God bothering on a sunday morning.

23 Oct 2005

It's sunday morning and to save you going to church...
Our Father , who art in Swinging Heaven
Big Black Dalek be your name...
Our Swingdom come, thy willy be done
In the Forum ..as it is in Chat.
give us this day our daily thread
and forgive us our piss-taking
As we forgive those who piss-take against us rolleyes

please lead us into temptation
and deliver us from boredom
for thine is the Swingdom,
the power-switch and my compy
for ages and ages
or until i have to go to work
Amen.
( there has to be better lines than what I have just come up with... anyone fancy adding/ editing it?)

23 Oct 2005

Such irreverence!
Bad Postie

:smackbottom: :smackbottom: :smackbottom: :grin:
cc_7up

23 Oct 2005

I have a confession ...well i have afew redface

voddy quick pop round my house and i'll tell u all about them at least you'll get a cuppa and a biscuit while u listen lol wink

23 Oct 2005

Forgive me postie for i have sinned................

23 Oct 2005

Giggle

Bad postie smackbottom

:twisted::twisted:

23 Oct 2005

Well this is Swinging HEAVEN so I don't suppose a bit of worship is remiss :P
When I'm on my knees I am praying really, honest! redface

ops: :oops:
innocent

:whistling:

23 Oct 2005

wouldn't get me near a bloody church

23 Oct 2005

Quote by meat2pleaseu
wouldn't get me near a bloody church

Too right.... even the Christians wouldn't want you...
( strange avatar for an atheist though... guess it is just meaty-logic)

23 Oct 2005

and the loooooooooooooorrdddddd said unto his shepherds......
f*^koff.......this is cattle country......
postie you are so naughty.....say 3 hail amrys and assume the position in readiness for the paddle smile

so this is the pope on a rope order forum ...............

23 Oct 2005

Just what I need on a sunday morning, a reminder i am going to hell, I don't do any of those things......never take the piss, never get tempted and certainly never get delievered to the bedrrom ( I know but i thought that one worked as well) lol....

23 Oct 2005

And for those of your who welcome some spiritual guidence here starts todays sermon, the Right Pervert Sir Shag-a-Lot at the pew.......
......and Job sat to one side, away from the others, a pityful and shameful sight. His legs arms and body were blistered, with pus oozing from the open wounds. A broken pot sat next to him which he used to scrach his ailing body.......
then the loooooooooooooooooord said......
'Thats what you get for shagging camels your dirty fooking pervert, stick to sheep like the Welsh'
Disclaimer:- The reference to the Welsh in no way reflects my personal opinion and is used mearly as a stereotype for comic value, please feel free to substitue for any other group you would prefer. Thank You

23 Oct 2005

Does anyone fancy making water into wine?
I will happily take confessional... and then do a kiss and tell to the news of the world biggrin

:D:D
My only confession is that I was far too naughty on Friday... and spent 14hours sleeping it off on Saturday. redface

ops:

23 Oct 2005

Quote by meat2pleaseu
wouldn't get me near a bloody church

Well a good few years back I used to frequent a church in Aberdeen ........... called Gabriels, it had been converted into a pub smile

23 Oct 2005

Part 2...
At the age of 30 Brian went to John The Pisshead to get baptised.....
John took Brain (no giggling in the back) up the back (I said NO GIGGLING) and proceeded to baptise Brain in the river.....
John resisted the urge to drown the sorry fecker (who said resistance is futile?) and as Brain arose from the water, his body symbolically cleansed of its sins a sparrow came down from heaven (he'd used the dove on some other bloke) and a voice was heard that said................
'About time you had a bath you stinking peasant'......
more after the recess........

23 Oct 2005

:doh::doh::doh::doh::doh::doh::doh::doh:
Despite turning his back on a lifetime's religious training when he met me :angel: and turning to a life of debauchery it now appears that morbius has found his "calling" by being able to quote verse and scripture and pollute god's purest of words ....
Doomed I tell you .......Doomed!
We should all join chorus in that well known hymn .......
Oh you''ll never get to heaven an in an elastic bra .... 'cause elastic bras don't stretch that far!
Cx

23 Oct 2005

I was once dragged out of bed on a Sunday morning by god-botherers, one of whom turned out to be very pretty. Even, though I was tempted I still wouldn't let them in or get the old biddy who was doing the talking to shut up & go away. So Iet the door open all the way revealing my t-shirt with one rat stuck in a trap & the other holding it up by the tail & shagging it. The girl at the back smiled and looked down, blushing.
That was when she realised the view got ruder further south as the t-shirt was all I was wearing :twisted:
I then announced that I was in no fit state of dress and went back to bed.
Does that mean I'm going to hell? Please?

23 Oct 2005

Quote by postie
Our Father , who art in Swinging Heaven
Big Black Dalek be your name...
Our Swingdom come, thy willy be done
In the Forum ..as it is in Chat.
give us this day our daily thread
and forgive us our piss-taking
As we forgive those who piss-take against us
please lead us into temptation
and deliver us from boredom
for thine is the Swingdom,
the power-switch and my compy
for ages and ages
or until i have to go to work
Amen.

Class

8-) 8-)
Forgive me oh Lord, I did not make it to church this morning cos I only got up at midday due to being out all night shagging at a swingers club. :rascal:
OK, OK, I suppose I could make it to the midnight service, but I'm too bolloxed to be bothered :giggle: