Heeeeeelllllllppppppp Advice needed.

3 Dec 2004

As many members of Swinging Heaven already know me, on a personal basis, or through my posts over the past few years, I am seeking a little advice. I have a BIG problem.
I am a single guy, in the more mature age group of swingers, as those who have met me already know. I have been quite happy just being a Swinger, but I now have a major decision to make, and I really need some advice.
I have two lady friends, both of whom want to leave their husbands and come to live with me.
I have known both for 30 years or so.
One was already married when I met her, and we have been occasional lovers 'on and off' (Excuse the pun) for thirty years. She is kind, compliant and willing to do most things, both, in and out of bed for me. She is house proud, neat and tidy but a year older than me.
The second lady is thirteen years younger than me, and we lived together for a couple of years, long ago. She was 19 then, I was 31. She is very adventurous in bed and there is nothing, and I mean nothing, she wouldn't do to please me. But she likes sex at least four times a day. She recently found out where I lived and got in touch with me again, and I have found that the old feelings I had for her, were as strong as ever, as are hers for me.
In my own way, I do love them both, but I'm stuck as to what to do. They both know about each other, I have always been honest as to my previous relationships, but neither would be willing to share me in a permanent threesome. (Boy, do I wish they would....... if I had the stamina).
Having been divorced for some 25 or more years, and being footloose and fancy free so to speak for all that time, I have had, an awful lot of fun. But I have found that 'fun' and 'love' are two entirely different things.
I must admit, that I now rather like the idea of having someone in my bed every night to cuddle up to after having made love or not. But, who do I choose? I am perfectly willing to give up 'Swinging' in return for a more stable sexual and loving relationship. My problem is, I can't make up my mind as to which one to choose.
They are both aware of my medical condition, which may mean I don't have a lot of years of life ahead of me (It's not a communicable disease) yet both are very willing to share these years with me. The choice is very, very difficult.
I really would appreciate some sensible advice please.
Harry0
Casanova and Drunk of this Parish hump

3 Dec 2004

I'm sorry HarryO, I have read and admired your posts in the past and hope to do in the future, so this is not a personal attack. Do you think splitting these women from their now husbands is a wise choice to make? It doesn't seem fair that they are leaving their husbands for you. Obviously being on the outside looking in is always different and I'm not judging you, just saying what I think and feel.
I'd be gutted if I knew that someone had left their wife for me because I had chosen them. If a person has willingly played around and left a life partner in pursuit of a bit of fun such as swinging brings, I'd be inclined to wonder if they would and could do it to me also. dunno

I'd be very cautious about either as tempting as it may seem to have a partner there with you 24/7. I think only you can know these people well enough to weigh up the pros and cons...... :dunno:
Hope I didn't burst your bubble too much HarryO. Good luck with the decision.

3 Dec 2004

There is a third option and that is to say no to both. Not very attractive on the face of it but it does solve a number of the dilemmas. Who knows another unattached partner may happen along sooner rather than later?? Otherwise the choice is yours.

3 Dec 2004

Quote by harry0
One was already married when I met her, and we have been occasional lovers 'on and off' (Excuse the pun) for thirty years. She is kind, compliant and willing to do most things, both, in and out of bed for me. She is house proud, neat and tidy but a year older than me.
The second lady is thirteen years younger than me, and we lived together for a couple of years, long ago. She was 19 then, I was 31. She is very adventurous in bed and there is nothing, and I mean nothing, she wouldn't do to please me. But she likes sex at least four times a day.
neither would be willing to share me in a permanent threesome. (Boy, do I wish they would....... if I had the stamina).

Hi Harry
If someone who doesnt know you may add an opinion...I would say re-read your post .
You describe a lady who sounds like an ideal partner, and the only downside is that she is a year older. She is willing to please you and keeps a good home...things I imagine would be pertininent if, as you say, you may face a spate of illness in the near future??
I may be wrong but Lady A sounds like the ideal companion, someone who will care for you.
Lady B is the ultimate nympho - BUT she wants sex 4 times a day and your reference to stamina concerns me. When you were lovers you were both so much younger and havent lived together since...whereas Lady B has shared your bed for many years despite everything, and has reached the point when she has told herself to try and make a go of it with a man she has (I imagine) loved for a long time. I imagine she has gone through a lot of pain to be able to do that. (again I can only surmise...)
I agree that it is perhaps wrong to split up a marriage but I also believe that people have to make ther own choices and Lady A is leaving hubby - you are not forcing her to. Obviously.
I hope you see what I am saying. The clues are there.
Good luck either way.
Bunny xxxx

3 Dec 2004

Harry I have sent you a pm...... kiss

3 Dec 2004

Sorry to sound gloomy but this situation HAS to bring heartache and pain to several people - its a dark cloud for a relationship to grow under.
I think Sunbunny really has put it very well as to which way seems the best - 30 years of feelings - that is vast and deep - you are talking of being involved in about 1974 or so!
And you lived with Lady B but it ended?
I can't give you any answer to us posted,and be careful - this could hurt everyone concerned in the end.

3 Dec 2004

Quote by little gem
I'm sorry HarryO, I have read and admired your posts in the past and hope to do in the future, so this is not a personal attack. Do you think splitting these women from their now husbands is a wise choice to make? It doesn't seem fair that they are leaving their husbands for you. Obviously being on the outside looking in is always different and I'm not judging you, just saying what I think and feel.
I'd be gutted if I knew that someone had left their wife for me because I had chosen them. If a person has willingly played around and left a life partner in pursuit of a bit of fun such as swinging brings, I'd be inclined to wonder if they would and could do it to me also. I'd be very cautious about either as tempting as it may seem to have a partner there with you 24/7. I think only you can know these people well enough to weigh up the pros and cons...... :dunno:
Hope I didn't burst your bubble too much HarryO. Good luck with the decision.

Hello Little Gem,
In neither case was I the instigator of either of the failed relationships or marriages of these ladies. The husband of lady no.1 believes that sex is purely for procreation and once he had a child, then sex stopped. He didn't even kiss her after their marriage, stating that was only for 'Courting Couples'.
Lady no.2 has caught her husband being unfaithfull on more than one occasion, after only two years of marriage.
Fair enough, both have shared my bed on many occasions in years past, and both are very willing to do so again on a permanent basis. I cannot help having the feelings I have for either of them. I care for, or love them, both in different ways and I would be happy to spend my life with either of them, but, I don't want to hurt either or both of them. Hence my problem. Whoever said, Life's a bitch, and then you die, was more correct than he ever thought.
Harry0
Latterly Casanova and Drunk of this Parish. Now just the Drunk.

4 Dec 2004

harry all i can say is "life is too short to worry" whatever you decide to do make sure your happy with what you decide and also stay happy.

4 Dec 2004

Many thanks to all of you who have replied, both on this Board and by PM. It looks like I have a lot of very hard thinking to do over the coming weeks.
I have to consider all your advice, but the ultimate decision is, unfortunately, mine. I just hope I can make the correct one.
Thanks again.
Harry0
I now know how Atlas felt, with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

4 Dec 2004

4 Dec 2004

Hello Corrie,
You have a PM.
Harry0

4 Dec 2004

Hiya Harry kiss

I can't give you any decent advice, sorry but I can give you a hug if that helps

Take care
Dawn :silly:

4 Dec 2004

Hi Harry
I don't know you at all, and have no wish to judge you and probably shouldn't try to advise you.
My question is, do either of these ladies plan to end their marriages whether you agree to choose them or not? I'd be very concerned about being someones escape route from an unhappy marriage. You mentioned that you may not be around in the long term (sorry to hear that) so what happens to them once they're alone again? are either of them able to live their lives alone or will they start to look for another man as an escape route if it becomes apparent that you have a limited time?
Sorry, I know that's quite a harsh view but it's a realistic question that all three of you should think hard about.
Serendipity :color:

4 Dec 2004

Take it form me, you should not even think about the nympho unless you can live up to what she wants!!
sorry if its short and to the point but iif you do neither of you will be happy!!

4 Dec 2004

Quote by Dawn_Mids
Hiya Harry
I can't give you any decent advice, sorry but I can give you a hug if that helps

Take care
Dawn :silly:

Hello Dawn,
Many thanks for the hug, lol. I've only just got over the last one you gave me at the Midlands Munch.
Kindest regards to you, and a Pie for Ian.
Harry0

4 Dec 2004

Quote by foxylady 123
Take it form me, you should not even think about the nympho unless you can live up to what she wants!!
sorry if its short and to the point but iif you do neither of you will be happy!!

Hello Foxylady 123,
I take your point, I'm a twice a day man myself, when I can get it. lol. However, now I am retired and still physically fit, I do have plenty of time on my hands. Who knows, with a case of Viagra I might manage four times a day. lol.
Joking aside, I will bear your point in mind.
Many thanks.
Harry0