(thinks I can profit from this)Sarge I have a pairof boots over there in the corner, bit muddied be a good chap and give them the once over! :twisted: Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
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GFZ - Sarge Cleans up
What a terrible sight. Like a silver back Gorilla in a poxy little cage, or a Golden Eagle tied to a perch in some tatty tourist attraction, just look at...Bilko hoovering! What has happened to my friend? Where is the wise-cracking, fun loving, man's man that we all know and love. And why, oh why did they add insult to injury by dressing him in a French Maid's uniform!! That is just too much. I must do something...but what? He has obviously been subjected to some terrible 'mind control' technique..or is it the aliens again?? I wonder if they've put something in his lager, something strange for such a drink-like flavour or alcohol. Mmmmm. Should I just fetch the gun and end the poor beggars suffering? No, I couldn't do it, I couldn't stand washing that ruddy tank every sunday morning. Besides, we must get the old Bilko back! But how?I know, let's try some 'reversion therapy' and take him back to his childhood...oh, yeah, he's still there...no good then. How about shock tactics:
'Hey, Sarge, what d'you think about Kevin Keegan taking over at Old Trafford?'..............Nothing, he's not even listening....he's humming like a teenager's sock as he's hoovering with one hand and dusting with the other. By the hair on me sister's lip, I can't watch any more, it's just too much.
Smashes through door yelling, 'Bilko,Bilko, it's me, Arti. Come on Mucker, get those bloody stockings off and lose that frilly cap, remember who you are! Remember your Regiment. Remember Roy Keane. (Forget David Beckham). Remember your dreams and aspirations...Sappho...Alex.....Funeral with full military honours......'
No, he's looking at me with glazed eyes and muttering something about 'Mistress Jags'...'Must do'....'whipping'.....'hot needles-fingernails'.....
right, must go and think, drum up support from the boys..or have they been got at as well? :shock: Lads, lads, our mate needs help...where are you all?
ops: Yes,Yes lets have back the Bilko we know and love!!! we must find a way, Oh!! Sarge bacon done a little more please 
Was that Arti having a rant then? Where's he gone he's going to miss breakfast.
Right, grubs up. Full English for Mr FC and Tallnhairy and what was it for Jas?? Oh, yes bacon, sausage, scrambled egg, mushrooms, black pudding, tomatoes, beans and two slices of pale toast. There, all done. I have made extra if anyone else pops in. Mmmm, where is Jas, anyone woken her up yet?
Jas Jas breakfast is ready !!
Now for Mr FC's boots
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Right, grubs up. Full English for Mr FC and Tallnhairy and what was it for Jas?? Oh, yes bacon, sausage, scrambled egg, mushrooms, black pudding, tomatoes, beans and two slices of pale toast. There, all done. I have made extra if anyone else pops in. Mmmm, where is Jas, anyone woken her up yet?
Jas Jas breakfast is ready !!
Now for Mr FC's boots
:crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy:
Sex God
We have to do something about this. Poor Sarge.
Hey you! Bilko! Yes, you in the glasses. Put that duster down now! There are some newbies in need of a good frisking.
Hey you! Bilko! Yes, you in the glasses. Put that duster down now! There are some newbies in need of a good frisking.
One bath coming up !!
Thanks for helping me last night after my bump on the head. Not many people would have been as kind as you were to fill in the bits of memory that I'd lost. Just imagine how bad I would have felt if I had let everyone down this morning by not preparing breakfast.
Bath's ready now. Would you like me to stay and wash your back???
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Thanks for helping me last night after my bump on the head. Not many people would have been as kind as you were to fill in the bits of memory that I'd lost. Just imagine how bad I would have felt if I had let everyone down this morning by not preparing breakfast.
Bath's ready now. Would you like me to stay and wash your back???
:crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy:
Well, looks like I can't beat 'em...perhaps I may as well join 'em...
