Does anyone ever worry...

16 Sep 2006

I know how you feel hun, most on here know that I was absent when they where handing out the good looks, what makes it worse is that Mrs Pete is absolutely stunning and I can usually tell at a meet that they would love to play with her, but are being put off by me, one person recently told me at a meet, â€œif we were here alone, Iâ€™d be gone by now kiss

(donâ€™t worry I wasnâ€™t offended, appreciated your honesty)
So yes I used to get very nervous about going to meets, but then one day Mrs. Pete pointed out that even if the burgers donâ€™t agree with me, Iâ€™ve always got steak at home, made me realise that if someone as gorgeous as her can still fancy me after 28 years of marriage, then there will be others.
You will do just fine believe me, I bet you are a gorgeous person with , more importantly, a wonderful personality.
Just enjoy :thumbup:

17 Sep 2006

Quote by Cherrytree
I think that's a good reason to meet up socially first . . . personally I usually find myself more attracted to someone the more familiar I am with them, because you get to see further than just their appearance - their sense of humour, their sexyness, and how good they make you feel about yourself.

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: ;)
petal, there's very few people in this world that don't have insecurities about their bodies and how they look. trust me, i don't like mirrors too much myself, and as for photographs of me . . . i hate what i see in them at times.
one of the advantages of internet forums like this is that all you've got to go on is personality, and it's not looks or body shape or style that attracts you to people . . . it's what they say and do that most often gets the juices flowing.
once you've become attracted to someone's personality, established a friendship with them, flirted with them, talked about getting together with them, you find that physical attributes aren't nearly so important as they might be if you were out on the town and looking for someone you fancied.
swinging might look like a purely physical act, but i think that's only a part of it, cos swinging happens in my head more than anything. don't worry about it. if you do end up arranging to meet someone, trust me, chances are they'll have all the same thoughts and worries as you running through their head.
neil x x x ;)

17 Sep 2006

Quote by neilinleeds
swinging might look like a purely physical act, but i think that's only a part of it, cos swinging happens in my head more than anything. don't worry about it. if you do end up arranging to meet someone, trust me, chances are they'll have all the same thoughts and worries as you running through their head.
neil x x x ;)

second that emotion
LP

17 Sep 2006

Absolutely spot on with that post, Neil.

17 Sep 2006

we have found best way to get a lot of worries over if ur attracted to other person is to chat face to face on cam , also gives u a good idea when chatting if u might get on , then just meet up socially for a drink , more relaxed cos u know the face of the person ur meeting, but above all we know u aint gonna be everyones cup of tea and can still make some good friends ,

17 Sep 2006

great to hear that there are other people on here who don't jump in straight away...we prefer to build at least some sort of rapport. And even this doesn't guarantee chemistry on the meet...
chemistry is what it's all about. Last nigth we were somewhere and there were a few good looking couples, but all missing that spark. It's all about preferences and the important thing is to respect those who are similar and different...
good luck to all and happy hunting!lol

17 Sep 2006

I think that's a good reason to meet up socially first . . . personally I usually find myself more attracted to someone the more familiar I am with them, because you get to see further than just their appearance - their sense of humour, their sexyness, and how good they make you feel about yourself.

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: ;)
petal, there's very few people in this world that don't have insecurities about their bodies and how they look. trust me, i don't like mirrors too much myself, and as for photographs of me . . . i hate what i see in them at times.
one of the advantages of internet forums like this is that all you've got to go on is personality, and it's not looks or body shape or style that attracts you to people . . . it's what they say and do that most often gets the juices flowing.
once you've become attracted to someone's personality, established a friendship with them, flirted with them, talked about getting together with them, you find that physical attributes aren't nearly so important as they might be if you were out on the town and looking for someone you fancied.
swinging might look like a purely physical act, but i think that's only a part of it, cos swinging happens in my head more than anything. don't worry about it. if you do end up arranging to meet someone, trust me, chances are they'll have all the same thoughts and worries as you running through their head.

Great posts Cherrytree and Neil, I totally agree especially about the bit about swinging in your head. We've yet to arrange a first meet, but we are both looking forward to it! However I am sure when it comes we'll have the same insecurities as most people.
pink x

17 Sep 2006

I would think everyone has that though in their head but for everyone who don't like you there will be someone who will so don't worry to much about it, noones for everyone and you can't expect everyone to like you anyway wink

Personally i think everyone i meet not like me and am usually gob smacked when someone actually does lol

i'm quite bad at convincing people they not like me and usually end up talking them outa wanting a meet confused

17 Sep 2006

I think H had it spot on when she said we all have our own reasons for our insecurities, likewise those insecurities can be varied and can encompass a variety of things and some under differing circumstances. Generally the perception is that peopleâ€™s insecurities revolve around appearance, which in practise is not always correct.
For instance, in business, I am very confident and am quite successful in what I do. If I am chatting to someone behind a computer screen, I still can come over as a confident person. However, all that can change when face to face with someone.
Itâ€™s all well and good telling someone that they are attractive, witty etc etc, but does that help with someoneâ€™s insecurities? No, I personally donâ€™t think so.
Certainly for me, I have only ever met one person who gave me that confidence and it wasnâ€™t anything that was said, it wasnâ€™t even actions â€“ I have no idea exactly what it was, but I know when I was with that person I believed I could achieve anything.
Now the problem comes that there are so many people who are just utterly selfish and will only ever work to their own agenda with no thought given to others. You can be in a position where you have completed all the pre-meet criteria, heard the right words, met, shagged and never heard again from that person. Now, if that was the intent, fair enough, but if the expectation was different, then that could lead to further insecurities.
There never is an easy answer, even then, one answer will never fit all.

