Over Easter I spent most of the time with the best female friend I've ever had. I've known here since the mid-90s but we've become fantastic and very close friends since the start of the year (we even went to a swingers club a few weeks ago together just to see what it was like).
On bank holiday Monday after a great day together, she cooked me a fab dinner and we shared a couple (or was it more?) bottles of wine. We ended up snogging (yet again... it always happens when we have a drink) and we spent the night entwined in each others arms (again, nothing unusual, we've done it regularly for months). We've never had sex, in fact, it's one of those subjects that she regularly brings up saying it might be great but then almost immediately retraces her steps and saying it's so much more special not doing it. And I agree. Or at least I did.
I've been as comfortable as a mouse in a cheese shop with all this, but when we went our separate ways on Tuesday morning I had quick glance behind me and watched her disappear around a corner and I had this incredibly powerful rush of emotion for her, completely out of the blue. I've been an agonised wreck ever since. I do realise that I've fallen in love with her, but it's not good!
I think she is the most fantastic woman I've ever met, but at the same time I know we're not right for each other, but tell that to my emotions. What I need is some good firm advice as to how to deal with this effectively and get back to the feeling of being friends only.
Luckily I wont see her again for a couple of weeks as she is away so I've got a bit of time to sort this all out. I don't want it to affect what we already have established.
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Falling in Love - Help!
Wow, its very hard to give advice where peoples emotions are concerned. I think the space from her going away for a while will do you good. So you can really decide if its love or not. Its sounds to me that this lady is not interested in a relationship thats more than friends and if this is the case its definately not a good idea to tell her how your feeling. It may ruin your friendship. It might be a good idea to sound her out a little about relationships, just over a chat. what does she see herself doing in the near future? Does she want a proper relationship with somebody in the near future? You may get a few clues as to want she wants from the answers.
Louise xx
Louise xx
Crikey 
I really really hope someone has some sage advice for you. I wish I did, but all I can offer is a huge hug. :therethere:
But ...... maybe the only way is forward???? Maybe it wont be as destructive to your friendship as you think? Maybe there is no going back.
Is it possible she might feel the same way but thinks that because of you being into swinging, her heart would not be safe with you.
Maybe you fessing up will open her up? Big risk I know
Loads of luck with it hun, I feel for you xxxxxxxxxxx
I really really hope someone has some sage advice for you. I wish I did, but all I can offer is a huge hug. :therethere: But ...... maybe the only way is forward???? Maybe it wont be as destructive to your friendship as you think? Maybe there is no going back.
Is it possible she might feel the same way but thinks that because of you being into swinging, her heart would not be safe with you.
Maybe you fessing up will open her up? Big risk I know
Loads of luck with it hun, I feel for you xxxxxxxxxxx
Quote by tabbi
Is it possible she might feel the same way but thinks that because of you being into swinging, her heart would not be safe with you.
Actually, it was her idea to go to a club, not mine! She was let down by some guy she had the hots for at the last minute and had got herself so psyched up to go that she asked if I'd go with her instead!
As to the answer to Darkfire, I think we have different aspirations and different ideals that we seek in a life partner... we have talked about this in some depth. Of course, I know it's never quite as simple as raw rational thought, but I do value her friendship more than anything else, so I would never want to compromise that.
Sex God
Ohh sorry no help here 
Have read these kinds of threads before and they just baffle me. Maybe I just condsider myself a risk taker and know I would just go for it in your situation. I would also never be able to live with the what if.
Have read these kinds of threads before and they just baffle me. Maybe I just condsider myself a risk taker and know I would just go for it in your situation. I would also never be able to live with the what if. Quote by Darkfire
why arn't you right for each other?
I was going to ask the same thing. Are you both single? Are there any complications to consider?
I'm maybe not the best person to answer as I DID fall in love with my best mate and we've done the sex thing on and off for almost 2 years. We could never be together as a couple as there are too many complications with us but even if the sex stopped, I will still have my best friend and soulmate around.
It does take a very special friendship not to be damaged by sexual relationships but only you two can decide if it's right for you.
Good luck
Quote by Sassy-Seren
why arn't you right for each other?
I was going to ask the same thing. Are you both single? Are there any complications to consider?
Good luck
Yep, we're both single and on Saturday I was even taking her photo and helping her craft an entry for an online dating service, that's how much of a friend she is.
The only complication now is my stupidity in letting myself fall for her a couple of days later!
hi del...is she fit? :twisted:
Im only kidding..it sounds like this is a tough one..im going to be honest with you, and i think it sounds like there is more between you both than you both want to admit.
I know you said you both have very different takes on lives....but If people are totally right for each other, it would get boring...difference is good!!
Only question id have for you..is, when were you last with somone? (other than this girl?) Could it be you are just lonely, and pressuirng yourself to fall for someone?
If it isnt that id say, see how the next week or two goes, but dont leave it too long...you dont wana lose her to a guy on a dating web site..
And if you do still like her..TELL HER!! its better to be honest...(obviously dont propose straight off
aparently that is scarey!)...if shes a good friend she will appreiate your honesty!! and who knows...it could go very very well..
Dont be hard on yourself for falling for someone...it happens to us all..
Anyway mate...good luck with it..i shall keep my eyes on this thread to find out what happens..
Im only kidding..it sounds like this is a tough one..im going to be honest with you, and i think it sounds like there is more between you both than you both want to admit.
I know you said you both have very different takes on lives....but If people are totally right for each other, it would get boring...difference is good!!
Only question id have for you..is, when were you last with somone? (other than this girl?) Could it be you are just lonely, and pressuirng yourself to fall for someone?
If it isnt that id say, see how the next week or two goes, but dont leave it too long...you dont wana lose her to a guy on a dating web site..
And if you do still like her..TELL HER!! its better to be honest...(obviously dont propose straight off
aparently that is scarey!)...if shes a good friend she will appreiate your honesty!! and who knows...it could go very very well..Dont be hard on yourself for falling for someone...it happens to us all..
Anyway mate...good luck with it..i shall keep my eyes on this thread to find out what happens..
Quote by aj1980
hi del...is she fit? :twisted:
Im only kidding..it sounds like this is a tough one..im going to be honest with you, and i think it sounds like there is more between you both than you both want to admit.
I know you said you both have very different takes on lives....but If people are totally right for each other, it would get boring...difference is good!!
Only question id have for you..is, when were you last with somone? (other than this girl?) Could it be you are just lonely, and pressuirng yourself to fall for someone?
If it isnt that id say, see how the next week or two goes, but dont leave it too long...you dont wana lose her to a guy on a dating web site..
And if you do still like her..TELL HER!! its better to be honest...(obviously dont propose straight off
Dont be hard on yourself for falling for someone...it happens to us all..
Anyway mate...good luck with it..i shall keep my eyes on this thread to find out what happens..
Thanks for the words of wisdom.
You're right, it has been some time since I've been in a deep relationship, but in a lot of ways that doesn't really come into the equation because I've been happy that way.
In other ways I understand what you say about maybe there being more there than we're both prepared to admit. Sometimes I feel like she's the only person that I have a genuine rapport with, other times she annoys the hell out of me, but I still feel really fond of her. That's what I mean about thinking perhaps we're not right for each other.
It is very difficult to call because on one level it does feel kind of unreal and I do regard her as my most genuine and close friend, but on the other I would hate to lose her to some guy on a dating site! I'll reflect over the next couple of weeks before deciding what course of action to take - and I'll let all you guys know.
P.S. And yes, she is fantastically fit!
Dude, you have got to tell her how you feel. Neither of you are psychic and how would you (both) feel if the "opportunity" was missed? If she's that good a friend she will stay so, possibly a bit awkward around each other for a few days but overcome-able in a strong friendship. If she goes ahead with the dating site and finds someone for a relationship, the chances are that you will see less and less of her as her new relationship grows stronger. Depending on her personality you could try one of two ways to broach the subject. Either in a jokey way ie "So when you place an advert on the dating site am I allowed to reply??!"
Or take her out for a meal, some wine - dress up a bit, the works and go for it. If she says no, then you know where you stand and you can carry on with your friendship with her knowing that you're there for her, in whichever way. If she says yes, then WHOOPEE.
There's an old saying "Faint heart never won fair Maiden" or something like that!
Good luck.
Or take her out for a meal, some wine - dress up a bit, the works and go for it. If she says no, then you know where you stand and you can carry on with your friendship with her knowing that you're there for her, in whichever way. If she says yes, then WHOOPEE.
There's an old saying "Faint heart never won fair Maiden" or something like that!
Good luck.
Casanova
Sounds like you have a really tough decision here ... but are you actually make it harder than it really is? I agree with some of the previous posters - you need to talk to her about it. A little while back I fell for a close female friend of mine - we'd been friends for a long time and were very open with each other. Then we recorded a song together - and that was it, I fell in love with her. I agonized over what I should do, in the same way as you are, but eventually I decided I had to tell her how I felt - and the sooner the better. Unfortunately she didn't feel the same way. However, despite a couple of uncomfortable times, our friendship wasn't affected and we are still very close. And because I talked to her quickly about it, I was able to move on and get past my feelings for her.
I'm not saying this will happen with you and your friend - but I think it's not the end of the world if she doesn't feel the same way and it's better to know.
Also, you said that you might not be right for each other. Well Nicky and I started off as friends, then swinging partners, and our friends often said we would end up together - but we always said there was no chance because neither of us were looking for that and we were much too different. But as time passed we just kept getting closer and closer until we couldn't deny our feelings for each other! And I've never been happier with a partner than I am now! And I'm sure Nicky feels the same way.
I guess what I am saying is that love is a mysterious thing and it's impossible to know whether a relationship is going to work unless you go ahead and try it!
That's how I feel anyway - but I guess no-one can make the decision except you! You have a chance for something wonderful (or maybe something terrible) but without risk there is no reward.
Good luck!
Russell
I'm not saying this will happen with you and your friend - but I think it's not the end of the world if she doesn't feel the same way and it's better to know.
Also, you said that you might not be right for each other. Well Nicky and I started off as friends, then swinging partners, and our friends often said we would end up together - but we always said there was no chance because neither of us were looking for that and we were much too different. But as time passed we just kept getting closer and closer until we couldn't deny our feelings for each other! And I've never been happier with a partner than I am now! And I'm sure Nicky feels the same way.
I guess what I am saying is that love is a mysterious thing and it's impossible to know whether a relationship is going to work unless you go ahead and try it!
That's how I feel anyway - but I guess no-one can make the decision except you! You have a chance for something wonderful (or maybe something terrible) but without risk there is no reward.
Good luck!
Russell
OK, I've bitten the bullet and just brought this to closure as quickly as I could (via phone)
The upshot is that nothing is going to happen between us, but much more importantly my disclousure won't affect our friendhsip, which was my main concern. She was very understanding and said "I can't handle a really lovely human being just quite yet darling" which may or may not be a real reason, but actually it doesn't matter much. I feel much better now having divulged my feelings and can (with time) get over this and move on properly.
Thanks for all those who urged me to act positively!
The upshot is that nothing is going to happen between us, but much more importantly my disclousure won't affect our friendhsip, which was my main concern. She was very understanding and said "I can't handle a really lovely human being just quite yet darling" which may or may not be a real reason, but actually it doesn't matter much. I feel much better now having divulged my feelings and can (with time) get over this and move on properly.
Thanks for all those who urged me to act positively!
