Am I Doing things so wrong wanting to make friends and Trying to get a social life?
I am quite shy till I get to know people and I still have doubts about actually meeting people even though I have spoken to them for awhile via msn messenger and by text messages and possibly the odd phone call.
How do I make myself not doubt myself or worry about what people think of me?
People I considered good friends most have known me for a good few years or awhile.
Some days I can be very out going and others I want to hide away so no one can find me.
Today is such a day when I want to hide and not be found.
Anyone got sugguestions as to how i move forward plz
Go and see your GP or find a self-help group.
She's been to at least one that I know of, Mallock.
I agree with those who advise that a chat with your doctor would be a good first step. Maybe it's depression, maybe not, it's unwise to leap to conclusions too quickly. It would be good if you can join a self-help group (for people with anxiety and/or depression) and meet people who have similar feelings, you're quite likely to meet people who have worse problems than you do, and this can help put your own problems in perspective. NHS Direct would be able to tell you if you have anything like that in your own area, and they will send you details - phone them any time, the number is 0845 4647.
I seem to remember you've recently been for hospital tests for an illness - maybe this is also having a bearing on how you are feeling. I know you have good friends on here, make sure you keep in touch with them. At least you chat with folk on messenger, I never get to do that!
Good luck.
I have what I think is a similar problem: even with friends that I have known for years, I still ask myself why they could possibly want to have anything to do with me, and can't find an answer.
I usually won't approach people, because I'm convinced that I have nothing to offer them and don't want to face any kind of rejection.
CBT might help. It's good for breaking down those deeply held mistaken views that we have of the world and our place in it. And this view is mistaken - I have evidence that some people actually enjoy my company. I'm sure the same is true for you.
There is certainly nothing wrong with wanting to make friends. There isn't even anything wrong with being shy. And I suspect even the most outgoing people have their quiet days, when they just want to shut the world out for a while.
Look at the people you know. Do other people think things of them that they should worry about? What do they have that you don't? I'll tell you the answer: nothing. There will be a few things, since we're all different, but if you're honest you'll find plenty of likable characteristics in them that you have yourself.
You will sometimes do things that other people don't like. You'll be wrong, you'll look a fool. Everyone does. The important thing to realise is that this isn't bad. It's OK to get things wrong sometimes. Don't let it make you forget all the times you get things right.
I realise this post is more about me than about you. That's because I know me a lot better. Still, I hope there's something in there that helps.
I agree with those who say get professional help.
Another thing to remember is that most people feel a little nervous before meeting others. So you are not alone in that. In fact, feeling a bit nervous means that it's special, stimulating and, if successful, worthwhile. That's part of the pleasure, in the long run, but it is difficult to convince onesself beforehand.
So if the professional help is merely to put you on drugs to take away the feelings of anxiety, I say - don't resist but be careful that that doesn't become your way of life. It can be numbing.
Good luck
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Maybe I read wayward wrong but I didnt read it as she was saying she was depressed. I think self doubt and being shy is far from being depressed if so then maybe we all are!!! I have those days all the time and have in the past talked to a psycotherapist as doctors were a total waste of time although they can refer you to a long long waiting list. I paid for 4 sessions and it worked at the time.
Wayward, you know yourself best I dont. You are having feeling of doubts like many men and women on here do at times - the highs of meetings or thinking about meeting and the lows of meets cancelled or not working out.
Whichever it is Wayward, some good advice coming through on this thread for you hopefully - just know its not you personally, its part of this big life picture which is there to put obstacles in our way. Some days you ignore them and other days they seems gigantic.
Take care
One of the symptoms of my depression is lack of confidence and generally feeling s**t about myself. Even on good days I find it really difficult to socialise with people I don't know. I am more confident, out going and happy in small groups. My personal hell is large gathering of noisy people. I just seem to fade against the wall become transparent and then run for the door.
So look for small groups somewhere quiet and relax and enjoy.
Hi Wayward just wanted to say I hope you work things out for yourself. There seems to have been plenty of good advice from for having times when you want to hide away , we all have days like that it's part of life.I've had some of those days too but they soon pass. when things get bad for me i just brew up and get the chocolate out.
As for being shy , I would rather chat to someone a little shy as oppossed to someone who was loud and pushy.I spent most of my life being shy ,but have grown more confident and cheeky in the past few believe in yourself and be confident ,we are all special in some way ,and if someone can't accept you the way you are then they are'nt worth bothering with .Just be yourself and be happy.
Hope you get sorted and have fun all the best Alex.
