Have you ever had any moments whilst canoodling where everything has just suddenly made sense?(And if you are thinking "boats" then you have the wrong kind of oars in mind)
I only ask because it happened to me recently.
A couple of months back now I was looking to buy something sexy for my missus. Whilst perusing the on-line catalogue I stumbled across a rather odd looking contraption which was a cock ring, complete with bollock holster attached and then a nubbinsy dangly wotsit on the top in which a small vibrating bullet could sit(I am not sure if this is the correct terminology, but bear with me, I am too lazy to research).
"That'll do for me!" I thought with visions of having a half-strangled mega-cock, like an anaconda after it's swallowed a bison, whilst my missus vibrated herself into ecstasy upon it.
The cock ring arrived a few days later and that night we decided to give it a try. Big mistake.
I quickly discovered that night the equation. Dry silicon rubber + skin + pubic hair = a DIY Brazilian. By the time I'd finished struggling to get it on my bollocks looked like they had developed alopecia and my cock less like an anaconda, more like a strangled maggot.
I then tried to slide the vibrating bullet in. And could not manage it. It was then I realised I should have read the instructions and put the bullet in first. So, off came the ring again, along with another family of pubes. I then slid the bullet in and put the ring back on. However the bullet was one of these that had a twisty control on the end to switch it on and off. And we quickly found out that when we were mid coitus, not only did the damn thing keep switching itself off and on, but also the twisty end dug rather painfully into the end of my todger. Not an altogether successful experiment. So it was cleaned and went back into the naughty box.
That was until I had my epiphany. I don't normally shave down below. I love the feeling and how easy it is to keep things well maintained and clean, but the problem I have is that when it grows back, it feels like I have a colony of ants residing in my boxer shorts. This is very unbecoming. Also potentially dangerous when I have to go and pick the children up from school, or indeed venture out into society at any point. However, in a fit of unbridled optimism, I seized upon the moment and removed the hair from the area. I also swapped the bullet with the nobby end for a smooth push button bullet that we had from another purchase. It fitted neatly in.
We had another go last night and the difference was amazing... So much so my wife even stayed awake through the entire session. It made even my bits look rather healthily presentable and I didn't keep feeling like my balls were getting electrocuted every time that a pube would snag.
The only problem is, I have to go and pick the kids up later and it feels like I have feathers in my boxies.
I do realise that seasoned sexual practitioners will laugh at my carnal naivety, however I am nothing if not honest and at least it gave Mrs Res something different to laugh about while we were at it.
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Quote by splendid_
I love you.
Me too also!
I am catching a train in 30 mins just applied makeup and now look like a panda! Thanks
It said on the bottle waterproof, I guess that doesnt mean tear proof!
I will keep hold of that vision while bored on the train giggling away to myself.
So anyone getting a train and there is a mad woman sitting giggling to herself hi
it could be me! 
