Embarrasing Stories!!!! Not JOKES!

2 Jan 2007

In response from previous post I just thought I'd Try this one.
What's the most embarrasing thing that's happened to you or someone you know whilst Love making????
Not before Not after... Whilst you're actually at it!
I'll start, One of My bestest Friends wasn't feeling to well, but his Wife was very horny and quite persistant so he obliged as any Good man should, and whilst at it became even more poorly. So much so that, that one last push released what can only be described as Brown Thunder all over the place... Yes, if he'd had pants on!!! He'd have Shat them!!! Then whilst running of in the direction of the toilet, tripped hit his head on a set of drawers and knocked himself clean out! banghead

He came round with Paramedics above him not knowing WTF had happened.
His thoughtful wife had rang 999 when she couldn't revive him fearing the worst, Cleaned the bed linen and did a pretty good job of clearing the place up....
Apart from the small point of HIM, Yes, in her panic she'd forgotten or (Didn't want to more like) Clean Him up....
So he was lying there in his own Shit, whilst the good dear ambulance folk helped him... They never mentioned it, but we do, all the time. :twisted:
He was Devastated and to this day is known as The REAL Shit Shag!
wink

:bounce:

2 Jan 2007

:laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove:

2 Jan 2007

That is so cruel to share that with us but incredibly funny :giggle:
I did a fanny fart once redface

Didn't know where to put my face surprised

ops:

2 Jan 2007

I think we posted a story about my sister catching us in the act once- 'act' being the operative word- we were doing a very flithy role play!!!! not good!!! If i can be bothered I'lll look out the link to it, i think we had a similar thread before that was v funny!!
Maz xx

2 Jan 2007

Enjoying an afternoon Key has gone in the door ! :eeek:
MrFC starts running around the room trying to find his clothes to put on lol

picks them up and is trying to get dressed in a small cupboard.
To late for me rolleyes

......... big cushion and a smile as my daughter walks through the door,
"Hi mum" she says, ..................her dad comes out of the cupboard dressed ............................daughter is looking a little puzzled, confused

:? Dad.......................Why are you wearing mums shorts!
:lol: :lol: :lol:

2 Jan 2007

Ok man comes to hospital for a plating of his arm so i go and collect him to bring around to the anaesthetic room
Me: So what was you doing to do this
Him: truth or should i lie
Me: Whats the most entertaining
Him surprised

k the truth was playing hide the bed snake with a lady friend when she got cramp and kicked me out of bed
Me: redface

PS i have more

2 Jan 2007

Quote by Sassy-Seren
I did a fanny fart once Didn't know where to put my face ops:

are you double jointed rolleyes

2 Jan 2007

Quote by markz

I did a fanny fart once Didn't know where to put my face ops:

are you double jointed rolleyes

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Mal
cool

2 Jan 2007

This is f@ck*ng painful for me but I still see the funny side confused

I have a spinal injury, but can still manage to do the deed so to speak. However, at the most inopportune times I completely seize in whatever position I happen to find myself in at the time. A little like playing twister in many ways. Clinically it is caused by a damaged nerve and spinal cord fluid leaking out, but on the outside it looks like a party game lol

Can't do a bloody thing about it when it happens other than wait for it all to click back into place. For the unlucky lady, she can suddenly become quite lucky if the positioning is right at the critical moment, what with everything going rigid! or she can be very unlucky and just have to read a book or whatever if she can't escape :shock:
Now that is embarrassing! Like I say nowt I can do about it so I just go with the flow biggrin

2 Jan 2007

Female friend of mine had a few drinks for dutch courage going to meet a guy. Decided to give him a blow job, unfortunately her gag reflex wasnt as good as usual. Vomited pernod and blackcurrant all over the poor guy. She never saw him again. lol

dee n Rich

2 Jan 2007

we were in the bathroom, thankfully when this horrific incident occurred with me and a female partner.
I was enjoying giving oral to my female partner and giving myself a rogering with a dildo up my bum, I slipped a bit and near stabbed my innards with the dildo. I shat myself, the dildo came out and , well there was a mess. My partner, has seen and done worse, so she was initially okay about it.
So next I set about cleaning things up, A quick wipe of the floor with some bog roll. Fine. But the dildo needed cleaning. I struggled with the condom and finally yanked it off sending a near 180 degree broadside of crap across the bathroom, spraying my lovely lady.
Now I know there's some who don't like spunk in their hair, but................
Anyway I sent round a professional cleaning company and some flowers next day.
rolleyes

ops: :oops: :oops: :oops:

3 Jan 2007

Debated over telling this embarrassing event and thought what the hell. lol

Picture the scene ;
In work, all handing out pressies to work colleagues, I was presented with a set of anali Lovebeads redface

Well they say revenge is sweet wink

The fem who bought them for me called round to our house just before christmas with her 4 year old daughter.
On seeing the present,{still in the packaging} the little girl asked what they were. Richard, quick as a flash, replied "a necklace"
Childs reply was, "mummys got those too", followed with the anecdote "BUT MUMMY's ARE DIRTY" :lol:
Mum wishing the floor would open her up and swallow her,muttered .....I only said they were dirty so child wouldnt pick them up, honest.
Em, i love ya to death, thank you so much for the laugh over christmas :lol:
dee

3 Jan 2007

Hmmm, never really done anything embarassing during sex apart from the usuals that i'm sure everybody goes through.
There was one sequence of calamities once in a car. I was just getting into my stride when something so scarey happened, a blood vessel or something burst on my cock. The pain caused me to squeal (yep- i aint proud) and tense up suddenly which caused my thigh to cramp up- Now anybody who has had cramp in the thigh will know how painful it is. Anyway because of the combined pain of the cramp and the penis I just bucked/ jumped/ popped upwards and everywhere. The result; inadvertadly slapping nut on my girlfriend. So there was a half naked girl whincing and checking her face for blood and a trouserless lad who, unable to show any compassion, continued to panic and scream like a girl and find a position to lie where the excrutiating cramp in my leg would leave me alone and where I could inspect my todger, find out what the hell had happened.

3 Jan 2007

When i was about 11 i was riding my friends old motorbike around his garden (it was huge- the garden not the bike) we were going over jumps etc etc and it was a really good day but eventually we decided to stop for a while. We decided to go for a swim in his pool, after about an hour we got dry and i went back on the bike (wearing just swimming trunks) I went over a jump, lost control of the bike, landed on the bikes trye tore apart my swimming trunks and cut my leg to pieces (my most vital organ survived unscathed) , the bike then crashed into a thorn bush with me on it and caught fire. I crawled naked out of the bush (ouch) and got to safety while my friend put out the nice fire i had started.
All in all an embarassing but still quite entertaining day. I suppose i couldve died though :shock:

3 Jan 2007

I promise not to tell anymore but this last one, It involves me and a certain lady friend of mine.
We had enjoyed a rather playfull evening with An australian wine companies product and were both feeling well, horny! So one thing led to the other, and it was the other I which I was mostly interested in. Anyhow, pissed and horny we started and had some marital aids at our disposal. I kinda lined the buggers up like the platoon, ready for action, we were in the lounge on a lovely soft, cosy rug in front of the roaring fire and the time had arisen for use of said troops.
All standing to attention and ready for action Sir!
C'mon boys, I thought, were going in...
I grabbed the first one I cpuld reach... a caucasian fella, kinda like that inch high private eye fella, only about 8 inches, anyway I proceeded to entertain the lady by getting the fella to enter her. Oh!!! she was yelling and writhing, wriggling and yelping and doing so much swearing..
Hmm I thought, this little shitface is pleasing her a bit eh!
It was only when she managed to escape the onslaught of the wee soldiers grasp, nearly by the kitchen door by the way, she'd wriggled her way over there...best part of 15 foot, that, I got slapped straight in the chops!
WTF was that for, I said!
Hmmmm
Turns out when i'd lined the boys up for action, I hadn't realised the effect that the roaring fuppin fire had had on the latex and plastic troopers.
Oops.... nearly plastic welded the poor girl right up! she didn't walk right for weeks..oh well, live an learn, that's my motto.
Her's was, Fupping Burn!!