Do you think you are...

15 Feb 2007

Too vanilla to be a swinger?? dunno

A couple of ladies and myself were chatting at a social event about 4 months ago and one of the ladies said that she felt as though she and her husband were too "vanilla" to be swingers.. When she was explaining what she meant by that I said that was exactly how I felt as well... That we dont enjoy spanking, the long long sessions, but opted for more a traditional outlook on sex....
I am trying very hard to explain myself here but I cant think of the words I want to say confused

:? :lol2:
Does anyone else feel that they are not kinky enough to be a swinger or is it just myself and the other very gorgeous lady?? :dunno:
I hope she comes along and explains it better than I have :giggle:

15 Feb 2007

interesting cant really comment at the moment will tell you after i have first meet.

15 Feb 2007

it's a very big world out there... with a vast variety of people looking for all sorts of things, in many different ways.... errrm
lp

15 Feb 2007

I should have explained myself better really :lol2:
I think that sometimes when people read conversations between people on any swinging website, they can sometimes get a little concerned that they dont partake of some of the "kinkier" things that are talked about....
I dont like being spanked, dont like having my hair pulled etc.... And I know that before Steve started to be curious it seemed that it was almost a requirement for a male swinger to be bi dunno

Now I know that these sorts of feelings are nothing to do with the scene as such just how each individual percieves the scene... But I wondered if anyone else sometimes felt a little pressure at not being "kinky" enough or in fact have been put off contacting people because they appear a little more "hardcore" than yourself :dunno:

15 Feb 2007

I sometimes wonder if we are sexually "adventurous" enough to call ourselves swingers... dunno

Everyone you see chatting seems to be far more outgoing sexually than we are.... confused

15 Feb 2007

Quote by Shireen
I should have explained myself better really :lol2:
I think that sometimes when people read conversations between people on any swinging website, they can sometimes get a little concerned that they dont partake of some of the "kinkier" things that are talked about....
I dont like being spanked, dont like having my hair pulled etc.... And I know that before Steve started to be curious it seemed that it was almost a requirement for a male swinger to be bi
Now I know that these sorts of feelings are nothing to do with the scene as such just how each individual percieves the scene... But I wondered if anyone else sometimes felt a little pressure at not being "kinky" enough or in fact have been put off contacting people because they appear a little more "hardcore" than yourself :dunno:

on that side of things i consider myself very open and liberal, i would not consider one thing any better or worse than as i would say im very inexperianced. but as for my own actions well lets see.

15 Feb 2007

Quote by Mallock2006
I sometimes wonder if we are sexually "adventurous" enough to call ourselves swingers...
Everyone you see chatting seems to be far more outgoing sexually than we are....

That's what I was trying to say :doh:

16 Feb 2007

Isnt it all about what you feel comfortable with and enjoying yourself? I dont think for one minute everyone is into tying each other up and flogging the living daylights out of each other (although I can think of some I could cheerfully flog! lol

) Who is to say what is kinky and whats not? I think its each to their own and we should all just go with the flow, enjoy and not worry too much. Vanilla is good and sometimes if you fancy a bit of raspberry ripple then have it wink

16 Feb 2007

hmm... intellestink.
I can only speak for myself here I guess... and outwardly I would appear to favour the kinkier side of things... I find it all incredably interesting and exciting...
though previously, I did have two profiles on here...
me>lp< and this other chap >oneforall<... one for all was a straighter, more *normal* chap I guess you'd say... this was at a time when I may have shown a little more interest in the ads and such... and I thought that lp may have been a little scary >me dunno

< to some folk... you know, he'll turn up, tie everyone to the bed, and screw your cat before pulping the contents of your fridge, smeering it all over you, then invite his mates round, you know, the ones fresh out of Broadmoor...
but, well, thats not the case, not any more anyway...
so oneforall was there, as a straight, average guy...
you the kind who might... oh no, stop that nonsence...
anyway... where was I?
oh yeah... well... the forums can seem rather kinky I guess, lots of talk of the spanky spanky and all that... but hey... theres nowt wrong with a good old fashioned bit of straightforward fun & games is there?
I should say... do what you want... ask who you wish... ultimately, we're all here for pretty much the same thing, no matter how its dressed up... aren't we?
i really must go now
lp
oh, and btw, OfA (oneforall) is long gorrrrn now

16 Feb 2007

Quote by LondonPlaything
and I thought that lp may have been a little scary >me < to some folk... you know, he'll turn up, tie everyone to the bed, and screw your cat before pulping the contents of your fridge, smeering it all over you, then invite his mates round, you know, the ones fresh out of Broadmoor...