Del, only just read this. I'm glad things didn't go completely tits up hun, but what I really wanted to pick up on was this
That to me sounds like a marriage! And a pretty good one at that
Sometimes I feel like she's the only person that I have a genuine rapport with, other times she annoys the hell out of me, but I still feel really fond of her. That's what I mean about thinking perhaps we're not right for each other.
That to me sounds like a marriage! And a pretty good one at that
Quote by winchwench
Del, only just read this. I'm glad things didn't go completely tits up hun, but what I really wanted to pick up on was this
Sometimes I feel like she's the only person that I have a genuine rapport with, other times she annoys the hell out of me, but I still feel really fond of her. That's what I mean about thinking perhaps we're not right for each other.
That to me sounds like a marriage! And a pretty good one at that
*lol* yes, that has been commented on by us before in jokey moments! But I'm really glad the air has now been cleared and I can see exactly where everything lies now.
Sex God
You say you have time before you meet again. I think that alone will tell you.
When you part from a lovely period of time together is when it is the most emotional. About half way between last time and next time is when you'll see her in the truest light you'll have - good luck - lovely story.
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When you part from a lovely period of time together is when it is the most emotional. About half way between last time and next time is when you'll see her in the truest light you'll have - good luck - lovely story.
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Quote by westerross
good luck - lovely story.
Yes, good luck! It is a lovely story!
I don't think I've ever been in love, and I'm rather jealous. I'd love to know what it's like. It sounds almost painful.
OK, I have had a few relationships, and quite a long marriage, and a fair amount of NSA fun, but love - I dunno - what is love? Someone, tell me!
For me love is a heaviness inside which doesn't go away until you're with that certain person again. Life goes on and you do function, but you feel you are not firing on all cylinders and that there is definitely something missing that only that one special person can fulfil.
Is that any help. (well its how I felt when I was separated for 2 yrs from my husband)
Oh Phil .. yes it is painful at times, but wonderful at other times, but how would we know the wonder fully if we never experienced the pain.
I took my marriage for granted till I nearly lost it.
DD :inlove: :inlove: :inlove:
Is that any help. (well its how I felt when I was separated for 2 yrs from my husband)
Quote by Philfuller
I don't think I've ever been in love, and I'm rather jealous. I'd love to know what it's like. It sounds almost painful.
OK, I have had a few relationships, and quite a long marriage, and a fair amount of NSA fun, but love - I dunno - what is love? Someone, tell me!
Oh Phil .. yes it is painful at times, but wonderful at other times, but how would we know the wonder fully if we never experienced the pain.
I took my marriage for granted till I nearly lost it.
DD :inlove: :inlove: :inlove:
Quote by delsutton
OK, I've bitten the bullet and just brought this to closure as quickly as I could (via phone)
The upshot is that nothing is going to happen between us, but much more importantly my disclousure won't affect our friendhsip, which was my main concern. She was very understanding and said "I can't handle a really lovely human being just quite yet darling" which may or may not be a real reason, but actually it doesn't matter much. I feel much better now having divulged my feelings and can (with time) get over this and move on properly.
Thanks for all those who urged me to act positively!
Hi Del,
really glad you have sorted this out...sorry things didnt go totally to plan, but at least you know..
AJ
that is a tough 1. what do your own close friends whom know you both say about the whole thing :
might be an idea to find out she may have confided with sum 1 close to you and it will shed some light on the situation if you can get them to talk.
it happen to me a few yrs back and we did the frequent sex thing but it completely ruined the friendship :!:
but everyones circumstances are different id say make sure about what you want most before you mention anything especially the way u feel. p.s goodluck
: might be an idea to find out she may have confided with sum 1 close to you and it will shed some light on the situation if you can get them to talk.
it happen to me a few yrs back and we did the frequent sex thing but it completely ruined the friendship :!:
but everyones circumstances are different id say make sure about what you want most before you mention anything especially the way u feel. p.s goodluck
