Hi all,
I was just wondering if anyone can enlighten me on how to get my partner to even consider swinging. I've talked about it with her, my desires, involving a vwe chap having a voyeur, etc, whilst she jokes and says yes she refuses. I'll be honest and say I did arrange for us to be watched from outside performing in our lounge, her not knowing. i thoughroughly enjoyed it. how do I move it a stage further? Any suggestions?
Cheers
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How does one get their partner to consider swinging..?
Sex God
you're not the first to ask, and I'd bet my last tenner on you not being the last either. Unfortunately, the answer that everyone else before you has had is that if she isn't interested you won't be able to persuade her.
Swinging is something that both parties need to agree to. If one agrees to it to keep the other quiet it will never work.
I could go on, but there have been so many threads asking the same question that I don't really see the point
Swinging is something that both parties need to agree to. If one agrees to it to keep the other quiet it will never work.
I could go on, but there have been so many threads asking the same question that I don't really see the point
Sex God
Quote by Reallyup4itnow
I'll be honest and say I did arrange for us to be watched from outside performing in our lounge, her not knowing. i thoughroughly enjoyed it.
And how do you think she'd feel knowing that you did that? The person that she loves and trusts?
I was going to let this point go but I just can't!! If I thought my husband/boyfriend/lover had done something like that without my knowledge or consent I'd be absolutely mortified!!
I'm working myself up into a big rant but I just don't see the point because you'll read my post (maybe) , decide I'm some kind of frigid cow and ignore it. This couldn't be further from the truth. If I asked him to arrange it, that's one thing. But if you've discussed it and she said no but you still went ahead and arranged it, I think you should feel mortally ashamed of yourself.
This woman is clearly better off without you. You haven't listened to her wishes about this and are only thinking about your own gratification.
I'm going to stop typing now because I can feel my blood pressure rising.
Sex God
Totally agree Angel. Anything between two (or more) consenting adults is fine. Anything that does not have everyone's consent is simply wrong IMO.
Ok, perhaps I should explain fully..we have both performed sexual activities in cars, woods, lecture rooms lifts knowing we might be watched and have been watched. Whilst I know this public activity turns her on, I just wanted to know how to bring it out more into the open..so to speak..
hiya. i share the voiced opinions.... my partner and i have spent a long time discussing our views, opinions, feelings, wants and desires...I haven't been as ready to indulge as he wanted me to be...but he has been lovely..waiting, not pushing me, finding out info for me (most gleened from these people here...thank you!!). Most of all, he has been there, at my side, walking with me...if he had set things up of which i was unaware, and i later found out..that would be the end of him.....i think, especially where swinging and such like is concerned-and also in general, the biggest and most important things between a couple, are trust, respect and honesty....without them, you have nothing. Trust, respect and be honest with your partner, she may repay you in ways you would only dare to dream about!!
Sex God
Quote by Reallyup4itnow
Ok, perhaps I should explain fully....
I wish you'd explained fully in the first place. My bp can't take astronomical rises like that!I still don't agree with organising things like that behind her back so I kind of stand by what I said in my last post. However. If she has already allowed herself to be in a situation where she could be or has been watched then it does put a different slant on what you said before.
I'll go back to my original suggestion of you not trying to convince her or pressure her in any way. As NewCouple so rightly says, it's something that has to be her decision if she's the one that's unsure of it.
This site is a fantastic place to start, because here in the cafe everything is a lot more social and less in-your-face. The members here are very laid back and in my experience non-pushy. I've made an awful lot of friends here, and have met many of them in person on a social level.
There are several couples (well, 2 that I can think of) where the male partner has been an active forum member and their partners are in the sidelines, knowing about their husband/boyfriend's activities here while the females suss the place out slowly.
It can be a long and drawn out process, but if you have the patience and the respect for your partner that I hope you have, maybe she will decide that it isn't so scary after all and read the posts herself and maybe attend a munch with you.
I do hope you'll stay the course and become involved here. There is a part of me that says you'll disappear into the ether though.
Happy to be proved wrong - Angel
hiya Angel, thank you for everything you've said, it sums up the experience we are having.... it has been a slow process and i have been checking out everything "behind the scenes" as it were...but, have now decided to go to a munch meet and start to put faces to names....hope to meet some of you along the way.
Sex God
post deleted . . . . ranting!
Sex God
Quote by Reallyup4itnow
....slow and steady.....
.......Wins the race.
This seems the perfect time to quote New couple on something that really struck a chord with me....
Quote by New couple
Trust, respect and be honest with your partner, she may repay you in ways you would only dare to dream about!!
It was put beautifully, and just about sums up everything I've said in <counts> 21 words. Who said I waffle?
Quote by Reallyup4itnow
Hi all,
I was just wondering if anyone can enlighten me on how to get my partner to even consider swinging. I've talked about it with her, my desires, involving a vwe chap having a voyeur, etc, whilst she jokes and says yes she refuses. I'll be honest and say I did arrange for us to be watched from outside performing in our lounge, her not knowing. i thoughroughly enjoyed it. how do I move it a stage further? Any suggestions?
Cheers
To be honest i don't think you can GET anyone into anything if they really don't want it is something you really want to do then explain to her how you feel,and introduce her to the idea and leave her to she decides she likes the idea then great,if not then so be it!
As for setting it up for someone to watch without her consent,that is completely and totally wrong imo,perhaps if you'd have asked her first she might have been up for it too and had the chance to enjoy imo your being very selfish.
Hello there
with regard to trying to persuave your partner to swing maybe the best thing to do is go to a munch that way your be under no pressure as it's not a night of swinging but just a get together for like minded can get to chat to people and ask the questions on your 's what my partner and myself wil be doing at the next london munch.
da69ve
with regard to trying to persuave your partner to swing maybe the best thing to do is go to a munch that way your be under no pressure as it's not a night of swinging but just a get together for like minded can get to chat to people and ask the questions on your 's what my partner and myself wil be doing at the next london munch.
da69ve
Mr RSAB2's first post asked exactly the same question, if you want to read the advice given there use this link: www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/8753.html
Needless to say his honesty and openess about it lead to us treading new paths, so to speak, and well the rest is history!
Mrs RSAB2 xxx :angel:
Needless to say his honesty and openess about it lead to us treading new paths, so to speak, and well the rest is history!
Mrs RSAB2 xxx :angel:
Sex God
Quote by Angel Chat
................(stuff deleted for brevity)
Bloody hell Angel..........you can go some girl........ an you looked so sweet when we met!!!!!!!
Hi all,
I was just wondering if anyone can enlighten me on how to get my partner to even consider swinging. I've talked about it with her, my desires, involving a vwe chap, having a voyeur, etc, whilst she jokes and says yes she refuses. Any suggestions?
Each week, it seems, there is a question asked like yours.
In my opinion, it something called a lack of communication, and understanding even if you do communicate.
Having spoken to many couples who are thinking of trying this lifestyle, it soon becomes apparent that many have discussed the issue for about the same length of time as they would discuss where they're going to go on holiday next year, and even when one doesn't agree, the other tries hard persuation to gain their own way, ignoring the objections of the partner.
I would liken this to your behavour.
Ok, she's agreed to go so far (next post), but you want to take it further, and want us to give you amunition to over-rule her objections
:
Sorry my friend. Nothing doing. It's down to you to discuss, not cajole or argue, but to reason and accept compromise.
Surely, the fact the your partner has been willing to allow herself to be seen in the most intimate circumstances already should be enough to satisfy your fantasies, especially if she feels the next step, of actually allowing someone else to have sex with her, would be an irrepairable division in your relationship :?:
Besides, the usual scenario in case like yours, is that once another man does enter the scene and proceeds to seduce the partner, the mans protective, and often jealous, instincts are aroused, and instead of living out his fantasy, he storms around the house willing the situation to be over as quickly as posible, so he can appologise for his miss-guided judgement that they would both enjoy it, and find himself to be heartbroken when his partner admits that she did :!:
Just be sensible. Turn off the computer, telly or hi-fi, and pour a glass of wine. Then talk, and be satisfied with the limits you both agree on. Who knows, eventually she might want to see you with with another man, or woman, and how would you feel if it wasn't what you wanted :?:
I was just wondering if anyone can enlighten me on how to get my partner to even consider swinging. I've talked about it with her, my desires, involving a vwe chap, having a voyeur, etc, whilst she jokes and says yes she refuses. Any suggestions?
Each week, it seems, there is a question asked like yours.
In my opinion, it something called a lack of communication, and understanding even if you do communicate.
Having spoken to many couples who are thinking of trying this lifestyle, it soon becomes apparent that many have discussed the issue for about the same length of time as they would discuss where they're going to go on holiday next year, and even when one doesn't agree, the other tries hard persuation to gain their own way, ignoring the objections of the partner.
I would liken this to your behavour.
Ok, she's agreed to go so far (next post), but you want to take it further, and want us to give you amunition to over-rule her objections
: Sorry my friend. Nothing doing. It's down to you to discuss, not cajole or argue, but to reason and accept compromise.
Surely, the fact the your partner has been willing to allow herself to be seen in the most intimate circumstances already should be enough to satisfy your fantasies, especially if she feels the next step, of actually allowing someone else to have sex with her, would be an irrepairable division in your relationship :?:
Besides, the usual scenario in case like yours, is that once another man does enter the scene and proceeds to seduce the partner, the mans protective, and often jealous, instincts are aroused, and instead of living out his fantasy, he storms around the house willing the situation to be over as quickly as posible, so he can appologise for his miss-guided judgement that they would both enjoy it, and find himself to be heartbroken when his partner admits that she did :!:
Just be sensible. Turn off the computer, telly or hi-fi, and pour a glass of wine. Then talk, and be satisfied with the limits you both agree on. Who knows, eventually she might want to see you with with another man, or woman, and how would you feel if it wasn't what you wanted :?:
