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Does moaning about things really help solve the problem?

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OK. here goes....
Im not going to single anyone out... because overall i believe that as members, we are entitled to act in anyway we see fit ( subject to the AUP)
However, what tends to upset me of late, is not the contents of contentious threads... or even the so called " bickering"........its the way some members (not involved in the tit-for-tat) are affected by it.... or even worse, condemn it.
FACT- this is an open forum
FACT- moderators use the AUP as a guideline for keeping the thread open or otherwise.
FACT- some threads relate to politics and moral/ethical topics that are bound to create opposing views.
FACT- some styles of posting/debating do become personal because of differences of opinion.
i dont think that posts totally condemning the forums help....infact they only fuel the fire.... which is there anyway, because of the personalities of the posters and the subjects being debated.
Also, aren't posts which go along these lines nothing more than "hijacks" or "moans"? which normally get met with some sort of curt response anyway.
when people effectively "cry off" because they cant take what is going on arent we missing the point that there is something wrong with the way the forum is set-up and not who with who uses it.
id much prefer people to stay out of a confrontation if it doesnt involve them rather than impose their views on how they see the debate should flow... i know i havent always felt like this (or acted like this)... but i think overall it's the best strategy.
i cant help but think of the phrase " if you cant take the heat, stay out of the kitchen."
as long as the forum remains open and people are able to post on topics other than "general chit chat and discussion" people are going to make points and comments that they dont want to hear.
what do you think???
my solution would be to further divide the forum, having an area for debate on wider life/social issues and setting a few more boundaries and offering some protection to those with a disposition that doesnt suit.
Quote by DeeCee
OK. here goes....
Im not going to single anyone out... because overall i believe that as members, we are entitled to act in anyway we see fit ( subject to the AUP)
However, what tends to upset me of late, is not the contents of contentious threads... or even the so called " bickering"........its the way some members (not involved in the tit-for-tat) are affected by it.... or even worse, condemn it.
FACT- this is an open forum
FACT- moderators use the AUP as a guideline for keeping the thread open or otherwise.
FACT- some threads relate to politics and moral/ethical topics that are bound to create opposing views.
FACT- some styles of posting/debating do become personal because of differences of opinion.
i dont think that posts condemning the forums help....infact they only fuel the fire.... which is there anyway, because of the personalities of the posters and the subjects being debated.
Also, aren't posts which go along these lines nothing more than "hijacks"?
id much prefer people to stay out of a confrontation if it doesnt involve them rather than impose their views on how they see the debate should flow... i know i havent always felt like this (or acted like this)... but i think overall it's the best strategy.
i cant help but think of the phrase " if you cant take the heat, stay out of the kitchen."
as long as the forum remains open and people are able to post on topics other than "general chit chat and discussion" people are going to make points and comments that they dont want to hear.
what do you think???
my solution would be to further divide the forum, having an area for debate on wider life/social issues and setting a few more boundaries and offering some protection to those with a disposition that doesnt suit.

Have highlighted the bit I do not agree with. lol
The rest is fair comment.
I have already made my views clear only recently, about the " hijack " thing. People have clear cut choices in life and on this forum.
They can either choose to say something or move on. I am aware there has been some heated threads and comments of late, but if people do not like the way a thread is going, then click on the mouse to the next thread.
Splitting up the forum I really cannot see a logical purpose to that. dunno
The mods are there to stop anything getting too out of hand, and usually a warning does the trick. I know people are getting fed up with certain members, and I may well be one of them but... we all have an opinion or a choice to make.
It is an easy choice to make really, if you want to comment on something that you really feel you want to, then you should be able to do that. If you do not like that thread or the manner in which certain members are behaving, then stay out. cool
Hi Dee,
Good question!
I hope I have understood what you are saying.
I like a good topic that opens up differing opinions, I think we could all listen and learn from differing views from our own.
Some topics have gone down a very delicate route of late, these are the topics I like to read.
In these I don’t like to see anyone get personally attacked for their point of view, I feel we can come back with a counter debate on a difference of opinion.
Once someone says these are my opinions we should I believe respect their opinions.
Also what I see happening which is another point you are getting at I believe, is that there are a group of people that intervene on a subject that they haven’t previously been involved in, they don’t join the debate but seem to just pipe up with no relevant points to the previous discussion and also those that just like to use the emoticons.
I think these people are at times very funny, but at other times when a delicate debate is going on should stay out if they have nothing constructive to really say as part of the debate. I think if a debate is heading into insults being hurled it is up to a mod to step in and warn people.
I do think at times when there are no mods around there are a group that would pop up to try and dampen things down a bit, I do think some are only trying to help in these situations.
I hope this make sense.
Quote by kentswingers777
OK. here goes....
Im not going to single anyone out... because overall i believe that as members, we are entitled to act in anyway we see fit ( subject to the AUP)
However, what tends to upset me of late, is not the contents of contentious threads... or even the so called " bickering"........its the way some members (not involved in the tit-for-tat) are affected by it.... or even worse, condemn it.
FACT- this is an open forum
FACT- moderators use the AUP as a guideline for keeping the thread open or otherwise.
FACT- some threads relate to politics and moral/ethical topics that are bound to create opposing views.
FACT- some styles of posting/debating do become personal because of differences of opinion.
i dont think that posts condemning the forums help....infact they only fuel the fire.... which is there anyway, because of the personalities of the posters and the subjects being debated.
Also, aren't posts which go along these lines nothing more than "hijacks"?
id much prefer people to stay out of a confrontation if it doesnt involve them rather than impose their views on how they see the debate should flow... i know i havent always felt like this (or acted like this)... but i think overall it's the best strategy.
i cant help but think of the phrase " if you cant take the heat, stay out of the kitchen."
as long as the forum remains open and people are able to post on topics other than "general chit chat and discussion" people are going to make points and comments that they dont want to hear.
what do you think???
my solution would be to further divide the forum, having an area for debate on wider life/social issues and setting a few more boundaries and offering some protection to those with a disposition that doesnt suit.

