Do working mothers want it all?

28 Feb 2008

Quote by Theladyisaminx
But when there are two parents why doesnt one make the choice to stay at home?

You say that as if they should, actually. You're questioning why some parents choose to both work. I think some will see that as judgemental.
ok I will ask another way!!
Would you make the choice because finacially you had too?
In which case instead of the government funding childcare might be better off helping parents to stay at home and raise their children!
or
Would you make the choice because neither of you want to give up work?
This leaving others to raise your children!
both myself and my wife work...and we never left our kids with others,we shared the responsibility.
you clearly don't like the idea of both parents working and expect one should stay at home with the kids...a narrow minded view in my opinion.

28 Feb 2008

Quote by Mr-Powers
But when there are two parents why doesnt one make the choice to stay at home?

You say that as if they should, actually. You're questioning why some parents choose to both work. I think some will see that as judgemental.
ok I will ask another way!!
Would you make the choice because finacially you had too?
In which case instead of the government funding childcare might be better off helping parents to stay at home and raise their children!
or
Would you make the choice because neither of you want to give up work?
This leaving others to raise your children!
both myself and my wife work...and we never left our kids with others,we shared the responsibility.
you clearly don't like the idea of both parents working and expect one should stay at home with the kids...a narrow minded view in my opinion.
Sorry you are wrong judging me that way as I worked nights in some of the years of my motherhood and my husband looked after the children. The point at the beginning I was trying to make wasnt if parents split responsiblity and work.
There are some parents that choose to work because they dont want to stay at home. Would you agree with this?

28 Feb 2008

Quote by Theladyisaminx
There are some parents that choose to work because they dont want to stay at home. Would you agree with this?

Yep I would smile

I've known for a long time that whilst I might want children at some point in my life.....it would be a big sacrifice to my job which I love. I guess I'm just not that maternal really.
I've only recently started to consider having children.....prior to this I've always said that I don't have time for them so wouldn't. I've started to consider it due to the fact that I am in a situation where I know I could go back to work and the father would take leave from work to look after the babies.
It's not that I don't like children.....I do, but I don't want to spend all my time with them. I would want to be there for the child when they needed me but my situation at the moment is that I'd be better off working than being a stay at home mum. By better off I mean not just finacially but mentally as well.
I know some people will be appalled that I would think of having a child and then going straight back to work.....but for me it's the only way I could do it.

28 Feb 2008

Quote by poshkate

There are some parents that choose to work because they dont want to stay at home. Would you agree with this?

Yep I would smile

I've known for a long time that whilst I might want children at some point in my life.....it would be a big sacrifice to my job which I love. I guess I'm just not that maternal really.
I've only recently started to consider having children.....prior to this I've always said that I don't have time for them so wouldn't. I've started to consider it due to the fact that I am in a situation where I know I could go back to work and the father would take leave from work to look after the babies.
It's not that I don't like children.....I do, but I don't want to spend all my time with them. I would want to be there for the child when they needed me but my situation at the moment is that I'd be better off working than being a stay at home mum. By better off I mean not just finacially but mentally as well.
I know some people will be appalled that I would think of having a child and then going straight back to work.....but for me it's the only way I could do it.
Well I admire your honesty, there are some Dads that make a fair better stay at home parent..Good luck to you

29 Feb 2008

Quote by Theladyisaminx

Your circumstances are different to mine, so of course I understand you!! But when there are two parents why doesnt one make the choice to stay at home?

Because not everyone can? dunno

We don't drive flashy new cars or holiday twice a year but we still both have to work to pay the bills. Bully for you if you can, but not everyone is that fortunate confused

(/quote]
So it must be most people are living outside of their means. Why dont the government then instead of handing out money for childcare etc. Help by giving it to mothers or fathers to provide the childcare themselves and stay at home?
Because the Government is trying to get people back into work to help provide for themselves and their families.
You've contradicted yourself a bit there Minx, you're saying the Government should stop giving handouts to families who go to work and instead give the money to encourage them to stay at home? :dunno: So, it's still going to be relying on a Government handout isn't it?
Tell me, does a child suffer from their parents being at work? Mine certainly hasn't, I have my usual teen problems with her but they would've happened regardless of me working full time. She is a bright intelligant young lady who has never ever said to me 'I missed out because...'...
Is it not about personal guilt Minx or the parent who is suffering rather than the child?