You mean you are not like that at all?? :shock:

:rotflmao: :rotflmao:

16 Feb 2007

Quote by Shireen
You mean you are not like that at all?? :shock:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao:

not any more Shireen, have no fear.
Sadly Ive completely lost contact with the guys from the Moor
lp

16 Feb 2007

:( And there was me getting all excited then LP innocent

16 Feb 2007

Quote by Shireen
and I thought that lp may have been a little scary >me < to some folk... you know, he'll turn up, tie everyone to the bed, and screw your cat before pulping the contents of your fridge, smeering it all over you, then invite his mates round, you know, the ones fresh out of Broadmoor...

You mean you are not like that at all?? :shock:

:rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Fook me, thought I'd found my swinging soulmate then! :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
only kidding LP, funny how people's perception gains you a 'reputation' before folk have even met you though isn't it :lol2:

16 Feb 2007

damn damn damn...
brinnng bringggg hello? 118 118?... can I have the number for HMP Broadmoor Reunion Trust please...?
... yes, you can put me straight through!
>in reality, I scrub up quite nice<
lp

16 Feb 2007

Kenneth Williams? whip

...... stop mucking about!......

Quote by Darkfire
only kidding LP, funny how people's perception gains you a 'reputation' before folk have even met you though isn't it :lol2:

it is Darkfire... you can *try* to paint a full picture, but once a general impression has been formed, or you've decided on a certain aspect of yourself to mention, that can very often be *it* as far as what others may think... C'est la Vie!
those who feel they may not appear *kinky* enough, or somesuch, most probably do, in the eyes of others... just a thought
lp

16 Feb 2007

Each to their own I say. I may be into some things that other people aren't but there will be others who like doings things sexually that I don't.
Also the list of things I enjoy is very broad, but I don't have any fetishes i.e. I don't need to tie somebody up to enjoy sex, it can just be an aspect of play sometimes.
I also enjoy many different 'types' of sex, whether it's making with Mrs Kiss or a lust driven fuck, or sensual play, or a quickie or experimentation or role playing etc etc etc.
I think within a supposedly open minded swinging community nobody should feel or be made to feel that their way is the right way or that you aren't adequate or normal. There are many ways of doing things, I say just keep doing what you enjoy.

16 Feb 2007

Hi Shireen
I have often thought that too. When we did the Atlanta kink test my score was pitiful compared to others. Does that bother me? Not in the least. But hey even when we've been swinging for longer I still don't think my score would go up that much tbh. That's just us. At our next meet we're acting out a roleplay scenario (real fantasy of mine) but I'd hardly call that kinky but it brings the variety and clandestine feel I love. And since we started swinging I've fulfilled many fantasies....fantastic. I love variety and swinging brings that.
As for am I put off by people seeming more 'hardcore' than us. YES, definitely. We look for a specific couples that are obviously sensual as opposed to overtly sexual and boy we have had great success with finding like minded couples....mmm
As Kiss says 'each to their own', a phrase I use often. The most important thing is do what you feel comfortable with and carry it with confidence. It doesn't matter what others do, it's about you.
The swinging world caters for plain vanilla with a hint of rasperry ripple (good one helnheaven rotflmao

)up to hardcore triple death by chocolate with chocolate sprinkles and chocolate sauce. :shock: Where you fit in on the scale should matter to no one but yourself.
pink x

16 Feb 2007

Quote by blueandpink
As for am I put off by people seeming more 'hardcore' than us. YES, definitely. We look for a specific couples that are obviously sensual as opposed to overtly sexual.