17 Sep 2006

Quote by Manolishi
There never is an easy answer, even then, one answer will never fit all.

Yup Mano fits pretty much evrthing.

17 Sep 2006

Quote by Manolishi
. You can be in a position where you have completed all the pre-meet criteria, heard the right words, met, shagged and never heard again from that person. Now, if that was the intent, fair enough, but if the expectation was different, then that could lead to further insecurities.

totally agree with this it leaves you wondering what you did especially when you see them moving onto the next person on the forums and you are left flat no contact.
Earthy xx

17 Sep 2006

Quote by earthchild
. You can be in a position where you have completed all the pre-meet criteria, heard the right words, met, shagged and never heard again from that person. Now, if that was the intent, fair enough, but if the expectation was different, then that could lead to further insecurities.

totally agree with this it leaves you wondering what you did especially when you see them moving onto the next person on the forums and you are left flat no contact.
Earthy xx
I think that why social only meets are the way to go first ok it's no guarantee on things stopping after a 2nd meet for fun or even after a first social meet but
That raises the question what about worries after the meeting though. confused

:
Some of it would relate to the signs thread and asking for fear of rejection ect. also reading things in the forum and making your own interpretation instead of just plain asking/talking via PM and being done with one way or the other.

17 Sep 2006

Quote by petal24
True, but my self confidence is so low, I can't take rejection!

If your self confidence is low, then it would be best not to put yourself in a situation where rejection may be a possibility. Socialise with peeps, and when you feel confident enought to handle a situation, whichever direction it may take, then arrange a meet.
Alex xxx

17 Sep 2006

Quote by Manolishi
Certainly for me, I have only ever met one person who gave me that confidence and it wasnâ€™t anything that was said, it wasnâ€™t even actions â€“ I have no idea exactly what it was, but I know when I was with that person I believed I could achieve anything.

I don't believe anyone can "give" you confidence. I personally believe that confidence, as well as happiness, comes from within. Maybe it was how that person made you feel about yourself inside. Affection and tenderness, to care and to be cared about, I think, can affect how we feel about ourselves inside, which will in turn effect our self esteem and confidence levels.
Alex xxx

17 Sep 2006

Quote by Alex_NorthEast

Certainly for me, I have only ever met one person who gave me that confidence and it wasnâ€™t anything that was said, it wasnâ€™t even actions â€“ I have no idea exactly what it was, but I know when I was with that person I believed I could achieve anything.

I don't believe anyone can "give" you confidence. I personally believe that confidence, as well as happiness, comes from within. Maybe it was how that person made you feel about yourself inside. Affection and tenderness, to care and to be cared about, I think, can affect how we feel about ourselves inside, which will in turn effect our self esteem and confidence levels.
Alex xxx
Ooohh Alex, I reckon this calls for a debate. And before you say it, no, I dont mean a poll type debate, I remember all to well your polls :shock:
biggrin

:D :D :D

17 Sep 2006

Quote by Manolishi

Certainly for me, I have only ever met one person who gave me that confidence and it wasnâ€™t anything that was said, it wasnâ€™t even actions â€“ I have no idea exactly what it was, but I know when I was with that person I believed I could achieve anything.

I don't believe anyone can "give" you confidence. I personally believe that confidence, as well as happiness, comes from within. Maybe it was how that person made you feel about yourself inside. Affection and tenderness, to care and to be cared about, I think, can affect how we feel about ourselves inside, which will in turn effect our self esteem and confidence levels.
Alex xxx
Ooohh Alex, I reckon this calls for a debate. And before you say it, no, I dont mean a poll type debate, I remember all to well your polls :shock:
biggrin

:D :D :D
My last poll was successful in proposing an alternative paradigm to your theory. I hate to say that you were wrong but ..............................
YOU WERE WRONG!!! lol

18 Sep 2006

I know the truth.
I'm not the Worlds Most Attractive Male.
I'm not God's Gift To Women.
But to SOMEONE I may - MAY - be attractive,may be a bit of gift even - minus the God bit lol! smile

18 Sep 2006

I don't ever seem to have the problem of anyone finding me overly attractive :cry:

Just noticed you won the best rear of the year, well done Tony!!! lol

So like Goose you just have to go around in cheekless trousers!! LOL
pink x

18 Sep 2006

Wow, I got some great responses, which in all honesty have helped a lot! I was kind of expecting eeryone to be superconfident, because I assumed you would have to be to do this kind of thing - which is why I worry about whether its really for me.
I'm yet to arrange to meet anyone, but, knowing that most of you are in the same boat, won't be quite as scared

21 Sep 2006

Quote by petal24
that if they arrange to meet someone on here that person may not find them very attractive?
Because thats what I'm scared of!

Hi petal, get a few photos first & use a live webcam ( prevents cheating)
ken x

21 Sep 2006

Quote by petal24
that if they arrange to meet someone on here that person may not find them very attractive?
Because thats what I'm scared of!

Hi petal, get a few photos first & use a live webcam ( prevents cheating)
ken x

21 Sep 2006

Quote by petal24
I just don't see what people see in me . . .

That might be one of the things that people dosee in you. I know it appeals to me.
If the wolf pack haven't driven you off, have you considered putting some unidentifiable pictures in your profile ?