29 Feb 2008

Quote by jaymar

Your circumstances are different to mine, so of course I understand you!! But when there are two parents why doesnt one make the choice to stay at home?

Because not everyone can? dunno

We don't drive flashy new cars or holiday twice a year but we still both have to work to pay the bills. Bully for you if you can, but not everyone is that fortunate confused

(/quote]
So it must be most people are living outside of their means. Why dont the government then instead of handing out money for childcare etc. Help by giving it to mothers or fathers to provide the childcare themselves and stay at home?
Because the Government is trying to get people back into work to help provide for themselves and their families.
We have always provided for our children, they may not have got all they want. But we have always given them all that they need, without a penny from the government!
You've contradicted yourself a bit there Minx, you're saying the Government should stop giving handouts to families who go to work and instead give the money to encourage them to stay at home?
I am not saying that government should stop helping working parents, but they would help with childcare cost for someone else to look after your child/ children.
What if the mother wants to provide the childcare shouldn't she be able to claim the same costs?
As I work more than 16 hrs a week too!
:dunno: So, it's still going to be relying on a Government handout isn't it?
I worked from 16-27 before having my children and paid my taxes. Hubby has worked all his life and paid his too. We are still paying as we are both registered as self employed and work from home!
Is it a handout or help like others that work that can claim this benifit?
Tell me, does a child suffer from their parents being at work?
I thought it had been proven to have one or the other parent raise a child gives them the best possible start in life!
Correct me if I am wrong here?
Mine certainly hasn't, I have my usual teen problems with her but they would've happened regardless of me working full time. She is a bright intelligant young lady who has never ever said to me 'I missed out because...'...
Is it not about personal guilt Minx or the parent who is suffering rather than the child?
Personal guilt from whom?

29 Feb 2008

Quote by Theladyisaminx

Your circumstances are different to mine, so of course I understand you!! But when there are two parents why doesnt one make the choice to stay at home?

Because not everyone can? dunno

We don't drive flashy new cars or holiday twice a year but we still both have to work to pay the bills. Bully for you if you can, but not everyone is that fortunate confused

(/quote]
So it must be most people are living outside of their means. Why dont the government then instead of handing out money for childcare etc. Help by giving it to mothers or fathers to provide the childcare themselves and stay at home?
Because the Government is trying to get people back into work to help provide for themselves and their families.
We have always provided for our children, they may not have got all they want. But we have always given them all that they need, without a penny from the government!
You've contradicted yourself a bit there Minx, you're saying the Government should stop giving handouts to families who go to work and instead give the money to encourage them to stay at home?
I am not saying that government should stop helping working parents, but they would help with childcare cost for someone else to look after your child/ children.
What if the mother wants to provide the childcare shouldn't she be able to claim the same costs?
As I work more than 16 hrs a week too!
:dunno: So, it's still going to be relying on a Government handout isn't it?
I worked from 16-27 before having my children and paid my taxes. Hubby has worked all his life and paid his too. We are still paying as we are both registered as self employed and work from home!
Is it a handout or help like others that work that can claim this benifit?
Tell me, does a child suffer from their parents being at work?
I thought it had been proven to have one or the other parent raise a child gives them the best possible start in life!
Correct me if I am wrong here?
Mine certainly hasn't, I have my usual teen problems with her but they would've happened regardless of me working full time. She is a bright intelligant young lady who has never ever said to me 'I missed out because...'...
Is it not about personal guilt Minx or the parent who is suffering rather than the child?
Personal guilt from whom?
You implied children suffer and that parents should stay at home to give them their basic needs, I said I went to work, my daughter has not suffered and I've still met her basic needs.
Therefore is it not a case that's it's a personal guilt that a parent would carry because majority of working parents do not have children that suffer from their work.
(I wasn't implying you btw)

29 Feb 2008

Yes, I think that working mothers do want it all. Just as working fathers want it all.
The 'all' being paying for their food, house, clothes and leisure time.
Getting into debt is something I have never done. EVER. I worked damn hard from the time my son was born and will carry on working hard until I decide that I don't want to anymore.
I don't care how many statistics get bandied around. My son is a better child for me working. I am happy - he is happy. I could list all the benefits of him having been looked after while I was at work. I won't do that as it would seem to be insulting to those who stayed home.
I do take exception to saying that 'others raised him' No-one else has raised my son apart from me. No-one else can take the credit for the gorgeousness that is my teenager. He is wonderful because he has me as a parent and he is a unique individual.

29 Feb 2008

So in effect the 'First/developed world' , with its family of busy workers, is actually no different in its necessities and requirements than a 'third' world country.
Except that perhaps we don't need to transport water............

29 Feb 2008

Actually I just realised I did'nt answer the question that is the title of this thread. My answer is yes! I do want it all. I want happy children, happy husband and happy me and for the most part that is what I have. I actually asked my middle child would she rather have me out working 9-5 Mon-Fri and coming home happy and fullfilled or would she rather have me home all day at her disposal and unhappy because I had given up my career and she said of the two she would rather the first option. As it is, she has me home all day and working all hours god sends and being a grumpy bugger because I'm overworked lol

but she loves me anyway so I'm happy because she is happy and because my career is going well. So I suppose yes I definitely want it all smile

1 Mar 2008

you know i think some of the comments here have been quite insulting to parents who chose to or have to work whist still bringing up their children, because lets face it, even if child has to go to nursery or childminer in the day time, it is STILL the parent who brings up the child.
we both work, yes we could manage without one of use working, but it would be existing not living. our children do not go without love or attention ever.
going back to work is in no way the easy option, in fact it is a damn sight harder, i do EVERYTHING a saty at home mother does, AND i work a full time job as well, please explain to me how that is the easy option????!!
if i turned the tables away from the "SELFISH" parents who work to provide for their children,
would it be considered acceptable for me to rant about LAZY parents who choose to stay at home watching daytime tv and not paying their own way? would it be ok for me to say THEY are not giving their kids the best start because they are in debt and unable to provide anything material for their kids? its ok to point our "research" about how kids are better off with parenst who stay at home, well there is also research that states that kids are better of with parents as role models who work hard to support themselves and manage their money well. there is also research to point out that kids that live in hovels in awful rough areas and do not have a healthy balanced diet due to lack of money are worse off, something that many parents work to avoid!
no! it would NOT be ok for me to start a thread making statements like that, so please have the same respect for those that do work!

1 Mar 2008

Bloody well said, WBB!

1 Mar 2008

Quote by well_busty_babe
you know i think some of the comments here have been quite insulting to parents who chose to or have to work whist still bringing up their children, because lets face it, even if child has to go to nursery or childminer in the day time, it is STILL the parent who brings up the child.
we both work, yes we could manage without one of use working, but it would be existing not living. our children do not go without love or attention ever.
going back to work is in no way the easy option, in fact it is a damn sight harder, i do EVERYTHING a saty at home mother does, AND i work a full time job as well, please explain to me how that is the easy option????!!
if i turned the tables away from the "SELFISH" parents who work to provide for their children,
would it be considered acceptable for me to rant about LAZY parents who choose to stay at home watching daytime tv and not paying their own way? would it be ok for me to say THEY are not giving their kids the best start because they are in debt and unable to provide anything material for their kids? its ok to point our "research" about how kids are better off with parenst who stay at home, well there is also research that states that kids are better of with parents as role models who work hard to support themselves and manage their money well. there is also research to point out that kids that live in hovels in awful rough areas and do not have a healthy balanced diet due to lack of money are worse off, something that many parents work to avoid!
no! it would NOT be ok for me to start a thread making statements like that, so please have the same respect for those that do work!

:thumbup: my thoughts to

1 Mar 2008

Of course I want it all; and why shouldn't I?!

2 Mar 2008

would it be considered acceptable for me to rant about LAZY parents who choose to stay at home watching daytime tv and not paying their own way?

