Does your Mother know..........?

1 Mar 2004

Hi All
Being the shy retiring type redface

: , I have always worried about "what other people think" particularly about this lifestyle. Has anyone any tips or suggestions if confronted by the question.
My sister was reading an article (another one!) about swinging and made it quite clear that she thought it disgusting.
Although very virginal on the swinging scene, and only ever having visited Chameleons once, I certainly intend to enjoy it, but don't want to be worried by what friends and family would think if they found out.
(by the way, my only visit to Chameleons was marred by meeting an old school friend, I think that is why i've not returned).
All responses gratefully received. Cheers!
LHK
Ju wink

1 Mar 2004

My friends and relations would, I think, be so shocked they would be in a state of disbelief and I would do all I can to keep this (for me) private thing private.
Remember - life does not have to be a series of confessions to loved ones, and it is only right to keep some things private if that is what you want to do.

Quote by KevnJu
< ... > my only visit to Chameleons was marred by meeting an old school friend, I think that is why i've not returned) < ... >
Ju

I would die at such a thing happening to me!!

1 Mar 2004

I'd probably be disowned if my parents knew that I was even talking to people here. Their reaction to discovering my sister's "open relationship" was not good.
I'm fortunate that I know so few people in this country. There's not much chance of bumping into someone that I know.

1 Mar 2004

My relatives are so straight they'd die if they knew what I get up to. Some of my friends and a few of my work colleagues know (so blackmail won't work guys lol

), but only a select few of my friends have seen my web site. You get to know who is open to such discussion and and who isn't. Basically, if you enjoy it, you're doing nothing wrong so who cares what your granny thinks confused

1 Mar 2004

We have 5 friends who I know that know about our swinging (sorry about the grammar, my brain hurts) - there may be more people from Tim's work who know 'cos his friend is a dreadful gossip biggrin

I can honestly say that to these people it makes no difference at all - one was informed by accident but was cool with it. The usual reaction is lots of questions which I answer as honestly as I can so that there information is based on our real experience as opposed to the tabloid press.
I also think my dad has suspicions - an unfortunately timed e-mail alert whilst on his comp redface

ops: :oops: however I was able to say in all honesty that I wasn't member of that site (it was a mail shot encouraging new members) I think if he asked me specifically I would be honest about it, and I know his main concerns would be for my safety rather than shame at what I choose do.
He's my dad and he loves me and respects my choices (yes I am a daddy's girl lol

)
My mum, I think, would be very freaked out but would pretend it wasn't an issue to Tim and I, then try to get Dad to have words :lol: but it wouldn't affect how she was with us, she'd just think we were being weirder than usual and going through a 'stage'.
Sorry for waffling so much, so I'll get to the point I was intending to make, I find it much easier to respond to questions to from those who know, or have found out, by being as honest as possible. If nothing else they learn something new and hopefully gain an understanding why we have chosen to join the swinging scene.
Jas

1 Mar 2004

From little snippets of conversation from as a kid to just last year I have become very suspicious that members of my family were involved in it at one time!!!! confused

...... I still would never come straight out and ask tho! and would still just die if they found out about me..... Oh god, saying they still are involved!!!! what would I do if I ever bumped into em along the way!!!! They could even be going to the Mids Munch!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!

1 Mar 2004

Quote by MISSCHIEF
< ... > They could even be going to the Mids Munch!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!

You see? It would be a very private, intimate side of you, being revealed at the same time as a private side of them.
Perfectly ok that it would be awkward and so best kept private! But imagine something like that happening to any of us - I'm still spooked by Ju's school friend story above!!
ouch redface

1 Mar 2004

Quote by DJohn
I'd probably be disowned if my parents knew that I was even talking to people here. Their reaction to discovering my sister's "open relationship" was not good.
I'm fortunate that I know so few people in this country. There's not much chance of bumping into someone that I know.

You did that on Saturday morning!!! There's a story in German storybooks about a chap with his head in the clouds and you remind me of him!!!
x xx

1 Mar 2004

Its simple really...
If my Father found out he would be cool but embarrassed and not want to talk about it. 8)
My brother would not believe me - I am older and cannot be cool!
My sister would go so wappy her voice would only be heard by dogs! lol

:lol:
If my mother found out I would inherit early!

