Holy Grail? part 2! - 3somes & the role of the SBF

2 Mar 2007

Quote by little gem
I've seen a fair amount of single bifemales treat other people dreadfully too by account of their supposed 'status'...

I know quite a few single bi fems who do sign up to the whole 'I'm special, treat me as such' school of thought....
and given some of their, and other people's experiences, that 'attitude' doesn't surprise me in the slightest lol

...because it's that, or they simply stop playing with couples/ chamge their playing rules beyond recognition or worse, stop playing altogether, and then we all lose out!

2 Mar 2007

been reading this thread with great interest as so far i have steered clear of couples for a lot of the reasons stated above, and the fact that i am not entirely sure what i would want from the experience, so its only fair not to go there.
as for a singles 3 some i have never been in the MFF situation on only MMF and the way the poster was made to feel is terrible, especially having a past experience with the male, and intentional or not, she was made to feel this way.
the MMF wast a great success either as one of the males was far from sober and fell asleep and whinged the next day about sleeping on a bouncy castle
i think after reading the thread a 3 some will be something i do only with people i know well from now on
EArty xx

2 Mar 2007

Im just loving this debate and thread.
Probably cos i can already relate to some of whats been said and its also about the psychology behind multiple relationships and thinking outside the steryotypical social behavior box
This is starting to touch some of the subject points i failed to comprehend enough and therefore didnt explain clearly when i made some of my first posts
Theres exciting isnt it look you see biggrin

2 Mar 2007

Just a thought to throw into the mix here- and do excuse me for not having read the whole thread in detail, my brain aches.
Do you think it's possible on some occasions that the male half of a couple would pay more attention to his own partner so as to reassure her and avoid any jealousy/insecurities afterwards? dunno

2 Mar 2007

here's a little thought from outside the box....
obviously I can't speak as the SBF... try as I might...
But:
I have been on occassion, the third party to join an established couple... (this doesnt apply to all cases btw) and have felt, to a degree, left out a tad...
I put this down to the level of, shall we say, subliminal communication that couples can have, and maybe even unaware of how, and to what level they may be reasuring each other... assessing each others comfort levels etc etc...
it could easilly be completely unintentional... though the third party could be left with a sence of... well... being not fully involved, or participating fully --- on the same level....
blokie ramble over.... gorn
lp
>edit: but then again... the singletons should expect it to a degree...i reckon.... really am gorrrn now<

2 Mar 2007

I was reading this thread more and more and sinking into despair................it's all made to sound so difficult confused

But then this.............

Quote by swing_fun_cpl
I think that sometimes people get caught up in the big flashing lights of FFM,MMF ect headings and do forget what is actually important,and that is people getting together to have sexy fun and pleasure each other. Theres alot involved in a happy full bodied swinging experience and the more people involved the more important it is that everyone is reading from the same page. Everyone male,female,couples and singles have the potential to feel used or devalued from less than ideal situations. Only with experience can you get a better handle on who is right for you to meet and who maybe isnt.

:thumbup:
Perfect!!

2 Mar 2007

so, if you're a couple...and looking for a single fem...what would you be looking for? what is it that you seek? what would you want her role to be?
( I could go away and read the ads but I cant post examples as that would be very naughty lol

:twisted: plus some folk dont have them, they simply meet someone they click with and it moves from there... but there's also the 'just want to play with a bifem, any bifem will do' type approach...I bet we dont get any posts from that camp :lol: although I'd like to see people post honest responses and not what they think we want to hear wink

)

2 Mar 2007

We don't actively 'seek' any couple, single male or female. BUT we have played with a single bi fem and would again, given an opportunity. Ideally we'd have met her a few times socially first and made sure that we were all happy to play (and boundaries). We wouldn't want anyone to feel left out of play within a group setting, however large or small the group.

2 Mar 2007

All this talk of a bi fems "role" puts this image in my mind of a cross between a hooker/olympic athlete/ sex therapist whos on a mission to provide a night of unforgettable passion.
Is she expected to sleep all day before and fill up on carbs so shes awake and perky with lots of stamina? Does she then have to judge the moment to sneak out of the room and leave discretely so as not to disturb the couple?
To me, this is one stop from prostitution without the money passing hands

2 Mar 2007

As we don't play, there isn't much point answering that one Darkfire. smile

2 Mar 2007

Quote by little gem
I've seen a fair amount of single bifemales treat other people dreadfully too by account of their supposed 'status'. Status doesn't make bad behaviour towards other people ok, it's still bad behaviour, regardless of status.
I feel sorry if the people involved are reading the threads.
Why wouldn't a couple ask each other if they're ok or not in any swinging situation, single involved or not? Once additional person/people to their relationship have left, they have to live with each other on a day to day basis. Yes it can be done so the additional person/people don't feel like a lepper or left out, but going into a swinging situation (be that female or male, couple, single, bi or not) then you have to have your eyes open to things. Talk about stuff like that beforehand.
The 'being left out' situation in general...
It's part of the hit and miss swinging experience and unless people choose who they swing with very carefully, maybe over a fair amount of time (however works for the individual), with everyone verbalising what they want to happen and NOT happen; then I'd say put it down to experience and move on.
Learning curve found out the hard way.
x x x x

Gem, your answer matches mine 'somewhere else' in response to the original thread. I was a bit reluctant to post it because of all the 'couple bashing' going on but hell.....in for a penny..... lol

Hmmmmmm interesting. We've only had one threesome so far, and it was obviously our first. I think we were guilty of asking the other if they were ok, but I think that's to be expected isnt it? After all you don't jump from deciding to do it and all of a sudden doing it and magically it's all ok. Thankfully for us we knew the SBF in question very well and she knew it was our first time and was great, and I would hope she didn't feel like a spare part! (She was either having a good time or a great faker )
I think a certain amount of lenience has to go to beginners or first timers. Of course as a couple, your main priority is that everything is ok with you both first and foremost surely? If anything were to go wrong then that's your relationship your talking about not just a few bad feelings. At the same time we would never knowingly make the other person feel bad or like a spare part.
It's difficult responding to this as not newbies but certainly beginners (yeah yeah we know, we've been around forever )
*Her*

2 Mar 2007

To me, this is one stop from prostitution without the money passing hands

I cant say I see it quite like that Gemini lol

I'm sure many people reading this though have had pm's sent to them giving a lovely detailed timetable of 'required/ expected events', play boundaries before you've even got to the hello stage, 'want to come over to ours?' from someone they've never met etc...i know I have :lol: so what do they want from meeting a single?
I think 'role' means what are you there for? to fulfill someone's fantasies? to play with only the fem? to soft play? to full swap? what do they want from you? why are you there? what will meeting you achieve, for them? and for you? - it's still a 'role' you play, in their relationship, even if its just once for a couple of hours dunno

and then there's 'manufactured couples' :lol: .....

2 Mar 2007

Quote by varca
If ever I found myself in a situation where I was there to feed an ego or be duped by a wannabe bifem couple who were only really interested in their own needs then I would make haste and leave!! I would also let my fellow SBF's know of the bad apples in the cart.

since when is feeding an ego a crime?
surely thats no different than naming and shaming, when, if truth be told, they havent actually done anything wrong other than not tend to your needs?
and, whilst im bracing myself for your reply, thats not meant to detract from the original posting
Really? In your opinion they have not done anything wrong in not tending to the SBF needs? Swinging is meant to be about likeminded people meeting for mutually beneficial fun is it not?
You have no idea what it is like to be a single bi female to be practically imprisoned in a bathroom by a large number of female halves of couples all looking to outdo the others! To be able to announce to the rest of the party that "they have "found" an SBF" Hark! Look at them!! Personal experience has shown me that is what they seek. Not all couples I know that, but a lot. That's the kind of ego feeding I detest.
Naming and shaming... grow up Essex, do you really think that there isn't an unofficial grapevine in terms of single guys, single fems, bi or otherwise and couples?
It's one thing being a single guy and a very different thing being a single bi female and I do not intend to waste my breath any further on responding to someone so blinkered biggrin

i accept your reply without comment

2 Mar 2007

I've not finished reading the whole thread but I'm going to jump in with both size 9s for this bit . . .

Naming and shaming... grow up Essex, do you really think that there isn't an unofficial grapevine in terms of single guys, single fems, bi or otherwise and couples?

Indeed there is.
And; like the majority of "grapevines" it is full of one sided half truths, gossip, myth and (mostly malicious) rumour, usually perpetuated by those with an axe to grind and without the strength of character to stand up and say they were wrong in their opinion rolleyes

2 Mar 2007

Quote by Darkfire
So, single bi-fems and couples especially ( but anyone can answer this!) what IS the role of the single bi-fem?

There isn't one - or at least, there shouldn't be.
If you (one) find yourself part of a sexual experience because you are a single bifem - then perhaps you shouldn't be there.
If however, you like cock . . . .
and you like pussy . . . . .
and you find yourself in the middle of a sexual frenzy where there is cock . . . . . .
and where there is pussy . . . . .
ENJOY ! ! ! ! ! :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

2 Mar 2007

Quote by dambuster

So, single bi-fems and couples especially ( but anyone can answer this!) what IS the role of the single bi-fem?

There isn't one - or at least, there shouldn't be.
If you (one) find yourself part of a sexual experience because you are a single bifem - then perhaps you shouldn't be there.

I've highlighted the 'because' bit so i can say 'indeedy' lol

but I do think, somewhere along the line, there's a 'role'. Be that ..being the one in the middle who enables a situation where two people can get their rocks off by seeing eachother 'getting theirs' ...or being the person who plays fem:fem while he watches because that's a particular fantasy of his/theirs....its still a 'role'. I'd still be responding to their needs/wants/desires...therefore its a role I take on.... dunno

(It does make sense to me, honest!)

3 Mar 2007

and

I just started writing a long post about one cock, two pussies, three mouths and four titties - but it was crap surprised

ops:
The point I'd like to be able to make is that 3somes - of any configuration, should be about 3 sexual people enjoying each other's company and each other's bodies and sex bits.
Should be.
I fully realise that it's not always the case and those (couples, singles, cats, dogs or goats) that "hunt" anyone so as to be able to wear the "badge of honour" of having had a single bifem/biguy/CD/TV/Pre-op/Post-op/One legged/Webbed toe'd just don't "get it"
*Now leave me alone. I've got a thread about fucking vanillas and the single swinger to write wink

3 Mar 2007

Quote by dambuster
*Now leave me alone. I've got a thread about fucking vanillas and the single swinger to write

ok, going back to the original post.... and away from 'established couples' or one cock, three mouths, four titties scenario then... lol

manufactured couples/ swingles playing as a 3some...being 'left out'....and this:

I just think the two of them would have been better off meeting without me....
I just don't know what I was supposed to be there for? Did they just want my house to use? Did he use me to lure her? did she use me to make herself feel more safe and secure with him?

come on, you know you want to :lol:

3 Mar 2007

I still can't get away from it rolleyes

"Manufactured" couples/3somes
I think "manufacturing" a couple - then 3some is a marvelous idea PROVIDED that the three people find each other sexually attractive and wantto fuck. Each other.
Try this . . . . . . .
Single bifems ???????
They don't exist.

3 Mar 2007

nice theory, unfortunately in this case the person/people behind the label do wink

3 Mar 2007

Quote by dambuster
Single bifems ???????
They don't exist.

or some do but get so put off when a thread like this appears they decide to take a back seat.... confused

3 Mar 2007

Quote by Darkfire
nice theory, unfortunately in this case the person/people behind the label do

They do.
And you're right to pull me up and point that out kiss

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that if you - Darkfire - want to fuck me, want to fuck HLB; and "we" want to fuck you - it would only happen because youwanted to fuck us, and wewanted to fuck you. NOT because you're a single bifem.
I would go as far as to say - your sexuality (as per labels) is pretty much irrelevant. Even tho I still don't quite see where a single straight female "gets hers" by playing with a couple. But then - I'm just a very simple hetero geezer that lives in a very simple world :wink:

3 Mar 2007

Quote by poshkate

Single bifems ???????
They don't exist.

or some do but get so put off when a thread like this appears they decide to take a back seat.... confused

Hello Gorgeous kiss

3 Mar 2007

Quote by poshkate

Single bifems ???????
They don't exist.

or some do but get so put off when a thread like this appears they decide to take a back seat.... confused

I guess I don't agree. I read threads like this and post my thoughts but I'd never take a back seat in my life because of what other people think. I do what I want to do and what's right for me. I can take advice and listen to opinions but I follow my instincts.
I think to be put off by a third hand experience is a bit of a shame really. Just take time to work out what's good for you and you'll be fine! kiss

3 Mar 2007

Quote by dambuster
I suppose what I'm trying to say is that if you - Darkfire - want to fuck me, want to fuck HLB; and "we" want to fuck you - it would only happen because you wanted to fuck us, and we wanted to fuck you. NOT because you're a single bifem.

aye, there's the rub.

3 Mar 2007

Quote by varca
However, if a couple, was of the likeminded concept of mutual connection and pleasure and they were pre-disposed to a mindset and expectation of the addition of an SBF within their given relationship as being an extension rather than an "add on" I think I would be rather more for!

Hmmmmmmmm i'm not sure that ANYBODY should 'expect' to be an extention of a couples relationship be it a SBF, a SBM or another couple. We are swingers not polygomists. That is an awful lot to expect. A relationship between a couple is special and takes a long time to develop. To expect to be an extention of the whole thing is imo expecting a bit too much. That in no way means we would think of her as a 'toy' for want of a better word if you see what I mean confused

As I have said before we had a FFM with a SBF and I said at the time I hoped she hadn't felt left out. She has since confirmed she didn't, she felt very much included and all the more special for us sharing our first time with her and allowing her into our life. We know her very well now (although we knew her quite well then), and I would consider her one of my best friends. Would I let her in as part of my relationship? Would I hell - it's special to us and she wouldn't expect it either which is why she's so special.
Or do I have completely the wrong idea about swinging? dunno

Discuss

As an afterthought, I find it very interesting that the thread where this was originaly posted has gone a very different way.
*Her*

3 Mar 2007

Quote by couplefunuk
However, if a couple, was of the likeminded concept of mutual connection and pleasure and they were pre-disposed to a mindset and expectation of the addition of an SBF within their given relationship as being an extension rather than an "add on" I think I would be rather more for!

Would I let her in as part of my relationship? Would I hell - it's special to us and she wouldn't expect it either which is why she's so special.
I'm inclined to agree Her! this is what I meant by my/our role :thumbup: As an sbf, I can step into their relationship (sex life) for the duration of playing, have a fab time..and step back out again. Any friendship, before and after, doesnt come close to what they have as a couple, I understand & respect that & really dont see it as being 'left out'. I personally wouldnt want to be considered part of the relationship itself, in it or an extension dunno

But there is a fine line, in my head, between stepping away and giving them space and being 'discarded' after play.

Or do I have completely the wrong idea about swinging? :dunno:

No I dont think so, imo.

As an afterthought, I find it very interesting that the thread where this was originaly posted has gone a very different way.
*Her*

Indeed

3 Mar 2007

Quote by Darkfire
I personally wouldnt want to be considered part of the relationship itself, in it or an extension But there is a fine line, in my head, between stepping away and giving them space and being 'discarded' after play.

But surely that the case for everyone ?
Whether you're a a single bifem/biguy/CD/TV/Pre-op/Post-op/One legged/Webbed toe'd ?????
* Someone has asked me why I'm "getting involved" and posting. In a "what the fuck's it got to do with you" (you're a straight male) sort of way.
Because I don't like to see anyone treated badly ! !

3 Mar 2007

Quote by dambuster
* Someone has asked me why I'm "getting involved" and posting. In a "what the fuck's it got to do with you" (you're a straight male) sort of way.
Because I don't like to see anyone treated badly ! !

pardon? :shock:
the thread was addressed to anyone who has a contribution to make on this topic, so, post. Freely.
and so far, there has been little emphasis on the original post - as if its somehow irrelevant to the discussion dunno

:sad: so, I dont care whether your bi, straight, couple, single, poly, TV or web fookin footed, post it and be damned!

3 Mar 2007

the only experiences of ffm i have had have been as the sbf, not as part of the couple.
my first experience could well have put me off to be honest, all 3 of us were on the bed and i played with her, then he fuked her, then she made me feel very uncomfortable when he tried to play with me, so basically, it was just about the two of us giving her pleasure.
it did not help that afterwards he kept ringing , texting and emailing me to meet him alone, she then found coppies of the texts on his mobile and accused me of having an affair with him!!!!!!!!
i dont know why i am telling you all this, except i guess as pointing out that sbf often get the short end of the stick and dont get treated like the bees knees.