Is that your opinion that every parent that stays at home watches daytime TV, and don't pay their way in life?

2 Mar 2008

I believe that this great country of mine has a wonderful system in place that helps those that are needier. This system is the welfare system that looks after the vulnerable in our society. The person who thought it up is a wonderful person.
It allows those that are in poverty to help feed, house, clothe and have the essentials of life.
Now getting back to the thread. Should a parent stay at home? Yes they should, if they can afford it and want to. Should I pay for your choice to stay at home? I do not think I should. If people want to stay at home then they should pay for it. The money that pays for their lifestyle choice (IMO) is money that is being taken away from the vulnerable. I don’t expect anybody else to buy our condoms for our lifestyle choice of swinging.
Those people who have to stay at home should have the welfare money to look after their needs, and only to a time they are not vulnerable and can make a contribution back to the state.
Short answer: You want to stay at home…..you pay for it.
Do I think it benefits a child if there is always a parent around? Sometimes it is beneficial, sometimes it is not. It depends on the parent/s, child and a lot of other factors thrown in.
Dave_Notts

2 Mar 2008

Quote by Theladyisaminx
would it be considered acceptable for me to rant about LAZY parents who choose to stay at home watching daytime tv and not paying their own way?

Is that your opinion that every parent that stays at home watches daytime TV, and don't pay their way in life?
It was an example of acceptability. Not as a single point of reference.
Some valid points brought up by WBB, and a question or two thrown in. It would be nice to see an answer before another question.
Dave_Notts

2 Mar 2008

I don't want it all!
I just want:
An arse like Beyonce ( and no I don't mean Jay-Z rolleyes

)
Next week's winning lottery numbers
The menopause to come and go while I'm asleep one night
That guy from the Aero ad to come and rip all my clothes off and make passionate lurrrrve to me until I can't take anymore then go down and cook me a perfect medium rare steak complete with chips, peas and button mushrooms and a chilled bottle of Rose
world domination....I mean peace
and the tax man to go fuck himself flipa

2 Mar 2008

Quote by Sassy-Seren
I don't want it all!
I just want:
An arse like Beyonce ( and no I don't mean Jay-Z )
Next week's winning lottery numbers
The menopause to come and go while I'm asleep one night
That guy from the Aero ad to come and rip all my clothes off and make passionate lurrrrve to me until I can't take anymore then go down and cook me a perfect medium rare steak complete with chips, peas and button mushrooms and a chilled bottle of Rose
world domination....I mean peace
and the tax man to go fuck himself

Sassy- you had me drooling then.....right up to the button mushrooms! :scared:

2 Mar 2008

Quote by well_busty_babe
you know i think some of the comments here have been quite insulting to parents who chose to or have to work whist still bringing up their children, because lets face it, even if child has to go to nursery or childminer in the day time, it is STILL the parent who brings up the child.
I find some of the comments harsh too, but I don't take the comments to heart as i like to know both sides of the debate as we all have different opinions.
I think both sides have valid points!
But I also feel and this is my opinion (right or wrong who knows )When a parent is around for at least the first 5 years of a childs life. They can instill the family values.
If parents leave a child with a childminded for best part of a day isn't it their values that the child learns?
we both work, yes we could manage without one of use working, but it would be existing not living. our children do not go without love or attention ever.
going back to work is in no way the easy option, in fact it is a damn sight harder, i do EVERYTHING a saty at home mother does, AND i work a full time job as well, please explain to me how that is the easy option????!!
staying at home is a harder opinion in my opinion for the following reason..
1. You lose you identity.
2. You get not thanks from anyone at the end of the day.
3. Your social circle isn’t the same.
4. Adult to adult communication is less.
5. And people think you just sit at home drinking tea and watching daytime TV.
But I for one never let these things happen to me. I got off my butt and made a different life out of being a stay at home mum, I opened other doors and made mine and my children’s life more fulfilling and more rewarding. No job has ever given me such satisfaction as being at home with my children. Even though money has been very tight at times, it isn’t all about luxuries that make us happy as a family
if i turned the tables away from the "SELFISH" parents who work to provide for their children,
would it be considered acceptable for me to rant about LAZY parents who choose to stay at home watching daytime tv and not paying their own way? would it be ok for me to say THEY are not giving their kids the best start because they are in debt and unable to provide anything material for their kids? its ok to point our "research" about how kids are better off with parenst who stay at home, well there is also research that states that kids are better of with parents as role models who work hard to support themselves and manage their money well. there is also research to point out that kids that live in hovels in awful rough areas and do not have a healthy balanced diet due to lack of money are worse off, something that many parents work to avoid!
As I said everyone is intitled to their views, and if this is yours I would say it is a very shallow minded view. I would never tarnish everyone with the same brush!
no! it would NOT be ok for me to start a thread making statements like that, so please have the same respect for those that do work!

