Some of you may remember that I recently did a poll to decide which avatar to use. The choice was my arse or my ass/Little Mal. well, although my arse seemed to have the phwoarrr factor, Little Mal had the awwwww factor and came out on top. I would like to thank everyone who took part, however I now have a dilemma................
LITTLE MAL HAS GONE MISSING!!!
I can't find him anywhere! I've looked on my hard drive and searched my floppy, but he's just disappeared! I have one last place to search tonight, when I will try to lure him out with some tasty carrots, but if anyone sees him, can they send him home? He's sadly missed. :cry:
I would like to offer a reward for sightings which may help retrieve him, but as a free site I cannot offer anything financial - it would have to be in kind. Should you have such information and can think of a suitable way I can reward you, please let me know. But don't tell Davej, I'm sure he has something to do with his disappearance. do you think he might have been..............gulp................donkeynapped!!!!! :shock:
All information greatly received.
I WANT MY LITTLE MAL BACK :upset:
Mal
without Little Mal :cry:
good god vix no!
we're meant to reassuring Mal ffs, and now we're all thinking, if DaveJ is behind the kidnap, why is he suddenly dressing up as a donkey? does he have a fetish for cute asses? what sordid pervy sex acts is he trying to seduce poor innocent littlemal into.
don't panic Mal the boys are on the case. they're just powering up now look . . .
we'll bring him back alive and unmolested promise . . .
neil x x x ;-)
No no no no no........................
We put him to work........
Steve
Found him!! The little bugger hung out for a cancellation at Thomas Cook and scooted off to the US. Last spotted maxin with some of his Donkey Dude mates, who quite clearly, are leading him astray! He's a changed Donkey now Mal. Our thoughts are with you as you try to make him see the error of his ways.
There's gonna have to be some serious searching to find the little bounder. I'm sure you'll leave no stones unturned in your quest. :shock: If all else fails, I may have to have a replacement..[sniff!}.Perhaps I could borrow yours Silk? The little one, not the brash american!!
Mal
and not Little mal :cry:
I've done it Mal !!! I have found the donkey !!! :shock:
Dear Mal, boys and girls,
I am holding your donkey in a safe place until my demands are met. I can assure you that at this time, he is unharmed and once he gets the hang of holding up today's newspaper for the picture, I will post proof of his well being. Once my demands are met I will tether him to the trolley rack of a yet to be disclosed Safeway's supermarket for your collection.
My demands are as follows:-
I demand the immediate closure of all Harvester Restaurants and similar eating establishments.
I want all public toilet doors to be re-hung so that they can be pushed open, to prevent my having to grasp a handle to pull the door open, after I have washed my hands, knowing that three hundred people that haven’t washed their hands, have already grasped it.
Manufacturers of products that are secured inside ‘blister packs’ must have their Managing Directors sealed inside a human sized ‘Blister pack’ so that they can experience my frustration from the inside.
Car manufacturers must immediately recognise that the reason mrs davej, only stands at five foot two, is because her legs are short, not because her arms are. They must stop this ridiculous thing of adjusting the seat and steering wheel so that she sits that close to it, that plasters need to be applied to her nipples before every trip out and address the real problem which is the pedals not being adjustable.
The current nation wide policy of only employing miserable fLucks to drive buses, must be abandoned.
All stocks of Sherbert Lemons must be recalled and replaced with one’s that actually contain sherbert.
Once my demands are met I will release little Mal in the manner previously described.
Should you fail to meet my demands I will sell little mal to an undisclosed pleasure beach where he can live a miserable existence carting fat arsed adults and snotty nosed kids, in kiss me quick hats, up and down a litter strewn beach.
Ok Davej (if that is your real name) we're going to start the ball rolling on these demands just as soon as we know which underground, revolutionary movement you belong to.
Bastard! Bastard!! Bastard!!!!.
You do realise you will bring forth the wrath of all the ladies of the Site for keeping their Awwwwww factor away from them. The hideous acts they will commit upon your body will make you wish you hadn't found this Site, never mind separating a poor defenceless creature from his donkey!
Your demands will not be met!! I will not give in to blackmail!! I will track you down and rescue my poor little friend, as soon as I get the Batman costume back from that guy in London.
However, just to stymie your little plan, I have already had all shitty beaches staked out in preparation for you trying to sell him into slavery. Members of the Special Forces, of which I am on close personal terms with, have all been issue with your description and will ensure they will utilise their skills to inflict maximum discomfort to you, prior to rescuing my poor little donkey and returning him home. Did I mention he was the Regimental Mascot of the SAS? No? Well, you know now!!!
You won't get far!
You won't get far!!!
Mal
and not quite Little Mal
:cry:
I actualy think little mal is on holiday.....maybe over the next few weeks and months people may actually send you pics of little mal in various exotic places....Mind you bet he comes back in time for Notts munch anyway...before probably going away again....wonder why he went in first place...you checked deodorant MAL !!!!!
davej....if you really have little mal, and demands aren't met, don't send little mal to beach.
I know a real good chinnesse restaurant that is always looking for some
meat. sure i could do a deal..earn more than on the beach. Sweet and sour doonkey,
with green peppers is actually one of my favorites....No69 I think !!!
mal,
.. ignore them!
:shock:
they DONT have the donkey.. its a double cross!!!!
i know that..........
........
........
...........
cos I have him! :twisted:
i will except payment by the usual methods (large amounts of chocolate!)
WBB
xxx
Last seen counting the number of shags had since he left........................
from T.A. Macadam,
(By Appointment: Diddicoy to The Queen)
Right, yer moithering jinnits.....
Take no notice of that eejit Dave J: he's a grand one for the craich but he wouldn't know a donkey from a doorknob. I don't know about kissing the Blarney Stone, he must o' swallowed it. The fact is, on the grave of me sainted mother, we've got the long eared pony tethered to the back of the caravan. He's braying like a one of the 'Little Folk' under an electric -fence. Why, I've just stopped Mick O' Flynn from banjaxing him with a tarmac rake. Sure, if the little eejit keeps it up, there'll be a new Donkey Jacket out tarmacing the roads tomorrow, so help me Mary.
Now, I reckon you'll want the little feller back, aah, go on, go on, go on; course yer do. Well, we just happen to have a load of tarmac 'surplus to requirements' and, by the bones of me sainted Da, we just happen to be around your area. What luck!! Saint Patrick himself couldn't have set it up any better. So, if you good people should happen to want your drives tarmacing-good job, 200 year guarantee, contact us by (stolen) mobile phone any time you like-then, we'd be delighted to return him to yers all. Now, I can't think that yers all wouldn't now, so go on, go on, go on. Ring us now....before we get too full o' the black stuff to give a monkey's arse.....
Oh why yes, I forgot to mention, it would be cash of course...but don't worry, we are pleased to be of assistance and will gladly drive you round to the cash machine, in the Transit, with a few of the boys along to make sure you 'don't go astray'-just ask any of the old people in your area.
I'll keep te phone on and will be waiting for your call...
(just remember, there's many an eejit motorcyclist would love them ears on his helmet........)
GodBless All Here:
Terence Aloisius Macadam
Dock Green Police Station
Nostalgia Avenue
1960's England.
Evenin' All,
PC George Dixon 'ere.
This evenin', at 'ours, I was pedalling my bicycle along the 'Igh Street, when I 'eard a disturbance takin' place at the Avatar and Advert public 'ouse. Upon investigating, I came upon a large crowd of gentleman, of a Hoirish persuasion, fighting with the locals. Upon my arrival , they himmediately scarpered. 'Owever, on my way out I noticed a dirty white Transit Van, License Plate number GYP 0 S. My hattention was himmediately drawn to the Guinness label taking the place of the Tax Disc. Upon hinvestigation I found a Hoirish sounding gentleman, somewhat the worse for drink, holding tight to a rope, at the end of which was a small long -eared animal. In my best copper's voice I said,
'Don't be silly sonnie, 'and it over'
The hanimal is now in the Dog Pound at the Station, where we noticed a henvelope stuck to its posterior which said,
'If found, return to Mr. Mal Adjusted, Swinging Heaven, Cyberland.'
So, if you would like to come around, wiv proof of hownership, I'm sure we can quickly reunite you wiv your pet.
Mind 'ow you go.
Evenin' all...
George Dixon
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