Have highlighted the bit I do not agree with. lol
The rest is fair comment.
I have already made my views clear only recently, about the " hijack " thing. People have clear cut choices in life and on this forum.
They can either choose to say something or move on. I am aware there has been some heated threads and comments of late, but if people do not like the way a thread is going, then click on the mouse to the next thread.
Splitting up the forum I really cannot see a logical purpose to that. dunno
The mods are there to stop anything getting too out of hand, and usually a warning does the trick. I know people are getting fed up with certain members, and I may well be one of them but... we all have an opinion or a choice to make.
It is an easy choice to make really, if you want to comment on something that you really feel you want to, then you should be able to do that. If you do not like that thread or the manner in which certain members are behaving, then stay out. cool
it makes perfectly good sense and is bound together with great logic... you know it does.... wink
It always makes me laugh when people go into a thread about a certain subject and post something like "never watch it", "can't stand it", "would never do that" etc but add nothing else to the subject that warrants a response, like why .............. why the bluddy ell are they posting in a thread about a subject they're clearly not interested in?? :confused:
It's not like they go into the lets meet up or dogging forums and post in every meet "no thanks not interested" "not my thing" "would never do that", so why in the cafe :confused:
Saying that tho, I think the threads have got better with the hijack thing, a couple of years ago I'm sure it was worse...... hijacked threads these days do often get back on track which, personally, I like.
Some of the more volatile threads get uncomfortable, purely for the name calling :shock: To call someone a name because their opinion differs to their own is shocking :shock: it happens a lot - and I admit I'm over sensitive to it, have pulled people up when it's happened to me, and thankfully cleared up stuff that was pretty much oversensitivity on my part redface Kind of getting better at that now I'm more aware of my 'quirk' confused confused
I don't think I've answered the question have I? :uhoh: I've just done exactly what I said I hate in the beginning of my post :uhoh: Saw the thread, intended to write about something and ended up on a totally different tangent :undecided:
Carry on...... as you were :uhoh:
Quote by DeeCee
OK. here goes....
Im not going to single anyone out... because overall i believe that as members, we are entitled to act in anyway we see fit ( subject to the AUP)
However, what tends to upset me of late, is not the contents of contentious threads... or even the so called " bickering"........its the way some members (not involved in the tit-for-tat) are affected by it.... or even worse, condemn it.
FACT- this is an open forum
FACT- moderators use the AUP as a guideline for keeping the thread open or otherwise.
FACT- some threads relate to politics and moral/ethical topics that are bound to create opposing views.
FACT- some styles of posting/debating do become personal because of differences of opinion.
i dont think that posts condemning the forums help....infact they only fuel the fire.... which is there anyway, because of the personalities of the posters and the subjects being debated.
Also, aren't posts which go along these lines nothing more than "hijacks"?
id much prefer people to stay out of a confrontation if it doesnt involve them rather than impose their views on how they see the debate should flow... i know i havent always felt like this (or acted like this)... but i think overall it's the best strategy.
i cant help but think of the phrase " if you cant take the heat, stay out of the kitchen."
as long as the forum remains open and people are able to post on topics other than "general chit chat and discussion" people are going to make points and comments that they dont want to hear.
what do you think???
my solution would be to further divide the forum, having an area for debate on wider life/social issues and setting a few more boundaries and offering some protection to those with a disposition that doesnt suit.

Have highlighted the bit I do not agree with. lol
The rest is fair comment.
I have already made my views clear only recently, about the " hijack " thing. People have clear cut choices in life and on this forum.
They can either choose to say something or move on. I am aware there has been some heated threads and comments of late, but if people do not like the way a thread is going, then click on the mouse to the next thread.
Splitting up the forum I really cannot see a logical purpose to that. dunno
The mods are there to stop anything getting too out of hand, and usually a warning does the trick. I know people are getting fed up with certain members, and I may well be one of them but... we all have an opinion or a choice to make.
It is an easy choice to make really, if you want to comment on something that you really feel you want to, then you should be able to do that. If you do not like that thread or the manner in which certain members are behaving, then stay out. cool
it makes perfectly good sense and is bound together with great logic... you know it does.... wink
There are other forums where serious debates and general chit chat are kept separate.
It even says stick to relevant thread topic.
Why couldn’t they have that here?
Quote by DeeCee
OK. here goes....
Im not going to single anyone out... because overall i believe that as members, we are entitled to act in anyway we see fit ( subject to the AUP)
However, what tends to upset me of late, is not the contents of contentious threads... or even the so called " bickering"........its the way some members (not involved in the tit-for-tat) are affected by it.... or even worse, condemn it.
FACT- this is an open forum
FACT- moderators use the AUP as a guideline for keeping the thread open or otherwise.
FACT- some threads relate to politics and moral/ethical topics that are bound to create opposing views.
FACT- some styles of posting/debating do become personal because of differences of opinion.
i dont think that posts condemning the forums help....infact they only fuel the fire.... which is there anyway, because of the personalities of the posters and the subjects being debated.
Also, aren't posts which go along these lines nothing more than "hijacks"?
id much prefer people to stay out of a confrontation if it doesnt involve them rather than impose their views on how they see the debate should flow... i know i havent always felt like this (or acted like this)... but i think overall it's the best strategy.
i cant help but think of the phrase " if you cant take the heat, stay out of the kitchen."
as long as the forum remains open and people are able to post on topics other than "general chit chat and discussion" people are going to make points and comments that they dont want to hear.
what do you think???
my solution would be to further divide the forum, having an area for debate on wider life/social issues and setting a few more boundaries and offering some protection to those with a disposition that doesnt suit.

Have highlighted the bit I do not agree with. lol
The rest is fair comment.
I have already made my views clear only recently, about the " hijack " thing. People have clear cut choices in life and on this forum.
They can either choose to say something or move on. I am aware there has been some heated threads and comments of late, but if people do not like the way a thread is going, then click on the mouse to the next thread.
Splitting up the forum I really cannot see a logical purpose to that. dunno
The mods are there to stop anything getting too out of hand, and usually a warning does the trick. I know people are getting fed up with certain members, and I may well be one of them but... we all have an opinion or a choice to make.
It is an easy choice to make really, if you want to comment on something that you really feel you want to, then you should be able to do that. If you do not like that thread or the manner in which certain members are behaving, then stay out. cool
it makes perfectly good sense and is bound together with great logic... you know it does.... wink
Two great minds together then eh? lol
Quote by Missy
It always makes me laugh when people go into a thread about a certain subject and post something like "never watch it", "can't stand it", "would never do that" etc but add nothing else to the subject that warrants a response, like why .............. why the bluddy ell are they posting in a thread about a subject they're clearly not interested in?? :confused:
It's not like they go into the lets meet up or dogging forums and post in every meet "no thanks not interested" "not my thing" "would never do that", so why in the cafe :confused:
Saying that tho, I think the threads have got better with the hijack thing, a couple of years ago I'm sure it was worse...... hijacked threads these days do often get back on track which, personally, I like.
Some of the more volatile threads get uncomfortable, purely for the name calling :shock: To call someone a name because their opinion differs to their own is shocking :shock: it happens a lot - and I admit I'm over sensitive to it, have pulled people up when it's happened to me, and thankfully cleared up stuff that was pretty much oversensitivity on my part redface Kind of getting better at that now I'm more aware of my 'quirk' confused confused
I don't think I've answered the question have I? :uhoh: I've just done exactly what I said I hate in the beginning of my post :uhoh: Saw the thread, intended to write about something and ended up on a totally different tangent :undecided:
Carry on...... as you were :uhoh:

