Never assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
Nobody ever forgets WHERE they buried the hatchet.
A conservative is a person who lives in a past that never existed.
A liberal prefers a criminal's rights to society's rights.
You know you beat a liberal in an argument when he calls you names.
Diplomacy is the art of letting somebody else have your way.
Practise safe eating. Use condiments.
Just because I'm moody dosen't mean you're not irritating.
If you want to know more about paranoids follow them around.
How would we measure hail without golf balls?
Got a new car for my wife - great trade!
I started out with nothing. I still have most of it left.
There is always a someone worse off than yourself.
The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
The plural of spouse is spice.
The only rose without thorns is friendship.
He who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
The best prophet of the future is the past.
The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.
That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all.
Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.
No great scoundrel is ever uninteresting.
Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
Some men are discovered; others are found out.
Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
He who hesitates is probably right.
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Funny One Liners
My job is secure. No one else wants it.
My computer doesn't understand me.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
My computer doesn't understand me.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
