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Do working mothers want it all?

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When we decided to embark on having a family we never concidered anyone else raising our children. We had children to raise them ourselves even though in doing so meant we would soon get into debt as morgage rates were 15%. (and we did got black listed and nearly bankcrupted, but 16 years on we have paid everything back and still have our home.) We still fill our children were worth the sacrifice. Most mothers I know say they cant afford to stay at home and need to work. I have said then dont go abroad twice a year, or buy the latest gismo for yourself or child, or trade your car in every three years for the latest model. Or buying your children everthing they want. All they need is love, food, and a feeling of security.
Beacause at the end of the day you can have these things later in life, you can never get back the time when your child first crawls, walks, talks etc.
I was told by a friend once that staying at home is the easier option, whereby I laughted.
I think going back to work is a far easier option, but I would never have done it any other way.
But what do you think?
What did you chose to do?
Whould you have chanced things if you knew then what you know now?
Quote by Theladyisaminx
Most mothers I know say they cant afford to stay at home and need to work. . All they need is love, food, and a feeling of security.
Beacause at the end of the day you can have these things later in life,

I had to work to provide these, being a single parent 15 years ago I had no choice.
Poverty is still very high, I'm sorry I have to disagree with you on this one Minx, not everyone is fortunate enough to be able to keep one parent at home to bring up the children.
And there's no better a person to know what I've missed out on - I had no choice. sad
Quote by Theladyisaminx
When we decided to embark on having a family we never concidered anyone else raising our children. We had children to raise them ourselves even though in doing so meant we would soon get into debt as morgage rates were 15%. (and we did got black listed and nearly bankcrupted, but 16 years on we have paid everything back and still have our home.) We still fill our children were worth the sacrifice. Most mothers I know say they cant afford to stay at home and need to work. I have said then dont go abroad twice a year, or buy the latest gismo for yourself or child, or trade your car in every three years for the latest model. Or buying your children everthing they want. All they need is love, food, and a feeling of security.
Beacause at the end of the day you can have these things later in life, you can never get back the time when your child first crawls, walks, talks etc.
I was told by a friend once that staying at home is the easier option, whereby I laughted.
I think going back to work is a far easier option, but I would never have done it any other way.
But what do you think?
What did you chose to do?
Whould you have chanced things if you knew then what you know now?

what about the dads...so its ok for us to miss out on these things.
and both parents work not to just have two holidays a year and the latest gadgets and the best clothes for their kids...they do it,simply for a better quality of life.
Quote by Theladyisaminx
When we decided to embark on having a family we never concidered anyone else raising our children. We had children to raise them ourselves even though in doing so meant we would soon get into debt as morgage rates were 15%. (and we did got black listed and nearly bankcrupted, but 16 years on we have paid everything back and still have our home.) We still fill our children were worth the sacrifice. Most mothers I know say they cant afford to stay at home and need to work. I have said then dont go abroad twice a year, or buy the latest gismo for yourself or child, or trade your car in every three years for the latest model. Or buying your children everthing they want. All they need is love, food, and a feeling of security.
Beacause at the end of the day you can have these things later in life, you can never get back the time when your child first crawls, walks, talks etc.
I was told by a friend once that staying at home is the easier option, whereby I laughted.
I think going back to work is a far easier option, but I would never have done it any other way.
But what do you think?
What did you chose to do?
Whould you have chanced things if you knew then what you know now?

It doesn't always work like that, sadly.
And whilst in an ideal world I think there would be aparent around in a childs formative years, I doubt there are many who choose not to be there lightly.
Quote by jaymar
Most mothers I know say they cant afford to stay at home and need to work. . All they need is love, food, and a feeling of security.
Beacause at the end of the day you can have these things later in life,

I had to work to provide these, being a single parent 15 years ago I had no choice.
Poverty is still very high, I'm sorry I have to disagree with you on this one Minx, not everyone is fortunate enough to be able to keep one parent at home to bring up the children.
And there's no better a person to know what I've missed out on - I had no choice. sad
Your circumstances are different to mine, so of course I understand you!! But when there are two parents why doesnt one make the choice to stay at home?
Quote by Mr-Powers
When we decided to embark on having a family we never concidered anyone else raising our children. We had children to raise them ourselves even though in doing so meant we would soon get into debt as morgage rates were 15%. (and we did got black listed and nearly bankcrupted, but 16 years on we have paid everything back and still have our home.) We still fill our children were worth the sacrifice. Most mothers I know say they cant afford to stay at home and need to work. I have said then dont go abroad twice a year, or buy the latest gismo for yourself or child, or trade your car in every three years for the latest model. Or buying your children everthing they want. All they need is love, food, and a feeling of security.
Beacause at the end of the day you can have these things later in life, you can never get back the time when your child first crawls, walks, talks etc.
I was told by a friend once that staying at home is the easier option, whereby I laughted.
I think going back to work is a far easier option, but I would never have done it any other way.
But what do you think?
What did you chose to do?
Whould you have chanced things if you knew then what you know now?

what about the dads...so its ok for us to miss out on these things.
and both parents work not to just have two holidays a year and the latest gadgets and the best clothes for their kids...they do it,simply for a better quality of life.
I know some very good stay at home Dads, the choice should be between the couple and what is best for them.
I don't understand your comment "better quality of life" does that mean financial stablity?
I would love to have been a stay at home Mum but finances and circumstances wouldn't allow. That said, I've tried my best over the years to be there for all their school meetings, plays, concerts and parent-teacher evenings and be home with them at evening mealtime through to bedtime.
Being a single Mum when the eldest was born, I didn't want to bring him up relying on state benefit. I've always worked, with the exception of maternity leave and that way, my money is controlled by ME and not some pen pusher in local Govt.
I wasn't in the position to give my boys what they wanted when they wanted it but it has taught them the value of money and the importance of working for what you want, luxury-wise. Neither of them have ever been demanding boys but I do make it up to them as and when finances will allow. I've seen my sister ruin her daughter ( an only child ) from the day she was born and 27 years later she's still take, take, take. It's also made her very selfish in other aspects of her life. rolleyes
I saw a child of around 7 years old with her own mobile phone last week ffs!
Quote by Theladyisaminx
When we decided to embark on having a family we never concidered anyone else raising our children. We had children to raise them ourselves even though in doing so meant we would soon get into debt as morgage rates were 15%. (and we did got black listed and nearly bankcrupted, but 16 years on we have paid everything back and still have our home.) We still fill our children were worth the sacrifice. Most mothers I know say they cant afford to stay at home and need to work. I have said then dont go abroad twice a year, or buy the latest gismo for yourself or child, or trade your car in every three years for the latest model. Or buying your children everthing they want. All they need is love, food, and a feeling of security.
Beacause at the end of the day you can have these things later in life, you can never get back the time when your child first crawls, walks, talks etc.
I was told by a friend once that staying at home is the easier option, whereby I laughted.
I think going back to work is a far easier option, but I would never have done it any other way.
But what do you think?
What did you chose to do?
Whould you have chanced things if you knew then what you know now?

what about the dads...so its ok for us to miss out on these things.
and both parents work not to just have two holidays a year and the latest gadgets and the best clothes for their kids...they do it,simply for a better quality of life.
I know some very good stay at home Dads, the choice should be between the couple and what is best for them.
I don't understand your comment "better quality of life" does that mean financial stablity?
of course it does...why should people have to srimp and scrap...to get by when its possible to have two working parents...thus lightening the load on the one income coming into the house,my wife went back to work to help me as well as give herself some independence.
Before my son was school age i was a single parent and did go to college full time and worked part time i missed out of the important bitsbut being so young i would have been labeled like so many teenage mums. I dont regret it however as i used the time to better myself and my sons future
Now i have qualifications i choose not to work at the minute. Dek has a decent wage coming in and we can afford 2 holidays a year still without me working We are very lucky in the respect i dont have to work and can be home for son going to and coming home from school. Money does get tight sometimes though
Everyones view will (hopefully) be different as every one should first and foremost do what is right for their family at the time.
Quote by Sassy-Seren
I would love to have been a stay at home Mum but finances and circumstances wouldn't allow. That said, I've tried my best over the years to be there for all their school meetings, plays, concerts and parent-teacher evenings and be home with them at evening mealtime through to bedtime.
Being a single Mum when the eldest was born, I didn't want to bring him up relying on state benefit. I've always worked, with the exception of maternity leave and that way, my money is controlled by ME and not some pen pusher in local Govt.
I wasn't in the position to give my boys what they wanted when they wanted it but it has taught them the value of money and the importance of working for what you want, luxury-wise. Neither of them have ever been demanding boys but I do make it up to them as and when finances will allow. I've seen my sister ruin her daughter ( an only child ) from the day she was born and 27 years later she's still take, take, take. It's also made her very selfish in other aspects of her life. rolleyes
I saw a child of around 7 years old with her own mobile phone last week ffs!

I can see exactly where you coming from here, I give my children a good Christmas and Birthday that is when I buy them what they want within reason. Mine dont make a list etc. My son at the age of 9 saved up for a new bike took him a year doing odd jobs around the house for a couple of pounds and asking if nanny etc could give him money for his birthday.
Why is it that some people think giving their children what they ask for makes for happier children?
One day they will get the response that are not expecting a no, how do they cope then?
Possibly the same way you said your niece does shows very selfish traits! dunno
And 7 having a mobile phone when it isnt even proven if radio waves can cause any side affects in brain activity, I don't understand it all myself!!
Quote by Sassy-Seren
I saw a child of around 7 years old with her own mobile phone last week ffs!

My son is coming up 9 and really wants one for his birthday. Alot (most) of his friends have them so your comment does not suprise me in the least.
Im still in 2 minds about getting him one as i think he is to younghowever this is the only thing he has asked for rolleyes
As far as monetary value is concerned he could have one for less than a game for his nintendo ds. That in itself is rather worrying
Ours have only been allowed to have phones at the point when they've "needed" them- when they start secondary school, which is quite a long bus trip away.
And then they've been pretty basic. I hate to see kids on the phone the whole time- it really worries me. The more parents give in to giving kids these things younger & younger....the more it will spiral.
They'll be mounting bluetooth kits on prams next.
rolleyes
Quote by X_fanny_x

I saw a child of around 7 years old with her own mobile phone last week ffs!

My son is coming up 9 and really wants one for his birthday. Alot (most) of his friends have them so your comment does not suprise me in the least.
Im still in 2 minds about getting him one as i think he is to younghowever this is the only thing he has asked for rolleyes
As far as monetary value is concerned he could have one for less than a game for his nintendo ds. That in itself is rather worrying
I didn't give in my son asked for one when he was 11 and we bought his first phone a cheap £35 one for him when he was 15. As he was going out with friends more and we just wanted to be able to be in touch with each other. He is almost 17 and still has the same phone. But peer pressure is hard as parents we have to do what we feel best.
Quote by Theladyisaminx
When we decided to embark on having a family we never concidered anyone else raising our children.
When I decided to have a child with my ex I was 20 and finally had him when I was 23. I hadn't considered the future at all. I was just obeying my instincts and my body clock which was an all consuming overwhelming need for a child.
We had children to raise them ourselves even though in doing so meant we would soon get into debt as morgage rates were 15%. (and we did got black listed and nearly bankcrupted, but 16 years on we have paid everything back and still have our home.) We still fill our children were worth the sacrifice. Most mothers I know say they cant afford to stay at home and need to work. I have said then dont go abroad twice a year, or buy the latest gismo for yourself or child, or trade your car in every three years for the latest model. Or buying your children everthing they want. All they need is love, food, and a feeling of security.
I worked on the high street at the time and I could neither afford to stay at home as we needed our 2 wages to pay our mortgage or travel abroad even once a year and definitely could not afford to be updating cars.
Beacause at the end of the day you can have these things later in life
You are right in some cases maybe, but how are you going to get them later in life if you havn't held on to your career? where is the money going to come from?
, you can never get back the time when your child first crawls, walks, talks etc.
I was very lucky that I was the first one to see my son walk and hear him talk. It was my day off and he took 7 steps.
I was told by a friend once that staying at home is the easier option, whereby I laughted.
No it's definitely not easy
I think going back to work is a far easier option, but I would never have done it any other way.
...and neither is going back to work after a baby sad
I took an even harder way than most. I kept my career and started work from home 11 years ago. It's very hard. Your career interrupts your life, your life interrupts your job and your pay is a reflection of how well you do your job however sports day is not missed, firsts have not been missed and I'm there if the children want to see me or speak to me. However it is now a succesful little business, so much so that Stormy now has to stay at home to do the kiddy thing and help me with my admin and the phone rolleyes
But what do you think?
What did you chose to do?
I didn't have the luxury of choice, but I think I still would have kept my career going as my children have benefited enormously from it as for the most part they have a happy Mummy which is also important for their well being.
Whould you have chanced things if you knew then what you know now?

Yes I would but not anything to do with my carrying on with my career cool
Love
Fire xx
I took an even harder way than most. I kept my career and started work from home 11 years ago. It's very hard.
We know how hard this is as some 7 years ago my husband gave up a job in the city to try his luck on his own. We now both work from home, he works more hours than I do. I am here for the children and we both get invloved in the activities they have taken up. Giving time voluntree at the school, cricket club where all three of our children play. We are so lucky to be able to give to others our time, we find this more rewarding than getting paid.
Quote by Theladyisaminx

I saw a child of around 7 years old with her own mobile phone last week ffs!

My son is coming up 9 and really wants one for his birthday. Alot (most) of his friends have them so your comment does not suprise me in the least.
Im still in 2 minds about getting him one as i think he is to younghowever this is the only thing he has asked for rolleyes
As far as monetary value is concerned he could have one for less than a game for his nintendo ds. That in itself is rather worrying
I didn't give in my son asked for one when he was 11 and we bought his first phone a cheap £35 one for him when he was 15. As he was going out with friends more and we just wanted to be able to be in touch with each other. He is almost 17 and still has the same phone. But peer pressure is hard as parents we have to do what we feel best.
Dont get me wrong i never rush out to buy anything the phone he has been asking for since he was 7 likewise with the ds - all his friends have them i have waited and am still waiting
Peer pressure can be a nasty thing specially between kids
Quote by Theladyisaminx
Your circumstances are different to mine, so of course I understand you!! But when there are two parents why doesnt one make the choice to stay at home?

Because not everyone can? dunno We don't drive flashy new cars or holiday twice a year but we still both have to work to pay the bills. Bully for you if you can, but not everyone is that fortunate confused
Quote by Freckledbird

Your circumstances are different to mine, so of course I understand you!! But when there are two parents why doesnt one make the choice to stay at home?

Because not everyone can? dunno We don't drive flashy new cars or holiday twice a year but we still both have to work to pay the bills. Bully for you if you can, but not everyone is that fortunate confused
(/quote]
So it must be most people are living outside of their means. Why dont the government then instead of handing out money for childcare etc. Help by giving it to mothers or fathers to provide the childcare themselves and stay at home?
I find the comment "going back to work is the EASY option" total bullshit.
Its not easy leaving a 6 month old baby with strangers but what choice do most people have? I have two options work and pay towards the bills or live in poverty, I know which one is better for my children.
I get myself up and ready, feed and clothe two children get one to school and one to nursery/family all before I start work at 9:30. To do it all in reverse to get home as well as fitting in all the jobs that have to be done at home.
Im not even sure I would want to stay at home all day everyday, I feel like I want adult conversation and company. I also like having some financial independence.
Quote by Theladyisaminx

Your circumstances are different to mine, so of course I understand you!! But when there are two parents why doesnt one make the choice to stay at home?

Because not everyone can? dunno We don't drive flashy new cars or holiday twice a year but we still both have to work to pay the bills. Bully for you if you can, but not everyone is that fortunate confused
(/quote]
So it must be most people are living outside of their means. Why dont the government then instead of handing out money for childcare etc. Help by giving it to mothers or fathers to provide the childcare themselves and stay at home?
and you base that on what...your circumstances??
don't assume that because both parents are working it must be because they are living beyond their means.
Quote by Mr-Powers

Your circumstances are different to mine, so of course I understand you!! But when there are two parents why doesnt one make the choice to stay at home?

Because not everyone can? dunno We don't drive flashy new cars or holiday twice a year but we still both have to work to pay the bills. Bully for you if you can, but not everyone is that fortunate confused
(/quote]
So it must be most people are living outside of their means. Why dont the government then instead of handing out money for childcare etc. Help by giving it to mothers or fathers to provide the childcare themselves and stay at home?
and you base that on what...your circumstances??
don't assume that because both parents are working it must be because they are living beyond their means.
I dont realy think living in London and some other places across Britain you have a choice but to live above your means!
Take house prices for instance now about 8 times average earnings in London...where as when my parents bought were about 3 times average earnings!
And yes our circumstances have been to get in debt so that I could stay at home with the children. We choice to do that, and has taken us 16 years to clear these debts.
One of the aspects of our current life of dual income families etc. is that for more wealthy families, other families are displaced.
The busy career family who require nannies, au pairs, child minders etc, often find themselves in a situation where they have to employ an overseas worker. These are usally women who have left their own families to find employment.
Thus creating many families across the world who are minus a parent.
Quote by Theladyisaminx

Your circumstances are different to mine, so of course I understand you!! But when there are two parents why doesnt one make the choice to stay at home?

Because not everyone can? dunno We don't drive flashy new cars or holiday twice a year but we still both have to work to pay the bills. Bully for you if you can, but not everyone is that fortunate confused
(/quote]
So it must be most people are living outside of their means. Why dont the government then instead of handing out money for childcare etc. Help by giving it to mothers or fathers to provide the childcare themselves and stay at home?
and you base that on what...your circumstances??
don't assume that because both parents are working it must be because they are living beyond their means.
I dont realy think living in London and some other places across Britain you have a choice but to live above your means!
Take house prices for instance now about 8 times average earnings in London...where as when my parents bought were about 3 times average earnings!
And yes our circumstances have been to get in debt so that I could stay at home with the children. We choice to do that, and has taken us 16 years to clear these debts.
well thats your choice,just don't judge others who haven't followed the same way you did...everyone make different choices to suit their needs...you choose one way,others choose another,no right or wrong.
Quote by Theladyisaminx

Your circumstances are different to mine, so of course I understand you!! But when there are two parents why doesnt one make the choice to stay at home?

Because not everyone can? dunno We don't drive flashy new cars or holiday twice a year but we still both have to work to pay the bills. Bully for you if you can, but not everyone is that fortunate confused
(/quote]
So it must be most people are living outside of their means. Why dont the government then instead of handing out money for childcare etc. Help by giving it to mothers or fathers to provide the childcare themselves and stay at home?
Why must it be people living outside their means?, why can't it be that the two wages are not fantastic ones or maybe the two people involved love their careers and WANT to work? Having children doesn't mean you have to give up your life or they will suffer. It hasn't meant that in my family.
Quote by Mr-Powers

Your circumstances are different to mine, so of course I understand you!! But when there are two parents why doesnt one make the choice to stay at home?

