Go ahead... make me laugh. (Competition)

Quote by red_931
“John what would you like for your birthday” asked his beloved wife as they got into bed.
“I am not sure” replied John “Let me think about it”
Just as the couple are nodding off to sleep John mumbles “ I know what I would really, really like. It involves you sitting on my face and…” he then whispers his request in his sleepy wife’s ear.
John’s birthday comes around and he spends the afternoon in the pub with some of his friends. He returns home to find his wife is still out so to ease the effects of the drink he decides to take a nap.
When his wife returns home and finds John Naked on the bed, she decides it is time to give him his special birthday treat. Straddled across his face she begins to arouse his penis. John begins to awaken from his nap and in a muffled voice asks “Did you get my special treat?”
His wife replies “I sure did – are you ready?”
“Oh yes” chuckles John
With this his wife puts on her rubber gloves and takes a large bunch of stinging nettles from under the bed and begins to thrash John’s erect penis shouting “Here’s your stinger baby”
:shock: (John)
“What is the matter darling? Didn’t you say you wanted me to sit on your face and fuck you with a hard-on stinger?”
John replies with tears in his eyes……..

Quote by Andy_Wakefield
Someone replies to a voice add and then emails the advertiser a photo of them drinking bleach... with a message "I hope this turns you on and we can meet and have a good time."
The person who placed the ad writes back and says "what the hell are you doing, you will kill yourself doing that!"
The crazy person with the deathwish says "I thought you said you wanted a Harpic swigger?"
No, you fool, I said "hardened swinger!"