It is perfectly possible to be both. wink

16 Feb 2007

I must admit to having been intimidated by some of the more 'kinkier' things that i read on here when i first started wondering around the place(but intrigued also as i'd been having stirrings in that direction)
:shock: <------ that was me
i really felt that these people would be out of my league or that i am too boring.
But i have come to realise that you can enjoy a whole spectrum of sensual/sexual fun without really having to define yourself as anything.
Just because someone enjoys a good spanking doesn't mean they don't enjoy a good massage as much and would be just as happy to do either! wink

16 Feb 2007

I sometimes feel that i fall between the two - vanilla and swinger. When i go out with vanilla friends i feel too "tarty" or "flirty" or even kinky. But when im out with swingers, i feel too inhibited. Im not into spanking, not tried tying up, but i like a fairly dominant person to turn me on..
Ive questioned where i am on this many times and come to the conclusion that im definitely most comfortable with my mates off here, i can be myself and thats good enough for me!!
Does that make sense?
Suze xx

16 Feb 2007

Quote by Suze43
I sometimes feel that i fall between the two - vanilla and swinger. When i go out with vanilla friends i feel too "tarty" or "flirty" or even kinky. But when im out with swingers, i feel too inhibited.

That's how I feel too :thumbup:

Does that make sense?
Suze xx

Absolutely kiss

From the looks of the replies so far I dont think I am alone :bounce: :giggle:

16 Feb 2007

Thanks for bringing this subject up Shireen, feel so much better about things now knowing im not the only one!
Suze xx

16 Feb 2007

Quote by Shireen
I sometimes feel that i fall between the two - vanilla and swinger. When i go out with vanilla friends i feel too "tarty" or "flirty" or even kinky. But when im out with swingers, i feel too inhibited.

That's how I feel too :thumbup:

Does that make sense?
Suze xx

Absolutely kiss

From the looks of the replies so far I dont think I am alone :bounce: :giggle:
Same here....after nearly two years on this site (you poor people :shock: lol

), I'm only recently doing any actual swinging. In the past I would go to Munches and events as someone who is in between the two. It's taken sometime and I still feel I have some way to go, but I'm getting there :lol:
Where ever "There" is....:lol:

16 Feb 2007

Erm, erm ......
I will come back to this one later :thumbup:

17 Feb 2007

Im too vanilla to be a swinger and too kinky to be vanilli..... confused

:? :?
xanaisx

17 Feb 2007

Quote by Shireen
Too vanilla to be a swinger??

I think it would depend on how you see swinging and swingers. The "definitions" as such.
I had a very interesting (to me) conversation with a young lady the other day. That conversation was more about singles than anything else - the good old "Are singles swinging or just shagging" thing.
But I think my answers, comments and opinion apply equally to the question asked by Shireen and others here.
kiss

for Shireen btw.
Too vanilla to be a Swinger ???
What is vanilla ?
What is Swinging ????
I still think bluexxx's explanation stands. Swinging is an "attitude" - a way of thinking - a way ( to some) of living. A lifestyle.
It's not whatwe do.
It's more about howwe do it - and importantly, with whom.

17 Feb 2007

I sometimes feel that i fall between the two - vanilla and swinger. When i go out with vanilla friends i feel too "tarty" or "flirty" or even kinky. But when im out with swingers, i feel too inhibited.

That's how I feel too :thumbup:

Does that make sense?
Suze xx

Absolutely kiss

From the looks of the replies so far I dont think I am alone :bounce: :giggle:
Well put Suze, I definitely feel excessively kinky compared to friends :shock: but a more 'shy' swinger wink

pink x

17 Feb 2007

As for am I put off by people seeming more 'hardcore' than us. YES, definitely. We look for a specific couples that are obviously sensual as opposed to overtly sexual.

It is perfectly possible to be both. wink

Very valid point kiss. Maybe we can work up to such people... :wink:
pink x

17 Feb 2007

Maybe too vanilla to be a swinger, but also too swinger to be a vanilla now. confused

17 Feb 2007

Dammie's right about Blue's definition.
I'm sure I was a swinger well before I actually swang (as one lovely lady termed it to me the other day).
.