Talk about contradicting yourself missy. lol lol
Quote by kentswingers777
OK. here goes....
Im not going to single anyone out... because overall i believe that as members, we are entitled to act in anyway we see fit ( subject to the AUP)
However, what tends to upset me of late, is not the contents of contentious threads... or even the so called " bickering"........its the way some members (not involved in the tit-for-tat) are affected by it.... or even worse, condemn it.
FACT- this is an open forum
FACT- moderators use the AUP as a guideline for keeping the thread open or otherwise.
FACT- some threads relate to politics and moral/ethical topics that are bound to create opposing views.
FACT- some styles of posting/debating do become personal because of differences of opinion.
i dont think that posts condemning the forums help....infact they only fuel the fire.... which is there anyway, because of the personalities of the posters and the subjects being debated.
Also, aren't posts which go along these lines nothing more than "hijacks"?
id much prefer people to stay out of a confrontation if it doesnt involve them rather than impose their views on how they see the debate should flow... i know i havent always felt like this (or acted like this)... but i think overall it's the best strategy.
i cant help but think of the phrase " if you cant take the heat, stay out of the kitchen."
as long as the forum remains open and people are able to post on topics other than "general chit chat and discussion" people are going to make points and comments that they dont want to hear.
what do you think???
my solution would be to further divide the forum, having an area for debate on wider life/social issues and setting a few more boundaries and offering some protection to those with a disposition that doesnt suit.

Have highlighted the bit I do not agree with. lol
The rest is fair comment.
I have already made my views clear only recently, about the " hijack " thing. People have clear cut choices in life and on this forum.
They can either choose to say something or move on. I am aware there has been some heated threads and comments of late, but if people do not like the way a thread is going, then click on the mouse to the next thread.
Splitting up the forum I really cannot see a logical purpose to that. dunno
The mods are there to stop anything getting too out of hand, and usually a warning does the trick. I know people are getting fed up with certain members, and I may well be one of them but... we all have an opinion or a choice to make.
It is an easy choice to make really, if you want to comment on something that you really feel you want to, then you should be able to do that. If you do not like that thread or the manner in which certain members are behaving, then stay out. cool
it makes perfectly good sense and is bound together with great logic... you know it does.... wink
Two great minds together then eh? lol
:shock: :shock: Logic and you just dont go together! whooooooooooooops............. bolt
You know Minxy that I am always right...dont fight it now. lol
I've tended to stay out of things lately simply because I can't be arsed with the hassle.
Other than that I just mosi around other threads, I'm in every day reading the 'bickering' and once upon a time I would put my thoughts in, these days it's the fact it's upsetting others that's upsetting me.
Oh and DeeCee, I fully agree with your divide idea
problem is......there are some, shall we say, more experianced forum people on here and they have very strong views. Sometimes one might even say they are spoiling for a fight. When others do voice there opinion they can react in a harsh manner..taking the other person view apart. It would be so much easier to let them just have there view as they have had theirs. This ripping apart of peoples views does put alot of people off posting. They are scared to air a view which might oppose one the regulars. new members see this happening....and will not post because of fear of being taken apart. think sometimes some of the more regular and strong viewed forum users, should state their view...but maybe when someone else opposes it....simply accept that people have differant views and be polite enough to leave it at that. maybe lets all for a while anyway..adopt the moto
LIVE AND LET LIVE !!!!
Quote by deancannock
problem is......there are some, shall we say, more experianced forum people on here and they have very strong views. Sometimes one might even say they are spoiling for a fight. When others do voice there opinion they can react in a harsh manner..taking the other person view apart. It would be so much easier to let them just have there view as they have had theirs. This ripping apart of peoples views does put alot of people off posting. They are scared to air a view which might oppose one the regulars. new members see this happening....and will not post because of fear of being taken apart. think sometimes some of the more regular and strong viewed forum users, should state their view...but maybe when someone else opposes it....simply accept that people have differant views and be polite enough to leave it at that. maybe lets all for a while anyway..adopt the moto
LIVE AND LET LIVE !!!!

