Hi
This is my first post so sorry to pose a serious question. I am fairly new to swinging (though taking to it like a duck to water!) and I would love my girlfriend to share the enjoyment. She has stated that she would love two guys at once but she has some issues, I think, regarding confusing love and lust. When she's horny it's something that gets her off but when we talk about it she seems to think that her going with someone else is unfaithful and a sign that she doesn't love me and vice-versa. She doesn't know about my forays into the scene, although I started before I met her. I'd rather not have two halves to my life so what do I do? Many thanks for reading, listening and responding.
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
How do I get her involved?
Well, obviously I'm cheating but that's not the question. I love swinging and I love her and I want her to be involved so we can have a more fulfilling sex life.
I suppose I was a little unclear so I'll re-phrase it: how do I persuade her that, if she takes another man into our bed that this is ok and that it doesn't affect our love for each other?
Believe me, I'd give up swinging before I'd give her up but I know that, once she's taken the plunge she'd love it.
I suppose I was a little unclear so I'll re-phrase it: how do I persuade her that, if she takes another man into our bed that this is ok and that it doesn't affect our love for each other?
Believe me, I'd give up swinging before I'd give her up but I know that, once she's taken the plunge she'd love it.
Thanks Juliett. Running the risk of sounding like a whiner, but we have talked about it in a general way, insomuch as she's gagging for a spit-roast (pardon the pun, crudity etc - her own words) but each time I try to suggest taking it further she gets upset in that she thinks it'll ruin us... although she does seem to have some regret in her voice when she turns it down. Look: I'm no psychic but I KNOW she wants it, it's just finding the right way to initiate it. I thought of "stumbling" across this website and letting her have a look around to see that the people here are perfectly normal... then I started reading the posts, lol!
We talked and talked and then talked some more. I don't think there is an easy answer. If she genuinely is showing some interest then take things at her pace. Just remember that it is very hard to get toothpaste back into the tube once it is out. Your relationship can be very vulnerable until you are both in absolute agreement about whether to play or not.
Hiya Ouchies and welcome to the cafe.
I think what Juliett49 said is your best bet. Also, if you communicate with her maybe you could get her to come join you here, on SH. Then she could see what those of us women who do swing really think about it all.
Honesty is the best policy and all that, so I think the longer you keep your 'secret', the more it will eat into you and the harder it will become to eventually 'fess up.
Hope to have been some help.
I think what Juliett49 said is your best bet. Also, if you communicate with her maybe you could get her to come join you here, on SH. Then she could see what those of us women who do swing really think about it all.
Honesty is the best policy and all that, so I think the longer you keep your 'secret', the more it will eat into you and the harder it will become to eventually 'fess up.
Hope to have been some help.
Theres a big big difference,in my humble opinion,between "fantasies" particularly in the throes of sex and the cold light of reality.
Many many people ,men and women have fantasies that enhance their sex lives without becoming reality.
For some people fantasies are best left at that.
It may be that the lady in question may enjoy sex with another man,but probably not if she is only persuaded to do it by you.
Ive been involved in one or two situations where its aparrent that a woman is participating to keep her male partner happy.
Let her make up her own mind.....................in the meantime a good dose of honesty would probably work wonders.
Many many people ,men and women have fantasies that enhance their sex lives without becoming reality.
For some people fantasies are best left at that.
It may be that the lady in question may enjoy sex with another man,but probably not if she is only persuaded to do it by you.
Ive been involved in one or two situations where its aparrent that a woman is participating to keep her male partner happy.
Let her make up her own mind.....................in the meantime a good dose of honesty would probably work wonders.
Ta for the advice zorbotics, great suggestion debbiewebs.
Well, I reckon, like any normal person, that I've to leave it up to her. I'll make it clear that it'd turn me on and I'm 100% and leave it at that. From her dildo to pics to the website to the webcam to the phone to the real thing: could work. I know we've been watched doing it ouside before and that REALLY got her off so there's hope yet.
Well, I reckon, like any normal person, that I've to leave it up to her. I'll make it clear that it'd turn me on and I'm 100% and leave it at that. From her dildo to pics to the website to the webcam to the phone to the real thing: could work. I know we've been watched doing it ouside before and that REALLY got her off so there's hope yet.
What, a chat-room forum?
Would that really be best? There are lots of great people out there but one or two who seem to hang around just waiting for the opportunity to take the piss out of the wrong situation. These are usually the ones who respond to their fuck-ups by whining that no-one has a sense of humour.
Would that really be best? There are lots of great people out there but one or two who seem to hang around just waiting for the opportunity to take the piss out of the wrong situation. These are usually the ones who respond to their fuck-ups by whining that no-one has a sense of humour.
Quote by OUCHIES
Thanks Juliett. Running the risk of sounding like a whiner, but we have talked about it in a general way, insomuch as she's gagging for a spit-roast (pardon the pun, crudity etc - her own words) but each time I try to suggest taking it further she gets upset in that she thinks it'll ruin us... although she does seem to have some regret in her voice when she turns it down. Look: I'm no psychic but I KNOW she wants it, it's just finding the right way to initiate it. I thought of "stumbling" across this website and letting her have a look around to see that the people here are perfectly normal... then I started reading the posts, lol!
Feeling horny at the thought of something and mentally being prepared to handle actually doing it are two seperate things! What you seem to be suggesting is that she is not currently in a mental position to seperate lust and love and therefore it probably will ruin your relationship. There is no point showing her other people do it - she more than likely knows other people do it - it is the psychological barrier of distancing one act from the other. If you push things without her being able to seperate lust and love, then she will only feel regret and guilt = kiss the good old days goodbye!
Quote by OUCHIES
I KNOW she wants it!
You must be the first guy to actually have figured women out then if you claim to KNOW what she wants -
:lol: :lol: On a serious note - just try different things and be more adventurous but with the things she is comfortable with and as she tries more she is likely to want to explore further (if that is waht she really wants). Let it come up in natural sex talk - don't push it or she may feel she has to do something she is not ready for.
sorry couldn't resist that one!!
Ouchies,
I get teh feeling you wanted to head your thread with the words "persuade". You can't persuade her - EVER! If its something she wants to do - she'll do it through making up her own mind.
I have fantasies. Things I tell people I'd like to do - but which I believe remain int he realm of fantasy. If I ever decided to carry them through - then that decision will come from ME!! No amount of "persuasion" will make me decide otherwise.
Tell me - how would you feel if you "persuaded" her to try it, and she agreed - for whatever reason - and then was mortified by it afterwards. How would you feel? You being the one to persuade her, rather than it being a mutual decision.
Sound to me like she isn't ready for this lifestyle - and you may just ruin your relationship trying to get her there.
And I'm sorry - but I agree with Marmalaid - what you are doing at the moment is cheating. How can you expect her to go into a mutually agreed swinging situation with the knowledge that you have actually been cheating? Swinging as a couple is about mutual trust and respect. Because of the trust you have in your partner you know that what may start as 3sum or a 4sum isn't going to turn into a 2sum unless you know about it and agree to it. How can you expect here to have that trust when you have been cheating on her behing her back?
I get teh feeling you wanted to head your thread with the words "persuade". You can't persuade her - EVER! If its something she wants to do - she'll do it through making up her own mind.
I have fantasies. Things I tell people I'd like to do - but which I believe remain int he realm of fantasy. If I ever decided to carry them through - then that decision will come from ME!! No amount of "persuasion" will make me decide otherwise.
Tell me - how would you feel if you "persuaded" her to try it, and she agreed - for whatever reason - and then was mortified by it afterwards. How would you feel? You being the one to persuade her, rather than it being a mutual decision.
Sound to me like she isn't ready for this lifestyle - and you may just ruin your relationship trying to get her there.
And I'm sorry - but I agree with Marmalaid - what you are doing at the moment is cheating. How can you expect her to go into a mutually agreed swinging situation with the knowledge that you have actually been cheating? Swinging as a couple is about mutual trust and respect. Because of the trust you have in your partner you know that what may start as 3sum or a 4sum isn't going to turn into a 2sum unless you know about it and agree to it. How can you expect here to have that trust when you have been cheating on her behing her back?