Holiday application ... the report

21 Dec 2004

*****LEAVE APLICATION FORM*****
Name: Little Gem
Total Amount of Posts: 1156
Posts per Day:
Reason for Leave: MUCH needed break from work work work and pressures of uni. To get drunk, ski and meet the other half's family. :beer:
Location of Leave: Norway
From (Last Posting Day): 21st December 2004
Until (First Day Returning to Posting Duties): 3rd Jan 2004
I realise it is an offence under the Official Swinging Act (1969) to falsely declare I am going on leave with the intention of not returning. I swear I will be back to my posting duties on the date given and will give a full account of my activites for the duration of my leave.
Signature . Gem. xxx :twisted: ...............
Date ... .............................

21 Dec 2004

tut tut tut
<<< sorry shake of head . . . >>>
sarge, i have it on good authority, that little gem left the country on sunday, which was the 19th, and not the 21st as stated, so her leave application is late, and a thinly disguised attempt to cover her backside with an out and out lie! rolleyes

i'm not sure what the penalties are for fraudulent leave applications, but i'll leave a suitable punishment to your good self.

neil x x x ;)

21 Dec 2004

Quote by neilinleeds

tut tut tut
<<< sorry shake of head . . . >>>
sarge, i have it on good authority, that little gem left the country on sunday, which was the 19th, and not the 21st as stated, so her leave application is late, and a thinly disguised attempt to cover her backside with an out and out lie!
i'm not sure what the penalties are for fraudulent leave applications, but i'll leave a suitable punishment to your good self.

neil x x x ;)

Well spotted Neil... It's sad to see this flagrant abuse of the system!!
Sarge: I presume that a suitable punishment will be in order
Regards
Paul

21 Dec 2004

Quote by neilinleeds
sarge, i have it on good authority, that little gem left the country on sunday, which was the 19th, and not the 21st as stated, so her leave application is late, and a thinly disguised attempt to cover her backside with an out and out lie!
i'm not sure what the penalties are for fraudulent leave applications, but i'll leave a suitable punishment to your good self.

:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
This is a disgrace!!
I have never seen anything like it!!
My Gast has never been so flabbered !! :shock: :shock:
I am unable to think of a suitable punishment - such is my shock confused

:? :?
I will have to throw it open to the SH Masses to suggest the correct way of ensuring this never happens again.
So, you the masses will decide. What is the best way of punishing Neilinleeds for such blatant grassing???? :shock: :? :? :? :? lol

:lol: :lol: :lol:

21 Dec 2004

Quote by Sgt Bilko
sarge, i have it on good authority, that little gem left the country on sunday, which was the 19th, and not the 21st as stated, so her leave application is late, and a thinly disguised attempt to cover her backside with an out and out lie!
i'm not sure what the penalties are for fraudulent leave applications, but i'll leave a suitable punishment to your good self.

:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
This is a disgrace!!
I have never seen anything like it!!
My Gast has never been so flabbered !! :shock: :shock:
I am unable to think of a suitable punishment - such is my shock confused

:? :?
I will have to throw it open to the SH Masses to suggest the correct way of ensuring this never happens again.
So, you the masses will decide. What is the best way of punishing Neilinleeds for such blatant grassing???? :shock: :? :? :? :? lol

:lol: :lol: :lol:
Errrrrmmmmm Sarge... I think you might have grasped the wrong end of the nettle here .. I certainly don't agree that Neil should be punished. The man was only doing his DUTY.. and that is something that you should certainly recognise.
I'll leave you with that thought, and may I humbly suggest that you drop this vendetta against Neil :shock:
Paul

21 Dec 2004

Oh, yes I forgot to mention. We need a suitable punishment for Neils partner in crime Fun365!!! :shock: :shock: :shock: confused

:? :? :? lol

:lol:

21 Dec 2004

Quote by Sgt Bilko
Oh, yes I forgot to mention. We need a suitable punishment for Neils partner in crime Fun365!!! :shock: :shock: :shock: :? :? :? :lol:

