How difficult is it now to give ''vanilla'' advice?????

4 Feb 2008

Just noticed that a close couple to us are having 'difficulties' and that it is very difficult to appreciate their outlook on life. Its very hard not to drop into conversation something that might 'implicate' our swinging life. They both been asking advice, and its very difficult not to tell them to try swinging lol

as his wife is upset by him visiting an adult site rolleyes

(and that after she been unfaithfu :lol: ly more times than be counted on one hand).
So just wondering how often you've dropped yourself in it by not thinking :lol:

4 Feb 2008

Steer well clear.... lol

4 Feb 2008

Quote by Sarah
Steer well clear....

Absolutely!

4 Feb 2008

Quote by Calista
Steer well clear....

Absolutely!
:thumbup:

4 Feb 2008

Wot they said smile

:shock: Also though if you do find yourself wanting to tell them to try swinging, I would'nt. Taking into consideration the unfaithful bit and the reaction to him viewing adult sites. I think these might be issues they need to resolve before the swinging conversation as their trust levels might be too low at the moment.
It's horrible when your friends are having troubles though :therethere:

4 Feb 2008

What the others have said already. Keep out of it but be there if they need you.
As for suggesting swinging, this is the last thingthey should try if their marriage is not 100% solid. Swinging will definately not fix a bad marriage but it can, in some cases, enhance an already brilliant one. You need a very solid foundation for this game and if that isn't there, swinging will only make things much more worse than it is now, possibly resulting in no marriage at all.
The only advice I would ever consider giving friends in this situation, is to talk, talk and talk again, but make sure it is to each other and not to other people!
Good luck Adi, not a nice position to be in.

4 Feb 2008

Vanilla? I thought that was ice-cream....have I missed something here? Learned people, please put me right on this before I commit an awful gaffe next time I go to the cinema....

4 Feb 2008

Quote by laterunner
Vanilla? I thought that was ice-cream....have I missed something here? Learned people, please put me right on this before I commit an awful gaffe next time I go to the cinema....

....or to look at it another way it could make your next trip to the flicks more exciting than expected! :rascal:

5 Feb 2008

If advice is sought by people not known personally to me then I would listen, with fortune to both sides, at least and help them to develope a strategy to come to their own conclusions.
I have been known involve myself, with best intention, in freinds problems I admit. Possibly making things more difficult and awkward than otherwise they may of been. To see a friend in distress though is a heart wrenching thing to see and sometimes just sometimes its not the head that thinks, and the heart can make such mistakes. To err is human, as they say, thank god we are human. Always something to learn.

5 Feb 2008

Quote by laterunner
Vanilla? I thought that was ice-cream....have I missed something here? Learned people, please put me right on this before I commit an awful gaffe next time I go to the cinema....

vanilla, is a non swinger

5 Feb 2008

Quote by adi1567
They both been asking advice, and its very difficult not to tell them to try swinging as his wife is upset by him visiting an adult site (and that after she been unfaithfu :lol: ly more times than be counted on one hand).

I don't think you should get involved and I definately don't think that telling them to try swinging is the answer to their problems.
They ideally need to be in a secure/trusting relationship before embarking ino the swinging scene, otherwise it could be a recipe for disaster.
louise xx

5 Feb 2008

Soz, should have worded first posting better; what we meant was that these two vanilla friends are having such problems and we have to be sooooooo careful not to point them in this direction redface

Its strange now that some things we take for granted are perhaps frowned upon by some of our friends surprised

ops:
Anyways, we working hard to stay outta it, as they got to work it out for themselves. BUt is so sad to see such wonderful people unable to communicate when we ourselves dont even have to speak to understand each other lol

7 Feb 2008

Swinging is the worst thing you can do if your relationship is in trouble.
If your relationship is strong and the trust is good, but prehaps the sex side is becoming a little stale, maybe that would work, although we never did it for that reason.