Quote by Darkfire
and so far, there has been little emphasis on the original post - as if its somehow irrelevant to the discussion:sad: so, I dont care whether your bi, straight, couple, single, poly, TV or web fookin footed, post it and be damned!
Well . . . .
here goes then . . . .
*Disclaimer
Before I start properly, I have to say that I don't/can't see it as "single bifem" issue. But that could be due to the very simple way I see life, sex, the universe
What is the role of the SBF? :dunno:
I had a meet a while ago with this gorgeous fit guy and it was fabulous. He also thought it was fabulous (phew!) and we agreed to do it again sometime.
Marvelous ! ! ! :bounce: :bounce: :thumbup: If it was good, and you enjoyed it - you shoulddo it again.
Earlier this week, he asks if I'd like to get together with him and "jane" - a woman on the chatroom we both use. We both like her - talk to her a lot, talk about her, perv at her pics etc.
Now, we've all met socially but so far only me and the gorgeous guy have played, but ok, it'll be fine.
I was going to say "Ah - the 'manufactured couple thing' " - but it isn't. It's a completely manufactured threesome. And there's a huge difference.
In a "standard" 3some, it's often thought that a third person joins an 'established' couple. It's not a school of thought to which I subscribe btw. In the perfect, rose-tinted world I live; the manufactured 3some could be "easier" than the standard. Three separate people, getting together for some mind blowing sexual sex. No emotional hang ups. No worrying about one's "partner" No picking over the pieces afterwards, adjusting/discussing/arguing over any rules and boundaries within the "couple" Just three horned up people"getting theirs"
I can't lie - i did get some attention - nothing off her, the so-called "very bi" but that's fine, maybe she just didn't fancy me. Fine. He was ok. He loved every second. course he did. single straight bloke pulls 2 single fems? dream come true, innit? but he obviously didn't know - or care? - about pleasing two women equally. Let's just say by the end of it, I felt like it was 2 plus one and the one was a minger.
It's a dream come true, only if he has the hots for the two individuals. And they for him. As individuals. And wanted to fuck both of them, but together. But it's possible that the "thought" of shagging them together was a fantasy that was best left as just that. A fantasy.
And let's not forget the "badge of honour" thing. From all sides.
"but he obviously didn't know - or care? - about pleasing two women equally"
Either could be true. And equally valid. If he didn't "know" - then perhaps, in time, he'll 'learn' In which case he should be encouraged. If he didn't care - then I would question his motives. For the threesome, and for being here at all.
I just think the two of them would have been better off meeting without me. i'm not bitter or jealous or anything cos I did actually recommend him to her as a nice, respectful bloke. and I maintain that now.
I just don't know what I was supposed to be there for? Did they just want my house to use? Did he use me to lure her? did she use me to make herself feel more safe and secure with him?
Again; all of that could be the case. As I'm writing this, I'm becoming more and more convinced that in the manufactured 3some, 2 or all of the people involved need to know each other well. Very well.
Worst of all, they loved it all so much they want to do it again. i don't. If it crops up in conversation then obviously I've got something to say like "thanks great time but not for me, won't be doing it again"... i dunno. I can't tell them the truth. they'll either be hurt that I didn't say anything at the time or disgusted with me for coming across as the sulky spoilt brat.
Frankly I feel shit about this but it's not sympathy I'm after.
i've spoen to them both since - just online and they're both fine with me - same as before but still buzzing off their great "three"some.
How much of "them wanting to do it all again" could be seen as 'bravado' ??
Few people (in life) have the ability, or desire, to admit even to themselves that things weren't quite as good as they thought they would be. How many (mostly men) would openly say that the car they have at the moment is the worst car they've ever had ? Quite a few will swear black is blue that the BMW they have now is the absolute bees knees. It's only when they change it for a Nissan that the BMW somehow becomes strangely crap. It's human nature. Love it or hate it. I do both.
I think it's quite possible that if they were asked individually by a third (fourth :dunno: ) uninvolved party, their responses would be different and even possibly similar to yours - albeit from a different angle with different "issues"
Story number 2 - later that day i chatted to an old swinging mate I know only online and she told me about when she met up with a married couple. She said although the experience was sexually good fun, there were times when she felt like a spare part.
On another occasion with another couple she actually caught them asking each other if they were ok. Nothing wrong with that - it just made her feel a bit of the "outsider".
I do see something wrong. It appears neither of them asked if your old swinging mate was "okay"
So, single bi-fems and couples especially ( but anyone can answer this!) what IS the role of the single bi-fem?
I have to stand by what I said earlier. There is no role of a sbf as such. Each has their own "role" to play. And that is to be horned up and cock/pussy hungry. Filled with desire and wanting. For the peoplethere at the time.
What is your experience?
Some. But discretion, manners, and a sense of doing the right thing would stop me going into detail
What have you learnt, what advice can you give,
I've learned to treat people with the same level of respect and honesty that I would hope for.
Advice ??
To do things because youwant to. For your own reasons. Be they good or bad.
what would you have done/felt in my situation
It's not as flippant or blase as it might seem, but - just chalk that particular 3some down to experience.
Or - talk to them about it so that if it happens again, the same "mistakes" aren't repeated. The choice is yours. And his. And hers.
and most of all - can someone please give me a slap cos my head is right up my backside on this one. Sorry.
No slaps here. (Unless that's your kinda thing :grin: )
It's good to exorcise your demons. And hopefully the thread (and subject) will help others in similar situations and perhaps help to prevent others falling into similar "traps"
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I'm sure there was supposed to be something about gender, marital status and sexuality in there somewhere