If that is your opinion would be good to see you post the thread as we can all see what others think! :dunno:

2 Mar 2008

Quote by flower411
you know i think some of the comments here have been quite insulting to parents who chose to or have to work whist still bringing up their children, because lets face it, even if child has to go to nursery or childminer in the day time, it is STILL the parent who brings up the child.
I find some of the comments harsh too, but I don't take the comments to heart as i like to know both sides of the debate as we all have different opinions.
I think both sides have valid points!
But I also feel and this is my opinion (right or wrong who knows )When a parent is around for at least the first 5 years of a childs life. They can instill the family values.
If parents leave a child with a childminded for best part of a day isn't it their values that the child learns?
we both work, yes we could manage without one of use working, but it would be existing not living. our children do not go without love or attention ever.
going back to work is in no way the easy option, in fact it is a damn sight harder, i do EVERYTHING a saty at home mother does, AND i work a full time job as well, please explain to me how that is the easy option????!!
staying at home is a harder opinion in my opinion for the following reason..
1. You lose you identity.
2. You get not thanks from anyone at the end of the day.
3. Your social circle isn’t the same.
4. Adult to adult communication is less.
5. And people think you just sit at home drinking tea and watching daytime TV.
But I for one never let these things happen to me. I got off my butt and made a different life out of being a stay at home mum, I opened other doors and made mine and my children’s life more fulfilling and more rewarding. No job has ever given me such satisfaction as being at home with my children. Even though money has been very tight at times, it isn’t all about luxuries that make us happy as a family
if i turned the tables away from the "SELFISH" parents who work to provide for their children,
would it be considered acceptable for me to rant about LAZY parents who choose to stay at home watching daytime tv and not paying their own way? would it be ok for me to say THEY are not giving their kids the best start because they are in debt and unable to provide anything material for their kids? its ok to point our "research" about how kids are better off with parenst who stay at home, well there is also research that states that kids are better of with parents as role models who work hard to support themselves and manage their money well. there is also research to point out that kids that live in hovels in awful rough areas and do not have a healthy balanced diet due to lack of money are worse off, something that many parents work to avoid!
As I said everyone is intitled to their views, and if this is yours I would say it is a very shallow minded view. I would never tarnish everyone with the same brush!
no! it would NOT be ok for me to start a thread making statements like that, so please have the same respect for those that do work!

If that is your opinion would be good to see you post the thread as we can all see what others think! :dunno:
Minx, anytime that shovel you`re wielding gets to heavy, I know where you can get a JCB wink

:rotflmao: :thumbup:
Flower, what a great Mate to have lol

2 Mar 2008

Minxy.......read what WBB did write. She gives an opposite view of your original question. She didn't at any time say that was her view. She was questioning your style of being unthinking to others lifestyle choices that did not agree with yours.
Dave_Notts

2 Mar 2008

Quote by Dave__Notts
Minxy.......read what WBB did write. She gives an opposite view of your original question. She didn't at any time say that was her view. She was questioning your style of being unthinking to others lifestyle choices that did not agree with yours.
Dave_Notts

That's how I read it as well. NOT that it was WBB's opinion.

2 Mar 2008

Quote by Dave__Notts
Minxy.......read what WBB did write. She gives an opposite view of your original question. She didn't at any time say that was her view. She was questioning your style of being unthinking to others lifestyle choices that did not agree with yours.
Dave_Notts

Dave I dont think I said it was her view, confused

I just asked. I have also stated that some of the views of others are valid points. I answered, as you put in an ealier thread to answer the questions before asking a question. I am only doing as i am told :rascal: as I always do! biggrin

2 Mar 2008

Quote by flower411
you know i think some of the comments here have been quite insulting to parents who chose to or have to work whist still bringing up their children, because lets face it, even if child has to go to nursery or childminer in the day time, it is STILL the parent who brings up the child.
I find some of the comments harsh too, but I don't take the comments to heart as i like to know both sides of the debate as we all have different opinions.
I think both sides have valid points!
But I also feel and this is my opinion (right or wrong who knows )When a parent is around for at least the first 5 years of a childs life. They can instill the family values.
If parents leave a child with a childminded for best part of a day isn't it their values that the child learns?
we both work, yes we could manage without one of use working, but it would be existing not living. our children do not go without love or attention ever.
going back to work is in no way the easy option, in fact it is a damn sight harder, i do EVERYTHING a saty at home mother does, AND i work a full time job as well, please explain to me how that is the easy option????!!
staying at home is a harder opinion in my opinion for the following reason..
1. You lose you identity.
2. You get not thanks from anyone at the end of the day.
3. Your social circle isn’t the same.
4. Adult to adult communication is less.
5. And people think you just sit at home drinking tea and watching daytime TV.
But I for one never let these things happen to me. I got off my butt and made a different life out of being a stay at home mum, I opened other doors and made mine and my children’s life more fulfilling and more rewarding. No job has ever given me such satisfaction as being at home with my children. Even though money has been very tight at times, it isn’t all about luxuries that make us happy as a family
if i turned the tables away from the "SELFISH" parents who work to provide for their children,
would it be considered acceptable for me to rant about LAZY parents who choose to stay at home watching daytime tv and not paying their own way? would it be ok for me to say THEY are not giving their kids the best start because they are in debt and unable to provide anything material for their kids? its ok to point our "research" about how kids are better off with parenst who stay at home, well there is also research that states that kids are better of with parents as role models who work hard to support themselves and manage their money well. there is also research to point out that kids that live in hovels in awful rough areas and do not have a healthy balanced diet due to lack of money are worse off, something that many parents work to avoid!
As I said everyone is intitled to their views, and if this is yours I would say it is a very shallow minded view. I would never tarnish everyone with the same brush!
no! it would NOT be ok for me to start a thread making statements like that, so please have the same respect for those that do work!

If that is your opinion would be good to see you post the thread as we can all see what others think! :dunno:
Minx, anytime that shovel you`re wielding gets to heavy, I know where you can get a JCB wink

Flower bring over the JCB I think I need it! lol

2 Mar 2008

Quote by flower411
Minxy.......read what WBB did write. She gives an opposite view of your original question. She didn't at any time say that was her view. She was questioning your style of being unthinking to others lifestyle choices that did not agree with yours.
Dave_Notts

Dave I dont think I said it was her view, confused

I just asked. I have also stated that some of the views of others are valid points. I answered, as you put in an ealier thread to answer the questions before asking a question. I am only doing as i am told :rascal: as I always do! biggrin

Bend over then !!! Ya naughty minx smackbottom

ok :moon: what now? :happy:

2 Mar 2008

Quote by Theladyisaminx
Minxy.......read what WBB did write. She gives an opposite view of your original question. She didn't at any time say that was her view. She was questioning your style of being unthinking to others lifestyle choices that did not agree with yours.
Dave_Notts

Dave I dont think I said it was her view, confused

I just asked.

and if this is yours I would say it is a very shallow minded view.

I read this as you saying it was her view or you thought it was her view. If I am wrong then I am wrong.
Dave_Notts

2 Mar 2008

ANotehr subject that got me thinking.
I would never choose to raise my child without me or the childs mother ebing there during the early years and being there when the child comes home from school as they get older.
Sadly some people are forced into this position.
Others, could quite easily provide the sort of nurturing environment I descibe but choose not to do so. I know many families where both opartners work full time to pay for holidyas or school fees or buy a big house. I dont think these things are better than a nurturing environment.