Nothing bloody changes here does it?!!!!!
You give the guy some stripes and he becomes power mad :shock: Why do I have to be punished?... This is totally unfair and nothing less than I expected..
But I tell you here and now that both Neil and I are tough enough to accept any punishment, no matter how unjust the charge is.
Yours Sincerely
Paul

21 Dec 2004

sorry neil,but were with sarge on this.
it is xmas m8,
and the sarge as used a little goodwill,to allow little gem to fib, redface

punishment confused

: whistleblower springs to mind,how about standing on a chair at the next munch you attend: and blow a whistle for 1 min wink

21 Dec 2004

Well done Sarge,you show your authority lol

How about tying Neil to a chair at the next munch,then have everyone strip off just beyond his reach while everyone gets dirty Neil can only just watch and get frustrated :lol: :lol: :lol: :twisted:

21 Dec 2004

Quote by Sgt Bilko
sarge, i have it on good authority, that little gem left the country on sunday, which was the 19th, and not the 21st as stated, so her leave application is late, and a thinly disguised attempt to cover her backside with an out and out lie!
i'm not sure what the penalties are for fraudulent leave applications, but i'll leave a suitable punishment to your good self.

:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
This is a disgrace!!
I have never seen anything like it!!
My Gast has never been so flabbered !! :shock: :shock:
I am unable to think of a suitable punishment - such is my shock confused

:? :?
I will have to throw it open to the SH Masses to suggest the correct way of ensuring this never happens again.
So, you the masses will decide. What is the best way of punishing Neilinleeds for such blatant grassing???? :shock: :? :? :? :? lol

:lol: :lol: :lol:
Is this the oppotunity to ban neil from talking bollox many have been waiting for :?: :?:

21 Dec 2004

Ok I'm here ready to

:smackbottom: :smackbottom: :smackbottom:
Who's first Sarge? :rascal:
Dawn :silly:

21 Dec 2004

Quote by Dawn_Mids
Ok I'm here ready to :smackbottom: :smackbottom: :smackbottom:
Who's first?.......... Sarge? :rascal:
Dawn :silly:

Yeah I say Sarge should be first.... :P rotflmao

21 Dec 2004

You can't punish someone until a Severe Punishment Administration Notification form K has been issued. :roll:

21 Dec 2004

Oh FFS!!....now we have gort to have a S.P.A.N.K. form ... before any punishment can be dished who is gonna be the S.P.A.N.K. admin (davej suspects that kat has the forms already printed and hidden under the bed along with a whip and some springy twigs for such an event)
...in the meantime little gem should be forced to ride her bike to the next munch (we all know how she enjoys it)
Neil, for being a grass and for his new avatar, that has finally shattering my hopes that Santa really did exist, in the form of a kindly old guy who sat in an armchair all day, should have all his Stella confiscated and given to needy youths in the local area.

21 Dec 2004

why thank you paul for your staunch support in this matter! we men of principle must stand shoulder to shoulder in times like these!
but i have to say i'm shocked, nay disgusted, by the complete lack of moral fibre of some contributors here, that puts me, an upstanding member of the community, in the wrong. of course i'll take my punishment like a man, and will be interested to hear exactly what might be involved! dunno

anyways, i'd just like to point out that i thought the prospect of severe punishments on her return might sustain little gem through her expedition to the polar wastes of denmark and norway, so it was a well intentioned grassing up, honest. :P
oh and sorry dave. santa does exist obviously, but he has to get his pressies too. apologies for any confusion.
neil x x x :P

26 Dec 2004

Such a grass Neil! lol

Greetings all from an internet6 cafe in Oslo Norway!
passionkiss

27 Dec 2004

Little Gem, you have contravened the Dereliction In the Line of Duty Orders (D.I.L.D.O), and will need to be punished accordingly. Going AWOL in the line of duty is a court martial offence.
Sarge, you will need to select the court martial panel - upstanding, honest members of the local (swinging) community. Are there any such people here on the forum?

26 Jan 2005

Hiya,
well as that little grass Neilinleeds had already informed you all I was already away when applying for my holiday leave! redface

Struggling to pack all the clothes and pressies into my suitcase I phoned the taxi to take me to the airport. Dragging the cases to the car the strapping young man strained to hurl the cases into his boot. We sped away toward the airport. Payment made and luggage trolley loaded up I checked my 32kilos (god bless SAS's lazy check-in staff) and trundled off to the plane wearing all the heavy clothes to keep my luggage from being heavier than it already was! lol

I left the country for denmark on the 19th and the flight was ok appart from the small child behind me playing rocking horses with my seat. It felt like I was on a boat he was pulling the head rest so much, so I did my "do you mind" quite sternly and had a bit of strop which worked well as he didnt touch my seat again! .
Baggage claimed and John collected we headed off to his mum's appartment just outside copenhagen centre (a short drive away). We had dinner then headed out to catch the coach to Norway.
In the blistering cold we waited paitiently for the sweat infused coach to arrive and whisk us to the snowy wastes. Long journey ahead we selected seats at the front left and hoped that no-one would sit infront of us in the reserved for elderly places!
All curled up and warm we talked into the night about this that and the other while gently nodding off now and again......... until..........
We got to Sweden.
A man got on with a runny nose and lucky for us chose the seat behind us! rolleyes

I was just about to hand the sniffer a tissue as he obviously didn't have one, when John reached out and stopped me. One heated discussion about handing strangers tissues later and I managed to nod off to sleep............ until............
The woman from across the aisle to us moved seats and thought it was amusing to push her seat back as far as she possibly could and crush my leg into oblivion in the process.
The squeels of "arrghhhh" and "oooouch" did not deter her.
So with one crushed leg and a very numb bottom we awoke in the not so snowy wastes of Oslo Norway with all but 3 hours of sleep gained on the trip. An over night journey and we were meeting his sister and nephew at the train station in Mysen, near Oslo in Norway at 8am
We put our things in the room and were social for a couple of hours until neither of us could keep our eyes open any longer as we had not slept on the coach much. So a short nap later we went shopping to get some last minute things for christmas and for dinner that night. John and I cooked pizzas for the whole family, about 8 of them if I remember rightly!
The day after we went for a bite to eat in the town centre and got some supplies for dinner. We played chess with John's nephew and talked loads with his Neice. I cooked dinner for 10 that night as John's other sister and her two sons had arrived that day.
The next day was christmas eve which is the traditional day to celebrate christmas in Scandinavia. We had rice pudding at and then dinner at After sausage, mash, gherkins, pork ribs and saurcraut, we all sat around and opened our presents. I kept a few back from my mum and dad so I could open them the next morning! I felt so naughty opening the pressies early!
When we woke up on Christmas day it was snowing! So I had a white christmas which was great fun! Neice, John and I drove to Sweden on Christmas day to visit his Auntie and her family of twelve million! There were so many people there, they have 13 children of their own not including husbands and wives and their children, so it was a little bit mental to say the least! I was a minor celebrity and they all kept asking me the same questions. We all went outside, had a snow fight and made a snow lantern. We stayed for dinner and then drove home via the pizza shop. A bit surreal sitting in a pizzeria in Sweden on Christmas day! But it was good fun nevertheless.
The next day I tried skiing for the first time, which was hilarious! Throwing myself down a slope with two thing bits of plastic attached to my feet, terrifying but sooo much fun! biggrin

I fell over and all I could do was laugh histerically!
We left for Oslo and visited Johns other auntie. We chatted and she showed us old photos of Johns father and family. He has never really seen many pictures of his dads side so it was a bit of discovery holiday for him. We ate then went to the bus station and caught the coach back to copenhagen.
It was risky as there was only one free seat left so we had to count on a nice driver and someone not turning up to catch the coach otherwise we would ahve to get off at Goteborg (gothenberg) at 2am and wait for the next coach to arrive at 4am which we would risk having no spaces! We were lucky and stayed on all the way to Copenhagen.
We went back to his mum's appartment and then headed off to his Danish Sister's house for a "second Christmas". We had dinner there and opened pressies and gave them their pressies. Pia, johns sister (another sister?!! he has 3 sisters&1 brother in Norway, 1 brother in Sweden and 1 sister in Denmark, just incase you were wondering! ) anyway Pia breeds cats and had a litter of four of the cutest little furballs I've ever seen! I spent most of my time playing with the kittens! :D
We went back to his mum's appartment and stayed a week with her. We joined the swinging clubs and went there three of the nights and a couple of the days too! We spent new year's eve at his mums place just him and I. He cooked me a gorgeous meal and we had great fun until later on when the fog closed in and we couldn't see any of the fireworks! Mmmm, coloured fog! :D :lol:
Before I knew it, I had to come home and my little frozen adventure had ended!
So there you are, all updated! :lol:
Complaints for longest post, please forward to my inbox! :lol:

26 Jan 2005

Quote by Sgt Bilko
So, you the masses will decide. What is the best way of punishing Neilinleeds for such blatant grassing???? :shock: :? :? :? :lol: :lol: :lol:

Well, I`m disgusted...with the pair of them. So disgusted in fact my brain has gone into total shutdown, and I am totally stuck for ideas of how to punish Gem, let alone Neil.......*cough cough cough* .......sorry, the shock....it made me choke..... innocent

Venusxxx

26 Jan 2005

Venus!

Did that little toe rag give you piccies from our collection? Bloody hell!
Please, no blackmail here..........
Oooooo, go on then if you must blackmail me, make sure it is worth my while too! ;)

26 Jan 2005

Quote by little gem
Venus!
Did that little toe rag give you piccies from our collection? Bloody hell!
Please, no blackmail here..........
Oooooo, go on then if you must blackmail me, make sure it is worth my while too! ;)

No, of course not pet! However, I`m not above suggesting such pictures should come into my possession.....as a suitable punishment you understand........ :rascal:
It`s a tough job I do, but one I do gladly and with pride for the good of SH!
/puts hand on chest, stands tall and straight with pride.....and tries to remember what the fuck the words to the SH anthem are! :mrgreen:
Venusxxx

26 Jan 2005

Quote by VenusnMars
No, of course not pet! However, I`m not above suggesting such pictures should come into my possession.....as a suitable punishment you understand........ :rascal:
It`s a tough job I do, but one I do gladly and with pride for the good of SH!
/puts hand on chest, stands tall and straight with pride.....and tries to remember what the fuck the words to the SH anthem are! :mrgreen:
Venusxxx

*puts hand on Venus's chest and tries to remember her email address for camming purposes...
.....stuff the SH anthem......
Fancy a shag? :rascal: lol

26 Jan 2005

Quote by little gem
Fancy a shag? :rascal:

Does a bear shit in the woods?
Oh bugger! You left the country, bad luck! rotflmao

Venusxxx

26 Jan 2005

Oh Venus! :lol:
This is the update of what I did when I was away! I've been back for about three weeks now! :lol:
Anyway, the internet doesn't stop outside of the the uk! :lol:

26 Jan 2005

I thought you had buggered off again! You don`t think I actually bother to read any posts besides my own do you?! rolleyes

/slopes off muttering `those bloody sleeping pills can`t come a moment too soon! redface

ops: :oops:
Venusxxx

26 Jan 2005

I shan't be buggering off again until summer now sad

On the plus side.......... that means you have more or me here! biggrin

what do you mean that's not a plus side! smackbottom

Cheeky monkey! Nick my shag then pack me off abroad again, then complain when I'm staying! No pleasing some folk is there! lol

26 Jan 2005

Quote by little gem
I shan't be buggering off again until summer now
On the plus side.......... that means you have more or me here!
what do you mean that's not a plus side! Cheeky monkey! Nick my shag then pack me off abroad again, then complain when I'm staying! No pleasing some folk is there!

I shan`t be pleased until you pack me off abroad........., somewhere where 3am in the morning is their daytime! confused

Venusxxx