feedback

26 Jul 2008

Quote by kentswingers777
Couple"]
Why is it that people make such sweeping assumptions? As far as I can see no-one is 'pushing for verification', they are simply discussing the pros and cons of feedback systems and whether they believe they have any value. To suggest that the only reason for wanting feedback is to 'brag' or be 'indescrete' is as ridiculous as saying the only reason anyone would object to feedback is if they have something to hide!

People are pushing for it, or the thread would not have been started asking if the site could have it, or perhaps I have read the first post wrong and the OP is saying what a relief it is to be on a site that doesnt have such 'silly' (and yes, you can now have a dig over that as well) systems where people can only get a shag if they have three stars or more, against their profile.
Also, my statement was not ridiculas, it was my opinion. I dont say that anything you have said is ridiculous. I have conducted a grown up discussion without having personal digs at you, and I do not resort to throwing insults or being rude to people.
If a verification system is not to show off who you've had sex with, then what is it for? It only says that you were genuine or turned up for one meet (or how many verifications you allowed to be seen/held on yor profile). It proves nothing. It doesn prove if you will turn up to the next. It doesnt help any new swingers who have not got round to shagging half the site, but then again, maybe they are not genuine unless they have the 'verification' thing against their names. Perhaps we should do what I have seen on another site where you cant go to a social or a munch unless you have been verified! Now that would be a great idea wouldnt it, and really welcoming for any new members.

Quote by Unc
I wouldn't support any feedback system that didn't allow those who chose not to use it to have that freedom. I wouldn't support any feedback system that did not have the option of being private for invited people only. I believe that people should have as much personal choice as possible with the proviso that their choices don't adversely affect others. Unfortunately there are far too many people here, as in all aspects of life, who seek to limit other peoples choices based on their own preferences, beliefs and assumptions.

Right, so I decide I dont want to be part of this verification thing, and dont have any on my profile. So what does that tell the people who are appear to be obessed with 'guarantees' to their swinging partners? It doesn't say this person doesnt want their private lives flashing all over the place, it says this person is not/cannot be verified. So just because some people want to change the site from a system which has worked for over 4 years, then the ones who dont want to be 'limited by other peoples choices, based on their own preferences, beliefs and assumptions' (your words) the rest of us have to put up with it? If people were so desperate for verification, why not just join a site which has it, rather than try and change this one?
This site has never had any verification system and has still managed to become as big as it is. As the saying goes, if it aint broke, dont fix it.
Sorry but we find that comment quite insulting.
We use LS have had a few meets and only have one feedback, and we have only given one back. We don't want to meet people who have loads of feedbacks. But a lot of feedbacks on LS just say " nice couple, turned up as arranged ". Does everyone shag others just because they show up? Because we certainly do not and we make that quite clear when we meet people.
I cannot understand people who dont want a feedback system, what their problem is really. :shock: If there was a feedback system on this site NOBODY has to use those who dont want it why moan about others who do want it? :shock: It is not compulsary to put feedback, if it was I could understand the strong feelings.

To be blunt there are loads of timewasters on this site and for us on LS if we see a profile with a couple of feedbacks where it says they turned up AS ARRANGED, there surely has to be some benefit to that.
I feel it is a silly comment to say people only want it for notches on their bedposts! We most certainly dont want it for that reason, and am sure nor do others we have met. It is purely to know that people have turned up for meets in the past. If people don't want it then they don't have to use it period.
Kent, a couple of people- including myself, have explained why we don't want it. :thumbup:

26 Jul 2008

Quote by winchwench
Couple"]
Why is it that people make such sweeping assumptions? As far as I can see no-one is 'pushing for verification', they are simply discussing the pros and cons of feedback systems and whether they believe they have any value. To suggest that the only reason for wanting feedback is to 'brag' or be 'indescrete' is as ridiculous as saying the only reason anyone would object to feedback is if they have something to hide!

People are pushing for it, or the thread would not have been started asking if the site could have it, or perhaps I have read the first post wrong and the OP is saying what a relief it is to be on a site that doesnt have such 'silly' (and yes, you can now have a dig over that as well) systems where people can only get a shag if they have three stars or more, against their profile.
Also, my statement was not ridiculas, it was my opinion. I dont say that anything you have said is ridiculous. I have conducted a grown up discussion without having personal digs at you, and I do not resort to throwing insults or being rude to people.
If a verification system is not to show off who you've had sex with, then what is it for? It only says that you were genuine or turned up for one meet (or how many verifications you allowed to be seen/held on yor profile). It proves nothing. It doesn prove if you will turn up to the next. It doesnt help any new swingers who have not got round to shagging half the site, but then again, maybe they are not genuine unless they have the 'verification' thing against their names. Perhaps we should do what I have seen on another site where you cant go to a social or a munch unless you have been verified! Now that would be a great idea wouldnt it, and really welcoming for any new members.

Quote by Unc
I wouldn't support any feedback system that didn't allow those who chose not to use it to have that freedom. I wouldn't support any feedback system that did not have the option of being private for invited people only. I believe that people should have as much personal choice as possible with the proviso that their choices don't adversely affect others. Unfortunately there are far too many people here, as in all aspects of life, who seek to limit other peoples choices based on their own preferences, beliefs and assumptions.

Right, so I decide I dont want to be part of this verification thing, and dont have any on my profile. So what does that tell the people who are appear to be obessed with 'guarantees' to their swinging partners? It doesn't say this person doesnt want their private lives flashing all over the place, it says this person is not/cannot be verified. So just because some people want to change the site from a system which has worked for over 4 years, then the ones who dont want to be 'limited by other peoples choices, based on their own preferences, beliefs and assumptions' (your words) the rest of us have to put up with it? If people were so desperate for verification, why not just join a site which has it, rather than try and change this one?
This site has never had any verification system and has still managed to become as big as it is. As the saying goes, if it aint broke, dont fix it.
Sorry but we find that comment quite insulting.
We use LS have had a few meets and only have one feedback, and we have only given one back. We don't want to meet people who have loads of feedbacks. But a lot of feedbacks on LS just say " nice couple, turned up as arranged ". Does everyone shag others just because they show up? Because we certainly do not and we make that quite clear when we meet people.
I cannot understand people who dont want a feedback system, what their problem is really. :shock: If there was a feedback system on this site NOBODY has to use those who dont want it why moan about others who do want it? :shock: It is not compulsary to put feedback, if it was I could understand the strong feelings.

To be blunt there are loads of timewasters on this site and for us on LS if we see a profile with a couple of feedbacks where it says they turned up AS ARRANGED, there surely has to be some benefit to that.
I feel it is a silly comment to say people only want it for notches on their bedposts! We most certainly dont want it for that reason, and am sure nor do others we have met. It is purely to know that people have turned up for meets in the past. If people don't want it then they don't have to use it period.
Kent, a couple of people- including myself, have explained why we don't want it. :thumbup:
I know winch but you dont have to use it. That was my point. passionkiss

26 Jul 2008

Quote by kentswingers777
Sorry but we find that comment quite insulting.

But I find the thought of a verification system as insulting. My comment was not meant to be insulting, it was explaining what I feel that a verification system symbolises.

Quote by kentswingers777
I cannot understand people who dont want a feedback system, what their problem is really. :shock:

Simple really, I want privacy and do not want people to know who, if anyone, I am meeting, shagging or whatever you want to call it.

Quote by kentswingers777
I feel it is a silly comment to say people only want it for notches on their bedposts! We most certainly dont want it for that reason, and am sure nor do others we have met. It is purely to know that people have turned up for meets in the past. If people don't want it then they don't have to use it period.

I actually thought yourcomments were very silly as well, but as I stated earlier, I dont resort to making personal comments on a person, or their thoughts.
As for people not wanting to use it, well we dont and that is why we joined this site and do not use the sites which do use it.
Seriously, I cant be arsed arguing/discussing or whatever you want to call it. No one will change your mind, and no one will change my mind on this. I have seen verification in action and I have seen it being abused, more often than it being of any use to anyone, apart from the ones, which I mentioned earlier, who like to bragg about their activities.

26 Jul 2008

Quote by Unc

(Snip for brevity}
Verification has been proved to be a total anathema to several groups of very astute and intelligent people on here that, I for one, am very content that it will never happen on this site.

And several groups of equally astute and intelligent people hold a different view. It won't happen here under the current ownership as has been pointed out previously, but a discussion of the merits or lack thereof is useful as an indicator of how people think.
That of course is a matter of opinion and I am quite content to differ with your opinion.

