Sex God
1. When drinking milk, do not cough. I look like I've just given meself a 'facial'.
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Handy tips to avoid those embarrassing moments
Sex God
A bit like when weening yr baby onto blended food when they sneeze then! 
Sex God
Quote by kazswallows
1. When drinking milk, do not cough. I look like I've just given meself a 'facial'.
u could post the piccie on the thread about moo juice or man juice ;)
The thought crossed my mind, but alas I've given the game away. Give me ten minutes and I'll see if I can come up with shot A and shot B and see who can tell which is which.
Orgasminator
Quote by Ice Pie
The thought crossed my mind, but alas I've given the game away. Give me ten minutes and I'll see if I can come up with shot A and shot B and see who can tell which is which.
:lol: :lol: :lol: Hey Harold... Did ya try... go on... you can tell us... We are all friends here...
Myrtle
xx
Sex God
Although I have never been silly enough to cough milk up through my nose (ok, Bacardi once, but hey..........) I thought I would post some general handy tips just to help us get through the workin day.
Silky xxxxxxxx
DIET TIP: Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork or rancid tuna. The subsequent food poisoning/diarrhea will enable you to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.
FINANCE TIP: Save on electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking around wearing a miner's hat.
FINANCE TIP: Save on gasoline by pushing your car to your destination. Invariably passers-by will think you've broken down and help.
HOUSEHOLD TIP: Drill a one inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed.
HOUSEHOLD TIP: Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.
INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT: At work, put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT: Buy a television set exactly like your neighbors. Then annoy them by standing outside their window and changing their channel using your identical remote control.
INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT: During rush hour, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT: Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road.
INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT: Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and causes them to swim in an amusing manner.
INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT: When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!" "I won!" "3rd time this week!"
PARKING TICKETS: Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
PERSONAL HYGEINE: No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.
SAFETY TIP: Never attempt to fasten your shoe laces in a revolving supermarket door.
TRAVELING TIP: Avoid the need to pack bulky shampoo bottles, which can leak in your suitcase, by arranging for the whole family to have 'skinhead' haircuts a day or two before departure.
TRAVELING TIP: When out driving always turn left. Then, should you become lost, you can find your way home by reversing the procedure and always turning right.
Silky xxxxxxxx
DIET TIP: Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork or rancid tuna. The subsequent food poisoning/diarrhea will enable you to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.
FINANCE TIP: Save on electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking around wearing a miner's hat.
FINANCE TIP: Save on gasoline by pushing your car to your destination. Invariably passers-by will think you've broken down and help.
HOUSEHOLD TIP: Drill a one inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed.
HOUSEHOLD TIP: Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.
INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT: At work, put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT: Buy a television set exactly like your neighbors. Then annoy them by standing outside their window and changing their channel using your identical remote control.
INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT: During rush hour, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT: Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road.
INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT: Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and causes them to swim in an amusing manner.
INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT: When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!" "I won!" "3rd time this week!"
PARKING TICKETS: Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
PERSONAL HYGEINE: No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.
SAFETY TIP: Never attempt to fasten your shoe laces in a revolving supermarket door.
TRAVELING TIP: Avoid the need to pack bulky shampoo bottles, which can leak in your suitcase, by arranging for the whole family to have 'skinhead' haircuts a day or two before departure.
TRAVELING TIP: When out driving always turn left. Then, should you become lost, you can find your way home by reversing the procedure and always turning right.
Sex God
a good chuckle to start the day you cant beat it
:happy: :happy: :happy:
:happy: :happy: :happy:
Sex God
Quote by Silk and Big G
INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT: During rush hour, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
PARKING TICKETS: Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
I love those 2 - Blummin marvelous lol
Sex God
Glad I could help! Here's some more............
Silky xxxxxxxxxxx
There is no such thing as childproofing your house.
If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
A 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a Superman cape.
It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20' room.
Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up several times before you get a hit.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh", it is already too late.
Brake fluid mixed with bleach makes smokes - lots of it.
A 6 year-old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 60-year-old man says it can only be done in the movies.
A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
If you use a waterbed as a home plate while wearing baseball shoes, it does not leak. It explodes.
A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq ft house almost 4 inches deep.
Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old.
Duplos will not.
Play-Doh and microwave ovens should never be used in the same sentence.
Super Glue is forever.
No matter how much Jell-O you put in the pool, you still can't walk on water.
Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
VCRs do not eject peanut butter sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
You probably don't want to know what that odor is.
Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
Plastic toys do not like ovens.
The fire department in Oxford has at least a 5-minute response.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
It will, however, make cats dizzy.
Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life.
(....unfortunately, mostly in retrospect). :-)
Silky xxxxxxxxxxx
There is no such thing as childproofing your house.
If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
A 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a Superman cape.
It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20' room.
Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up several times before you get a hit.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh", it is already too late.
Brake fluid mixed with bleach makes smokes - lots of it.
A 6 year-old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 60-year-old man says it can only be done in the movies.
A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
If you use a waterbed as a home plate while wearing baseball shoes, it does not leak. It explodes.
A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq ft house almost 4 inches deep.
Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old.
Duplos will not.
Play-Doh and microwave ovens should never be used in the same sentence.
Super Glue is forever.
No matter how much Jell-O you put in the pool, you still can't walk on water.
Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
VCRs do not eject peanut butter sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
You probably don't want to know what that odor is.
Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
Plastic toys do not like ovens.
The fire department in Oxford has at least a 5-minute response.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
It will, however, make cats dizzy.
Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life.
(....unfortunately, mostly in retrospect). :-)
Sex God
Quote by WibblyWobbly
The thought crossed my mind, but alas I've given the game away. Give me ten minutes and I'll see if I can come up with shot A and shot B and see who can tell which is which.
:lol: :lol: :lol: Hey Harold... Did ya try... go on... you can tell us... We are all friends here...
Myrtle
xx
Greetings Ethel.
Have you got one of those self-emptying inboxes?
No, didn't think so.
Sex God
Quote by fruity1976
Dont eat too many chillies before anal sex, aint pleasent for anybody!
Yep, got to admit, jalapeño and arsehole is not my favourite flavour combination.
I rather suspect chillies after anal sex is probably not the best idea in the world either. :shock:
Sex God
Quote by easy_going_dude
A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life.
Hear Hear !
:D :D :D :D :D :D :DKeep smiling - Keep folks wondering what you've been up to <g>
Headbanging (I believe it was AC/DC) after drinking 7 pints of Blackthorn is not a good idea. It is especially not a good idea after deciding to switch to Newcastle Brown, just for a change, loike.
Because if you throw up, whilst headbanging, and decide you are 'man' enough to keep it in, it will still come out your nose and spray everyone in the room.
Take it from someone who knows.
Damnit, how did I drink so much when I was a nipper?
Because if you throw up, whilst headbanging, and decide you are 'man' enough to keep it in, it will still come out your nose and spray everyone in the room.
Take it from someone who knows.
Damnit, how did I drink so much when I was a nipper?
ops: :oops: :oops: