Do you mix swinging and vanilla friends?

22 Jan 2007

This is somethng I have been pondering on for a while. Do you mix your swinging friends and vanilla friends? For examply non-swinging parties, dinner dates, get togethers etc
We agreed when we started swinging to keep both lives completely separate so there's no risk of slipping up or getting found out (very important for us) and also because the swinging part is small in comparison to our vanilla life and vanilla circle of friends so it's basically not lkely to be a problem. This may be different when we build up a larger circle of swinging friends.
My reason for asking is that I have a big birthday coming up later this year and will be organising a huge party for all our vanilla friends. The dilemma, we have got to know one couple we regularly swing with quite well and am tempted to invite them...I know I probably won't as I'll be worried all evening....indecision...just interested in your views as to how you manage your lifestyle(s)
So my questions are:
Do you mix your swinging and vanilla friends?
Have you ever had a problem doing just that?
pink x

22 Jan 2007

Do you mix your swinging and vanilla friends? yes
Have you ever had a problem doing just that? no
I always keep my purely swinging life and vanilla life seperate but there are people that i met thro swinging that also then became vanilla friends too. And i know them and trust them in a vanilla situation,after all most people do have vanilla lifes aswell as swinging ones and can be well behaved in that situation lol

Its a matter that only you can decide realy,if you want to mix with them as vanilla friends also. After all its your comfort level that is going to be put to the test,no point doing it if you are at all uncomfy as it will make for a bad experience for you and them imo.
Good luck with what ever you decide to do, but never do something because you feel you should but always because you want to.
Nicky

22 Jan 2007

My best mate knows I'm bi and he doesn't know about this site. My close female friend came out to me as bi last year and she does know about SH though she's not a member. When I have a Pussy Posse girls night in, she knows she's welcome to come along. My best mate just thinks it's just a girl's night in and keeps asking to be our waiter rolleyes

Because of my work, I do my best to keep my vanilla friends and SH friends separate but on occasion, they have crossed paths. Thankfully, the SH friends are discreet enough not to let on. It helps to have a back up story of how you all know each other.
In a social envirnoment I think you can mix the two, providing the swingers know not to make a pass at your sister/mother and to behave in public .

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Sorry, that last bit made me giggle :giggle:

22 Jan 2007

We very much keep the two seperate. Like Sassy has said, because of nature of work and study our swinging would not be approved of.
We have a large group of vanilla friends that we have to juggle to see at the best of times, we quite often entertain at home cooking etc., and if they were to know of our alter-ego lifestyle I would worry they would think it was expected of them. That's just my perception anyway.
We keep our swinging friends and fun to this site only (and clubs smile

) and because we don't have meets that often due to commitments it is so damned exciting when we do. If we were doing this every day every week I'm sure the novelty would wear off.
I think everyone has to understand and respect how people run their swinging lives don't they? Some people don't like it when we say we have our own day to day friends for socialising but hey it's our life and we love it! lol

22 Jan 2007

But you are implying that I actually have friends!
:lol2:

22 Jan 2007

I try to keep them apart.........................
However
My 'ex step son' got married in 2005 along to the wedding, reception and evening bit, I go with someone off this site, along with ex hubby and all sorts of family members.......all was fine, did have to lie about how we meet. M1 J15a has a lot to answer for.!!
Holiday again 2006 and 2005 off to my house else where in the world, ex hubby etc there and on both occasions, both guys I took were fine, no problems but again had to sort of lie / be economical with the truth over how we met.
I personally would NEVERallow my swinging friends any where near my vanilla friends if I thought they would tell them what I really got upto. But all swinging friends have always been the souls of discretion and long may it be, and I thank you all for that.
I equally have been invited to swinging friends quiz nights at local school where the place is full of vanillas and back to their house afterwards, where again the vanillas have been.
40th birthday dinner for someone's husband off this site, only to be seated opposite her best friend, to have the best friend ask, how do you know xx and xx, luckily someone else who did know the truth changed the subject for me and saved me having to answer the question. redface

Later on this year Mal and I are off to an evening wedding reception for a wonderful couple off this site, again I assume their families will be present, so I personally consider a honour to be asked, and hope some how we stay 'vanilla' enough during the evening.
(note to self no snogging the groom or bride)

22 Jan 2007

Quote by Sarah
I personally would NEVER allow my swinging friends any where near my vanilla friends if I thought they would tell them what I really got up to. But all swinging friends have always been the souls of discretion and long may it be, and I thank you all for that.