Quote by Unc

Besides what is it aiming to achieve? A short-cut to finding out whether someone is genuine or not? There are no short-cuts - you cannot beat a well tempered existence on the Forum here to establish whether someone is worth the chance of meeting (apart from munches and socials of course!).

What part of it being one indicator that may help make a decision are you having trouble understanding? No one has said it would be a foolproof, one-hit way to guarantee a great meet. It is one way of giving or getting information that is no more or less reliable than any other, short of actually meeting someone.

Heaven forfend if this should come across as condescending but my questions were rhetorical, based on the premise that I did not accept the arguments put forward by proponents of the idea.
Forgive me for ignoring your final comment except to say it is reassuring that we agree on one thing at least.
Keep smiling!
.

26 Jul 2008

Quote by kentswingers777
Sorry but we find that comment quite insulting.
We use LS have had a few meets and only have one feedback, and we have only given one back. We don't want to meet people who have loads of feedbacks. But a lot of feedbacks on LS just say " nice couple, turned up as arranged ". Does everyone shag others just because they show up? Because we certainly do not and we make that quite clear when we meet people.

I cannot understand people who dont want a feedback system, what their problem is really. :shock: If there was a feedback system on this site NOBODY has to use those who dont want it why moan about others who do want it? :shock: It is not compulsary to put feedback, if it was I could understand the strong feelings.
To be blunt there are loads of timewasters on this site and for us on LS if we see a profile with a couple of feedbacks where it says they turned up AS ARRANGED, there surely has to be some benefit to that.
I feel it is a silly comment to say people only want it for notches on their bedposts! We most certainly dont want it for that reason, and am sure nor do others we have met. It is purely to know that people have turned up for meets in the past. If people don't want it then they don't have to use it period.

and that bit in bold is highly unfair as well......
there is a flip side to the arguement.... do you want all swinging websites to the be the same....
I have been on swinging sites where like NWC have said you have to "varified" just to be able to go to the munches and socials...... sounds nonsense, because I am sure that someone would put that up as a suggestion if we start going down that route.
I have been on swinging sites where they do varify people, but as I mentioned some of it has the feel of trying to notch up marks on bedposts..... and some of it is so graphic, does everyone need to know who and what I get up to... no...so I decided not to put any up at all..... my private life will remain exactly that... private
does it cost me meets on that particualar site... probably? am i fussed about it.... no
the reason why I use this site more than any other swinging one is partly the fact there is no varification here, and that this site has a stronger sense of community than a lot of the others..
people who use the site know that it doesn't have varification, so why are people trying to change the site to try to morph it into something else?
if people want varification.... there are sites out there that do cater for them, I am sure that there are people out there who don't use SH exactly for this reason.....just like there are people who use it because it doesn't.....
sean xxxxxxxxx

26 Jul 2008

So, How do I get verified? :rascal:
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

26 Jul 2008

Kent, the argument is that this would lead to a situation where those who chose not to use it looked less "genuine" than those who did, thereby disadvantaging the swingers who wished to be discrete.

26 Jul 2008

Quote by winchwench
Kent, the argument is that this would lead to a situation where those who chose not to use it looked less "genuine" than those who did, thereby disadvantaging the swingers who wished to be discrete.

I take your point on that one winch.
That could well happen. As it stands this site will not have any verifications or feedbacks, and to be honest am not that bothered. We have the opportunity of one site that has it and one site that does not...maybe the best of both worlds? lol

26 Jul 2008

Quote by kentswingers777
We have the opportunity of one site that has it and one site that does not...maybe the best of both worlds?

:worship:

26 Jul 2008

Quote by kentswingers777
Kent, the argument is that this would lead to a situation where those who chose not to use it looked less "genuine" than those who did, thereby disadvantaging the swingers who wished to be discrete.

I take your point on that one winch. :shakeshandsinaconcilliatorymanner:
That could well happen. As it stands this site will not have any verifications or feedbacks, and to be honest am not that bothered. We have the opportunity of one site that has it and one site that does not...maybe the best of both worlds? lol

:thumbup:
Just spotted what Fabs said earlier, regarding his chosing not to be verified on a site which does allow it:
Fabio wrote:

does it cost me meets on that particualar site... probably? am i fussed about it.... no

That confirms my fears really. Fabio's not bothered by it, but there are lots of people who would be.

