Flirting or Frustrating?

3 Nov 2006

Quote by tina1
Can I just add a bit to this, I wouldnt flirt with someone in a PM like I would on the forum as I think it could be taken for more than it was meant, also the other way round, I wouldnt mind anyone flirting with me or hubby in the forum but when it gets to the pm stage I think its more personal xx

To me flirting in the forum means jack-shit.
I woudn't send someone a PM just to flirt with them for fun and expect them to read it the same as if it was posted in the forum. There would need to be an existing private level of banter between us or genuine familiarity for me to flirt via PM.

3 Nov 2006

Taking things that are general enquiry and making it seem like some kind of personal vendetta is not an attractive quality. I asked a genuine question to something I'm not sure I understand (why a PM is different to the forums), it doesn't need backing up with quotes from here there and everywhere, but personal opinion either on the thread or via PM might help me see it from someone else's point of veiw and is appreciated. As always it's the other person's perogative not to answer, however trying to make it into an issue is not really that constructive to pursuasive debate.
Thankyou for the two sensible answers to something I genuinely don't understand. kiss

I don't think it needs another thread as this one is about flirting on the forums and the question I asked was how and why that is different or changed somehow when it's taken to PM?
I have tons of questions about this, none specifically aimed at anyone, just general lines of thought.....
If you're not prepared to take it to PM with someone, then is constant flirting tennis actually leading someone on to believe there is more on offer than there is?
How does the other person feel at this point and where do you go from there? Does that relationship/interaction with the person then suffer or come to halt?
How does chatting in the same way in PM really mean you want to get into their knickers/pants or just a bit of friendly 'tit for tat' banter?
At what point to do you have to know someone before you take things at face value and don't feel like a prick/fanny tease for not wanting to actually do more than flirt?
:kiss:

3 Nov 2006

Quote by little gem
Taking things that are general enquiry and making it seem like some kind of personal vendetta is not an attractive quality.

I'm afraid these thoughts are of your own invention. And I really have no idea why.
It would maybe be a good idea to look at the way you ask questions before jumping on people.
If you honestly think that I'm capable of what you suggest and would be pathetic enough to do that then I really do have nothing else to say on the matter.
IN RE-EDIT: I'm logging off before I say something insulting.

3 Nov 2006

Hmmm. What do I think? confused

When I first joined SH I used to enjoy "watching" the flirting. For some reason unknown to even me I enjoyed trying to work out who was shagging who rolleyes

, and who knew each other etc. I don't know whether I have just lost interest in that particular past time or whether it as Gem says - the backwards and forwards flirting can go one for pages sometimes and I just get bored of trying to find the bit where soemone has brought the thread back to reality. And it is frustrating when you find that point and then the same 2 people go off again for another page or 2. Cue me closing the thread 'cos I'm bored now.
Having said that if I had the odd bit of a flirt with someone in open forum I wouldn't easily take that to PM - because at that point I become shy. When it HAS happened I do find myself sending a PM the next day saying something along the lines of "you do realise that was just a bit of fun don't you?". I can't explain exactly WHY there is a difference to me - but there is. I think it is different with people I have "known" for a while on here. Peope who know who I am and what I am about. I will quite freely flirt in PM with Missy or you Gem (Edit - and the gorgeous Lady FeeBee of course): - but then I know you and you know what I am about. I would certinaly think twice with someone I didn't know.
But then I woudl also hate to see a thread being hijacked too much by someone flirting with me. I'd probably send them a PM to say something along the lines of "enough's enough now". I say probably - because no-one flirts with me anymore :cry:
RSxx :color:

3 Nov 2006

Quote by Rainbows
I will quite freely flirt in PM with Missy or you Gem - but then I know you and you know what I am about. ..........

Ahem! *Cough cough* wave

Quote by Rainbows
I say probably - because no-one flirts with me anymore :cry:
RSxx :color:

Thats cause you haven't been here for ages!
I know what you mean though......I miss the flirting I used to do. It was fun at the time! I'm flirting a bit more now but I wasn't around much for a wee while and lots of nice new people arrived which made me shy of being like I used to since I really didn't know them well enough to flirt effectively! Just feels different now. Maybe its from being here for so long dunno

Fee
XX

3 Nov 2006

Quote by LadyFeeBee
I know what you mean though......I miss the flirting I used to do. It was fun at the time! I'm flirting a bit more now but I wasn't around much for a wee while and lots of nice new people arrived which made me shy of being like I used to since I really didn't know them well enough to flirt effectively! Just feels different now. Maybe its from being here for so long
Fee
XX

I can agree with this Fee (lovely to see you back silly

assionkiss) I don't flirt half as much lately and do miss it but I also barely know many people here lately.
I also miss flirting with Morbius who is rarely online lately and bot of us are beginning to think we've lost the art... I don't mind on forum flirting we're all guilty of it at some point.
Cx

3 Nov 2006

Quote by Calista
I can agree with this Fee (lovely to see you back assionkiss) I don't flirt half as much lately and do miss it but I also barely know many people here lately.

Yes i like in forum flirting but haven't done it for a while hence i'm currently posting in Polo's flirt with the previous forumite thread and having a laugh. Somthing i havent done much of on here lately.
Yes it can go overboard sometimes with in a seriouse thread but i've comletly stopped till today.

4 Nov 2006

Quote by LadyFeeBee
I will quite freely flirt in PM with Missy or you Gem - but then I know you and you know what I am about. ..........

Ahem! *Cough cough* wave

Quote by Rainbows
I say probably - because no-one flirts with me anymore :cry:
RSxx :color:

Thats cause you haven't been here for ages!
I know what you mean though......I miss the flirting I used to do. It was fun at the time! I'm flirting a bit more now but I wasn't around much for a wee while and lots of nice new people arrived which made me shy of being like I used to since I really didn't know them well enough to flirt effectively! Just feels different now. Maybe its from being here for so long dunno

Fee
XX
cough cough ... there may be some people around that could do with a litle flirting from a thread hijocker :wave: :therethere:

4 Nov 2006

OMG am I seeing things
woops my fault (sorry)
sLeeper xxx

4 Nov 2006

Quote by Sarah
OMG am I seeing things
Sir lee xx

not any more xxxxxx
nice to be back

4 Nov 2006

Quote by sLeeper
OMG am I seeing things
Sir lee xx

not any more xxxxxx
nice to be back
wave

Sexy
Did you have a good holiday?
Anyone frustrated yet? lol

4 Nov 2006

Permanently.
H.x

4 Nov 2006

Quote by little gem
I have tons of questions about this, none specifically aimed at anyone, just general lines of thought.....
If you're not prepared to take it to PM with someone, then is constant flirting tennis actually leading someone on to believe there is more on offer than there is? ...
... How does chatting in the same way in PM really mean you want to get into their knickers/pants or just a bit of friendly 'tit for tat' banter?
At what point to do you have to know someone before you take things at face value and don't feel like a prick/fanny tease for not wanting to actually do more than flirt?

I have tried and tried to think how to explain my answer to this - but it is soooo difficult as it is all about a feeling rather than facts.
As I previously said - to me flirting in the forum means jack shit.. there are too many reasons for people doing it for it to have any consistent type of meaning. It is generally just fun or a bit of innuendo humour. Sometimes it may be someone testing the water to see what type of response they get - but does that response really mean anything if the poster is taking the view it is all a bit of light-hearted banter.
I just thought of something...
Think of a regular pub and people who are familiar (but nothing more), generally speaking the innuendoes and flirty jokes which are openly expressed for all to hear are thought of as nothing more than a bit of fun. But if you then took one person to the side and continued with the flirty behaviour, then the 1-2-1 communication is likely to alter the perception of the flirtation and it can be seen as testing the water for a 'come-on' - at least that is how I would view it.
In the chatroom you can chat freely and flirt away - but what does someone do when they want to really test the water and take the next step.... they ask (if they have any manners) to whisper and make it a 1-2-1 conversation.
Taking things to PM turns it into that 1-2-1 communication.
If I was comfortable with a person in knowing that they do know how to take me (when I am joking or not) then yes I may well add flirty comments into a conversation... if it fitted into the kind of conversation we where having.
If it was someone I had already been intimate with then yes I probably would add flirty comments in - if it fitted into the kind of conversation we where having.
If it was someone I was interested in then yes I would probably add a flirty comment - if it fitted in with the conversation or I might even just do it in isolation.
Would I send a PM to someone I didn't really know much about just for the hell of flirting with no other motive than to extend duration of the banter, with nothing else to say and no sexual curiosity about this person? - would I bollox lol

(or at least it is most unlikely) and it is probably for that fear of being accused of leading someone on.
The flirty comment, in life in general, when used on a 1-2-1 basis can often be adopted as a safer approach to testing the water with people we are sexually interested in - it is thought of as safer as if we get a negative response we can always say we were joking.
I guess for me it is that train of though that makes me cautious as to who I would and wouldn't flirt with in a 1-2-1 conversation, whether face to face or in a PM.
I'll probably read this later and think "what a pile of shite!" confused

4 Nov 2006

Quote by PoloLady

I have tons of questions about this, none specifically aimed at anyone, just general lines of thought.....
If you're not prepared to take it to PM with someone, then is constant flirting tennis actually leading someone on to believe there is more on offer than there is? ...
... How does chatting in the same way in PM really mean you want to get into their knickers/pants or just a bit of friendly 'tit for tat' banter?
At what point to do you have to know someone before you take things at face value and don't feel like a prick/fanny tease for not wanting to actually do more than flirt?

I have tried and tried to think how to explain my answer to this - but it is soooo difficult as it is all about a feeling rather than facts.
As I previously said - to me flirting in the forum means jack shit.. there are too many reasons for people doing it for it to have any consistent type of meaning. It is generally just fun or a bit of innuendo humour. Sometimes it may be someone testing the water to see what type of response they get - but does that response really mean anything if the poster is taking the view it is all a bit of light-hearted banter.
I just thought of something...
Think of a regular pub and people who are familiar (but nothing more), generally speaking the innuendoes and flirty jokes which are openly expressed for all to hear are thought of as nothing more than a bit of fun. But if you then took one person to the side and continued with the flirty behaviour, then the 1-2-1 communication is likely to alter the perception of the flirtation and it can be seen as testing the water for a 'come-on' - at least that is how I would view it.
In the chatroom you can chat freely and flirt away - but what does someone do when they want to really test the water and take the next step.... they ask (if they have any manners) to whisper and make it a 1-2-1 conversation.
Taking things to PM turns it into that 1-2-1 communication.
If I was comfortable with a person in knowing that they do know how to take me (when I am joking or not) then yes I may well add flirty comments into a conversation... if it fitted into the kind of conversation we where having.
If it was someone I had already been intimate with then yes I probably would add flirty comments in - if it fitted into the kind of conversation we where having.
If it was someone I was interested in then yes I would probably add a flirty comment - if it fitted in with the conversation or I might even just do it in isolation.
Would I send a PM to someone I didn't really know much about just for the hell of flirting with no other motive than to extend duration of the banter, with nothing else to say and no sexual curiosity about this person? - would I bollox lol

(or at least it is most unlikely) and it is probably for that fear of being accused of leading someone on.
The flirty comment, in life in general, when used on a 1-2-1 basis can often be adopted as a safer approach to testing the water with people we are sexually interested in - it is thought of as safer as if we get a negative response we can always say we were joking.
I guess for me it is that train of though that makes me cautious as to who I would and wouldn't flirt with in a 1-2-1 conversation, whether face to face or in a PM.
I'll probably read this later and think "what a pile of shite!" confused

I will save you the bother, you have a P.M. rotflmao