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: but only after she had told everyone with a very long dying breath!
We have told one couple who were "normal" friends and since then Lady Penelope has taken up swinging so we are not telling anyone else just in case they like the ones we like and nick 'em!
However if someone I knew came up to me and said "You're Fred Flintstone" I would say "Yes, what is your ad number and how long have you been swinging?"
I am not embarrassed about it - I choose not to share it with people that might not have an open mind to the lifestyle. For example, how many people would understand that you trust people you swing with to look after your children? We have a three couples that we have swung with who are friends and we all trust one another with our childsren!
Try explaining that to your mother without her reaching for the phone and calling Social Services!
Fred

1 Mar 2004

Funnily enough I'm just on the verge of breaking the 'news' about my private life to someone at work.
There's a girl I've known for quite some time (AND fancied the pants off for quite some time!). She's been opening up a lot to me recently. She says that she's always felt 'adventurous' but doesn't quite know where to go or what to do.
Silly girl... I'll soon show her! :twisted: :twisted:
Apart from that, none of my non-swinging friends, workmates, family or neighbours have the foggiest about what I get up to.... even though I've heard chaps in my works canteen talking about SH and 'Heather's photos' ... If only they REALLY knew about that shy, quiet litte wall flower who sits in the corner. lol

:lol:
Hxx

1 Mar 2004

Quote by Heather
Funnily enough I'm just on the verge of breaking the 'news' about my private life to someone at work.
Hxx

Go on give them a laugh.
TS

1 Mar 2004

Quote by Heather
<... > ... even though I've heard chaps in my works canteen talking about SH and 'Heather's photos' ... If only they REALLY knew about that shy, quiet litte wall flower who sits in the corner. :lol:
Hxx

Now that's a classic :grin: rotflmao

:grin:
PS Are you sure none of them throw you any quizzical glances?

1 Mar 2004

my family wouldn't be too shocked - what goes on in my sex life is of no interest to them, something they've made quite clear. My friends know, and don't care, it's my life, not theirs.
The only problem I have is that one of my neighbours is one of those peole who tries to thrust himself into the company of others, if he suspected that I wanted to host swinging parties at my flat, he'd probably have a fit, but there's nothing he can do to stop me, so why worry?

1 Mar 2004

OK and this is very serious to me. What if a person spent some of her spare time volunteering, assisting with, let's say special needs children. What would the parents think if they found out her lifestyle? Shocked? Hurt? Does it mean the person would have to give up the lifestyle? (She wouldn't give up the volunteering.)

2 Mar 2004

Im pretty much in the same boat mate, im just finding my feet round here, seeing if this scene is for me. Im not too bothered what other people think as long as im happy.
Ive spent a fair bit o' time lurking and I must say these forums are one of the most freindly and approachable ive ever registered on.
L

2 Mar 2004

Quote by jezzay
OK and this is very serious to me. What if a person spent some of her spare time volunteering, assisting with, let's say special needs children. What would the parents think if they found out her lifestyle? Shocked? Hurt? Does it mean the person would have to give up the lifestyle? (She wouldn't give up the volunteering.)

It is very easy for us all to say that we have a sensitive job that if we were exposed as swingers would lead to a conflict. People from all walks of life swing and some do get exposed when they are found out by local rags and national press alike because none of these people understand a way of life. Whether it be a bit of ridicule at work, a few sniggers in the canteen or a 4 page spread in the local rag it will inevitably lead to harm for some people.
Who would I rather have looking after my kids - someone who is in a loving and stable relationship who is sharing sexual experiences with their partner and others in a safe way for enjoyment or someone who carries on a relationship in secrecy and who has to lie and cheat in order to continue with a deception of their families...... no contest - If a childminder of my children admitted they were a swinger I would not hesitate to leave my children with that person.
However - the press will never see it like that - to them it is an expose and a cheap headline. I said before that there are people we swing with who I trust implicitly because of their integrity. If I were to ever be exposed for my lifestyle it will inevitably harm both me and my family and therefore I would be devastated for that reason and that reason only.
As to the choices you have - only you can make them at the time. However I doubt in the long run that it is so important an issue to people that one would be hounded out of town. I would at least like to have the chance to explain to people what the lifestyle means to me.
The rest of them can go f**k themselves coz I won't be!

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Fred

2 Mar 2004

Jeezay - this is also a subject close to my heart. I work with disadvantaged children on a voluntary basis and I've no doubt that if my lifestyle was exposed, it would lead to me having to give up one or the other.
However, what makes me angry is this, most of my fellow workers are single people and most of them go out regularly and have one night stands. My lifestyle would be looked upon as being more seedy, even though I get to know all the people I meet before anything happens and I am 100% safe. Many of my fellow colleagues recount tales of drunken one night stands, not even remembering the person's name, not to mention whether or not they've used protection. Where's the logic in that?