26 Jul 2008

Post deleted because some mad

thinks its funny to alter posts people have made in order to try and make himself look clever... rolleyes

26 Jul 2008

Quote by Steve

Guess I'll just have to do things the old fashioned way and impress them with my charm and sofistication :lol2:

don't you need a brain for that....... rolleyes

26 Jul 2008

Quote by markz

Guess I'll just have to do things the old fashioned way and impress them with my charm and sofistication :lol2:

don't you need a brain for that....... rolleyes

Nah, the correct pH will suffice.

26 Jul 2008

Quote by blonde
So, How do I get verified? :rascal:
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Well if you pop round my house, take all your clothes off and do ru... bugger, anyone got a tissue?

27 Jul 2008

Quote by markz

Guess I'll just have to do things the old fashioned way and impress them with my charm and sofistication :lol2:

don't you need a brain for that....... rolleyes

That was not my quote, and you are an arse!
:lol2:

27 Jul 2008

Quote by Steve
Post deleted because some thinks its funny to alter posts people have made in order to try and make himself look clever...

Might have worked if he'd got the quoting bit right!

:rotflmao: :rotflmao:

27 Jul 2008

Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
People are pushing for it, or the thread would not have been started asking if the site could have it, or perhaps I have read the first post wrong and the OP is saying what a relief it is to be on a site that doesnt have such 'silly' (and yes, you can now have a dig over that as well) systems where people can only get a shag if they have three stars or more, against their profile.

The OP said they thought it was a good idea and wondered if it could be added to the site. That is hardly pushing for it, it's just making a suggestion. I have no idea where 'people can only get a shag if they have three stars or more, against their profile' came from, I've certainly never found that to be true on any site with a feedback system.

Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
Also, my statement was not ridiculas, it was my opinion. I dont say that anything you have said is ridiculous. I have conducted a grown up discussion without having personal digs at you, and I do not resort to throwing insults or being rude to people.

Because it was your opinion does not mean it can't be ridiculous. I might actually believe that those against feedback had something to hide (I don't by the way) and if i did that would be equally ridiculous. To say you aren't insulting or rude is plainly untrue! It's far more insulting to say those supporting feedback are only doing it to brag and are automatically indiscrete than to call an opinion ridiculous.

Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
If a verification system is not to show off who you've had sex with, then what is it for? It only says that you were genuine or turned up for one meet (or how many verifications you allowed to be seen/held on yor profile). It proves nothing. It doesn prove if you will turn up to the next. It doesnt help any new swingers who have not got round to shagging half the site, but then again, maybe they are not genuine unless they have the 'verification' thing against their names. Perhaps we should do what I have seen on another site where you cant go to a social or a munch unless you have been verified! Now that would be a great idea wouldnt it, and really welcoming for any new members.

To answer your question all you have to do is read the thread where several people have said what they think a feedback system is for. No one has suggested any compulsion whatever so I can only assume you haven't read it. As for helping newbies, no it does not guarantee anything because there are none, and anyone who expects guarantees on the scene is going to be disappointed. It does show what other people think and might prompt newbies to read those peoples forum posts or chat to them in the chatrooms because they have positive comments.

Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
Right, so I decide I dont want to be part of this verification thing, and dont have any on my profile. So what does that tell the people who are appear to be obessed with 'guarantees' to their swinging partners? It doesn't say this person doesnt want their private lives flashing all over the place, it says this person is not/cannot be verified. So just because some people want to change the site from a system which has worked for over 4 years, then the ones who dont want to be 'limited by other peoples choices, based on their own preferences, beliefs and assumptions' (your words) the rest of us have to put up with it? If people were so desperate for verification, why not just join a site which has it, rather than try and change this one?

All it says is that you have chosen not to give or accept verification. If you were concerned that people might make unfounded assumptions from the fact you preferred not to have feedback on your profile you could say why you didn't. And are people who might make that assumption the sort you want to meet anyway?

Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
This site has never had any verification system and has still managed to become as big as it is. As the saying goes, if it aint broke, dont fix it.

I don't give a flying fuck whether this site has feedback or not. It isn't a thing I consider when joining a site, there are far more important things in my opinion. Some of those things are that people should have choice if it doesn't adversely affect others, are free to express opinions without being accused of ulterior motives and aren't insulted by those who have been here longer and should know better, just because they dare to post an opinion or an idea.