Because not everyone can? dunno We don't drive flashy new cars or holiday twice a year but we still both have to work to pay the bills. Bully for you if you can, but not everyone is that fortunate confused
(/quote]
So it must be most people are living outside of their means. Why dont the government then instead of handing out money for childcare etc. Help by giving it to mothers or fathers to provide the childcare themselves and stay at home?
and you base that on what...your circumstances??
don't assume that because both parents are working it must be because they are living beyond their means.
I dont realy think living in London and some other places across Britain you have a choice but to live above your means!
Take house prices for instance now about 8 times average earnings in London...where as when my parents bought were about 3 times average earnings!
And yes our circumstances have been to get in debt so that I could stay at home with the children. We choice to do that, and has taken us 16 years to clear these debts.
well thats your choice,just don't judge others who haven't followed the same way you did...everyone make different choices to suit their needs...you choose one way,others choose another,no right or wrong.
who said i am judging? I am stating my views you are stating yours..isn't that what debating a topic such as this all about?
Quote by Theladyisaminx

Your circumstances are different to mine, so of course I understand you!! But when there are two parents why doesnt one make the choice to stay at home?

Because not everyone can? dunno We don't drive flashy new cars or holiday twice a year but we still both have to work to pay the bills. Bully for you if you can, but not everyone is that fortunate confused
(/quote]
So it must be most people are living outside of their means. Why dont the government then instead of handing out money for childcare etc. Help by giving it to mothers or fathers to provide the childcare themselves and stay at home?
and you base that on what...your circumstances??
don't assume that because both parents are working it must be because they are living beyond their means.
I dont realy think living in London and some other places across Britain you have a choice but to live above your means!
Take house prices for instance now about 8 times average earnings in London...where as when my parents bought were about 3 times average earnings!
And yes our circumstances have been to get in debt so that I could stay at home with the children. We choice to do that, and has taken us 16 years to clear these debts.
well thats your choice,just don't judge others who haven't followed the same way you did...everyone make different choices to suit their needs...you choose one way,others choose another,no right or wrong.
who said i am judging? I am stating my views you are stating yours..isn't that what debating a topic such as this all about?
your making sweeping statements...your also judging people because you can't seem to understand why both parents choose to work if only to buy expensive things rather then because they simply want/need too!
Quote by Theladyisaminx
But when there are two parents why doesnt one make the choice to stay at home?

You say that as if they should, actually. You're questioning why some parents choose to both work. I think some will see that as judgemental.
i didnt want to work when my children were young but even if i had, i didnt earn enough to pay childcare so it would have been pointless !
money was very tight but we had no choice but to cope but i loved being at home with them and all the time we had together and all the things we did
as the children got a bit older i worked from home so was there for them or i worked shifts, the opposite shift to their dad so one of us was there for them 90% of the time
Quote by Freckledbird
But when there are two parents why doesnt one make the choice to stay at home?

You say that as if they should, actually. You're questioning why some parents choose to both work. I think some will see that as judgemental.
ok I will ask another way!!
Would you make the choice because finacially you had too?
In which case instead of the government funding childcare might be better off helping parents to stay at home and raise their children!
or
Would you make the choice because neither of you want to give up work?
This leaving others to raise your children!
Quote by Theladyisaminx
Most mothers I know say they cant afford to stay at home and need to work. I have said then dont go abroad twice a year, or buy the latest gismo for yourself or child, or trade your car in every three years for the latest model. Or buying your children everthing they want. All they need is love, food, and a feeling of security.
But what do you think?
What did you chose to do?
Whould you have chanced things if you knew then what you know now?

I'd be careful bandying phrases like that around. For the first 6 years of my son's life we didn't have ANY holidays. Our first foreign holiday was when he was 17. He is now 20 and my first gizmo (a Wii) was bought last year. They don't just need love, food and security. They need a roof over their heads, school uniforms and equipment and parents that aren't worried sick about money all the time.
I didn't choose to work - certainly not as a lifestyle choice, I had to work or we would have been on the streets - there were no council houses that were fit to put a child in - we were offered one that had rats.
Change things? I suppose I could have married someone just for his money - but I was brought up that if I wanted something I paid for it - having someone else pay for it has never been acceptable to me. Even now, I find it uncomfortable having my lovely partner fork out for shopping when he is staying up at mine.
I would LOVE not to have to work - but I don't have a source of money other than the proverbial sweat of my own brow.