I think you've said it all Sarah.
Shireen has meet my brother. Steve and Shireen have met Ians parents. When someone from SH comes for coffee we run the risk of any of our family or friends calling in. We wouldn't invite our swinging friends to the house if we weren't sure that they would show the discretion that was needed.

22 Jan 2007

Yes.....
At our wedding there were 12 couples who play and 200 other people including family who don't... well we don't think so lol..
No problems at all.. well untill the night time anyway, found they were all booked in one hotel and us in another :doh: mrs mdr wanted me to herself greedy bugger lol

A few of the others had a great night all the same...
Mike x

22 Jan 2007

Quote by Dawnie
Shireen has meet my brother. Steve and Shireen have met Ians parents.

I dont think they have recovered from it yet :giggle:
We are the same as Sarah and Dawn.... It all comes down to trust really smile

We would only let those swinging friends that we could trust anywhere near our vanilla friends :lol2:

22 Jan 2007

yes i have done on one occasion...the female half of a couple i used to see alot of came to stay one her own one night and we had a good night out in my aunties pub with a few of my friends and family :cheers: some of my friends and family knew that i was bi so it was "no questions asked" really lol

and funnily enough one of my vanilla friends has expressed an interest in joining some swinging sites so watch this space for a vanilla/swinging crossover!

22 Jan 2007

maybe we have been lucky but all the lovely people we have met have, and continue to be, the absolute souls of discretion.
we can and do mix socially with them at munches and also in the vanilla world and they have never once let us down by being less than cautious when discussing our .............. ehem "relationships" to each other.
yes we used to get stressed by the possibilities - but now we're much more relaxed - maybe this could be the confidence before the fall - who knows? but for now we'll relax and enjoy it all - vanilla and swinging - whats the difference? its all good mates having a good time

22 Jan 2007

Surely, if you know somene or a couple well enough to invite to a major party, you know them well enough to trust them?
For the same reasons, if you are good friends. why would they wish to jeapardise that friendship?

22 Jan 2007

Quote by Shireen
Shireen has meet my brother. Steve and Shireen have met Ians parents.

I dont think they have recovered from it yet :giggle:
We are the same as Sarah and Dawn.... It all comes down to trust really smile

We would only let those swinging friends that we could trust anywhere near our vanilla friends :lol2:
:thumbup:
We have swinging friends that have met our families, and we have met theirs...................
If they are true friends and not just acquantances it isnt a problem!
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

22 Jan 2007

Thanks guys some really great posts there. You've all made good points, it's down to trust really plain and simple. I need to keep pondering methinks.
Keep 'em coming.
BTW Mike, very glad Mrs mdr kept you to herself on your wedding night - so she should!
pink x

5 Feb 2007

Quote by Laff_n_Chilli
maybe we have been lucky but all the lovely people we have met have, and continue to be, the absolute souls of discretion.
we can and do mix socially with them at munches and also in the vanilla world and they have never once let us down by being less than cautious when discussing our .............. ehem "relationships" to each other.
yes we used to get stressed by the possibilities - but now we're much more relaxed - maybe this could be the confidence before the fall - who knows? but for now we'll relax and enjoy it all - vanilla and swinging - whats the difference? its all good mates having a good time

ooo i must be one of them lovely people ur going on about hun lol

:lol: :lol: of course im the soul of discretion nobody wants there mum to know wot there doing rolleyes

:roll: but not sure i wanna be a vanilla can i be a mint choc chip please redface

ops: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

5 Feb 2007

Quote by Kiss
But you are implying that I actually have friends!

:lol2:

5 Feb 2007

I don't feel the need to keep them apart. Friends are friends no matter where you meet them and my experience has been that swingers understand the need to be discreet, especially when there are vanilla's about.
For those with a keen eye you may actually spot vanilla in a knickerbocker glory too. so it works both ways Lol.
I was a vanilla once but I try to be discreet about it.

5 Feb 2007

Thanks everyone for your replies. I've thought a lot about this these last few weeks and you're all right friends are friends regardless of their "flavour". I suppose we had these ideas when we started out about swinging keeping our lives compartmentalised, but it's not really gonna happen quite that way. We also said we'd go with the flow alot and just deal with situations as they came up, so this is just one of them.
thanks all kiss

pink x