27 Jul 2008

There are usally a few thankyou threads running at any one time. A few ones on this page today in fact.
A simple thankyou or a compliment and a sense of warm feelings all round.
But I think this constitutes a validation. It makes me think that the people being thanked are organised, know how to deal with people, can put on a good party and I assume they were able to benefit from the event in getting attention and presumably this was realised in sexual encounters. I would like to meet these people, because other people have expressed their gratitude in meeting them.
It is not a formal validating process, but achieves the same thing. Because people often say when answering a new party invite that they remembered the last one.
This is one of the circuitous ways in which various establishments such as the beeb, who do not 'advertise', can successfully endorse things without getting into a commercial process, or appear to compromise their 'values'.

27 Jul 2008

Whatever anyones says just going by the ammount of pages this thread has generated, it is obviously a subject that makes people want to discuss.
The ammount of times this subject has been done and it still has done 8 pages and counting. A lot of good comments from both sides.
How long before the next time this subject comes up. :shock:

27 Jul 2008

Quote by winchwench
Kent, the argument is that this would lead to a situation where those who chose not to use it looked less "genuine" than those who did, thereby disadvantaging the swingers who wished to be discrete.

We only play in clubs, do not arrange firm meets from here and do not need feedback. I have no strong feelings for verification either way but can see the logic for a verification system.
Check our profile. It says nothing, shows nothing. I added it after the takeover by Symbios purely because profiles appeared to be mandatory and have left it partially completed since. Previous to that we didn't have a profile. We have never had an advert. Purely our choice.
However, in chat rooms and occasionally in forums you see people stating that anyone without photos, fully completed profile, advert etc must be (a) fake, (b) got something to hide (c) not a 'genuine swinger' and a whole host of other derogatory comments. Several people in this thread know that this is certainly not true in our case.
Should I say that no one should have a profile because it appears that we are disadvantaged compared to people that do have profiles and ads? Is the disadvantage of someone that could join the system, but chooses not to, sufficient reason to remove the system?
From what I've read on this thread the pro-verification lobby has mentioned verification as simply a way of confirming that people turned up and were who they said they were - nothing more, nothing less. The anti-verification lobby has brought up bedpost notches, graphic details etc.
At present there is an informal verification system already running, in public, on this site. As duncan said, at any one one time, over most of the rooms here, there will be thank you threads that name names and suggest, via innuendo, who people have met socially and possibly sexually. It is easy for those who read a lot to work out who is genuine ie is who they say they are and turns up as arranged. New members are actually disadvantaged by this informality, in that they haven't been around enough to work out who is who.
For those of you that meet rarely, take a long time in chat and PM getting to know people, go to munches and socials before arranging meets then verification is clearly not needed - don't use it. There are many, many people however who arrange meets differently and it is them that are seriously inconvenienced in time and money by timewasters. There are countless locked threads testifying to it. There are many people here that would like to see a verification system - it comes up often enough to show that.
I understand that verification will not happen on this site under the present thinking of the present ownership, but I remember joining a site that had a statement on the front page saying that it was a free site run by swingers for swingers and that it would always remain free. Times change.

27 Jul 2008

It may well be that the 'intellectual' design for this site left out some of the factors which are useful on other sites. And that these have been faithfully handed down as the legacy of the originators.
However where some of the factors have not been addressed or conveniently overlooked' it can cause people to wander into the kind of debate that's caused several upset feelings and some over imaginative reasonings.
I usually call this the Marks and Spencer syndrome. In that you go into the famous store and quickly select a product without really looking at yourself in it, take it home and then it dawns on you that you have made a terrible mistake. You want your money back etc. M and S kindly oblige, you get either your money back, or a change, or credit.
All this seems fine, but what the process really offers is the erasure and cleansing of your soul and mind of an upsetting experience. Peace of mind, anonymity, 'discretion' in that the company keeps your dreadful secret. You go away feeling that the incident never happened.
So when I see some arguments here on the site I recognise the M&S syndrome character who blindly expects some kind of guarantee whichever way events turn out. Either an instant turnabout in response to an unexpected experience, or the expectation to pull out when the going gets tough and still expect to come away from the events as if they never happened.
And like the customer in the famous shop, they never quite learn to shop properly, and many of the garments in their wardrobe can have painful memories. Ones which would have been too painful to return even with a free exchange on offer.