Errr, you do understand what debate and discussion means don't you?
If 'views' weren't taken 'apart' there would just be a long list of an opinion per post. Where does that get anyone? I can understand that mentality on one of the less serious threads but when it comes to emotive subjects then it's just a cop out.
This is a discussion forum not an electronic version of Speaker's Corner in Hyde Park.
One person says their thing, then another says their's, then each discuss what each other has said, what they think is wrong, what they think is right. That's how discussions develop.
It is an easy choice to make really, if you want to comment on something that you really feel you want to, then you should be able to do that. If you do not like that thread or the manner in which certain members are behaving, then stay out.
hope this has quoted ok from aa previous poster:
Sorry I do not agree with the last bit, I have said in another thread that some forum users have gone a bit far latley which spoils some threads that others would like to post on, the maner that some members have been behaving shouldnt be allowed to happen,therefore the other members shouldnt have to stay out
xxx
Deanconnock Wites a good post I do agree with what he says.
I would like to add that on goinghrough the archives on the odd sleepless nights (OK, sad i know) I have noticed that a lot of the senior long standing members of forum used to post a lot more and in greater depth at the start of their forum lives. Posting with a lot more opinion and emotion and enthusiasm.
I believe this is a natural course of events. As with all things new there is an energy that fuels it. The time does come when most things you have seen in forum have been talked about time and time again. The longer you have been an active part of the forum the more times you will have seen them and responded.
This having responded and seen topics threads so many times before seems to me to result in members putting less and less down on topics, obviously there are exceptions, but by an large this is the case. Go and look up some of the earlier stuff the more prolific posters used to post! you'll be amazed and say to yourself "what the f*ck happened" this also bears up when you look at some of the posters with 15 gadzillion post sand think "how did they get that many ffs i only see them post once in a million years".
If you go far enough back into archives there are some of the early stuff done by the mods and rockers that now you they would blush seriously! some of the stuff would get the threads locked by the same people who posted them now lol. Which is good as it does show that they once too were human wink :whistle: (am kidding about)
I post less nowadays because I have less to say simple as that I entered a lot of discussions about the same sort of things on several accasions and am now happier most times to sit back and just read rather than repeat myself. The forum evolves the newbies become oldbies and the oldbies well some drop off the end and some look up from their knitting or pipe and slippers and wave occasionally biggrin The occasional one throwing themselves in to an affray and giving it some sh*t.
These things make way for the enthusiasm of those fresh onto forum giving emotion conviction and above all readabilty and interest to the place "viva la newbies" and "thank you to the oldies who were once newbies confused
Blimey I enjoyed that ramble biggrin
Quote by Lost

I would like to add that on goinghrough the archives on the odd sleepless nights (OK, sad i know) I have noticed that a lot of the senior long standing members of forum used to post a lot more and in greater depth at the start of their forum lives. Posting with a lot more opinion and emotion and enthusiasm.
I believe this is a natural course of events. As with all things new there is an energy that fuels it. The time does come when most things you have seen in forum have been talked about time and time again. The longer you have been an active part of the forum the more times you will have seen them and responded.
This having responded and seen topics threads so many times before seems to me to result in members putting less and less down on topics, obviously there are exceptions, but by an large this is the case. Go and look up some of the earlier stuff the more prolific posters used to post! you'll be amazed and say to yourself "what the f*ck happened" this also bears up when you look at some of the posters with 15 gadzillion post sand think "how did they get that many ffs i only see them post once in a million years".
If you go far enough back into archives there are some of the early stuff done by the mods and rockers that now you they would blush seriously! some of the stuff would get the threads locked by the same people who posted them now lol. Which is good as it does show that they once too were human wink :whistle: (am kidding about)

This is very true. I'd own up to a lot of what you refer to here.
I agree with Deecee's suggestion that we need to have vigorous debate on here if this place is to have any backbone and value at all. It can't be all sweetness and light (unless you want to live in the world of the Stepford Wives!).
There is plenty of room for lighthearted and sexy stuff too. That why I don't think a further subdivision of the Forum is the right thing. What I find surprising is that those who have been upset by the aggressive threads have obviously been observing them with some fascination - I have to ask why and why not go and start a lighthearted thread and concentrate on that if you really don't like the content of the thread.
What I don't like - and I suspect that some of those disapproving share this - is the way things have tended to descend to a personal insult level very quickly in the debate. It rarely used to be like that and it does depend on the demeanour and posting style of those involved.
I have to hold my hands up to being involved recently in such a spat. I'm proud of the fact that I stood up for my strongly held opinion. I am not proud of the fact that I allowed my contribution to descend to a personal level. I will always reserve my right to the former and will seriously promise to try and avoid the latter.
Good thread :thumbup:
.
nothing to add really everyone seem to be agreeing on the main points...but my question is whats hijacking?,to me i believe hijacking a serious debate with a lighter note is healthy to a forum as long as its not excessive or turn to a cattle market,we need vince cable attitude in heated forum to loosen things up..but moaning that i cant stand either.