* 1 star hangover
No pain. no real feeling of illness. You slept in your own bed and when you woke up there were no traffic cones in there with you.
You are still able to function relatively well on the energy stored up from all those vodka redbulls.
However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel as parched as the Sahara .
Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and a bag of fries.
** 2 star hangover
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler.
The coffee you hug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a full English breakfast.
Although you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all you really can handle is some light filing, followed by aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk e-mails.
*** 3 star hangover
Slight headache. stomach feels crap. You are definitely a space cadet and not so productive.
Anytime a girl or lad walks by you gag because the perfume/aftershave reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer kicked you out at 1:45 am .
Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen doughnuts and a litre of coke watching daytime TV.
You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 2 Sausage Rolls and a litre of diet coke yet you haven't peed once.
**** 4 star hangover
You have lost the will to live. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might spew.
Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze.
You wore nice clothes, but you smell of socks, and you can't hide the fact that you either missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving or it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the dodgems (depending on your gender).
Your teeth have their own individual sweaters. Your eyes look like one big vein and your hairstyle makes you look like a reject from a second-grade class circa 1976.
You would give a weeks pay for one of the following - home time, a doughnut and somewhere to be alone, or a Time Machine so you could go back and NOT have gone out the night before.
You scare small children in the street just by walking past them.
**** 5 star hangover
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits next to you.
Vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.
You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth.
Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you.
You'd cry but that would take the last drop of moisture left in your body.
Death seems pretty good right now. Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and your co-workers think that your dog just died because you look so pathetic. You should have called in sick because, let's face it, all you can manage to do is breathe ..... very gently.
****** 6 star hangover
You arrive home and climb into bed.
Sleep comes instantly, as you were fighting it all the way home in the taxi. You get about 2 hours sleep until the noises inside your head wake you up.
You notice that your bed has been cleared for take off and is flying relentlessly around the room. No matter what you do you now, you're going to chuck.
You stumble out of bed and now find that your room is in a yacht under full sail.
After walking along the skirting boards on alternating walls knocking off all the pictures, you find the toilet.
If you are lucky you will remember to lift the lid before you spontaneously explode and wake the whole house up with your impersonation of walrus mating calls.
You sit there on the floor in your undies, cuddling the only friend in the world you have left (the toilet), randomly continuing to make the walrus noises, spitting, and farting. Help usually comes at this stage, even if it is short lived.
Tears stream down your face and your abdomen hurts. Help now turns into abuse and he/she usually goes back to bed leaving you there in the dark.
With your stomach totally empty, your spontaneous eruptions have died back to 15-minute intervals, but your body won't relent.
You are convinced that you are starting to turn yourself inside out and swear that you saw your tonsils shoot out of your mouth on the last occasion.
It is now dawn and you pass your disgusted partner getting up for the day as you try to climb into bed. She/he abuses you again for trying to get into bed with lumpy bits of dried vomit in your hair.
You reluctantly accept their advice and have a shower in exchange for them driving you to the hospital. Work is not an option.
The whole day is spent trying to avoid anything that might make you sick again, like moving.
You vow never to touch a drop again and who knows for the next two or three hours at least you might even succeed.
OK, now hands up all those who have never had a six star hangover!!
Thought so!!
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Hangover Ratings
Orgasminator
Absolutely bloody brilliant!
What star rating is going to bed and snuggling up in your duvet. When woken at six in the morning by an air horn you discover your duvet is an old blanket that even the local tramps have turned their noses up at and the bed is a flower bed in the middle of the busiest road junction in Osnabruck.
Dave_Notts
Dave_Notts
Sex God
i'll let you know once mines stopped . . . . . . .
n x x x x :P
n x x x x :P
Sex God
Hangover 3 is about as far as I go these days, but add two small 'adorable' children and it seems more like a 4 or 5 anyway 
Why is it that although I protest that i dont need alcohol or enjoy myself, i still succumb!
Why is it that although I protest that i dont need alcohol or enjoy myself, i still succumb!
Quote by MrFC
** 2 star hangover
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler.
The coffee you hug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a full English breakfast.
Although you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all you really can handle is some light filing, followed by aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk e-mails.
Oh My God!!!!!! :shock: :shock: :shock: This is me in normal everyday life!!!!!! Even if I haven't drunk for a month I still suffer from a 2 star hangover :shock: :shock: :shock:
And I only suffered a 3 star hangover this weekend :happy: which is actually bluddy good considering I live my life as a 2 star one anyway!!!!
Sexlightened
Am I the only prtson who only ever has a 1* hangover if that I normally manage to stay sober when out. Does that make me abnormal?
Quote by stokey12
Am I the only prtson who only ever has a 1* hangover if that I normally manage to stay sober when out. Does that make me abnormal?
How about a no* morning after ?
I'm teetotal.
I don't smoke either cigs or doobies.
And I eschew all drugs
Nor do I gamble.
And I'm a vegetarian ( though I just love eating pussy)
I guess this explains why I devote so much time & energy to my remaining pleasures
.I also have the advantage of being able to recall the events of the previous night and to savour the memory. Additionally, I know who I went to bed with last night and I'm invariably pleased to wake up beside them next day. Thank God that old country song no longer has any relevance for me today, "I never went to bed with an ugly woman, but I surewoke up with a few".
riff raff you need to get out more mate i normally get the full blown hangover every weekend and i have never been to bed with an ugly woman
i dont believe there is such a thing some women are just better looking to you than others all women are beautiful to someone its just a mater of taste
but im glad to say there are a few ladies there that have woken up with an ugly old guy from wales :cheers:
i dont believe there is such a thing some women are just better looking to you than others all women are beautiful to someone its just a mater of taste
but im glad to say there are a few ladies there that have woken up with an ugly old guy from wales :cheers:
Warming the Bed
Do they have a 'come-down chart'?!
Every Friday, without fail, I come in to work with a number 4 hangover....
Every Friday, without fail, I come in to work with a number 4 hangover....
Sex God
Quote by MrFC
aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk e-mails.
You scare small children in the street just by walking past them.
I don't need a hangover to fulfill either of these criteria!
Sex God
This is a 7 star thread ......or is it a 0 star thread? Either way Mr FC you're a star.
I have known 6 star behaviour before (or so I'm told) but usually before I've finished drinking. P'raps I suffer from premature emetication!
I have known 6 star behaviour before (or so I'm told) but usually before I've finished drinking. P'raps I suffer from premature emetication!
Sex God
Judy,
:lol: :lol:
But where's the hangover - hi-jacker!!!
:lol: :lol: But where's the hangover - hi-jacker!!!
Sex God
Quote by JudyTV
It was a slight vodka headache that developed into a hangover which I think I still have :P 'I will cure it tomorrow night though.
JudyTV
One helluva hangover if you've got to wait for tomorrow night - or do you know something I don't know??
) 