2 Mar 2004

Piece of breaking news - Stan Collingwood has been 'exposed' as a dogger! He is ashamed now.
Heard it on Radio 5 Live this morning...with a little quip about the rise in sexual diseases!

2 Mar 2004

Well thanks for all your views, it puts my mind at rest(sort of). Lets hope Stan Collymore isn't invited to the Midlands Munch (he is local, it was a Staffordshire park he was "caught" doggin in :doh: ) otherwise the press will be there too - so much worse than an old school friend turning up!!
L,h,k
Ju
x

2 Mar 2004

ok I had this pm this morning, should I be worried? rotflmao

Quote by Stan Collymore
Hi Dawn. Please can you give me the details of your Midlands Munch. I am usually a dogger but would love to try something new. Is a munch suitable for me?
Many thanks
Stan

Dawn :silly:

2 Mar 2004

ok I had this pm this morning, should I be worried?
Stan Collymore wrote:
Hi Dawn. Please can you give me the details of your Midlands Munch. I am usually a dogger but would love to try something new. Is a munch suitable for me?
Many thanks
Stan
Dawn

:rotflmoa: :rotflmoa: :rotflmoa:
Let's start the Swinging Heaven Cup? A bit like Celebrity Nasdaq... only you get points if you suck them of through the car windscreen. Good idea...?
(I swear I've had Patrick Moore in the woods before now... Star gazing, my arse!.)
Hxx

2 Mar 2004

:lol: :lol:
Apparently he loves to watch couples having sex as quoted on radio one this morning, well good on him, its only normal!
Just a shame he got caught.

2 Mar 2004

Well I have no friends or family & the dogs cant quite work the computer yet so .....no problems there then :twisted:
Although work is probably the only place I would keep quiet... wink

I kinda think thats wise dont you....although it is tempting in my lunch breaks (esp when on nites) to head down to Stanborough park...

2 Mar 2004

Well I have no friends or family & the dogs cant quite work the computer yet so I don't think that is quite accurate Moist kiss

LHK
Kat
P.S. I mean the first bit, not the bit about the dogs using the computers. rolleyes

2 Mar 2004

Kat,
Nice photos BTW biggrin

2 Mar 2004

Quote by Moist
Well I have no friends or family & the dogs cant quite work the computer yet so .....no problems there then :twisted:
Although work is probably the only place I would keep quiet... I kinda think thats wise dont you....although it is tempting in my lunch breaks (esp when on nites) to head down to Stanborough park...

Hey moist.... I would like to think that I may be a friend .... and I am sure there are others here, and we are all family..... I got all my sisters and me.... and all that....
Big Hugz
Gmanxxxx kiss

:kiss: :kiss:

2 Mar 2004

Quote by gmanxxx
Well I have no friends or family & the dogs cant quite work the computer yet so .....no problems there then :twisted:
Although work is probably the only place I would keep quiet... I kinda think thats wise dont you....although it is tempting in my lunch breaks (esp when on nites) to head down to Stanborough park...

Hey moist.... I would like to think that I may be a friend .... and I am sure there are others here, and we are all family..... I got all my sisters and me.... and all that....
Big Hugz
Gmanxxxx kiss

:kiss: :kiss:
Grab those bell bottoms good sir!

2 Mar 2004

still got them devillish... although the kids insist that they look better on them!!!
Gman

2 Mar 2004

We went to chams for the first time on Saturday - the first time we've done ANYTHING like that!
We had a great time.
At home after, we both said we were so pleased with the experience, and weren't embarresed or ashamed at all. So though no one knows, if asked directly by someone who wasn't asking to take the piss - then we'd tell them. It took us months of research and chatting to find out what it was really like - and then realised it was safer & better!
We both have pierced nipples which we thought would be deadly embaressing to tell people; but blokes are impressed and women are really interested! Haven't told (many) about PA and VCH yet! However, parents are none the wiser till we holiday with them in Aug!!!
Our advice - be happy & proud - and if you are happy - tell 'em!
PS - I think most negative views are due to the press giving a bad name rather than the reality of the situation...
PPS - who am I to say - we're still 100% novices! ;)

2 Mar 2004

Just want to say OnlyUs that I'm glad it went well - only a short time ago you discussed a few concerns in your Hints & Tips Thread.
I'm sure it can only get better - feeling more relaxed, knowing the little etiquette niceties, building the social circle and setting your limits with confidence :high-smile: