat' about using the internet safely and that it's ok to look at these things so long as you understand that porn just shows one representation of sex and it's not how it is in real life. It's an embarrassing enough converstion to have with a parent, without having to go through the embarrassment of being told your parent knows that you've been looking at things. No need to mention what you know just have a little chat about things.
Sex God
Quote by poshkate
No need to mention what you know just have a little chat about things.
Then just be ready with a response when he asks what made his dad ask the question/start the discussion. Because he will ask. 15 year olds are not completely daft!
Sex God
Quote by Freckledbird
No need to mention what you know just have a little chat about things.
Then just be ready with a response when he asks what made his dad ask the question/start the discussion. Because he will ask. 15 year olds are not completely daft!
lol.....when i was 15 I would have been that mortified that my parents were talking to me about anyhitng sex related that I wouldn't have hung round to ask questions and got out of the room as soon as I could
maybe that's just the relationship i had with my parents though and obviously everyone is different, so as FB says a response to that question would be useful just in case it's needed. LOL, we had the same with our eldest, and he was mortified that we knew he had been looking.
But we told him that it was natural to be curious, god knows hid dad was worse at that age LOL,
but a thought of how you could approach it is to ask him to be careful about closing his pages down properly, as other people use the pc also.
As you say your wife gets embarrassed, so ask him to remember and respect that, and to imagine if it was his mum that had seen instead of you, and what sort of position that would have put both him and his mum in. Kids seem to shudder at the very IDEA that parents would have seen, let alone be doing such stuff!
This worked with our son (I told him that i had been showing his nan something on the pc, and one of his sites, with a rather raunchy name was in the drop down menu) he was so embarrassed, and is now very careful about what he looks at and when, and watchful about closing pages down properly.
good luck with the man to man chat
But we told him that it was natural to be curious, god knows hid dad was worse at that age LOL,
but a thought of how you could approach it is to ask him to be careful about closing his pages down properly, as other people use the pc also.
As you say your wife gets embarrassed, so ask him to remember and respect that, and to imagine if it was his mum that had seen instead of you, and what sort of position that would have put both him and his mum in. Kids seem to shudder at the very IDEA that parents would have seen, let alone be doing such stuff!
This worked with our son (I told him that i had been showing his nan something on the pc, and one of his sites, with a rather raunchy name was in the drop down menu) he was so embarrassed, and is now very careful about what he looks at and when, and watchful about closing pages down properly.
good luck with the man to man chat
Quote by fabioplum
(with us both being the colour of beetroot)?
I agree with everyone who's pro-talking to him, nicely, sensibly, even jokingly (lucky you, I didn't have the internet when I was your age). I'd only add that - even if you do both get beetroot faced, so what? Surely, it will break some ice, that's the stuff of bonding, and with a teenager you can never get enough of that.
The jury is out on this one.
I can't decide whether just to leave him be or to bring the subject up in a couple weeks. I think he'll be suspicious as to why I've brought the subject up and if he suspects I've been spying on him, it could spoil the wonderful relationship we already have.
The best idea I've had is to leave it a few weeks then say I'd read something on the t'internet about the dangers of some porn sites, with all the links and pop ups etc and that it could wreck the computer or worse send him to some underage site that could get him / me into trouble. Then let just hope it sinks in.
Thanks for everyones helpful advice.
I can't decide whether just to leave him be or to bring the subject up in a couple weeks. I think he'll be suspicious as to why I've brought the subject up and if he suspects I've been spying on him, it could spoil the wonderful relationship we already have.
The best idea I've had is to leave it a few weeks then say I'd read something on the t'internet about the dangers of some porn sites, with all the links and pop ups etc and that it could wreck the computer or worse send him to some underage site that could get him / me into trouble. Then let just hope it sinks in.
Thanks for everyones helpful advice.
Quote by fabioplum
I can't decide whether just to leave him be or to bring the subject up in a couple weeks. I think he'll be suspicious as to why I've brought the subject up and if he suspects I've been spying on him, it could spoil the wonderful relationship we already have.
My opinion would be to explain that he forgot to close his email and although you didn't read any of the emails, you could easily see where they were from.
Leaving it closes the door on that excuse and it will only be harder to bring up later on.
Good luck whatever you decide :thumbup:
When I was 14/15 (not so long ago) I think that is when I got curious about sex, I used to go on porn sites and stuff.
One day I was in the bath and my Mum came in and she gave me a talk about going on such sites, saying I shouldnt go on them things at my age etc...
It never stopped me, I just cleared my History more frequently.
One day I was in the bath and my Mum came in and she gave me a talk about going on such sites, saying I shouldnt go on them things at my age etc...
It never stopped me, I just cleared my History more frequently.