'Sarge, doing a great job there mate! Yeah, 6 rashers should be about right for each slice, oh, please, just empty the butter pot onto the plate and let the heat do the rest. Cholesterol? who does he play for? No, don't worry about my health mucker, just mind you don't scald yourself on that hot stove.
Now, Sarge, you are looking a bit peaky...I think you need some fresh air. well, Spring is nearly here and i've got about half an acre of vegeatable plot to dig. Be a good soldier, when you've washed up, go get the spade and turn the plot over, there's a love. It'll be so good for you. Don't worry about raking it down...you can do that tomorrow. Good man.'
Mmmm, I feel a bit bad, but , well, I've got a lot on today: two rugby matches. Poor old Sarge, it was nice knowing him...
'Sarge, doing a great job there mate! Yeah, 6 rashers should be about right for each slice, oh, please, just empty the butter pot onto the plate and let the heat do the rest. Cholesterol? who does he play for? No, don't worry about my health mucker, just mind you don't scald yourself on that hot stove.
Now, Sarge, you are looking a bit peaky...I think you need some fresh air. well, Spring is nearly here and i've got about half an acre of vegeatable plot to dig. Be a good soldier, when you've washed up, go get the spade and turn the plot over, there's a love. It'll be so good for you. Don't worry about raking it down...you can do that tomorrow. Good man.'
Mmmm, I feel a bit bad, but , well, I've got a lot on today: two rugby matches. Poor old Sarge, it was nice knowing him...
:rotflmao: 
Okay, so that's bath Jas, breakfast for Arti, then dig the vegetable plot. No problem. I was going to watch the football on TV but this is far more important. I'm so glad that Jas filled in my memory loss. Just look at how many people I would have let down otherwise..................... dum de dum dum dum....
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:crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy:
pops head round door and checks out the GFZ. Spies Sarge behaving for once as he should.
Thinks to herself......brilliant bit of First Aid..........sorted Sarge out at last............perhaps I'll add that to the SH WI First Aid Manual........Head injuries (Male) - leave well alone, but monitor closely.
OK all fine in here - can't stop for brekkie Sarge, I'm off shopping, but make sure you have a large Pimms waiting for my return please.
Jas - give me a call if the effects of that knock on his head start to wear off, but if you get really worried just hit him with the coffee table
Kit
xxx
Thinks to herself......brilliant bit of First Aid..........sorted Sarge out at last............perhaps I'll add that to the SH WI First Aid Manual........Head injuries (Male) - leave well alone, but monitor closely.
OK all fine in here - can't stop for brekkie Sarge, I'm off shopping, but make sure you have a large Pimms waiting for my return please.
Jas - give me a call if the effects of that knock on his head start to wear off, but if you get really worried just hit him with the coffee table
Kit
xxx
WooHoo the GFZ is turning into a health club!
All that fitness equipment I brought in and now I see someone managed to get Steve_1 to install a jacuzzi!
Sarge - what on earth are you doing with that loofah! Whatever it is - it's causing MrsFC to hyperventilate!
Ok - Make room in that jacuzzi!
All that fitness equipment I brought in and now I see someone managed to get Steve_1 to install a jacuzzi!
Sarge - what on earth are you doing with that loofah! Whatever it is - it's causing MrsFC to hyperventilate!
Ok - Make room in that jacuzzi!
Jas sweetie, sorry to interrupt (oh, he'd finished had he 
) can I borrow Sarge a minute???
Sarge - I forgot to relieve Kat of his wallet before I left to go shopping, can you get it for me please? I believe he's still asleep at the back of the cupboard. Thankyou sooooo much and don't forget the Pimms later will you?
Kit
xxx
) can I borrow Sarge a minute???Sarge - I forgot to relieve Kat of his wallet before I left to go shopping, can you get it for me please? I believe he's still asleep at the back of the cupboard. Thankyou sooooo much and don't forget the Pimms later will you?
Kit
xxx
